by Kim Nash
‘Life isn’t about what you have Madison; it’s about who you are. And I couldn’t wish for a more wonderful daughter than you and I am so incredibly grateful that you have allowed me to be a part of your life. I couldn’t be more proud of the person that you are.’
I kissed his cheek, hugged him and told him that I’d see him very soon. He waited to make sure that I’d got in through my front door before he walked back to his car. As I went to shut the door, I hesitated. I opened the door and shouted after him.
My voice wobbled. ‘Wait!’
He turned towards me.
‘Goodnight Dad.’
He beamed at me.
‘Goodnight, Daughter.’
He blew a kiss and smiled. I beamed right back and closed the door.
* * *
So, that was Mum sorted. She and Theo were free to make a go of their relationship in any way they wanted. They had my blessing and they had to find their way forward the same way that Dad and I did. It still felt a bit strange to call him ‘Dad’, but it was good strange.
Now, it was my time.
Holding my breath, I dropped a text to Jamie, first thing the next morning, telling him that I’d like to see him that evening if possible so we could talk. Despite me asking him not to contact me until I’d made a decision and would get back to him, he’d been texting me on and off, asking me if I’d thought about his proposition. So I was quite surprised that it took him a while to text back, but when he did say he could be free, I asked him for his new address and said that I’d be there at seven p.m. tonight after I’d had my dinner. I didn’t want it to be any more than a chat at this point and I wanted to drive because I didn’t want to end up drinking and be persuaded to spend the night. I wasn’t ready to slip back into that just yet.
When I arrived, he buzzed me into the apartment, which was on the top floor of a four-storey block on a marina complex. He answered the door when I reached the top looking his usual dashing self, in a pair of beige linen trousers and a plain white t-shirt, designer of course. When asked what I wanted to drink, I chose coffee; I wanted some time to look around this place while he made it, and get a feel for Jamie and his home. I wandered over to the window and the view was breathtakingly pretty over the marina, the canal boats gently swaying on the water.
The apartment was all black and cream, and felt clinical. I thought about the muddy footprints that Baxter could have fun making on that carpet and smiled. I’d have to talk to Jamie about Baxter and see what he said. I couldn’t give him up now. He was my friend, furry or not.
Jamie returned and we sat facing each other across the coffee table.
‘Have you reached a decision, Maddy?’
‘I have, and yes, I’d love to come back and work for you, Jamie.’
He stood and punched the air. ‘Yes! Oh Maddy, I’m over the moon. When do you want to start? I’m so excited that you’ve said yes.’
‘And us, Jamie?’
‘Oh yes, and us too. I presumed that the two things go side by side.’
‘Well, perhaps they might one day. But I want to take things very slowly and see where it takes us. Is that ok with you?’
‘Of course, but please say that you’ll start your job anyway. I have so many ideas that we can work on together.’
‘Yes, I’ll sort out when Beth is going to be able to get back to work and we can firm up a date to suit us both. Hope that’s ok.’
‘Of course, I’m so excited that we’ll be working together, Maddy.’
His enthusiasm was infectious and he came around to my side of the table and took me in his arms. It felt a little forced, but I was sure I’d soon get used to it again before long. He went into the kitchen and I heard the fridge door open. He returned with a bottle of champagne and two flutes and popped the cork. ‘We must celebrate!’
‘Not too much for me, please, I’m driving.’
‘You don’t have to, Madison. You could stay.’
‘That’s not really taking it slow, is it Jamie? I’m sorry but I’m not ready for that yet. And I have to get back to Baxter too.’
‘Oh yes. Baxter.’
He handed me a glass which was full even though I’d asked for a small one. ‘I’m so happy darling, I really am.’
I realised that if we were to end up living together again at some point, we’d have to have a conversation about Baxter pretty soon. We came as a package these days and I wasn’t sure how Jamie would feel about that, but now didn’t feel like the right time to bring it up.
As I sipped the champagne, (I think I actually preferred G&Ts these days, even though we used to drink champagne all the time) I wondered whether Jamie was as happy at the fact that we were going to try again with our relationship, as he seemed to be about me being back in his business, but then batted away that thought as we started to make plans about our future together.
Chapter Twenty
After a few weeks of physio for Beth, saw her returning to work, and as the seasons changed, it was soon well into autumn, and after plenty of days of me walking Baxter in the forest and watches the trees shed their leaves, it was time for me to start my new job.
Alex very kindly offered to take me to pick up my new company car so I didn’t have to use public transport to get to my new office. It was only ten minutes in the car and as always when I was in close proximity to him, my heart rate increased and I got a little tongue-tied.
We chit-chatted about life and I tried to inject some enthusiasm into taking over in my new job but to be totally honest, I was struggling.
Stopping at a service station along the way, Alex filled the car up with fuel and as he went in to pay, I watched him walk away from me. I felt like he’d spent my whole life walking away from me.
As he got back into the car and switched the ignition on, his car system told him that he’d missed a call, and that his voicemail was calling him. Sophie’s voice rang out from every speaker in the car.
