Never Go Back

by Jewel Geffen

  “I was going to, yeah.”

  “Glad I caught you then, I was just on my way up to your office.”

  “Huh? You were?” she tucked her hair self-consciously behind her ear. “What for?”

  “I had something to tell you. I did try calling. Your private number didn't work, so I tried the office. The secretary said you were still in, but that you weren't taking calls, so I thought I just come by.”

  She took her phone out of her pocket and glanced at it. Two missed calls. “Shit,” she said, “sorry, the ringer was off. I meant to put it on vibrate.”

  “Not a problem,” he said, “I'm just glad I caught you.”

  “What the news?”

  He glanced around quickly, in a casual sort of way as if trying to disguise the fact that he was doing it. “Let's talk in your car,” he said. “Unless you'd rather go back up to the office.”

  “The car's fine,” she said. She was most of the way there, and it didn't seem to be worth making the trek back. Him acting nervous wasn't helping much to sooth her jittery and frayed nerves. Her heart was still beating fast from the start he'd given her as she led him the last few dozen feet to where her car was parked and they got in.

  “What's the big secret?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I've got a lead.”

  “Are you serious?” she said, leaning excitedly forward, immediately forgetting her earlier nervousness. “You found Melvin?”

  “Not quite. I tracked down a friend of his, though. Not gang affiliated, as far as I know. Word is that he knows where they're keeping Melvin. If we can get to him, we might be able to get the information from him.”

  “Okay, so where is he?”

  “You're not going to like it.”

  “Try me.”

  “His name's Jeremiah Daniels. Goes by Skulls, though.”

  “Nice.”

  “There's a party happening downtown, big deal event. Lot of people going to be there. Mostly criminals and gang members. They're gonna take over an abandoned building and have a bash. Drinking, drugs, strippers. Good chance somebody shows up looking to settle scores and starts shooting.”

  “Sounds... exciting.”

  “It's gonna be dangerous, I'm not going to lie. That's a rough crowd at the best of times, and they'll be wilder than usual. It's a dangerous place for an outsider to show their face.”

  “Okay. So when is this thing happening?”

  He glanced at his watch. “Couple hours from now.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Yeah. I wanted somebody to know where I was.”

  “In case...”

  “In case I don't come back out.”

  “Jesus.”

  “Just a precaution. I'd be crazy to walk in there without some kind of backup.”

  “Who's going with you?”

  He shook his head. “Just me. But if I'm not back by-”

  “I don't think so.”

  Jordan frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Natalie turned to face him, her features set and her voice determined. “I'm coming with you. You need real backup, not just somebody to tell the cops where to find the body. I'm coming.”

  He stared at her, his eyes going slightly wide. “No chance.”

  “What do you mean, no chance?”

  “I mean I'm not putting you in that situation. It's too dangerous.”

  “You aren't putting me in anything. I'm choosing to go, in a professional capacity, because this is the best way for me to help my client. You have a problem with that?”

  He looked at her again, a strange expression on his face. She almost could have thought it was a sort of respect, as if he was once again reappraising his opinion of her. “I don't know...”

  “Don't know what? Don't know if I'll be able to help? Come on, I know how it is. A guy like you shows up at a party by himself, they'll all know you're looking for trouble – looking for something, anyway. If you come there with a cute girl on your arm then they'll just think you're just there to have a good time.”

  He snorted, turning away to hide a smile.

  “What?” she demanded, crossing her arms and giving him the most stubborn glare she could manage.

  “You're just not what I expected, that's all. Never thought I'd find a lawyer who'd offer to go to a gangster's block party just to help me out.”

  “Well, I guess you got lucky. Let's go.”

  He shook his head and gave her outfit a dubious once over. “You can't go dressed like that,” he said.

  She glanced down at her turquoise skirt and blazer. “Why not? What's wrong with it?”

  “You look like a lawyer. Lawyers don't tend to show up at this kind of place. Stick out like a sore thumb.”

  “Okay then, I'll wear something else. What did you have in mind?”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “Well, ah... I'm not sure it's the kind of thing you've got in your wardrobe, honestly.”

  “Maybe I'll surprise you. I'm sure I've got something appropriate. Come on, we'll swing by my place on the way.”

  Jordan let out a heavy breath and shook his head, seeming to resign himself to not arguing any further on the matter. “If you say so. Let's go.”

  She grinned broadly, and she put the car in drive.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Wow.”

  She glanced over at Jordan. He was leaning slightly forward and looking out through the windscreen, gazing up at her house with an expression on his face that she couldn't quite read. “What?”

  “Just a nice place, is all. Real nice.”

  “Thanks.”

  He looked over at her and smiled, though it was a slight and oddly sad sort of smile. “I probably should have figured, right? Rich lawyer with her own office and all that. Have to have some nice digs.”

  “Yeah,” she said, feeling slightly ashamed, though she couldn't put her finger on exactly why. She didn't imagine his dwelling was anywhere near so impressive. That wasn't her fault, though, income inequality wasn't her responsibility. There was no reason for her to feel bad about it, was there? She swallowed. “Shall we?”

