When the Dead Have It Easy

by B. L. Brunnemer

  “Ranulf explained how dangerous it was for anyone without experience with wolves. Miles made the call.” He sighed. “She made me promise to bring you back.”

  I snorted. Of course she did… I shook my head. “I fucked up, Zeke.”

  “Maybe. But can you fix it now?” Zeke asked. The knot in my throat grew even bigger.

  “No.” I still couldn’t fucking believe it. “My life is over…”

  “Planning on offing yourself?” Zeke shifted against the rock.

  “No…”

  “Then your life isn’t over.” Zeke’s clothing rubbed together. “It’s just changing. It’s fucked up. You didn’t want it to. But it’s just change.”

  Tears flowed down my face. “It’s my entire species. I’m not human anymore.”

  “A lot of humans aren’t human,” Zeke countered. “There are truly fucked up people out there.”

  If anyone would know he would but…

  “You’re still breathing. Your heart is still beating. And we can always work with that.” Zeke’s matter of fact tone helped, I wiped my face.

  Zeke walked slowly into the cave and sat down across from me. Something about him was calming, solid. Something about him just helped me get a handle on myself. Just a bit more.

  I met his eyes. “I’m dangerous.”

  “You’re Asher.”

  I shook my head. I’m not me anymore…

  “You’re going to get through this, man.” His eyes softened and grew warm. “We just need to know the new rules.”

  New rules? I scoffed. “You think it’s that easy?”

  “I don’t think it’s going to be easy.” He refused to turn away. “It’s going to be hard. You’re a werewolf. It’s a new… everything, a different life. But you are still Asher.”

  “I could kill and not even mean to.” Didn’t he understand that?

  “That’s nothing new.” He stayed still as a rock. “There was always that possibility.”

  “But now I’d say the odds are against me.”

  “Astrid?” Zeke looked out the mouth of the cave. “How many people have you hurt or killed by accident?”

  “By accident? None,” Astrid said. “If you have a pack for support and guidance and you take care of your wolf, you’ll never do it on accident.”

  “What about on purpose?” I bit out.

  “Only in self-defense,” she admitted.

  Zeke turned back to me. “You’re one of the kindest people I know. If anyone can go through this and stay himself, it’s you.”

  I met his eyes. He had to understand. “Are you telling me, that right now, you’d trust me alone with Ally?”

  He didn’t even flinch but his eyes did grow harder. “Tonight? No. Tomorrow night? No. When you’ve got your shit together and you know your limits? Yeah.”

  I huffed. Zeke always did have a way of laying shitty situations out so that they didn’t seem so impossible. Hell, he’d had enough practice. I met his eyes again. “Do you really think I can do this?”

  His eyes narrowed on mine. “You don’t have a choice. It’s done. The choice you do have, is how you handle it. Do you roll over and let this change everything about you and rule your life? Or do you fucking fight to stay you?”

  I swallowed hard, the pressure in my chest easing. He was right. I am a werewolf. There’s no cure, there’s nothing I can do but move forward. Roll over? Or fight?

  I met his eyes and nodded.

  Lexie

  It was late when Asher and Astrid walked out of the parking lot. Asher’s shirt was drenched with sweat as he went straight to the guys’ tent. He didn’t even look at us.

  Zeke had walked in from the trail hours ago. When I saw he was alone, I wanted to kill him. Before he even reached us, he was explaining how Astrid was taking Asher out on a run that would satisfy his wolf. That had been four hours ago.

  Astrid let the cooler lid drop, walked over to the fire, and sat in a chair. She was chugging down water as Asher left his tent with a towel and a bundle of clothes. He didn’t even look at us before he went out of the campsite toward the shower. And he didn’t go alone. Hades got to his feet and hurried after him. Good boy.

  “How’d it go?” I finally broke the tension.

  “He’ll be alright until tomorrow. And now, he knows a way to calm his wolf down.” Astrid put the lid back on her bottle of water. “The night of the full moon, I’ll help him shift and take him on a run.” Astrid turned to Ranulf. “Then he’s coming to stay with us for a month.

