Letting Go

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Letting Go Page 11

by Sarah L. White


  After convincing Lori to take this trip with me, I left her apartment and went home to pack. I had my driver pick me up and we are now headed over to pick her up. I was going to drive us myself, but that would give me less time to touch her, and I’m not about to add the obstacle of driving to the path of feeling her skin against mine. I don’t plan on taking my hands off of her the entire trip.

  I know the staff at her building is paid well to keep the lives of the people living there private, but everyone has a price, so I have Lori meet the car in the front of her building so no one will see us together. I can only imagine what would happen if pictures of me walking her out of her building while towing luggage hit the papers. Right now, I can’t afford for word of us to get out. I need to break our relationship to my dad gently and see what he wants to do about the Max situation. Even thinking this right now is putting the cart in front of the horse; to Lori we are just friends with benefits.

  Lori exits her building when she sees the car pull up. She’s wearing a short red dress that kisses the top of her knees and exposes her arms. Her hair is twisted up and a few strands fall loosely around her face as she steps off the curb and waits for the driver to open the door. When she dips her body into the back of the limo, my body immediately comes to attention, and I reach my hand up to hers so that I can guide her to the seat next to me.

  The heat from her leg warms my own, and I put my hand on her thigh so I can feel her smooth skin beneath my palm. We pull out into traffic and I roll up the privacy window between the driver and us. He’s very used to this. I won’t pretend for a minute that I’m innocent when it comes to beautiful women and long car rides.

  Lori kicks her sandals off, and I offer her a glass of wine, which she eagerly takes. I drink my whiskey on the rocks, and by the time we’re on the freeway and away from the rush of the city, I have a really strong buzz. I notice the way Lori’s cheeks are flushed and how easy it is to make her giggle. She clearly has a pretty good buzz going too. It feels so damn good to be ditching work and spending time with her.

  I set my glass down in the holder next to my seat with the intention of getting my hands on her, but she beats me to it by climbing on top of my lap while still holding her wine glass. I let my eyes wander over her figure while she’s perched on top of me, and lean in to press kisses along the exposed skin of her chest. Lori’s hand slides into my hair and pull me closer. Reaching up, I take her glass from her and set it aside.

  My hands are on her knees and she seems so far away from me since her skirt restricts her legs from spreading any farther. Gliding my hands up over her thighs, I push her dress up around her hips and grip her ass to slide her closer. The heat from her body and the friction created as I slowly move her to me has me uncomfortable in my pants very quickly.

  I move to adjust myself but Lori grabs my hands and removes them from the button on my pants. Her eyes lock with mine and I can smell the hint of wine on her breath, and I can think of nothing else but tasting her lips. When my mouth meets hers, she parts her lips and runs her tongue along mine as she unbuttons my pants and slides down my zipper.

  I want to protest when her hands leave my groin to feel my arms, which are now working hard to position her on top of me. She sucks on my lip and takes control of the kiss in a move that has me practically panting. Her eyes are heavy with lust, and right now her image is the sexiest I’ve ever seen.

  I lift my hips and shove down my pants and boxer briefs, moving quickly to get the warmth of her core back where my body is throbbing for it. She releases a sexy laugh when she feels me rock up against her with all the urgency of a teenage boy. I want her dress off but I’m having a hard time concentrating on how exactly it works and what I should do to remove it. Finally, I give up and slip the small straps down her arms. I make quick work of the lacy black strapless bra and switch my focus from the rocking of my hips to the kneading of my hands on her curves.

  It’s all almost too much. I don’t know where I want to look or where to put my mouth first. She takes away the decision when she arches her back and pulls me toward her. She tastes sweet and a little salty from the sweat we’re creating. When I hear a soft moan, I know I better move this along before it ends without much of her participation.

