The Accident

by Donna M. Zadunajsky

  He could see himself in combat and with other men in his unit. He could hear guns going off and men screaming in pain as bullets entered their bodies, leaving them immobilized. Then he himself flew through the air and his face was covered with small shards of metal and glass. His mind went black and then his mind flicked to images of Kaitlyn in her wedding dress. Her laughing and smiling. He could see it all so clearly, but it wasn’t him beside her holding her hand because he was standing off in the distance, watching from afar. Who was the man next to Kaitlyn if it wasn’t him? He had brown hair like himself. Possibly even the same height, but it wasn’t him. Kaitlyn and the man kissed and then got into a car beside the road. That’s when he drove off and almost caused an accident.

  Ben jolted awake, the sweat rolling down his face and neck. The sheets under him felt sopping wet. He blinked as he stared up at the ceiling. The dream seemed so real, but he knew it wasn’t a dream, but memories of his life coming back to him. He wasn’t sure if he were Ben Gordon; if not then who was he? Should he tell Kaitlyn of these thoughts that were coming to him? She could help him. Would she help him? Yes, of course, she would; why would he even think that she wouldn’t? The photos. If he were her husband, this Ben guy, he had beaten her, and she probably despised him, was afraid of him.

  He threw his leg over the edge of the bed and placed his good foot on the floor. He couldn’t wait to get this cast off, but six weeks was a long time away. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t his right leg. Driving wasn’t something he’d be doing anytime soon.

  He grabbed the crutches and went into the bathroom. He gave himself a sponge bath, because taking a shower would be a two-person job with his leg like this. He threw some water on his face and somewhat washed his hair. He undressed and threw his wet clothes in the hamper and grabbed some fresh ones from the dresser drawer. He felt exposed walking around naked with his junk freely swaying. What if Kaitlyn walked in and saw him like this? He couldn’t very well run and hide, but why would he? They were married. Husband and wife. Besides, it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him naked before, right?

  He struggled into the boxers, that he apparently wore, by sitting on the edge of the bed. He realized that he needed to put the broken leg in first because bending the knee in a cast was impossible. By the time he was finished, he’d worked up another sweat. He wiped off his forehead and neck with a washcloth before leaving the bedroom. He made his way into the kitchen, in search of Kaitlyn. He saw her sitting at the dining room table. The late afternoon light glowed around her as it poured through the window beside her. She looked like an angel.

  He wanted to, but he couldn’t tell her that he didn’t think he was her husband, but some stranger she’d brought home instead. The dreams, he knew, came from someone other than her husband, but he could be wrong. He didn’t know the life that Ben had before the accident. He didn’t know what their life was like. In his heart, he didn’t want to tell her because he didn’t want to lose her. But how could he lose her if he never had her to begin with? It was all too much to think about.

  He went to take a step toward her when his crutch slipped on something and he went flying forward. The crutch dropped to the floor with a clatter and he grabbed the counter with his free hand, keeping his bad foot from hitting the floor. Kaitlyn quickly scooped the letters on the table toward her before running to help keep Ben from falling.

  “Are you all right?” she asked.

  “Yeah, there must have been something on the floor that caught the rubber end of my crutch,” he half chuckled, feeling stupid for being such a klutz.

  He watched as she bent down and grabbed the metal crutch and handed it to him. He could tell that there was something wrong. Then he remembered that she was holding her cell phone at the table. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “I asked if you were okay? Weren’t you just on the phone?”

  She nodded. “Do you remember Officer Moore? She was the officer who came and asked you questions after you woke up.”

  “Yes. Was that her on the phone?” He leaned against the counter to rest his back. Kaitlyn must have noticed that he was uncomfortable.

  “Let’s go sit on the sofa where you’ll be more comfortable. I don’t need you hurting yourself again.”

  Once they were seated on the sofa, or he should say, she was sitting, and he was lying against the arm of the sofa after she had propped his leg up with pillows.

  “So, you were saying…” he said.

  “Yes, right. Officer Moore called and said that we need to be back in Ohio tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” she said, brushing a few strands away from her face and tucking them behind her ear. “It seems that there has been some new evidence in the case.”

  “What’s the new evidence?”

  “She didn’t say, only that we need to be in Ohio by tomorrow around noon. She said to go straight to Franklin Hospital. Said I would know as soon as we got there.”

  He nodded, but inside he wondered if he should be worried. What could this new evidence be that they had to drive all the way back to Ohio? Did Officer Moore know that he might not be this Ben guy they had thought he was? Or maybe it was about the accident. Was he involved somehow in the crash? Was he the cause of it? A chill ran through his body. He didn’t know answers to any of these questions but would soon find out.

