by Kim Nash
Begrudgingly, I went over to Rebecca and asked her what I needed to do next. She gave me an empty cardboard box and a list of titles and instructed me to find the books on the list and put them in the box, then bring them back to be checked out.
As I searched the shelves, I read the descriptions on the back covers and some of them actually piqued my interest, which surprised me. There was a real mix of genres, from a psychological thriller about a girl who woke up to find her son missing, a rom-com about a girl who fell in love with her arch enemy and another a fantasy romance where the hero alternated between being a faerie king and a normal person. Perhaps I should give reading a go. I used to love it as a child. I still didn’t really know why I was putting these books in the box, but as Rebecca date stamped them at the desk, she gave me an address.
‘So, you are going to Mr and Mrs Darby. Their address is 136 Glasscroft Close. Here’s the postcode too. All you have to do is take this box of books and pick up the ones that they are returning and bring those back. That ok?’
Simple then, nothing difficult in that. I’d be in and out within a minute or two, I guessed. Best go and get on with it.
I loaded the books onto the back seat of my car and set the sat nav for the postcode I’d been given. As I parked outside 136 Glasscroft Close, I looked up at the house. It was a beautiful Georgian building, but looked very tired. Grabbing the box of books from the car, I noticed that the garden was overgrown and the front door looked like it needed a lick of paint.
I knocked on the door and waited. And waited. After what seemed like five minutes but was probably not anywhere near that long, I went to turn to walk back to the car. If they couldn’t be bothered to answer the door, then I hadn’t got time to hang around waiting for them. Although, I did really, didn’t I?
‘I’m coming,’ I heard a muffled sound from behind the door and it eventually opened as far as the chain would allow it. ‘Hello?’ The wrinkled but once beautiful face of a little old lady peered at me from behind the door. ‘Can I help?’
‘Hello Mrs Darby. My name is Maddy and I’m here from the library community reach programme. I’ve brought you some books.’ The penny was finally starting to drop with me.
‘Ooh goodness me, how wonderful,’ she exclaimed. She shut the door and I could hear her taking the chain off. I balanced the box of books on one arm and showed her an ID badge I had on a lanyard with my free hand.
‘I don’t care who you are as long as you can cheer up my Ron.’ She smiled at me and then shuffled along behind her walking frame down the hallway into a kitchen.
‘Would you like a cup of tea, dear?’
I was about to say I didn’t have time. It was more of a habit than anything else, and I realised that I did have time. All the time in the world. I had no other plans today and, just maybe, having a chat and a cuppa with this lady might brighten her day. And it felt good to be doing something for someone else for a change.
‘Yes please, that would be nice,’ I replied but as she was clearly struggling to lift the kettle and manoeuvre around her walking frame, I took it from her.
‘Let me. Why don’t you sit down and let me make you one, Mrs Darby.’
‘Ooh my dear, how lovely. I can’t remember the last time someone made me a cup of tea. Thank you. And please, call me Leila.’ She plonked herself down onto one of the kitchen chairs and directed me to the cups, spoons and teabags. ‘We’ll take one up to Ron if that’s ok. It’s been a while since his last one. Can’t let him have too much to drink, it’s so much trouble to get him out of bed and into the bathroom.’ She laughed. ‘It wears us both out.’
We chatted easily as the kettle boiled. Leila told me that she and Ron were childhood sweethearts and had been married for seventy-five years. They were both ninety-six. They had two grown-up children, with families of their own, giving them five grandchildren but they all had busy lives and they didn’t live in the local area so weren’t able to help out much.
My heartstrings twanged when I thought about how little I knew about my own grandparents. Mum had told me that they had a falling out years ago and she flatly refused to talk about it, so over the years I just stopped asking. While I respected her decision, it was my life that was affected too and I wondered again whether were there still people out there related to me, struggling along in their lives? Or had they left this world already? Would I ever know? Did I have a whole family still to be discovered? And would I ever discover them, or would my questions go unasked and unanswered for the rest of my life? Mum and I were a family, and a great one, but I always wondered about the people that I’d never met.
I made tea for three and carried the tea tray to the foot of the stairs where a stair lift took over the bottom of the hallway. Leila shuffled down the hallway and suggested that she made the journey first, then send the chair back down, and I would rest the tray on the top of the box of books and send it up again. Leila laughed as she alighted the stair lift at the top of the stairs. ‘Bloody slow but it does the trick. And as Ron used to fart with every footstep on the way up, it’s way more pleasant than following him up. Don’t get old dear, it makes you very windy!’ She winked at me.
‘Nearly there, Ron my love. Make sure you’re decent. I have a young lady with me who doesn’t want to see your wrinkly old soldier hanging out of your pyjama bottoms thank you very much.’ She grabbed another walking frame, on the landing, and I squeezed past the stair lift as it made the trip with the books and tea.
Leaving the box of books for a moment, I carried the tea tray into the room that Leila had disappeared into, where she told me to put it down on an old oak dressing table.
‘Just the job,’ came a man’s deep voice from behind the door.
‘And you must be Mr Darby. Good morning. I’m Maddy.’