  Ranulf nodded. “You’re going to mentor him?”

  “What?” I sat up straight in my chair and I wasn’t the only one. Everyone else sat up straight too.

  Astrid nodded. “Hollis is in the middle of moving his pack into Canada. And I don’t know any other pack alphas that I’d trust with him.”

  “What do you mean, he’ll stay with you for a month?” Miles asked as he leaned forward.

  Astrid turned back to us. “Asher’s life has completely altered. His body has changed too. Traditionally, after a first shift, if the wolf doesn’t have pack family, then they have a mentor they stay with to teach them.”

  “But he has to leave?” I asked.

  Astrid me my gaze. “Yeah, he does. But only for a month so he can at least begin to start understanding his wolf.”

  “Then he’ll come home?” Ethan asked.

  Astrid nodded. “He’ll know the basics of what he’ll have to do to control and take care of his wolf. He won’t be completely safe but with the other wolves in town he’ll be safer.”

  “What do we do when there is a full moon?” Zeke, at least, had the balls to ask what we were all thinking.

  Astrid turned to him. “He’ll need other wolves to keep him safe for… maybe six months or more? It depends on when the bond is deep enough that he starts to remember being a wolf.” Astrid turned to Miles. “The only reason he’ll be coming home in a month is because of those wolves that just moved to your town. They’ll keep him in check.”

  The silence stretched.

  “What can we do to help?” Miles asked.

  Astrid opened her bottle and took another drink. “He’s going to have aggression trouble, jealousy, anger, he’s going to struggle for a while. He has to learn everything all over again. So, just be patient and understanding with him. And listen. If he says back off, do it. If he says that he needs to leave, get him out into the woods and away from people.”

  “So, just like Zeke.” I couldn’t help it.

  The twins snorted. The others shook their heads.

  “A more deadly version, yes.” Astrid’s face let me know she didn’t think it was funny but she understood what I was going for.

  All of us nodded.

  “We’re going to head back to the hotel. We’ll be back tomorrow for another run.” Astrid got to her feet. “But, Lexie, I need to talk to you alone first.”

  I got to my feet and crossed the campsite with her.

  “When will he shift?” Miles asked.

  “A couple of hours after sunset on the day after tomorrow,” Ranulf answered. “That’s generally the rule I’ve noticed.”

  When we were at the back of the trucks, she pulled the tailgate down on Miles’ truck and sat down. I sat next to her.

  “I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you and Asher are dating.” Astrid turned to me.

  “No… Um.” I was going to have to explain. I gave her the CliffsNotes version. “So, that’s one of the reasons we’re here.”

  She sighed. “If there was any possibility that he had a mate, then it’d be a disaster just waiting to happen. But it’s still going to be a difficult and dangerous situation.”

  “Mate? What do you mean?” What was she talking about?

  She shook her head. “If he was a born wolf, there’d only be one wolf he’d have healthy children with. But since he was bitten, he won’t. He can’t pass it on genetically. So, no mate. He can still bond to someone and that’s
a whole different discussion we’ll have another time.” She shifted on the tailgate to face me. “What I’m trying to tell you, is that right now he’s dangerous.”

  “Okay, you’ve said that to the guys and me. And you’re repeating it to me. Why are you warning me again?” Screw beating around the bush, just come out and tell me.

  “You’re in a different kind of danger.” She gestured at my body. “Let’s say you two are making out, if he reaches a certain point it will be a struggle to stop himself.”

  My heart dropped as the blood drained from my face. “Are you saying he’d try to rape me?”

  Her eyes grew wide. “No, no. Not that. If he’d never do that, his wolf would never do that. I’m trying to illustrate the fact that dating a shifter is different. There are different rules if you are human. And I’m really bad at this.”

  Relief filled me. “Okay, rules I can follow.”

  “Again, Lexie.” She met my eyes. “It’s a new body. He has to learn how he reacts to everything again.”