  39

  Officer Moore sat in the fake leather-upholstered wooden chair in the lobby down the hall from where the brain-dead patient was. She’d just gotten off the phone with Kaitlyn, telling her that she needed to return to Ohio at once, and nothing more. She couldn’t tell her over the phone that the man in her house might not be Ben Gordon, her husband. Moore didn’t want to frighten Kaitlyn that there was some man, some stranger in her house. Moore knew and would bet her life that it was Adam Tucker with Kaitlyn and that Kaitlyn had nothing to worry about. Adam was a great guy; the whole town loved and cherished him. He was polite, sweet, and the nicest man she’d met. He fought in the war and came back in one piece, which was more than Moore could say about the other men and women who fought in the war. So that’s why she didn’t tell Kaitlyn to run or get to Ohio this evening.

  Moore had one more thing she needed to do, and that was to talk to the young woman who was standing in the doorway right now. Moore looked up at Leah and motioned for her to sit down beside her. She wasn’t sure how this was going to go or what words would come out of her mouth. She hadn’t had time to prepare a speech because she didn’t think this day would ever come. She had given up all hope of ever finding her daughter.

  Leah walked over and sat down next to her. She could smell the fresh scent of perfume lingering from Leah. “Leah, that’s such a pretty name,” Moore said, controlling her excitement at finally meeting her daughter.

  “Yes, my mother and father gave it to me,” Leah replied bitterly.

  Moore recoiled in her seat, feeling the sting of Leah’s words. She knew this wouldn’t be easy and prayed that she wouldn’t lose her daughter again after finally finding her. “I’d like to meet them sometime,” Moore said, “but only if you want me to.”

  “My dad passed away and my mother lives in Naples, Florida now. Besides, what makes you think you can just waltz into my life after all these years? What makes you think that we will have any kind of relationship?” Leah snapped.

  She was angrier than Moore thought she’d be. Moore felt as if a knife had punctured her heart from the words Leah had just said. Not that she didn’t deserve it, but she wanted to explain. Explain why she did what she did and that she was sorry for giving her up. But she knew Leah was angry at her for what she did so many years ago.

  “Why? Why did you not want me?” Leah asked. “What did I do that was so terrible that you didn’t want me?”

  And there it was. The same questions Moore knew her daughter would one day ask her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t ever think that you did,
” Moore pleaded. “I was young, and it was a decision I’ve had to live with for twenty-seven years.”

  “Did you ever come looking for me?”

  Moore smiled. “Yes, every day from when you were a baby and as you grew up, I looked at the faces of young women your age, but I wasn’t sure what you looked like.”

  “I apparently look like you,” Leah hissed back.

  “Yeah, I can see that. So…” Moore hesitated. “So, you’ve lived in Franklin this whole time?” God, I can’t believe she was an arm’s length away and I didn’t know, Moore thought. The more she looked at Leah the more she could see Roland in her too. Leah’s eyes were more like his than Moore’s eyes, but she definitely had Moore’s smile and the curve of her face. Leah was slim like Roland, with long, thin legs. Thank God she doesn’t have my hips, Moore thought and almost laughed out loud at the thoughts running through her head.

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t go to Franklin much since my dad died. Your grandfather,” Moore said.

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What about your mom? My grandmother?” Leah asked.

  “She passed away when I was young. Never had the chance to know her.”

  “I guess we have something in common then.”

  More bitter words shot through the air. She knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but the day arrived, and she needed to face it head on. No more running away from the choices she’d put in motion all those years ago. Moore looked up from her hands that were resting in her lap. She always had the tendency to wring her hands together when she was in a situation that was uncomfortable or new to her. It was like she had to have something to do while she was waiting for the matter at hand to be resolved. She heard the hurt in the words Leah just said and it pained her, making her rub her hands more aggressively. She wanted to get out of here because she needed time to think things through. Leah needed time to register all that had happened within the past hour, too.

  “Moore,” Woods said from the door. “We have to get back to the station. Chief wants to have a meeting with the department.”

  Moore nodded. “Okay, be right there,” she said before she looked back at Leah.

  “Guess you have to leave?”

  “Yeah, but I want to get together with you, but only if you want to. I don’t want to be a nuisance. I know you have a life and a job and I’m not anyone important,” Moore said. “Take as much time as you need.”

  “Don’t you think twenty-seven years is long enough?” Leah replied.

  Moore nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

  Leah reached out and placed her hand on Moore’s. “I would like to talk with you more. Let me give you my number and we’ll get in touch in a day or two,” Leah said. “I do need time to process all that has happened; besides, right now, we need to find out who that man is in the room and pray I don’t lose my job over it.”

  “What do you mean?” Moore asked. “How will you lose your job?”

  “That’s something we can talk about later. Go and do what cops do.”

  Moore gave a faint smile. She wasn’t sure after all these years that she could go through with getting to know her daughter. Did she deserve to spend time with her? She didn’t think so. But she wasn’t going to walk away or run. Woods would make sure that Moore was there when Leah called to get together. He would be her shoulder to lean on through all of this and she appreciated his compassion and loving kind heart, even though he was a big strong man.

  They both stood at the same time. Moore wondered if Leah was going to hug her but didn’t give her any sign of doing so. Moore stepped back to give them space.

  “I’ll call you soon,” Moore said before leaving the room.