  Reaching up under the bunched fabric of her dress I whisper, “I’ll buy you a new pair,” before twisting the small strings around my fingers and ripping her panties off. I let my fingers slide down to her core to see if she’s ready. I close my eyes for a second in gratitude when I find she’s as turned on as I am. In one swift move she slides down my length, bringing a pleasure that’s almost too much.

  All the anxiety of needing her and the thoughts of not being with her melt away as our bodies connect again and again. Her soft cheek is pressed against mine as she struggles to keep our bodies pressed together. I can hear the inhale and exhale of her breath in my ear and the heat of it on my neck. My hands lightly guide her hips in a maddening rhythm and I’m about to stop them so I can make sure she’s as close as I am.

  “Now,” I hear her whisper before she bites down on my shoulder to hide the sounds of her climax. I slam her hips down onto me and hold her there as I finish, and the world around me blurs from the pleasure of my release.

  Lori

  My warm body is relaxed as I drink my wine and watch the city go by out the window of the limo. Ben is holding my other hand and I can feel the heaviness of unspoken words between us. We can’t keep this up much longer, pretending that nothing is changing between us. I also don’t know how we can start a relationship right now when word of our dating will cause all kinds of drama in the circle he runs in. It’s not that we couldn’t get over it, but it took me months to get away from Max, and I don’t want him to have any idea what I’m up to and who I’m spending my time with.

  Ben lifts my hand and brushes a kiss across my knuckles. “What are you thinking about?” I ask him when his eyes meet mine.

  “How much I wanted to go out on the town with you so we could spend time together in public, but now I want to lock us in the room so I can have you to myself. I hate this. I hate that some asshole gets to dictate whether or not we can openly date. How did you even date him?” His face pinches with a disgusted look and I wince. “Sorry. That was so rude. I just don’t get it. He’s so below you.”

  Looking down at my glass, I think about what information I should share and what would be better left unsaid. “He was very charming at first. I didn’t have a lot of experience with relationships and he swept me off my feet.” I look up at Ben again. “Things were great for a while, then one day they weren’t. It’s easy now to look back and see all the signs, but at the time I was living it they were small and excusable.”

  “What kind of signs? What happened?”

  I know that I’m not going to get another weekend like this with him for a long time—if ever again. “I don’t want to get into all of that. He’s already ruining so much of what we could have. Let’s not let him have any more of our time.” Hoping that’s enough to get him off the topic, I lean up and place a soft kiss on his lips. Ben nods reluctantly.

  “I went to dinner with your sister the other day,” I say playfully.

  “Hmm. I bet that was interesting.” I can tell already that he’s going to walk carefully around any conversations we have involving his sister. I love that about him. The sense of honor the Stone family carries has always been impressive to me.

  “It was very interesting. All kinds of gossip,” I tease, and he lifts his eyebrows in a doubtful expression.

  “Gossip is not interesting. Gossip is the talk of people with nothing better to do than put their noses where they don’t belong. Madeline should know better.”

  “Oh, lighten up, Mr. Perfect. Gossip is part of life. Anyway, if the girls weren’t gossiping, I would’ve never heard about the scandal at Jackson’s party.” Now I have his attention, and he exhales a loud breath.

  “Well, this shou
ld be good,” he says dryly.

  I giggle a little before taking the last sip of my wine and turning to face him so I can whisper like it’s a huge secret. “Turns out you are quite the lady’s man. Apparently, your date was a little pissed when you had sex with some other woman in the bathroom. Your sister and Abby are lovingly referring to the other woman as ‘bathroom girl.’ Kind of has a ring to it, like some new superhero who swoops in and rescues bored, sexually frustrated men from the despair of a bimbo date.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “About the superhero part? Yes.” The sarcasm is very thick, but I smile when I say it.

  “Lori, I’m serious. They’re calling you the bathroom girl. What are they fourteen?” He sounds more irritated than angry, but I still want to let him know I’ve had time to be okay with the torturous chitchat of that dinner.

