The Accident

by Donna M. Zadunajsky

  “I also know that you’ll follow me,” she mumbled under her breath, too low for him to hear.

  He tilted his head toward her to hear what she said, but he hadn’t caught the words. “I have to leave for work so standing here discussing my traveling for work isn’t going to get me dressed and out of the house,” he said. Ben removed his cup and placed another ceramic cup in its place for Kaitlyn. He added two sugars, stirred and held it out to her as if they hadn’t been arguing. As if he were going to let her off the fucking hook. This thought made him chuckle inside. Kaitlyn didn’t deserve to be let off the hook. No, she needed to learn to watch her mouth before speaking. Hasn’t she learned a fucking thing these past four years? Apparently not! he thought.

  He watched as her shoulders fell back, her face relaxing, which told him that she thought he wouldn’t hurt her for causing this argument first thing in the morning and on a weekday, making him late for work. He hoped that she was done nagging him about when he was going on the road again. What did it matter to her?

  She stepped forward, reached out a shaky hand, and took the coffee cup from him. He watched as she hesitated before bringing it up to her lips. In one swift move, Ben swung his arm in the air, knocking the coffee cup from her hands. The ceramic cup flew into the air, then fell to the floor, shattering into numerous small and large pieces and spraying coffee everywhere. He grabbed her by the neck and pushed her up against the cabinets. His hand squeezed her throat, cutting off all oxygen from entering her body.

  He felt a satisfaction as he watched her struggle to breathe. Her hands grabbed at his, but he clutched harder, making it more difficult for her to suspire. Her body went limp and she started to melt to the ground. He pulled her back up to a standing position.

  “Don’t you ever fucking start shit when I have to leave for work!” he spat in her face. “Now I’m going to be late. I hate being late! Next time I won’t be so kind. Actually, there better not be a next time, do you hear me, bitch?” He flung her head back, slamming it hard into the cabinet door, and then released his hand from around her neck. “Now clean up this fucking mess!” Ben turned and walked into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

  Fifteen minutes later, he came back out dressed in a polo shirt and khakis. He walked up to Kaitlyn, who was wiping off the counter, and whispered in her ear, “I love you.” He placed both hands on her hips, feeling her tremble beneath them; this made him feel warm all over. He turned her around, kissing her lips. “Have a nice day, honey,” he smiled. He loved knowing that she was afraid of him.

  She smiled back at him.

  The argument was dissolved just like that. He knew she’d get over it and forgive him. That’s what she did after he taught her not to ever talk back to him. At least for another week or two. She’d fuck up like she always did and say something she shouldn’t, and he’d have to show her another lesson. When was she ever going to learn?

  Kaitlyn was the world to him and he wanted nothing more than to make her happy. She had been his life since the day he’d met her in college, but it was her fault that he must hurt her like this. If she’d just keep her fucking mouth shut and do as she was told then none of this would happen. He wouldn’t have to hurt her. Did she think he liked doing this to her? Did she think he loved damaging her body and marking it with bruises?

  For once he was glad that she didn’t bring up wanting children again, something he didn’t want. Children were like leeches that sucked the fucking life out of you until you were dried up old prunes. When they became adults, they would still live with you, sucking money from your pockets because they were too lazy to work. He saw other people’s kids. He watched them on their phones instead of socializing with other kids their age. He wanted to snatch the phone right out of their precious little hands and make them talk like normal people. Besides, he knew what children did to women’s bodies and there was no way his Kaitlyn would look like a fat and hideous cow with saggy boobs and a belly that hung over her pants. He kissed her one more time, turned and walked out the front door.

  ~ ~ ~

  Since Ben had left later than usual, the traffic on I-55 was bumper to bumper. He glanced at the clock on the radio, 8:31a.m. He’d probably be late, which was something he never was, and it infuriated him. He was an on-time kind of person. He never cared for the people who had no sense of time or direction. He told people that if he were late, then something must have happened to him, and as usual it was Kaitlyn. He didn’t need to think about her right now and listened to his music.