‘Ron, my dear. Mr Darby makes me feel old!’ He winked. ‘Hello Maddy, what brings you to Glasscroft Close this morning? Not that I’m complaining about getting visitors. We don’t get many these days, do we Leil?’
Leila plonked herself on the bed next to her husband, and took his hand in hers and patted it, her eyes full of love, as she shook her head gently. A lump formed in my throat. When I was younger my dream was to grow old with Alex, and then when I met Jamie, I thought it would be us. But now, it’s just me. All alone.
Remembering the books, I scooted back to the landing and returned with the box and put it on the edge of the bed.
Ron’s eyes lit up like the Blackpool illuminations and a grin spread literally from ear to ear. ‘Ooh, you’ve brought books. Do I get to choose one?’
‘Not one, they’re all for you if you want them. There’s a selection of the genres that the library ladies know you read.’
‘Goodness me! All of them?’ Ron looked like a child in a sweet shop. ‘Are you sure? All of them. There must be twenty books in that box. Really?’
My heart warmed to the happiness that was etched on his face as he started to search through the box and there were oohs and aahs coming from him as he started to take them out and read the blurb on the backs, with his glasses perched on the end of his nose.
‘As you can see, Ron is mainly bedridden and we can’t get to the library these days, so someone suggested that the library could come to us. We normally have a lovely young lady called Beth deliver our books.’
‘Ah, Beth is my best friend, but she’s not able to get around much at the moment as she’s had an operation. I’ve known Beth all my life.’
‘Such a lovely girl. What she has done for us, has given us both a new lease of life. We’re both avid readers and because we don’t have a fat lot else to do in the day, we devour books. We’re both very lucky to be blessed with good eyesight, which is unusual at our age, and which we are so grateful for, as reading is our escapism. I don’t think people realise how important this community service from our library is to people like us. You’ve made us so happy, Maddy. If you hadn’t have come, we might not have been able to get any more books til
l Beth was better, and I’m not sure how long that might be. Please do give her our love won’t you. And Maddy, we honestly can’t thank you enough. We can’t get out much into the world anymore, but books bring the world in here to us.’
What a lovely way to look at reading, I thought.
‘Is there anything else I can do for you while I’m here?’ I asked. Ron looked at Leila, and raised his eyebrows but she shook her head.
‘No it’s fine, thank you, you’ve done more than enough already,’ Leila replied.
‘It’s no problem, honestly. I have a day of no plans, so make the most of me while I’m here.’
‘Well there is something, dear, if you really wouldn’t mind. On top of that wardrobe is a small suitcase, which I’d love you to get down if you can reach it. I keep meaning to climb up on that bedroom stool, but Ron keeps telling me I’m not to.’
Being tall was something that used to drive me mad when I was at school. I used to get picked on and called ‘lanky legs’ and I hated it. But right now, it came in very useful as I reached up above the wardrobe and pulled the suitcase down, along with a cloud of dust. Ron started to cough, and Leila asked me to open the window a tad. ‘Come on Ron, steady on. You know when you cough like that you have to concentrate and control your bodily functions.’
Leila turned to me and giggled. ‘Honestly my dear, at our age, anything can happen.’
He took in some fresh air and got his breath back as she gently patted his back. He took a sip of his tea and I pulled the window to again, so that he didn’t catch the draught.
We chatted easily while we drank the tea. I thought they were a lovely couple. Looking at my watch, I noticed that an hour had passed since I’d arrived, so I collected the cups, took them downstairs and swilled them in the old Belfast sink, leaving them on the side to drain. I gave the sides a wipe down with the dish cloth. Leila might think their eyesight was good but an extra wipe would get rid of some of those crumbs that had been left behind.
When I popped back upstairs to say goodbye, Leila had climbed back onto the bed and was lying next to her husband, snuggled into his shoulder. Ron took my hand in his. ‘Thank you Maddy, you really have made my day. I’m so looking forward to reading these books. I love a good murder, the more gruesome the better. And Lei loves all these bloody daft romances that you’ve brought her too. Hope there’s no saucy books in there. I don’t want her getting ideas and ravishing me. I don’t think my heart is up to it these days.’ He winked at me and she just laughed at him.
‘I cannot thank you enough. This suitcase is full of photographs and we’re going to spend the day looking through them. What a delight.’
‘Is there anything else I can get you?’ I asked.
‘No thank you dear,’ smiled Leila as she patted her husband’s hand. ‘I have everything I will ever need right here in this room.’
I swallowed down another lump in my throat and thanked them for their time. They thought I’d done them a huge favour, when in fact, it was totally the other way round. Letting me into their life was a true reminder that what to some was just a small task in a day, could be the most important thing in someone else’s world. If only more people knew about this service. There must be lots of people like the Darbys, who needed company and would like someone to pop some books into them. I could really appreciate the value of the community outreach programme now I had seen the joy it could bring for myself.
Today, in just a short time, I felt like I had done something worthwhile. I hadn’t felt that sense of satisfaction since being made redundant.
I offered to let myself out, so that they didn’t have to move and as I picked up the box of books to be returned and closed the front door gently behind me, I heard Leila and Ron reminiscing over treasured memories and years gone by.
