The Accident

by Donna M. Zadunajsky

  She climbed into the elevator and rode to the ground floor, where she spotted the cafeteria the moment the doors opened. She wasn’t hungry until she smelled the scent of eggs and bacon, surprised that she hadn’t felt sick this morning. Just two weeks ago she’d found out that she was carrying a baby and was hugging the toilet.

  She took small steps as she slid her tray along the metal bars, looking at the hot plates of food. She grabbed one and placed it on her tray and stopped when she reached the coffee machine. After paying, she glanced around the room for an empty seat and saw one against the wall. Most everyone in the room was either a doctor or nurse; a few were visitors here to see their loved ones, though it was early in the morning and people were probably at home just waking up.

  Kaitlyn sat and added a couple of Splendas to her coffee and stirred. She placed the cup to her lips and blew away the steam before taking a sip. Once the hot liquid made its way down her throat, she felt almost human again. Her thoughts were still on her husband lying upstairs. She wondered when they would move him to a different room, out of the ICU. Maybe when he woke they would, then she could stay with him in the room all night.

  She hadn’t asked Officer Moore what happened, nor did Officer Moore volunteer any information about the accident. She went back to her thoughts. Who was she kidding? She didn’t have to play the loving wife game when no one was around. Her mind could think all it wanted about marriage and love and that she should stay with him, but she had already made the decision. She wasn’t planning on staying now that she was pregnant, but she couldn’t leave him while he was unable to take care of himself, could she? No, she’d wait until he was back on his feet again. God kept him alive for some reason or another. Maybe this will change him? Make him a better man? She almost laughed out loud at the thought.

  Did she really want to know about the accident and who was at fault for her husband lying upstairs unconscious? Yes and no. Maybe she was afraid to know what happened. Maybe she already knew and once the truth was out she’d know that he had caused it. Now she was speculating without even knowing the facts. The accident must have happened right after they’d gotten off the phone. She knew this because Ben had said he just entered Ohio and Officer Moore said it was early yesterday morning. Which meant as anal and controlling as Ben could be, he was driving while talking on the phone. Which meant he probably wasn’t paying attention to the road. She didn’t know, but the next time she saw Officer Moore, she’d make it a point to ask her.

  She set her cup down and started picking at her food. Her belly growled and gurgled when the food entered her stomach. The baby is hungry, she thought, but knew she or he was too small yet to want food. She smiled and rubbed her belly under the table where no one could see her.

  When she finished, she threw away her garbage and placed the tray on the cabinet with the rest. She got back in the elevator with her coffee and exited on the fourth floor. Her eyes were drawn immediately to the police officer talking to one of the nurses at the counter. It wasn’t the same one from last night because this one was a white man not a black woman.

  She stepped over to the wall and pressed her back against it. Was she having a panic attack? Her breath was caught in her throat. She swallowed and closed her eyes, taking in another slow breath. Her shoulders fell back, her body relaxing with every breath going in and out of her lungs. She opened her eyes, looking in the direction of the officer, and her body began to tremble again. Why did she feel that they were looking for her? They could be here for anyone. Besides, she hadn’t done anything wrong. They wouldn’t know about Ben abusing her, but what if they knew he caused the accident and were going to charge him? Why was she even assuming that he had caused the accident? Maybe it was someone else. Her mind was spinning out of control. Why was she thinking these things? She didn’t care what happened to him.

  She stayed near the wall as she picked up her pace, keeping her eyes to the ground. Once she went through the sliding glass door she focused her gaze at the door of Ben’s room, hoping that she looked invisible. Once she slipped into the room she closed the door behind her and pressed her back against the cold metal.

  She relaxed and looked straight ahead at Ben. Had this been all his fault? Part of her wanted to know, but the other half, not so much. Besides, he was the only one in the accident so why would he get into any trouble? Again, why was her mind thinking all these things? It was just an accident, period!

  She walked to the bed, setting her coffee cup down on the night table next to the bed. It was Saturday, but she still needed to let her boss know that she might not—no, would not—be in school next week if Ben still didn’t wake up.

  She pulled out her phone and searched her contacts for Scott Flannigan, the principal of Lakeport High, and clicked on his phone number. She placed the phone to her ear and waited. When he didn’t answer, she left a brief message about what had happened, where she was, and her cell number where she could be reached.

  After ending the call, she looked at the battery life on her cell. Twenty-five percent wasn’t going to get her far if she stayed here all weekend. She dug in her purse for a charger, which she had because she would sometimes forget to charge her phone at night and would need to charge it when she was in her classroom.

  She dumped out her purse onto the end of the bed and found the charger. As she placed the items back in her purse she saw the manila envelope that she’d placed in her bag a week ago. The one she had found inside the locked drawer in the office. The one with Adam’s name written on it. She had put the envelope in her purse after she had gone through the contents because she wanted to show them to Ben at dinner yesterday and simply forgot about it, until now.