  Twenty minutes later, he was driving through the streets of downtown Chicago with taxi drivers who had no respect for other drivers on the road. He wanted to fucking hit them because they sure didn’t care if they cut you off, making you stomp on your brakes and almost hit another car. He honestly hated the city. He was only here because Kaitlyn wanted to live in Illinois. She wanted to be close to her family and friends. Although he made sure he was in control of what they did, he on occasion let her have her way. But not always.

  He entered the parking lot near Willis Tower where he worked and parked the car. The drive exhausted him more each day, but he’d never admit that to anyone. It was probably from the argument this morning or just a cold coming on, making his head feel dizzy and his eyes blurry. He took in a deep breath and grabbed the steering wheel, squeezing until his knuckles turned white and let go. It was his way of releasing the remaining anger that brewed deep inside of him like a ferocious monster, which seemed to get worse over the last few years.

  Once in the elevator, he rode to the fiftieth floor. He hated elevators too, and how they shook and sometimes jerked, making you think that the cables were going to snap, and you would plummet to your death, but he had no control over what the elevator was going to do, and there was no way he was taking the stairs. The moment the elevator doors opened, he immediately stepped out, his ears filling with the sounds of people talking and phones ringing. It wasn’t music to his ears; maybe that’s why he loved being on the road so much. It gave him a chance to get away from the noise of the office. No, mostly he liked traveling because he honestly hated people. He hated being around them. They made him sick the way they talked and acted, thinking they were always better than everyone else. Talking about their stupid lives that he could give two shits about. He didn’t come here to listen to why their cat puked on their brand-new rug or that their teenage daughter was seeing a guy in college. There always seemed to be competitions between all the women too. Couldn’t everyone just live their own lives and stay the fuck out of everyone else’s? An image came to him. He saw himself walking out of the elevator with a rifle and shooting every one of them—now that would make his day.

  He walked past several of the cubicles and stopped when he came to his. He set his briefcase beside the desk and sat down. He placed his head in his hands, pressing his palms into his eye sockets to help relieve the discomfort. God, his head fucking hurt. He opened the drawer next to him and pulled out a bottle of Advil, shaking four into his palm. He hated taking pills, but he hated pain more. He never let Kaitlyn see that he was in pain. He hid it from her the best he could. He hated doctors as much as he hated people, and if he could help it, he wouldn’t go see one. He’d try to do the best he could to make the pain go away on his own.

  “Hey Ben,” Jerry said, as he peered around the side of the next cubicle. “Running a little late this morning?” he snickered. “That’s not like you. Everything oookaay?”

  Ben hated how Jerry always stretched the last word he said out like he was singing a song. Ben tossed the pills in his mouth and washed them down with a bottle of water on his desk that had been sitting there for two days. He was never a big water drinker, mostly Vodka or Gin, but he couldn’t have that here at work. Though it’d probably make the day more interesting. He chuckled inside at the thought.

  Ben didn’t look up at Jerry. He didn’t feel like talking to him, but he had to acknowledge the man or Jerry would keep bothering him. He j
ust lifted his achy head nodded and smiled. “I’m fine.” Then he turned his chair away from the guy and clicked on his computer. He knew that Jerry would get the hint because it was what all the people around the office did when Jerry was around. Jerry would be at the top of his list if he were to ever go postal on this place.

  Ben wasn’t in the office five minutes when his boss, Tom Butka, called his desk phone to tell him that he needed to talk to him in his office pronto. It was as if he knew telepathically that Ben was in the building. Ben stood and walked to the far side of the room, looking straight ahead at his boss’s office. There was no way for Tom to know that Ben was here because all the blinds were closed, and the door was shut.

  “Don’t overthink it,” Ben mumbled to himself as he walked. “Tom won’t fire you for being late one time.” He raised his hand to knock on the door, but Tom had somehow known he was already there before he had the chance to touch the door.