  “Oh.” A horrible thought hit me. Was she…? “You’re going to…”

  She sent me a look. “Fuck, no. I’m not going to sleep with him.”

  We both chuckled at how fast she shut that down.

  “Screw being P.G.” Astrid met my eyes again. “He’s going to have to learn how he’s going to react sexually as a werewolf. And that needs to be done extremely carefully. And slowly.”

  I nodded. “Okay. That, I understand.”

  “I’ll send you a list of rules and advice but basically, you can’t be physical with him until at least he comes back.”

  “Can I kiss him?” He was going to leave for a month…

  “Until he’s got his wolf under control? Only on the cheek.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Lexie. That’s the way it has to be until he comes back.”

  I shook my head. “No, no. This is the shit I need to know. He really has to relearn everything? Controlling his temper? All of that?” Guilt ate at my insides. I shoved it behind a door for now.

  She nodded. “His body has changed completely, all the way down to his D.N.A. And that takes time to adjust.”

  That made sense.

  “Now, until he shifts he’s going to get worse. Be angrier and more agitated. The last twenty-four hours before shifting are the worst.”

  “How do we help?”

  She smiled. “Try to avoid making him jealous until he can shift. Distract him, you’re on vacation so have fun. Just remind him, he’s still Asher.”

  I nodded.

  Ranulf came around the truck. “We good, ladies?”

  “Yeah.” Astrid got to her feet. “We’ll see you tomorrow.” Astrid and Ranulf headed for their car.

  I went back to camp and sat in my chair.

  Isaac rubbed his eyebrow. “Shit.”

  “You can say that again,” I muttered.

  “Shit,” Isaac repeated.

  I grinned a little.

  “We should get some sleep.” Ethan got to his feet.

  “I’m going to talk to Asher.” Miles stayed put.

  Everyone else got to their feet and headed to their tents.

  I changed into my flannel pj bottoms and cami before lying down. Hades wasn’t back yet, so he must be planning to stay with Asher… I picked up a book and muttered under my breath as I reached over to pick up my glasses and book light.

  An hour later, Miles’ voice came from the fire ring. “Do you want to talk?”

  “No.” Asher’s voice was firm.

  “You know I’ll listen,” Miles tried again.

  “Not tonight,” Asher snapped.

  I waited to see if he’d change his mind.

  “What are you doing?” Miles asked.

  “I’m crashing in the hammock.”

  “Why?” Someone got out of a chair.

  “Just… let me finally get some sleep.” Asher’s voice was an odd mix of lost and pissed.

  “Alright, good night,” Miles said in a calm soothing voice.

  “Night,” Asher said.

  I put my glasses back, shut my book and turned off my book light.

  Struggling to get comfy, I rolled to my side and punched my pillow.

  I didn’t like how Asher hadn’t look at anyone when he came back. I didn’t like how quiet he was either.

  I needed to see him and know he’s okay. Worried, I got up, slipped on my sandals and opened my tent. I walked across the camp toward the hammock.

  Asher was still awake and looking up at the sky. The unzipped sleeping bag over him, his hair was still wet from the shower. His eyes shined reflecting the moonlight like a predator watching prey as I walked toward him. My pulse jumped at the reminder. He wasn’t human anymore. The hand hanging over the side and buried in Hades’ fur stopped scratching. “You should be in bed.”

  I didn’t even pause in my stride. “I’m staying with you.”

  “That’s dangerous, Ally.” His voice was so lost it made my heart ache.

  “Tell me to go and I’ll go.” I stopped at the side of the hammock.

  His eyes were rough as they met mine. Anger, fear, everything was fighting it out inside him. He didn’t say anything.

  I started to climb into the hammock. “Let me decide how much I’m willing to risk.” He moved over a little to counter balance as I got in next to him. I sat up, moved his arm and lay back down against him with my head on his shoulder and the front of my body pressed against his side. “So, what are we looking at?”

  “Being gone for a month, no football in the fall, and a thousand other things.” He wrapped his arm around me as my leg hooked over one of his to lay between his. He covered me with the sleeping bag.

