Love and Lead

by June, CoraLee

  But Nix? He was still missing. Grace assured me that he was alive, but he’d gone completely off the grid. Wasn’t returning my phone calls. Not a single email. Six months. We had the sort of relationship where it hurt to not talk to him, but I loved him too much to fault him for doing what he needed to do. If space was what Nix needed, then I’d support him. I just hated that it felt like every day put Nix and me further and further apart.

  The moment we saw the Welcome to Chesterbrook sign, I cried. It wasn’t a sad sob; it was a freeing one. Ryker drove past where the new chapel was being built. He drove past Virginia’s Diner, which was shut down for not meeting health code. We drove past Chesterbrook High. We drove past Woodbury Lane. Past the cemetery. All the places that brought me pain and relief. All the places my parents ruined but the Bullets healed.

  “Where are we meeting them?” I asked, wiping the snot dripping from my nose with the back of my hand.

  “You’ll see,” Ryker said before moving his hand to my thigh and squeezing. Things with the Bullets had normalized. They supported me on this journey of finding my father’s victims. Gavriel even rehired a few of his private investigators that had searched for me, and they ended up finding a few boys that were true runaways. He reunited them with their families.

  When we pulled into the parking lot overlooking the pier by the lake, I smiled to myself. The sun was setting, casting warm shades of orange over the sandy beach. I turned in my seat and leaned in to kiss Ryker’s cheek.

  “We wanted your last time here to be something happy. There have been too many sad memories of this place, Sunshine.”

  I nodded, once again thanking whatever good deed I did in a past life to earn the Bullets’ love. When we got out of the car, I jumped on Ryker’s back, feeling like a teen again as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I blushed, thinking of the last time we were here.

  “Ryker,” I said, keeping my voice low so that the others couldn’t hear. I looked ahead on the sandbank where they were standing.

  “Yeah?” he asked.

  “I’ll never leave you,” I whispered. The reassuring words I’d given him all those years ago seemed more meaningful right then.

  “I know, Sunshine,” he replied. “I know.”

  We traveled down the steps leading to the sandy beach, and once at the bottom, he set me down. I slid down his back, trailing my lips along his spine until my feet were safely planted in the sand. I slipped out of my sandals as Callum walked up.

  “How’d it go?” He was in Agent Mercer mode.

  “It was okay,” I replied. “I think they’re going to be okay.” Not once had anyone asked why I felt the need to see the families of my father’s victims. Not once had anyone questioned my healing process. The McCarthy family was very private, so I couldn’t know for sure. At least with the others, I was able to look in their eyes and see the healing take place. But I didn’t get that opportunity this time.

  “You okay?” I asked. He had been in Chesterbrook the last month. He was assigned the case when he came forth with the initial video, one of Gavriel’s inside connections ensured him the case.

  “Would it be cheesy for me to say that I am now?” Callum asked before wrapping his arms around me. He smelled like sunshine, and I enjoyed the brief tranquility of the lake as the water kissed the shore. I nuzzled closer, feeling thankful for this moment.

  “Stop hogging her, you oaf,” Blaise said, and I pulled away from Callum just in time to see my bounty hunter roll his eyes.

  “Patience,” I chided. The scar on his arm had healed, and we’d joked about getting matching tattoos to cover it up.

  He grabbed my hand and led me towards the water, the rest of the guys following behind us. It was the exact spot where the guys had given me my Bullet ring. I smiled at the memory as Blaise ran his thumb over the sentimental piece of jewelry I still wore, likely thinking of the same thing.

  Gavriel picked up a rock and tossed it across the water, and we all watched in silent contemplation as the smooth stone skipped a few beats before plummeting into the water below.

  “If I had known we were going here, I would have insisted that we bring some music. I believe you owe me a dance and a kiss, Mr. Moretti,” I said with a tentative smile. The difficult nature of my day had still been clinging to me, but I wanted this to be a good memory to hold onto.

