Divergent Dreams

by Tony Evans

I kept driving, afraid that I wasn’t far enough into the woods to be out of sight of humanity. My hands were shaking so badly that my muscles were starting to cramp making it hard to hold the steering wheel. I drove until the road ended in a cul-de-sac of trees and I couldn’t possibly drive any farther. I shut off the car and listened to the wind blow against the car for a few moments to compose myself.

  I suddenly felt sick. I scrambled out the door leaving my feet behind and fell with a wet smack onto the cold soggy dirt of the forest. I tried to throw up, but nothing came out and now that I started I couldn’t stop myself from dry heaving. My body convulsed as it tried to get rid of the sickness inside of me.

  I pulled myself up onto my shaking legs and leaned against the car. The woods were dark, empty and quiet.

  I went to the trunk and pulled the body out and placed it on the ground. Her face rolled toward me, but I couldn’t look at it. I cringed and turned away to face the woods.

  I heard a soft thud behind me and turned to see what it was. The doll had fallen out of the trunk and landed by the girl’s side. Not wanting to leave any evidence, I put the doll on the girl’s chest to bury it with the body.

  I turned the cars headlights on, swung a shovel over my shoulder and followed my cars headlights as I dragged her feet first into the woods.

  I picked a spot and started digging. In my haste and uncertainty I dug deeper than intended. My back and arms were on fire, but the pain kept me from thinking about the girl so I kept digging until my hands bled. I felt better. I felt like I had earned… something.

  I rolled the body into the hole and covered it with dirt. I stood over the grave and considered a prayer for her.

  I prayed for myself instead.

  I walked back to the car and noticed a shadow in the woods that didn’t look natural. Fear gripped me; I thought someone had found me. The shadow stretched out from the car’s headlights, but it wasn’t moving. I crept closer to the car and saw the doll sitting up in front of the headlights and leaning to one side. It must have fallen off as I dragged the body into the woods. I reached to pick it up, but before I could it slowly tilted forward and fell on its face.

  I snatched it up, took it back to the grave, dug a small hole, threw the doll inside and covered it up.

  I stood over the grave breathing heavily. “I hate you,” I whispered into the silent woods. The headlights dimmed and flooded the forest in a dark orange glow. I dropped the shovel as my heart tried to beat its way out of my chest. I looked back at the car expecting to see someone, but no one was there. I must have been out here for hours and the car’s battery was dying.

  I picked up the shovel and noticed that the doll’s hand was sticking out of the ground. I pulled it out of the dirt and frantically dug another hole twice as deep, threw the doll in, covered it and stomped on the dirt.

  I hurried back to the car and started it after only a few tries. I drove down the dirt road and came around the last bend before the highway and rolled to a stop. The doll was sitting in the middle of the road, muddy and leaning to one side. I got out of the car and walked over to the doll.

  “I hate you,” I said. The doll slowly fell backwards. I picked it up and threw it into the woods.

  I got into my car and raced home. I had a terrible migraine by the time I go through my front door which I tried to fix with Demerol and half a bottle of vodka. I went to bed and tried to fall asleep, but my aching body and the pounding in my head made it difficult. I took whatever Demerol I had left and washed them down with the rest of the vodka bottle. After another hour of trying in vain to fall asleep I decided to get a glass of water.

  I headed for the kitchen and saw several small puddles of water on the dining room floor. The mix of Demerol and vodka muted any spikes of fear or anxiety I would have had at the sight so I shuffled around them with little concern.

  I made it to the kitchen sink and found the doll lying there, staring into me with black lifeless eyes.

  I said, “You can’t have it. It wasn’t worth it!” I pushed the doll down into garbage disposal and turned it on.

  I was exhausted, but the pounding in my head made it impossible to sleep. I went into the bathroom and found sleeping pills. I had to sleep. I had to get this night behind me. I read the back of the box. It said it takes affect within an hour. I needed sleep now! I drank all the pills in the bottle. Eventually, finally, my eyes were too heavy to keep open. I searched for my bed through blurry eyes and climbed in.

  I felt better. The horrors of the night were floating away, replaced with nothing. I welcomed the emptiness. I felt the doll next to me. I hugged it to my chest and fell asleep.

  Grinders