  She couldn’t believe when she opened the envelope that it was filled with letters from Adam when he was in the Army. Letters she had never received from him. Letters that were sent after she had received the Dear John letter from him. She had no idea how Ben had these. Had he confiscated her mail at the school? Had he been following her way before they had met on that rainy day eight years ago? Had he been stalking her the whole time? She felt nauseous just thinking about it. He had to have because she knew she had never seen these before. They were all dated after the Dear John letter and they were open, which meant Ben had read them.

  She spent several hours sitting on the floor in the office reading through each and every one of them with tears running down her face. He had said he loved and missed her and wondered why she hadn’t written him back. She retrieved the letters she had hidden away so Ben wouldn’t find them. The letters Adam had written her before the Dear John letter was sent and placed the letters side by side. That’s when she realized that the handwriting was different. Had Ben written the Dear John letter and not Adam? Adam probably thought that she didn’t want to be with him anymore because she hadn’t written him back. But wouldn’t he have received her last three letters pleading him not to do this, that she loved him? Or did Ben take them too? If he did, they weren’t in with the rest of the letters because she had gone through all of them. She had rummaged through the desk and found some papers with his writing on them and they did match the Dear John letter. This, she knew, was the last straw. She needed to confront him about the letters or just take her shit and get out. She had thought that Adam didn’t want her anymore but from reading the letters that wasn’t the case. Adam had wanted her more than anything.

  She looked down at Ben, who was lying comfortably in the bed. She was done after this. Once he was better, she was leaving him. She wasn’t going to sit back and wait for the day he wasn’t going to hit her again because she knew that day would never come. He had four years to stop, but each time was worse than the next. Each time made her hate him even more and she wanted nothing more than to kill him in his sleep, but she never did, too afraid to be sent to prison, but sometimes she thought if she could handle him beating her then what difference would it be if the women in the prison beat her too? Maybe she’d beat them up instead, lett
ing all her anger out on them from all the years of abuse. Then finding the letters? She had lost the love of her life because of him. To be honest, she wasn’t sure why she was here now; maybe she wanted to let him know she knew about the letters before she left him.

  She placed everything back inside her purse and set it on the floor next to the chair and looked for a plug-in that she could use that wouldn’t affect any of Ben’s machines. A conniving thought came to her that she should just unplug them all and let him die, but she wasn’t as cruel as he was. She couldn’t be liable for his death, could she?

  After finishing, she sat down in the chair and was startled when she heard a rapid beeping sound fill the room. She automatically looked up and over at her husband and saw that he was looking at her. Her hand flew to her mouth. “You’re awake,” she whispered. She thought about sitting there and doing nothing but decided that she should pretend that she cared and would play his game for just a little while longer. Long enough to know if he were the same Ben she had been married to all these years.

  She smiled at him and jumped out of her chair, nearly pushing it over with the back of her leg. Too much enthusiasm, she thought. She stood, leaned in and kissed him. “How are you feeling? Should I go get the doctor? Yes, of course, I should.” She laughed at herself, something she always did when she got anxious. She rambled on, answering her own questions. She stood and looked at him. “I’ll go get the doctor,” she said and left the room.

  16

  When he first saw her sitting there in the chair in front of him, she looked like an angel with the florescent lights beaming down around her body. There was something about her, but he wasn’t quite sure yet what it was. Had he seen her before? Was she someone close to him?

  He knew that he was in a hospital because he saw all the equipment around the room and he was lying in a bed. He could feel the IV needle in his right hand when he tried to move it.

  After the woman made a phone call, she stood and went through her purse, looking for something. When he thought that she was going to look at him, he closed his eyes, not wanting her to know that he was awake—at least, not yet. He wanted to know more about her and why she was here. Was she someone special that he couldn’t remember? A girlfriend maybe? Or a sister or an aunt? He didn’t see a ring on his finger, so she couldn’t be his wife. His thoughts were hazy, clouded with uncertain segments of his life. He squeezed his eyes closed, forcing himself to recall something, anything that put him here in this bed. This hospital.

  Nothing.

  He couldn’t recollect anything from his life. He wasn’t even sure where he came from, what town he lived in, who he was. The stress of his thinking made the machine next to the bed beep rapidly and the woman sitting in front of him looked up and into his bright blue eyes. When she smiled, her eyes lit up like nothing he had never seen before, or had he?

  “You’re awake,” she whispered.

  He wasn’t sure if she were sad or excited that he’d opened his eyes. But she did seem pleased to see him, didn’t she? He wasn’t sure and felt as if he were getting mixed signals from her. She leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Her lips felt warm on his and he didn’t want her to stop. It was a longing deep inside of him. Part of him remembered this feeling he was having. Something he had felt before, but he couldn’t recall when and with whom.

  “I’ll go get the doctor,” she said, then she was gone from the room.

  He tried to sit up, but his head felt fuzzy, so he lay back down against the softness of the pillow. His left hand touched the right side of his head and felt the bandage covering some of his face. His eyes fell on his leg that was in a sling, hanging from a pulley. He had broken his leg, but he wasn’t sure how. What happened to put him in the hospital? The days and months before seemed like a blur. Everything before these last few minutes seemed to not exist. The more he tried to think, the more his head began to hurt. He looked up at the ceiling; the brightness of the lights made him blink several times before he looked away and at the door of his room. The woman reappeared in front of him. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. This he was sure of.