  “You’re right, Mrs. Moretti,” he said before holding his hand out and crashing me to his chest. I nuzzled into his neck as we swayed to the sounds of the ocean. I could almost hear the pulsing music of our past, could practically feel the students of Chesterbrook High dancing around us, their eyes on my back as I held the captivating attention of Gavriel Moretti, the original Bullet.

  A finger lifted my chin, and I stared lovingly into his eyes as his lips descended upon mine. His kiss felt like the problems we’d faced, the pain we’d endured, and the hope still left for our little group. His hand lay flat on my lower back as he pulled me closer, moaning his love over my skin as the sun set.

  A pair of hands grabbed my hips and pulled me out of his embrace, and my back connected with Blaise’s hard chest. He wrapped his arms around my stomach, and we stared out over the water. “You know I wanted to kiss you that night? Pull you into the back of my Mustang and own you.” I shivered while thinking of that.

  “It’s a good thing you didn’t,” Ryker joked, and even Gavriel cracked a smile at the memory. He was right though. I wouldn’t change a single thing about our past, because it led us here, to this moment. It led me to my Bullets. It led me to love.

  “Why do you still wear the bracelet Lilly gave you?” Blaise asked, and I looked down at the black bracelet circling my wrist. I bit my lip, unsure how to word what that sentimental bracelet meant to me.

  “It...it reminds me that the devil hides in plain sight,” I replied, hoping that it was enough. Today had already been too hard to explain further.

  The five of us stood there on the shore of the lake, letting go of all the things that held us back: my father’s sordid past, Santobello’s crazy journey, the reservations we had about our dynamic. And as the sun completely disappeared into the water, I knew that there was hope hiding behind the burning sun. That tomorrow, after all the negativity was stripped away, I’d still have the Bullets, and that was enough.

  Twenty-Seven

  Five Years Ago

  Mom was drunk again. I noticed her swaying in her seat during graduation, giggling to herself when they called my name. She kept nodding at all the inappropriate parts during my valedictorian speech—the one she hired a professional to write for me because she didn’t trust that I could come up with something perfect enough.

  Lots of photos were taken. I could still practically see the white spots in my eyes from all the flashes. I wondered if Dad’s campaign manager would have to pay the photographers extra to photoshop the blood red color from her eyes before publishing it in the newspaper.

  I wore a peach dress; the color did nothing for my skin tone. The only good thing about graduation was getting to sit next to Blaise. He kept wiggling his eyebrows at me and even brushed his knuckles along the back of my arm while we stood in line, waiting to cross the stage that somehow declared us adults.

  My parents didn’t throw me a graduation party, not that I’d been hoping they would. We instead had a quiet dinner at the country club, public enough for my parents to pretend like they had a happy family dynamic, but it still required little effort, which was good for my boozy mother.

  Dad left for work the moment we got home, mentioning that there were lots of parties going on tonight and he wanted to stay diligent, thanks to the new boost in vandalism. He was lying, of course. But I didn’t call him out on it. I never called him out on it. It was so much easier to accept his little lies and hide in my room.

  “Why don’t you have plans? I was way more popular than you when I was your age,” Mom slurred while I took off her heels and guided her into bed. I wanted to see the Bullets but knew th
ey’d probably be at whatever party my father was pretending to bust, not waiting around for me. I didn’t want to leave and risk Dad coming back and noticing that I was gone.

  “I’d much rather spend my night with you,” I said sarcastically, hoping that my dry tone went over her head. Mom moaned while flipping over on her stomach and nuzzling her white pillowcase, wiping her lipstick along the cotton. “You should go out, Summer,” she said on an exhale.

  My eyes widened in shock. Was she serious? Her eyes opened, and she shot up to a seated position, staring at me with that glassy stare I’d come to expect of her. “Oh baby,” she said before grabbing my cheek, nearly slapping me. “I wish I were stronger, ya know?”

  I furrowed my brow, not quite sure what she was talking about. “You’re plenty strong, Mom,” I replied before trying to push her back into bed.