  “Come in, Ben,” Tom shouted through the closed door.

  Ben opened the door and went inside.

  “You feeling all right? You look a little ill, my friend,” Tom said, looking up and then back down at the papers on his desk before Ben had a chance to enter the room.

  Ben waved a hand in the air “I’m fine, really.” No, he wasn’t fine, but confiding in Tom wasn’t something he did. Besides, Tom didn’t give a crap how you felt as long as your work got done.

  “Great,” Tom replied without giving it another thought. “I need you on the road tomorrow morning.”

  Ben let out a breath of relief. “Where am I going?” It hit him at that moment. He would rather be out on the road than in this place. He had the freedom to do what he wanted, go where he wanted, and no one would know. No one would be there to annoy him, even his wife. He felt like his own boss being out on the road, though he hated being away from Kaitlyn. He couldn’t watch her like he wanted to and make sure that she was obeying his every wish, but that was why he had cameras and trackers placed around the house. All he had to do was go onto the app on his phone and see what she was doing and where she was. She might think she was smart and could hide things from him, but she couldn’t. He knew everything.

  “I need you to drive to Iowa and talk to the bosses over at the central bank. They’re hiring some new people to help run the Loans Department and I need you to be there for two days. Make sure they’re well cared for,” Tom said.

  Ben nodded. He knew the routine. Make sure that they were up and running with no flaws. He also knew that Kaitlyn wasn’t going to be happy when he told her tonight that he had to leave again. She would miss him, that’s for sure. She always told him when he arrived home or on the phone that she wished he was home. Maybe it was time that he stayed in the office and went home every evening. Maybe it would make her a better wife? For one he could control her better and keep her in line if he were home every night. But as the seconds ticked by, his chance was slipping out the door and poof, it was gone. He didn’t know what to do. Make his wife happy or himself? Would he be considered a bad husband if he chose to travel?

  “Great! Here’s some things you’ll need to read up on and I’ll see you on Thursday,” Tom said and went back to work.

  Ben grabbed the folder, turned and walked to the door. He stopped and did a half turn, looking at his boss who didn’t even seem to notice that he was still in the room. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself and left the office, closing the door behind him. He wasn’t feeling in the mood to talk to his boss about it yet. Besides, he needed to think about things and decide what was best for him, not Kaitlyn.

  Instead of heading back to his desk, Ben walked down the hall and into the restroom. The dizziness was coming back, and he felt as if he might fall over. Maybe he should tell Tom he didn’t feel up to the drive and to find someone else this time. Or maybe he should collapse and be taken to the hospital, so Tom wouldn’t think that he was faking it. No, he hated hospitals just as much as doctors and people.

  Tom didn’t like excuses and certainly wouldn’t take No for an answer so what other choice did he have? Ben had to go to Iowa, sick or not. He threw some cold water on his face and dried it with a paper towel. Then left the restroom and went back to work.

  By the time lunch came around he was feeling better. It must have been his nerves from this morning. He hated when Kaitlyn picked a fight during the week. He decided he’d take the trip and come up with a plan to talk to Tom when he got back—that was, if he decided to stop traveling. Ben would tell his boss that he wouldn’t take No for an answer. He wished that he could show everyone here that he was in charge like he did at home.

  But it was better to hide behind this person he had become since he was young. This person that had control of his wife. The people here needed to see him as a kind and thoughtful person, especially if Kaitlyn needed to be put in her place. He couldn’t lose everything he had worked so hard to achieve these past eight years.

  If Kaitlyn ever found out about what he had done nine years ago, he knew she’d be furious with him and he couldn’t have her finding out the truth. He’d need to hide the envelope in a safer place, maybe at the bank or in a safe. He couldn’t take the chance of losing her. Losing his Kaitlyn. Maybe he would try and have a baby with her. The thought made his insides turn. Hell no! He would not cave into having a child. He couldn’t even picture himself holding one and the baby crying. God, it made his head hurt worse than it already was. He’d make sure that she never had one of those because then there would be another him and he couldn’t let that happen.