  I tilted my head back and met his eyes. “I meant, what are we looking at in the sky?”

  His lips twitched as I lay my hand on his stomach.

  “I wasn’t really looking.” He took my hand from his stomach to hold against his chest. His pulse pounded under my fingertips.

  “How do you feel?” I whispered.

  He swallowed hard. “Better. I’m not restless anymore. Instead, I’m pretty exhausted.”

  My fingers stroked his. “Then why are you still awake?”

  He looked back up to the stars. “What’s going to change keeps running through my mind.”

  “So, no football?”

  He shook his head. “Which isn’t a huge loss but I’d rather have it be my choice.”

  “That does suck.” I kept stroking his fingers with mine. “Not having a choice.”

  “No baseball in the spring either.” He sighed. “Forget MMA and sparring. Hell, even my diet has to be different. It was already high protein but now…”

  I looked up at him as a tear ran out of the corner of his eye. Squeezing his hand, I listened as he ran through what he knew was going to change. It wasn’t just a lot. It was almost everything. There was nothing I could say so I just listened. Because that’s what happens when someone you love is in pain, you share it with them.

  Eventually, his fingers squeezed mine. “Everything has changed.”

  “Not everything.” I met his eyes. “Your family still loves you.”

  He took a shaky breath. “I’m scared, Ally.”

  “Me too.” I swallowed hard through the hard knot in my throat. “But I’m not going anywhere. Neither are the guys.”

  He looked down at me, his eyes as rough as waves crashing in a storm. He let go of my hand to hold my cheek in his hand.

  His breathing grew even more ragged. He rested his forehead against mine and cried. We both did. We quietly cried for what he lost, what he’d never do again, fear, all of it. And he didn’t do it alone.

  Chapter 19

  August 22nd

  Chirping birds brought me to the surface. Warm, safe, comfy… Vanilla and cinnamon surrounded me. Asher… I started to sink back under. My bladder, on the other hand, had other ideas. Muttering under my breath, I opened my eyes. Asher’s eyes were closed, his br
eathing deep and even. At least he finally got some sleep. I carefully untangled myself from him, got out of the hammock, and almost stepped on Hades in the process. The big lug didn’t even budge as I stepped over him.

  Asher took a deep breath and opened his eyes. “Where are you going?”

  I smiled. “The bathroom and getting dressed.”

  He reached out and took my fingers in his. “I need to go for a run.”

  “Already?” He just woke up…

  He gave my fingers a squeeze and let go. I stepped back, giving him room as he got out of the hammock. “Astrid said it’s better to go for a run before you have to go for a run.”

  I looked up at him “Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, Ash.”

  His eyes were warm as he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. After a heartbeat I pulled away and stepped back. His brow drew down as pain flashed in his eyes.

  “Astrid said I can only kiss you on the cheek until you get back.” I rushed to explain.

  His face relaxed. “Oh.… Okay.” He stepped closer, leaned down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. I breathed in cinnamon and vanilla before he stepped back and headed for the guys’ tent.

  On the way to the bathroom, I stopped by my tent, and grabbed my toiletry bag.

  After I washed my face with cold water, I looked at the mirror. My eyes were a little swollen but not so bad after we spent most of the night crying. It could be worse. Sighing, I brushed my teeth. Asher was a werewolf. What could we do to help him today? Get his mind off things. Have fun. That’s what Astrid said. Hell, that’s about all we could do. I packed my stuff up and headed back to camp.

  When I got there, Miles was in the picnic area and it was a disaster. He had a puzzled look on his face as he flipped a still gooey pancake. The batter splashed across the griddle. The top of the pancake was half burnt and half raw. There was a mess of too burnt and too raw pancakes already in the trash. I smiled to myself as Miles pushed his glasses up and scowled at the barbecue.

  “Need a hand?”

  He jumped then gave me a small smile. “I thought I’d try to make breakfast.” He looked back down at the griddle. “But I believe I’ve overestimated my ability.”