  “Ben, they didn’t know they were calling me bathroom girl. I was really hurt at first, and confused, but we only have ourselves to blame. It’s better that they don’t know it was me. Your sister would be so mad at us.”

  Ben’s finger lifts my chin and I watch as the irritability washes away and leaves sadness in its wake. “What are we doing, Lori? I don’t think I can hide you much longer. It doesn’t feel right and now you’re getting sucked into my reputation and put in the same category as the other woman I’ve been with. I don’t want that for you—for us.”

  “It doesn’t matter what people say about the girl you had sex with in the bathroom at your sister’s house. People will forget about it in a few weeks. The damage of our relationship getting out will have a far deeper impact. I’m not ready for people to know yet.” His finger leaves my chin and he nods and returns his eyes to the passing view.

  “When we agreed to keep the sex between us a secret, I knew it would be hard. I didn’t know that it would become more than just physical. We said that we’d let each other know if it got to be too much—so I’m letting you know now, Lori. At the end of this weekend, we need to revisit the rules of this agreement.” His face turns back to me and it’s no longer full of emotion; instead it’s stone cold and resolved.

  Ben doesn’t know the extent of the impact our relationship could have on my life. When this weekend comes to an end, I’ll either be convinced I can survive that impact or I’ll walk away with my heart broken but peace still in my life. I reach for the wine bottle and pour another glass, silently giving equal time to the warring thoughts in my head. Right now, I don’t know which plan is winning, the one that allows me to take a big step in recovering or the one that’s already planning my escape.

  Ben

  Our accommodations are incredible, of course. I called down to the manager who runs this location and let him know I wanted complete privacy and discretion from the workers. I work closely with him, so he’s aware of how important it is that he keeps everything secret. Our room is on the top floor of the hotel and the balcony overlooks the beach below. Usually, it’s reserved for movie stars looking for a little privacy, but for the next few nights it’s all ours.

  Lori is checking out the room as the bellhop brings our bags up. In the limo I told her that I wanted to change the rules of our agreement and I meant it. I’m going to enjoy this weekend, but when we leave here, she’s either going to agree to date me openly or I’m walking away. I’ll deal with whatever the consequences are with my family for entering a relationship with her knowing her history with Max. What I can’t live with is hiding her and sneaking around to be with her.

  Once the room is cleared out, I lock the door and make my way onto the balcony where Lori is. It’s a bit chilly outside, and she’s standing near the railing with her arms wrapped around her for warmth. I press myself against her back and wrap my arms around her waist, covering her cold body with as much of my warm one as possible. I rest my chin on her shoulder and breathe in the salty beach air.

  “Are you too cold? I could get you a blanket,” I offer as I tighten my grip on her. I feel her body relax against mine and tuck my face into the crook of her neck so that I can press kisses to her throat. Every inch of her body is so seductive to me. She tips her head back to give me access and I love the way her skin feels against my lips.

  “Mmm,” she moans as I trail my tongue along her soft skin.

  “I love the way you taste, Lori,” I whisper against her neck, loving the way goose bumps rise up under my hot breath.

  Lori giggles softly as I continue to kiss and taste her skin. “What do I taste like?” she asks innocently, and I raise my head to meet her eyes.

  “Something I’ve never tasted before but can’t seem to get enough of now.” I tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear as the wind blows lightly across us. “You taste like letting go.” It’s the truth. Lori is an addiction for me now, and I need the rush of freedom and release she gives me. To me, she’s the taste of letting go.

  Lori pauses for a minute, studying my face to see if I’m telling her the truth. I smile back at her and lean in to close the distance between our mouths. I kiss her tenderly, resting my hands on her hips so I can pull her to me. The sound of the waves crashing in the distance creates a magical soundtrack in the background. I feel the cold touch of Lori’s hand on mine as she covers my hands with hers.

  “Your hands are so cold, baby. Let me get you inside to warm up.” I don’t wait for her response, kissing her lips again as she clasps my hands in hers. She nods against me and turns to face the open door. Dropping one hand, she pulls my other over her shoulder, leading me back into our room. I follow her willingly, praying for more moments like this.