  “I can wait in the car if you want.”

  She shook her head. “Come on, don't be silly.”

  He shrugged and followed her out. The evening was still and cool, a deep black cloudless night sky spread out above them like some huge star-strewn tapestry. Her heels clacked on the stones of the path.

  The house was still and quiet when they went inside. Todd was busy in his office, no doubt. Evenings were a prime gaming time for him – many of the other members of his guild actually had jobs, and were more likely to be online after working hours.

  A part of her dreaded the two of them meeting, Todd and Jordan. On the one hand, she was interested in Jordan and didn't want to pop the bubble of fantasy that she might somehow have a shot with him. It wouldn't ever happen, but it was nice to be able to cling to the idea of it. There was more to it than just that, however.

  Natalie was embarrassed of her husband, that was the truth of the matter. She loved him, but the thought of Jordan seeing what sort of man she'd married filled her with a keen feeling of shame. She didn't want it to be that way, but she couldn't help it. Jordan was a real man, and her husband... wasn't.

  “It's, um, it's this way,” she said, pointed ahead to the staircase which led up to her bedroom. She felt a sudden swooning sensation rush through her. How had this happened? An hour ago she'd been thinking she wouldn't see him again until she was in court tomorrow, and now here she was taking him to her bedroom.

  Jesus.

  He followed silently, hands in his pockets as he looked around, taking it all in with a calm and steady gaze. She raced mentally through the house, trying to remember if there was anything embarrassing or compromising which she needed to keep him away from or clear off before he could see it.

  She opened the bedroom door. “Just in here.”

  “I'll wait in the hall,” he said, leaning against the
wall.

  “Right. Sure. Um... what should I wear, exactly?”

  Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. He cleared his throat, not quite meeting her eyes. “Something, ah... a bit more... revealing. Not so classy.”

  “Something slutty, you mean,” she said, grinning at his discomfort. He might be a studly alpha male, but he was still a man, and she was still a woman, and that gave her a certain power.

  “You really don't have to do this,” he said, shifting awkwardly, “I can handle it on my own.”

  “No,” she said, giving him a level stare, “we already decided this, okay? You just hold on a minute. I'll be ready to go in a few minutes.”

  He turned his hands palm up and settled back against the wall. “Alright. If you're sure.”

  She shut the door and then immediately slumped down against it, her heart pounding in her chest. “What the hell are you doing, Nat?” she whispered softly under her breath.

  This was crazy, completely crazy. What was she really doing it for, anyway? Not Tasha, though she liked the girl and wanted to give her as good a defense as she could manage. No, this was about Jordan. She wanted to go with him into danger, just to show him that she could. She wanted him to see her dressed in some trashy slutty outfit, wanted to get him hard, make him sweat.

  But why? What was it about him that was making her act so out of character? But of course that was the part of it all that felt really strange. She didn't feel like she was acting out of character. She felt free, as if she was finally being herself for maybe the first time.

  She dug through her dresser and closet, pulling out outfit after outfit and tossing them all aside as unsuitable. All these expensive clothes, all her lawyerly garb, it all felt so suffocating all of a suddenly, like some uniform she was forced to shove herself into.

  She went all the way down, pulling out stuff she hadn't worn since college, outfits that she'd boxed up years ago and never thought about since. All the artifacts of her wild youth.

  She pulled on a pair of fishnet stockings and a little miniskirt and crop-top with an artfully frayed hem and a low-cut bust. She slipping in a pair of hoop earrings that she'd never had occasion to wear before and put on another layer of lipstick and eye-shadow.

  She admired herself in the mirror for a moment. She shook out her hair and tried to give herself a bold take-no-shit “street” sort of look. Not too bad. She certainly didn't look like a highly paid corporate defense lawyer, that was for sure.

  Jordan was looking at the family photos on the wall when she came back out, about fifteen minutes later. He turned around to glance at her, then did a genuine double take, his eyes going wide.

  She giggled, feeling very naughty and adventurous. “What do you think?”

  He shook his head a little. “You look... different.”

  “Slutty enough for the party, maybe?”

  He snorted. “Maybe.”

  “Then let's go.”

  “Alright.”

  She sashayed right past him, smiling from ear to ear. She felt oddly empowered, surging with youthful energy and intense sexuality. She could sense his eyes on her bottom as it moved back and forth in front of him, the buttocks very much put on display by the tiny little skirt.

  They were out the door and into the night when she felt a nip of chill. “Hang on,” she said, “I'm going to grab a jacket. Go ahead and start the car.” She tossed him the keys without thinking and hurried back inside.

  It was only after she was back in the house that she realized what she'd done. Sure thing, man I hardly know who may or may not have some kind of criminal connections, have the keys to my expensive car. Why not?

  She was definitely going crazy.

  She grabbed an old denim jacket from her closet – a tight little thing that went with her outfit – and she hurried back down.

  “Ooof!” she almost had the wind knocked out of her when she ran smack-dab into a solid body at the foot of the stairs.