Hi Alex it’s me. I hope you have found Madison and told her how you really feel.
Alex looked absolutely mortified and desperately started pressing every button he could to stop the call, but it wouldn’t stop playing.
I can see it in your eyes every time her name is mentioned. I can see it more than ever when you are in the same room. You can’t take your eyes off her. I know that you’ve tried to fight it and just be friends and I know that in your own way, you’ve tried to make our relationship work but if there are three people when there should only be two, it can never work.
Alex was frantically swatting at every button to turn it off but still her voice went on.
Thank you for letting me go to make a new life for myself. I will always love you, Alex, but it was never quite enough and your heart never fully belonged to me. Go get your girl, my love. Life is too short to have regrets. Be happy and take care.
I could not believe what I had just heard. That wasn’t right! Alex had never been interested in me in that way – he proved that by going off to America to be with Sophie. I looked up at him and he was staring ahead in horror. His face was bright red and he was sweating.
‘God it’s hot in here,’ he said and put all the windows down. ‘We’d better get you to your new job.’
‘But Alex—’
‘Just leave it, Mad. Please.’
We spent the rest of the journey in total silence, Alex continuously taking one hand off the steering wheel, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. I kept sneaking glances at him, willing him to look across at me, but he just stared ahead. A few times, I went to speak, but thought better of it.
My head was in a total spin when I got to the office. When I got out of the car, Alex said he’d hang around for a bit until he knew everything was sorted out and to make sure that everything was ok with the company car before he drove off.
When I arrived, Jamie was waiting for me in reception and led me up a flight of stairs and through into a main boardroom which was full of around fifteen peo
ple. There was a bottle of champagne on the table and I walked in to a round of applause. Jamie tapped the side of his glass with a spoon.
‘Can I have your attention please, ladies and gents. I’d like to officially welcome Madison Young into our company today. I can’t tell you how delighted I was when she agreed to be on the board of directors here with me. And I can’t tell you now how delighted I am to ask Maddy to make me the happiest man in the world and agree to be not just my business partner, but also my wife.’
Shock and horror were my very first emotions as he made his announcement. Embarrassment came next as he went down on one knee and produced a black velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it. There was the most exquisite diamond ring I had ever seen. I looked around the room and all these faces were staring back at me in anticipation. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t get my breath. A whoosh of air hit me and my head started to spin. That was when I passed out.
I came round to hushed whispers and found I was sitting on a seat next to an open window with people fussing around me. I asked someone to get my handbag and I rummaged around inside for some tissues. My hand touched something plastic and I smiled as I took a poo bag from my handbag. Oh how my life had changed over the last three months. Where I was once happy in Louboutins, I was now so much happier in wellies. Where I was once so taken with Mulberry handbags, I was now happier to see poo bags. Even now I was back in the world of work of PR where I once felt I belonged, I still felt like there was something missing.
I turned to the window and took some big gasping breaths and that was when I saw him.
Alex was still standing, leaning with his back against his car, smouldering and tapping away on his phone. He’d been a big brother figure all my life and I’d always looked up to him. But that message from Sophie blew my mind. What if he really did love me? What if she had spoken the truth?
Jamie coughed and broke the spell. ‘How are you feeling, darling? I’m sorry I shocked you. I think we’re all still waiting for your answer though.’
A pressure was crushing against my chest and I turned to the window once more. Alex looked up. We locked eyes. For a moment, time stopped. I grinned at him. He grinned back.
My tummy did that very jittery thing that it did every time he looked at me in that way. It was like a rocket had just launched in my heart. And I realised exactly what was missing from my life. Him.
‘I’m so sorry Jamie, but I just can’t do this. Any of this. I really am sorry.’
I picked up my things and walked out of the boardroom past enquiring faces and practically ran down the stairs, feeling so much better as I walked out of the reception doors towards Alex, taking in once more just how totally unaware of exactly how handsome he was. He held his hand out to me and I took it. Our fingers linked and intertwined. Our hands fit together perfectly.
I moved nearer, and grabbed him by the lapels, pulling him close, until there was no space between us, and reached up on tiptoe. This was the moment that I had dreamed of so many times. My lips brushed softly against his. A shiver ran down my spine as the bristles of his stubble gently scratched against my chin and his arms wrapped around my back. Our lips moulded together in perfect sync. We kissed, soft and slow. A low moan escaped from him and I pulled away and looked deep into his eyes.
Alex pulled the clip from my hair and ran his fingers through it, shaking it loose. ‘That’s better.’
‘I love you, Alex Millington. I always have and I always will. Why didn’t I just marry you and have your babies twenty years ago?’
He took my face in his hands and his thumbs caressed my cheeks, this man that I had loved for the whole of my life. He kissed me back tenderly at first, but then more passionately. I was sure he was totally oblivious to the fact that a billion and one fireworks were exploding in my heart when he replied, ‘It’s never too late!’