  “The doctor will be here soon,” she said, sitting in the chair next to him.

  She gave him a faint smile, almost as if she was forcing herself. She reached for his hand and he felt her trembling. Her hand was shaking. Was she scared?

  Then a warm, tingly feeling coursed through his body, a sensation that made his heart beat faster. He didn’t want to look away from her. There was just something about her that made him feel alive. Something he was sure he had never felt before and if he had, when?

  “How are you feeling?” a nurse said when she came into the room holding a chart in her hands.

  For the first time since he woke, he opened his mouth to speak. “I feel fine.” His voice sounded scratchy and dry from the lack of saliva in his mouth and throat. He looked over at the angel-like woman next to him.

  “When will the doctor be here to see him?” Kaitlyn asked the nurse.

  The nurse looked at her watch on her right arm. “He’s making his rounds, but he should be here shortly,” the nurse replied. “If you ask me, doctors seem to show up for work whenever they feel like it, but don’t go telling the doctor I said that.” The nurse let out a sardonic snort.

  He listened to the conversation between the two women, especially the soft and gentle voice of the angel-like woman beside him. But it was the words the nurse said that caught his attention.

  “I’ll make sure that the doctor comes in as soon as I see him. You visit with your wife and I’ll be right back,” the nurse said before exiting the room.

  My wife, he repeated in his head. He was married to this beautiful woman beside him. He wanted so much to know her name. He wanted to know everything about her. Then it hit him: he didn’t even know his own name. His brain was foggy. The more he thought the more his brain started to hurt. It was worse than having a headache. Much much worse. The machine beside him started to accelerate, the numbers rising two digits at a time.

  “Are you okay?” Kaitlyn asked. “Do I need to get the nurse again?”

  He shook his head and closed his eyes. He took in slow, deep breaths and the machine began to drop in numbers. Once he felt calm and could talk, he did. “What is my name?” he asked the lady beside him.

  She looked up and into his eyes. Her face stiffened. Her eyes looked at his in a rapid motion.

  He couldn’t tell if she were saddened by what he’d asked.

  She replied, “Ben. Your name is Ben Gordon.” She sat looking at him. Her eyes gave him a cold stare.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. Before he could ask any more questions, the door to the room opened and in came a man wearing a white doctor’s coat.

  “Well, I see that our patient is finally awake. How are you feeling? Having any difficulties swallowing? Any headaches, dizziness?” The doctor spoke quickly, throwing out question after question.

  “Dizziness. No headaches, but my head does hurt if I try to remember what happened to me,” he replied quickly before the doctor could speak again.

  “Doctor?” Kaitlyn questioned. “Before you came into the room he asked me what his name was. What does that mean? Is there something wrong with his memory?”

  The doctor looked up from the chart in his hand. “He was in a terrible car accident and there was some damage to his head. Most likely he has some form of memory loss due to the accident, but I’ll order a CT scan just to be sure that there’s no swelling in the brain that may have developed since yesterday,” the doctor said. “We did have to remove a small metal fragment that was located near the side of his brain. Could’ve been from the accident.”

  “Could’ve been?” Kaitlyn questioned.

  “Yes, I didn’t see any opening in the area and it looked like scar tissue had formed around the metal object, so I would say it’s been there for a while.”

  Kaitlyn gave Ben a quizzical look.

  “But it�
�s not uncommon after the kind of accident he was involved in not to remember certain things. It might take him some time before things come back to him. But it’ll be helpful if you’re here to fill in the blanks.”

  Kaitlyn nodded. “Yes, of course.” Keeping her eyes on her husband, she smiled.

  “He’s awake and looks to be doing fine. I’ll put in the order for the CT scan and we’ll go from there.” The doctor wrote down some notes. “If the tests are normal, I’ll have him moved to a different room,” he said and then left the room.

  He had been looking at Kaitlyn the whole time the doctor was in the room. This beautiful person beside him was his wife. Someone he knew nothing about but felt like he’d known her forever.

  17

  Officer Moore smiled for the first time in a long time as she drove to the hospital. Officer Woods had gotten her to laugh and it felt good to let it out, something she hadn’t done much of lately. She hadn’t had time yesterday to go to the hospital, so she decided that she’d drive there first thing this morning.

  She parked the SUV and entered through the revolving glass doors of Edon Hospital. She didn’t bother to stop at the receptionist’s desk in the lobby because she already knew what room Ben Gordon was in.

  She stepped onto the elevator and rode up to the fourth floor. Once outside the ICU, Officer Moore felt a heaviness in her heart. She had stood just outside these doors a couple of years ago when her father had a triple bypass and had to be in the ICU ward. He had spent two nights in the ICU and they had allowed her to stay with him, not because she was in law enforcement, but more because they all had known and loved her father just as she had. He had passed away three days later.

  She inhaled a deep breath before walking toward the sliding glass doors of the ICU. The doors swooshed open and she stepped inside. The smell of disinfectant seemed to overpower her nose and she sneezed several times into the crease of her elbow. When she looked up, a couple of the nurses turned her way. They must have thought she was sick, but it was just the smell triggering her allergies.