  40

  Before the call came from Officer Moore telling Kaitlyn that she needed to come back to Ohio with Ben, Kaitlyn sat at the kitchen table, going through the letters from the envelope Ben had hidden. She sat there just after Ben had gone to lie down in bed.

  She couldn’t shake the words that he had said when they were driving around, and she stopped in front of the church where they had been married. What did he mean when he said he was almost in an accident? Was it on that day? Well, she didn’t think so because they were at the church together. Was it before the wedding? It was possible. They weren’t together in the morning or the day before.

  She closed her eyes and searched into her past. The day of their wedding came into focus. She scanned over the things she did up to the moment she’d walked down the aisle. Her family and friends around her before she got dressed in her wedding dress. She remembered crying and wishing for just one split second, maybe two, that it was Adam she was about to marry and give her life to. She loved him so much, but knew it was time to let him go and be Mrs. Ben Gordon. She did love Ben, but she couldn’t fully love him unless she closed her heart off from the memories of Adam that she held so tightly in her heart. She couldn’t let herself remain in the past, wanting him to return and say that he was sorry for letting her go. That he loved her with everything that he had. Everything that he was.

  After they had said their ‘I do’s’, Ben and Kaitlyn walked down the aisle and out the front doors of the church. In her mind, she stood there on those steps looking around her. It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Well, she was happy, but she also felt unsure of the decision she’d just made. If this were true, then why did she go through with the wedding? Why didn’t she just say, I can’t do this because you’re not the man for me and because I love someone else. Because that wasn’t Kaitlyn. She did love Ben, but in her heart, he’d never be Adam, her true love who understood her and loved her in a way that no other man could ever love her. She had never felt so complete with someone as she had with Adam. He was her stability. He made her whole. Without him she felt like a lost child trapped in the dark woods, not knowing which way to go. But she did marry Ben and she’d have to live with her decision. She did love him, she just wasn’t in love with him. She was young and yet she settled for the first man that replaced her Adam when there were so many other men in the world, but even those men wouldn’t and couldn’t add up to her Adam.

  As her mind went deeper into that day, that moment when she was standing on the steps at the church, she looked out at all the faces in the crowd of family and friends. But it wasn’t them she was hoping to see. She was looking for only one person, and he wasn’t there. Why would she think that he would be? He hadn’t known that she was getting married today. She hadn’t seen him in three years.

  Kaitlyn and Ben walked down the cement steps to the sidewalk leading them to the awaiting limo. She was smiling and laughing because this was supposed to be the best day of her whole life—well, until she had kids. Then her children would be her life.

  She turned away from the car and gazed at all the people behind them, then turned back to get inside the car. It was in that small almost imperceptible moment that she had missed him. A man sitting on his motorcycle across the street, looking straight at her. Then he took off through the intersection right in front of an oncoming car.

  Kaitlyn’s eyes sprang open. “It couldn’t be,” she whispered. “Had he been there after all? And seen me with Ben?” A tear slid down her cheek. Her Adam was there, she was sure of it, but… Her thoughts were hazy, still unsure if she’d really seen Adam on the day of her wedding. She knew the mind could make you think and believe things that weren’t there. She shook her head. No, it had to be real. She wanted it to be real.

  The more she thought about that day the more questions surfaced. Had he known and had to see it with his own eyes? No, she was sure that wasn’t the case. But then why? How? Had one of her best friends called him and told him to come? She knew that Lisa, her best friend from college, didn’t really care for Ben, but would she have contacted Adam to come to Illinois to stop the wedding? If so, then why wasn’t he in the church? Why didn’t he stop the fucking wedding from happening? She wanted to scream into the room. “Why didn’t he stop the
wedding?” She whispered the words again and again.

  Her eyes welled up with tears. Tears she didn’t know she had inside her. She knew why she was crying, but four years ago, she didn’t know that she would be married to a man who would abuse her. Hit her anytime he felt like it. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have said yes. She was sure her mind was overthinking the whole scenario and the man she thought was Adam was someone else altogether. Yes, of course, that’s exactly what she was doing. Adam was never there. She was only making herself think that he was. A part of her wasn’t so sure because it still didn’t explain what Ben had said about the accident a couple of hours ago.

  She rubbed her forehead. A headache was surfacing from all the thinking she was doing, but before she could retrieve some Tylenol, her phone buzzed. She picked it up from the table, recognizing the number as Officer Moore. She quickly wiped the wetness from her face before answering the phone, then realized that Officer Moore couldn’t see that she was crying.

  Kaitlyn breathed in a breath to help calm herself before answering the call. “Hello.”

  “Hi, Mrs. Gordon?”

  “Yes,” Kaitlyn replied, wondering what the call was about.

  “How is everything going over there?”

  Kaitlyn swallowed, nervous that Officer Moore could hear the stress in her voice. “Everything is fine. We’re doing fine,” she said, though it felt like a lie.

  “Good. That’s good.”

  “Is that why you called, to ask how we are doing?”

  “Oh, um, no, not exactly. I’m calling because I need you to come back to Ohio as soon as possible.”