Epilogue
Three months later
Beth turns to me and I hand her the angel. The last two hours have been spent decorating the seven-foot-high Christmas tree, which I have to say is looking absolutely stunning in the corner of the lounge in the farmhouse. Flames flicker in the open fire, and a garland entwined with fairy lights adorns the huge wooden mantelpiece. Beth kisses the angel, stands on the stepladder and reaches to place her on the top of the tree.
‘Merry Christmas, Mum,’ she whispers.
I offer her my hand and she very carefully lowers herself to the ground. She’s doing really well but I know she’s still got some way to go. She’s so happy in her new relationship with Dan and he’s helping her massively with her recuperation. Once they’d got round the ethical issue of him having a relationship with a patient, and his boss had suggested that he passed her on to another physio, they’d been inseparable.
‘Go on then, turn on the lights,’ I say.
The tree lights up beautifully, twinkling brightly and the glass baubles hanging off the tree create sparkly patterns on the ceiling. A sudden loud bang makes us both jump, as we’re plunged into darkness, the only light coming from the fire.
‘What the bloody hell…?’
Uncle Tom and Alex fling open the door and barge into the lounge where Beth and I are giggling.
‘It’s only a fuse, I’m sure. I’ll go and check.’ Beth opens the bureau door and grabs a candle, going over to the fire to light it and walks into the hallway to find the fuse box.
Hands caress my back and work their way down to my bottom.
‘I do hope that’s you, Alex Millington, and not your father.’
His breath is hot against my ear. ‘I could do anything I want to you now and no one apart from you and I would ever know.’ A moan escapes his lips and I can feel that’s he’s turned on.
We spring apart like two teenagers being caught out as the lights come back on and we notice that a bulb in one of the side lamps is not on. Alex adjusts his trousers and it makes me smile.
‘Just a faulty bulb then,’ Uncle Tom explains. ‘Good job it was nothing more serious; I don’t know how we’d cook that massive turkey in the morning otherwise.’
Tomorrow is a big day and now that the tree is done, and the vegetables all prepped, we can go bed.
* * *
‘Happy Christmas gorgeous,’ he whispers into my ear as he presses up against my back.
‘Is that a pistol?’ I laugh at him and he flips me over and grins as he pins me underneath him. He kisses me tenderly and then more passionately. God, I love this man. The last three months have been the most incredible time of my life. My body tingles as he gently nudges my knees apart with his and I glance over at the bedside clock.
‘Shit!’ I push him off me and jump out of bed. ‘Alex, it’s seven a.m. I needed to get the turkey in at five! I must have slept through the alarm. If I don’t go and do it now, we won’t be eating Christmas dinner until ten o’clock tonight!’
‘Come back to bed babe, I’ve done it.’
I am confused, so he explains that he heard the alarm go off and because I looked so comfortable, he turned it off, left me sleeping, and followed the instructions I’d written on a note propped up on the kitchen table. He’d put bacon over the top of the turkey, seasoned it and stuffed it and had put it in the Aga.
‘Oooh you are wonderful.’
‘I know! And I’m so glad I did because now we can get back to what we started a minute ago.’ He grins at me. I love that grin, full of mischievousness and sexy as hell. I get back into bed and he kisses me. I forget all about the turkey.
There’s a knock at the bedroom door and it bursts open as Beth shouts ‘Coming in!’ and walks straight in with a tea tray and Baxter leaps onto the bed. Once more, Alex and I spring apart.
‘Oops, sorry! Hope I’m not stopping you getting some Christmas action there bro but I’ve brought you both a cuppa. Couldn’t sleep!’
‘Seriously, Beth. You did that to us once before at Mad’s eighteenth birthday party when I was just about to snog her. You were such an annoying little s
ister then, and some things never change, do they?’
‘Oh, you love me really! And you know it.’
I gaze at Alex. It’s the first time in nearly twenty years that he’s ever spoken of that night. So he does remember, after all.
‘Oh how our lives may have been different if you hadn’t interrupted us that night, sis. We might have been celebrating our china anniversary soon.’
‘Shove over!’ she says as she wriggles her way into bed with us, grinning inanely. This double bed was made for two, not three and a medium-sized dog who is now sprawled out upside down, letting it all hang out.
Mum and Theo stayed at the barn last night, so that we could all be together on Christmas morning, so Alex and I spent the night in his old room at the farm. Our first Christmas together as one big happy family.
We drink our tea and Alex tells Beth to bugger off back to her own room, while we get dressed. She does make me laugh. I’m so glad that she’s nearly made a full recovery from her operation. She’s very lucky and we’re so very lucky to have her in our lives.
‘Don’t think that I’ve forgotten what we were just about to do, young lady, I’ll be calling in my debts later!’ Alex winks at me suggestively, as he leaves the room. The smell of smoky bacon wafts up the stairs through the open door and my stomach rumbles.
I grab a quick shower; pull my hair into a ponytail and head on down to the kitchen where Uncle Tom is standing at the cooker, in a pinny, making a huge pile of bacon sandwiches. I grab one from the plate as I sweep pass him and kiss his cheek, wishing him a Merry Christmas.
‘I’m just going to go into the office and Skype Alice, will you all pop by and say hi? Come on, Bax.’