* * *
As I closed the gate, I looked again at the overgrown garden and mused about what a beautiful house and garden this must have once been, when a thought popped into my mind. Young Russell from the kennels was always saying that he wanted to earn some extra cash; he was hard working and keen. I wondered whether he might like to come and mow the lawn and give the garden a tidy-up. I was sure they’d appreciate it. I’d be happy to pay him to do it; it would be my treat to the Darbys for brightening up my day and showing me what love could be.
My mind was working overtime as I drove back to the library although I was returning with a lighter heart than when I left first thing this morning.
Father. It was a strange word to me. My biological father had never been a real father to me. He’d certainly never been a dad. I wondered whether the word ‘father’ really applied to him at all.
Even though Mum and I had never talked about him for years, it hadn’t stopped me wondering about him and imagining what it would be like if I ever met him. I didn’t even know if I’d ever want to. He came to me in dreams quite often, although I could never see his face. I walked past people in the street and wondered if he looked like them. Perhaps I looked like him. Did I resemble my half siblings – if I had any? Was there a whole new family out there that I knew nothing about?
And then there was Mum to consider. How would she feel if I ever did want to contact him? Did she ever wish that I hadn’t come along and spoilt everything for them? Would they have stayed together? I wondered if she regretted having me. Would they have eventually had a different family? Would they be like the adorable Darbys that I’d just left? It was all totally mind-blowing when I opened myself up to the questions.
Perhaps I needed to open a new notebook and start a new list with all my questions in it. It might be cathartic to get them all out of my head. It was giving me a headache and also sleepless nights.
But did I really want to know the answers to my questions? While it was still all unanswered, I didn’t have to deal with it. And let’s face it; I’d managed for this long perfectly well without a dad, so I didn’t really need one. I had Mum, after all, and she’d been everything to me all my life even though I’d neglected her in the latter years. I suppose there was a part of me that made me totally self-sufficient, the same way that Mum did, as that seemed to be the only way that you wouldn’t get hurt. I knew though in my heart that at some point, we’d need to talk more about it. It was just about finding the right time.
If only I had a name, I could have done some digging around on Facebook. But then again, if I found someone, it would open up a whole new can of worms. And was it really what I wanted? I could never undo it once I’d started, which was why I’d never gone further in the past. Maybe it was better just left buried.
Oh God! I just didn’t know. It was way too confusing for this mind to take right now. Good job really that I didn’t have to think about high-powered, executive work at the moment too as I’d never be able to concentrate.
Rebecca saw me struggling to balance the box of books. She came and held the door open for me, bringing me back to the present.
‘How did it go?’ she asked.
I didn’t seem to be able to stop myself as I burst into tears. I seemed to be so tearful lately.
‘Emotional isn’t it?’ She put her hand on my arm and guided me over to the office area behind the counter and made me a cup of tea.
‘They are such a lovely couple, and in their old age, they have everything they could ever want.’ I couldn’t find the words to explain how much the Darbys had melted my heart and made me feel really melancholy.
‘Thank you for your help today, Maddy. I did wonder whether we’d still be able to offer this service with Beth being off. I’m so grateful to you for stepping in.’
‘Is that it? Can I help some more? Can I do it again?’
Rebecca laughed. ‘Of course you can, Maddy. Let’s go and check the rota and see if there are any other visits this week that need covering. We truly are grateful for your help. We’ve just lost a support worker who has got a fulltime job, as well as Beth’s operation affecting us, so you coming along is perfect timing.’
‘It’s me who should be thanking you, Rebecca. Today has really helped me to feel valuable again. Since I was made redundant, I’ve struggled to find my place in the world again. I only knew work. I was a proper workaholic, too. Would you mind if I took a look around the library while I’m here?’
‘Of course not. Help yourself. Are you a reader, Madison?’
‘I haven’t been for a long time. I used to read lots when I was younger. Always used to lose myself in a book. Perhaps I need to start reading again for pleasure. My mum is such an avid reader. I sometimes wonder how she ever gets anything done around the house, when she’s always got her nose in a book.’
‘Ah well there’s nothing better than a good book to take you away from everything. You should try it. You’ll see.’
I meandered around the library and chose three fiction novels to take home in different genres just in case I didn’t get on with them. One was a fluffy rom-com, another was described as heart-breaking women’s fiction and the other was a psychological thriller. I wasn’t promising to read them all, but I’d give it a go.
When I arrived home that lunchtime, I made myself a cup of tea, sank into the sofa and tucked my feet up. I covered myself with the mohair throw which was always on the back of the sofa – for decorative rather than practical purposes until now – and spread the books out on my lap, deciding which one to read first.
I promised myself just a few chapters, as I knew I had things to do but before I knew it, it was early afternoon and I needed to get a wriggle on as I was due over at Growlers at three p.m. for a few hours. For the first time in a very long while, sitting and losing myself in a book had felt relaxing yet at the same time exhilarating. I hadn’t thought of anything else for the last few hours, totally immersing myself in the story. Perhaps there was something to this reading lark after all.