  “No, no,” she replied, spit gathering in the corner of her mouth, and she used the back of her hand to wipe it. “I’m not. Not even a little bit.” She then touched my nose. “I love you though. I love you so much. You’re the only good thing, Summer…”

  “The only good what?” I asked while guiding her back onto the pillow. She let out another sigh before replying.

  “The only thing I did right,” she murmured before passing out. Her loud snores filled the room as I placed a glass of water and two aspirins at her bedside. I also pulled the flask out from under her pillow and poured it down the drain. After double checking that she was actually asleep, I got up and made my way to the living room, pacing the floor like a caged animal and wondering what the guys were doing.

  She did say I could leave, didn’t she? Mom practically pushed me out the door. I opened up my phone and sent a quick message to Blaise.

  “Mom said I could go out. Are you busy?”

  The reply was instant. “Be there in two minutes.”

  I dropped my mouth open and ran upstairs, stripping out of my sundress and finding a tight, black pair of skinny jeans that made me feel daring to put on. I found a maroon tank that was tighter than the clothes Mom usually allowed me to wear, then let my hair out of its bun, the curls cascading down to my waist.

  I then quickly pranced downstairs in my Chuck sneakers and ran outside, laughing at how stupidly eager I was to see them. Was I dressed okay? Would they take me to a party?

  A low whistle to my right sounded, and I swiveled on my heels to face the source of the appreciative sound. “Damn, Sunshine. I thought you looked good earlier in that cap and gown, but those pants are doing things,” Blaise said with a small smile.

  Oh, Blaise, he was always boosting my confidence and always making me feel worthy of the sultry looks he gave me. After another whoop of appreciation, he took wide steps to greet me in my yard and pick me up. He spun me around as I giggled, and I noticed that we had an audience mid-spin.

  “Gav?” I asked, laughing as Blaise set me down. Gavriel was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing tight denim and a black shirt that showed off his arms and broad shoulders. Even from across the yard, I could feel his penetrating stare—my controlling Bullet. Always watching, always protecting.

  “Are you sneaking out, Miss Bright?” Gavriel asked while walking towards me, a disapproving frown on his face. He’d seen firsthand the consequences of disobeying my father. Even though he didn’t know how bad it could be, he still had a healthy dose of caution when it came to me.

  “My mom told me I could,” I offered with a shrug.

  “She was drunk off her ass at graduation,” Gavriel countered.

  “Since when do you care about the rules, anyway?” I asked with a cheeky grin before taking a brave step closer to him. Blaise kept my hand in his though.

  “Good point,” Gavriel said before biting his lip and looking down at me with hungry eyes. “You look good, Sunshine,” he whispered low enough for only me to hear. I preened at the compliment while trying to hide my happy smile. What was it about Gavriel that made so proud to have his heated eyes on me?

  “Where’s Ryker?” I asked.

  The Jamesons’ garage door opened, answering my question for me. Ryker walked out, his gait relaxed as he exited the garage. He was wearing sweats and a smile while holding a cardboard box. “Hey, Sunshine,” he said in a low voice, nodding his head in our direction.

  We all headed towards him, and I laughed when I saw that he was carrying an assortment of spray paint. “Up for a little fun?” Blaise asked before wrapping his arm around my waist. His fingers brushed along my skin where my shirt met my pants, making me shiver in appreciation.

  “I’m game,” I replied, matching his mischievous stare with what I hoped was a confident look of my own.

  The high school looked particularly empty as we pulled up. I wasn’t sure if it was because the lights outside were shut off, or if it was the residual feeling of sadness I felt at this being the end. Everything was going to change now.

  “Here? You want to vandalize Chesterbrook High?” I asked while shaking my head in disbelief. We got out of Blaise’s Mustang and stood near the outdoor basketball courts.

  “It’s a parting gift,” Ryker answered with a small smile. He pulled his long hair out of his bun and walked over to me. I took appraisal of the courts, shining in the glow of the Mustang's headlights. Ry moved behind me then ran his fingers through my hair, making a shiver journey down my spine as he put my long, black locks into a braid.