  Once inside, I close the sliding door and make my way over to the small fireplace to light a fire. It sounds more difficult than it is. I press a button and the flame jumps to life. With another few button presses, the room dims and a sultry song fills it. I watch Lori’s face as she tries not to laugh then finally gives in to a few giggles. In the kind of life we lead we are forced to act much older than our real ages. It’s hard to believe we’re still young until moments like this.

  The sound of her giggling makes my heart beat so fast. I stalk toward her and take her into my arms. I lift her and spin her around, kissing her as her feet meet the floor. I offer up one hand as I wrap the other around her waist and begin to sway with the music. I’m not a romantic guy, but for the first time ever I want to impress her and show her that I could be that guy if she needed that.

  Lori nods and takes my hand, the giggles stopping as she rests her head on my shoulder. In this moment, in our hotel room, she’s all mine. My life feels complete, like all the pieces of the puzzle have finally come together. There’s nothing but a serene feeling of warmth and peace as I hold her in my arms.

  In the past, my only shows of great romanticism were to get a woman in bed with me. To be honest, it’s been years since I cared enough to try for a woman who wasn’t already willing. This has nothing to do with sex right now; instead, it’s a plea to her to let go with me. I want her to agree to be mine in front of everyone, damn what others might say.

  “This is so nice, Ben.” I can hear the emotion in her voice. Pulling her tighter against me, I place a kiss on her hand and then let it go. I wrap my now free hand around her waist, knowing that her move will be to place her arm around my neck. When she does, my heart almost hurts from the overwhelming feeling of love I have for her. I don’t know when I fell for her, but I’m in deep.

  Lori’s head rests on my shoulder, and I turn my face to place a kiss on her cheek. Without even thinking I whisper, “I love you,” and then feel my stomach drop as I realize what I’ve just done. I close my eyes and curse myself knowing that I probably just ran her off. When I feel her push against me, I tighten my grip around her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Looking into my eyes, Lori moves her hands to my face. “Did you mean it, Ben? Are you serious or is this just something you say to women you’re sleeping with?” It stings when she says it, but I
deserve it. I look away for a minute to think about my next move. I’m so afraid she’ll run off and leave me, but I don’t want to lie to her.

  “I love you, Lori. I mean it. Please don’t leave.” I watch her face for any hint of what she’s thinking.

  “I love you, too.” Her lips meet mine again and I feel such relief. The song ends and another begins, but we’re barely paying attention to anything outside of this earth-shattering kiss. I’ve kissed many women before, but none have ever felt this perfect. There’s no doubt in my mind that I need her in my future and that she will always be enough. As long as I can have her, I’ll have everything.

  Lori begins the slow backward walk to the bed, pulling my shirt to drag me with her. I slowly rub my hands up her back, finding the zipper to her dress and slowly sliding it down. Her hands grab at the hem of my shirt as she lifts it over my head and begins to work on the buttons of my pants. It’s as if all of this is perfectly choreographed. I undress her as she undresses me, and we fall together onto the bed.

  I pull the covers from under us and position myself gently between her legs. The light from the dancing fire reflects on the wall above us and I pull her leg up around me. “This is going to change everything, Lori. I can’t hear that you love me and then leave here with you not by my side. You said you weren’t ready for the impact our relationship will have on our lives, but you can’t hide forever. Trust me to protect you. I love you, Lori. That’s not something I do easily or carelessly. You need to know it means something.”

  Lori lifts her head to capture my lips and I feel her legs tighten around my body, urging me toward her. I want to hear her say she trusts me. I want to know she understands how serious I am about being with her. I also want to feel her body and the way she seems made for me. As her urging grows stronger, I give in and slide into her, knowing that tonight she won’t be making any agreements, and I love her and need her in spite of that.

 

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