  Her husband Todd stumbled back, blinking in confusion, the plate of crackers he'd been fetching from the kitchen strew across the floor. “Hey, watch it!” he said, then trailed off, looking her up and down with an expression of gradually dawning shock. “Honey, what are you wearing?”

  “It's for work, sweetie,” she said quickly, brushing her lips against his cheek and hurrying past before he could slow her down, “I'll be out late and I have court in the morning. Don't wait up, okay!”

  “Where are you going?” he called after her as she rushed back out the door, sounding totally befuddled and confused.

  “Just out! Have fun with your game!” she shouted back over her shoulder, and then she was out the door and into the night, where Jordan was waiting for her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  They switched cars, leaving hers parked in a garage downtown and taking his the rest of the way. It was an old muscle car with chrome rims and a high suspension and a monstrous sound system. She didn't know much about cars, but she knew a powerful one when she saw it. She whistled.

  He laughed. “A remnant of my misspent youth, I'm afraid.”

  “You must have been a real hotshot.”

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  The party was in full swing by the time they arrived. She leaned out the car window and gazed up at the towering building above them. It was a huge and hideous shell of a building, all bare concrete and crumbling supports and boarded-over windows. Multicolored light streamed from the windows and throbbing bass-heavy music blared.

  The street was packed with cars, so many that you couldn't even drive through if you wanted to. The festivities had long since spilled out of the building proper and moved into the street. Dozens of people were gathered in little groups, drinking and laughing for the most part, though it looked like a couple of fights had broken out already.

  Natalie saw a handful of white faces, but the crowd was predominantly black. She was glad she'd changed her clothes, at least, though she had a feeling she was still going to stick out here.

  “So, what do we know about this guy? What's his name again?”

  “Jeremiah Daniels. But don't use it. Anybody here is going to know him by Skulls. He's not going to answer to anything else. And I don't know much about him. He'd bald, and he's got a bit tattoo of a skull on the back of his head.”

  “Classy.”

  “Just keep your head down and let me do the talking, alright? This place can get a little rough, and they don't like outsiders. Don't ask questions. If someone talks to you, keep it vague. And don't use your real name.”

  “Why not?”

  “Let's just say it's safer not to.”

  “Well, what should my name be, then?”

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Olivia.”

  “Olivia?”

  “I always wanted to be an Olivia. Why, do you have a problem with that?” she asked, lifting her chin defiantly.

  He looked away, hiding a grin. “Nope, no problem at all. Olivia it is.”

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “What should I call you?”

  He turned away, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly. “Take more than a different name to keep them from recognizing me.”

  She thought about inquiring further, but he didn't seem like he was in the mood to share. Anyway, this wasn't the time for a heart-to-heart or a reminiscence. They had a task to accomplish, and the sooner they did it and got out the better.

  He opened the door, and the music and babble of conversation came flooding in even louder. He hopped out and started boldly across the road towards the towering ruin. Natalie took a deep breath and she got out to follow.

  It wasn't long before they were spotted by someone who knew Jordan. Three men saw him coming and detached themselves from the crowd. She could see them slapping one another on the arms and pointing. She couldn't read their expressions as they came through the dark; the lights of the building were all be
hind their backs so that she could only see their approaching silhouettes.

  She felt herself tense as they came closer, and it was all she could do not to turn tail and run back to the car. Jordan, for his part, never even slowed.

  “Jordan!” one of them called out, his wide smile shining white in the evening darkness. “My man, we ain't never thought we was gonna see you around here again.”

  Jordan spread his arms out. I wasn't sure if the gesture was supposed to indicate a sort of preamble to an embrace, and be therefore friendly, or if it was some kind of intimidation. “Well, here I am. Back in the hood.”

  “Yeah you are, man, yeah you are,” the other man said, his smile never slipping an inch. He grabbed Jordan's hand and tugged it close for a hard squeeze, then gave him a hard smack on the shoulder in greeting. “Good to see ya.”

  “Good to be seen, man, know what I'm saying?”

  “I feel ya, brother, I feel ya.” His eyes slid to Natalie, and his expression underwent a subtle transformation. “Brought yourself some fine company too, my man.” He whistled, then laughed and slapped his companion's arm. “Jordan always had good taste in bitches, man, buncha fly ass white girls. Looking fine tonight! Damn!”

  “Come on, man, come on, be cool.” Jordan said, just a hint of a note of warning in his voice.

  “Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. You here to party, right? Not looking to start nothing, right?”

  Jordan slipped his arm around Natalie's waist and pulled her close against him. “Wouldn't have brought the lady along if I was trying to start something, would I? Naw, man, we're just here to kick back. See some old faces, you know? All that shit's in the past, anyway.”

  “I feel ya, right on,” the other man laughed, “Crazy ass party tonight, I can tell ya that. Shit's off the wall. Seen shit in there I ain't never gonna forget! You feel me?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I feel ya. Catch you later, man, okay?”

  “Yeah, catch you later! Good to see ya again, Jordan. Been too long!” The three men carried on, going past them and further into the darkness. As if they were no more than ships passing in the night.