  What if Kaitlyn decided to leave him because she wanted to have a child? He doubted this would ever happen.

  She was afraid of him…

  He controlled her…

  He owned her…

  She’d never be that stupid because he’d find her…

  3

  Adam sat up in bed and like he did every morning and every night, he looked at the woman in the photo sitting on the nightstand. He loved her so much and missed having her next to him.

  He raked a hand through his hair, something he had always done when he was having one of his headaches. Not that he had headaches all the time, just the last couple of months, along with some dizziness. He figured that the headaches were from the war and the explosion he’d been in back when he was in the Army, but that was years ago. The doctor had told him it might take months, even years before side effects show after a head injury. Or, he might not have any at all. He wasn’t so lucky.

  He climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a quick shower, he felt like himself again. He got dressed and went into the kitchen. The coffee pot that was set on a timer sputtered, bursting steam from the top before coming to a stop. He grabbed a coffee mug and poured himself a cup, his black chrome ring hitting the side of the cup and echoing through the room. The ring was a gift from an old girlfriend that he refused to let go of. The same one from the photo. He loved her more than anything and wished she hadn’t said goodbye.

  He went to the fridge and took out eggs and bacon. Although he preferred the bacon cooked on the stove in a frying pan like his mom had always done, he didn’t have the patience for that and bought the microwavable kind.

  Today, he made two eggs over-easy with a slice of toast and three slices of bacon. He placed the plate on the table and grabbed his coffee cup before sitting down at the kitchen dinette, a table he’d found at a consignment store here in the town of Edon. Actually, he’d found most of his furniture at the consignment store. They were practically brand new, which surprised him because someone else had owned them before him and had taken great care of the furniture.

  One thing about Edon, it wasn’t an overly populated town. There weren’t many stores aside from the ones people needed to survive in this town. A small grocery store and gas station were all they had, and a few other small stores, like the consignment store where he’d bought his furniture. If you needed more than a few
groceries, then you would need to drive into Franklin, where there was a Walmart, Target, Home Depot, and a Best Buy, etc.

  He’d grown up here and had decided to stay and call it home. Besides, his mother lived close by and he wanted to be near her. His father, on the other hand, had left after Adam graduated high school. Neither Adam nor his mom had known that Adam’s father was cheating on his mother—some younger woman from the office where Adam’s father worked. Said he didn’t love Adam’s mom anymore and it was time to move on. His father moved to North Carolina and Adam hadn’t seen him since. That was nine years ago.

  Adam cleaned his plate and silverware and placed them in the strainer to dry. He was never one to leave dirty dishes lying around the house. His mother had taught him better than that. For a man, his home was neat and clean. Not a thing out of place and he would know if it were; the Army had taught him that.

  He poured another cup and went outside and stood on the back porch that over looked Lake Erie. He loved the breeze that came off the lake in the mornings, but come winter time when the snow fell, it was a bitch to get around in this part of town. Lake effect, they called it. Would throw over four feet or more at your doorstep and you’d be trapped for a day or two. Most people around this area closed their homes and went south for the winter or someplace away from the lake. But Adam stayed because this was his home and would always be his home.

  Adam inhaled the fresh, warm air. He was thankful for the long weekend. Adam loved his job as a teacher. Ninth graders were at times hard to teach as they entered teenage life. This was what he loved the most about his life. Teaching was something he had dreamed of since he was a teenager, although his father thought that it was a stupid career to have. “There’s no money in teaching,” his father had once told Adam. But Adam didn’t teach for the money, he taught because it filled his heart with joy. Besides, his father wasn’t around and didn’t get a say in what Adam did with his life, and that was just fine with Adam.