  “Don’t want to get paint in your hair,” he whispered, brushing his lips against the ridge of my ear as he spoke.

  “What are you painting?” I asked as Blaise took inventory of the paint.

  “Not sure yet. Something that’ll last,” Blaise replied. Gavriel had been quiet the entire time, watching me with curiosity as I leaned back, touching my back to Ryker’s chest. I’d always felt so comfortable with the Bullets. Ryker wrapped his arms around me, cuddling me close.

  “It’s gotta be something that means something,” I said finally.

  “Leave it to Sunshine to make vandalism introspective,” Blaise said with a teasing grin.

  I scoffed, “I’m serious!”

  “So what would you paint?” Gavriel asked. I bit my lip, wondering if it would be cheesy to say a portrait of them.

  “I don’t know,” I finally replied with a shrug. Ryker was still holding me, and I swayed a bit until he went rigid and abruptly pulled away while adjusting his shorts while walking towards the car. After a moment, he then grabbed a cigarette from his pocket, he lit it up before blowing out clouds of smoke as he leaned on the Mustang, his body angled out toward the courts.

  “When you see yourself in ten years, where are you?” Gavriel asked. I opened my mouth to answer then shut it again. Honestly, I didn’t know. I was living twenty-four hours at a time, working my way through each second that I had them while praying the clock would slow down so it could be like this forever.

  “What about you?” I asked. Gavriel’s expression went dark for a moment, but Blaise answered, saving us the awkwardness of the moment.

  “I want to travel. I want to be doing something that lets me see as much of the world as possible,” he said with a smile as confidence poured from his pores. I pictured him driving around in his Mustang, checking out all the corners of the world no one cared about and breathing life into it. It’s what he was good at. “Of course, you’ll have to be in the passenger seat, Sunshine. As long as we don’t have to rely on your navigational skills, we should be fine,” he added, making me laugh.

  Ryker took a puff of his cigarette and after holding the smoke in his chest for a few seconds, blew up little bursts of the smoke. “I’d start a self-defense school,” he mused.

  “Really?” I asked. I wasn’t expecting that. “What about fighting?”

  I’d never seen him in action, but if the rumors were true, then Ryker was damn good in the ring. “Nah. My body won’t last forever. Pretty soon, I won’t be able to do, just teach.”

  I nodded then turned to look at
Gavriel, waiting for him to tell me where he saw himself ten years from now. “I want to run the world,” he replied, the ghost of a smile gracing his perfect lips. I shook my head. Bossy asshole would want to control everyone.

  I exhaled then walked towards the box, picking up the black spraypaint and shaking the can. “What about you, Sunshine?” Blaise asked, but I didn’t answer. I went to the center of the basketball court and popped the cap off, preparing myself to paint.

  “I guess,” I began while painting the first letter, “in ten years, I want to be myself. I want to know who I am. Love who I love. And live a happy, adventurous life.”

  I kept painting, the only sound around us was the low indie music playing from the Mustang’s speakers and the aerosol can. When I was done, I took a step back, biting my lip and hoping that they didn’t get scared by how attached I was to them. I didn’t think this feeling would ever go away.

  “Bullets Forever, huh?” Gavriel asked before pulling me to his side. He looked over his shoulder at Ryker and Blaise, then kissed my forehead, the sentimental touch brief but meaningful. “I like that,” he added.

  “You do realize only idiots paint their names where they vandalize though, right?” Blaise joked before drawing a giant penis over it.

  We listened to loud music while Blaise drove us home. I danced my fingers along the wind as I held my hand out the window, singing along and laughing at how free I felt. This. I’d do whatever it took to feel this forever and always. Safe. Content. Loved. Cherished.

  Free. I wanted to feel free.

  When we got back to Woodbury Lane, my stomach dropped when I realized the magic was over. I couldn’t pretend like I’d have them forever anymore. I reached for the door handle, preparing to let myself out of Blaise’s Mustang when a hand on my shoulder made me stop.