A Mother's Secrets

by Tuppence Van de Vaarst

  “I understand you met Gwyn earlier today,” she said. “And she told you I might be of assistance to you?”

  Nazir nodded. “I am a refugee, I fear. Although I had no home to flee from, so I am better off than some. I seek a place where I can rest a while before setting off on the road again.”

  Vinet raised an eyebrow. No home? “And what is it you do?” she asked.

  Nazir shrugged, his expression sheepish. “I am a wanderer. A collector. I listen to people’s stories, and I write them down and tell them as I travel.”

  Vinet’s eyes widened. “You’re a collector of stories? A researcher?” she demanded. She caught Gwyn’s stifled chuckle. She ignored it.

  Nazir nodded, his expression lightening at her enthusiasm. “Indeed, Lady Vinet. I have been travelling for over ten years now.”

  Ten years of stories! “And do you have any of those collections still with you? They were not lost when you were forced to flee?” She was going to offer him shelter regardless, but if she could see those collections.

  A small smile spread over Nazir’s face. “I do. They were the only things I saved, in fact.”

  “He has an entire donkey packed full of books,” Gwyn broke in.

  Vinet felt her eyes light up. “Nazir, you will be most welcome in Ninaeva,” she offered. “I insist you travel back with us and stay at Ninaeva as long as you like. There will only be one cost.” She smiled, trying to make it plain that it was not a hefty one.

  Nazir raised a smooth eyebrow. “Indeed?”

  Her smile widened. “You have to tell me these stories you’ve collected,” she said. “I won’t ask you to allow my scribes to copy them, but if you would, I would be immensely grateful. I am always eager for new stories, histories, and simply descriptions about other lands and places!”

  Nazir smiled but seemed slightly sober. “I thank you for your invitation, Lady Vinet,” he said. He hesitated. “There is something you should know before I accept it, however.”

  Vinet saw Gwyn go on alert. She narrowed her eyes. There was an intensity to the seriousness in her guest’s face.

  He took a breath. “There are rumors that follow me. I would hate for your house to fall under scrutiny because you took me in.”

  She frowned. “What kind of rumors?” she asked.

  “That I am a child of demons,” Nazir said. He watched her for a moment before continuing. “You have been very kind, not immediately showering me with questions, but a lady of your reputation has to be curious about my strange appearance.”

  She felt herself flush. A lady of her reputation? What did that mean?

  “I have never seen a man like you before,” she temporized.

  “Nor have I,” Nazir answered. She blinked in surprise.

  “Not even your parents?” she ventured.

  He shook his head. “My mother was as pale as you.”

  Unspoken, Vinet knew the rest. He didn’t know his father, which left him unable to answer the accusations of demon heritage. She felt her spine stiffen. She hadn’t known her true father for years. She was not about to turn someone away just because he couldn’t name his father.

  “You are still welcome in Ninaeva,” she said, her voice sincere.

  Nazir’s eyes widened, and Vinet sensed that she had surprised him. “Truly? My… my heritage does not worry you?” He asked.

  Vinet laughed. “A true demon would not have told me of the rumors,” she pointed out. “I think I can trust you.”

  She glanced at Gwyn as she said that. Despite her words, she wouldn’t accept a man whom Gwyn disapproved of. Gwyn’s eyes rolled, but she was smiling. With more confidence, Vinet turned her smile back to Nazir.

  “I’ll have a servant bring your things to a guestroom,” she said. “And send someone off for any essentials you require. After you refresh yourself, I would love to speak more with you.’’

  He bowed again. “You have my most sincere thanks, Lady Vinet,” he said.

  She signaled a passing servant. “Please show Nazir to one of the guestrooms,” she said. “And let him give you a list of things he requires, including some spare robes.”

  Nazir glanced down sheepishly.

  The servant bowed, his face expressionless. “Of course, my lady.”

  Vinet smiled as she watched Nazir walk away. His presence would make Manyu’s Time in Ninaeva fascinating instead of cold and oppressive.

  She turned as Gwyn coughed. “What?” she asked.

  Gwyn raised an eyebrow. “Stop looking at him like that.”

  “Like what?” she demanded.

  “Like you want to see if his lips taste differently than Jaim’s,” Gwyn stated.

  Vinet stared at her friend in shock. Neither of them had mentioned Niara’s father’s name for years. “I do not!”

  Gwyn snorted, and Vinet felt her cheeks flush. Nazir was handsome. There was no denying that.

  “I do not,” she said again, aware there was no convincing Gwyn. “I just want to hear his stories. He’s travelled for over ten years, Gwyn! He’s got to have stories of all kinds of places. He’ll be able to help entertain Niara.”

  Gwyn looked skeptical but didn’t say anything else.

  Vinet shook her head. Gwyn was being overly cautious, she decided. There was no danger of her taking Nazir as a lover, not when she had her gift to train, council matters to consider, and Niara to look out for.

  Chapter 10: Manyu’s Time in Ninaeva

  The snow fell early that Manyu’s Time. Ilhelm Castle was blanketed by a thick layer, making it look like something out of a fairy tale legend. Vinet loved the sight of Ilhelm in the snow. It reminded her of her childhood.

  “Niara? Do you want to go out and play in the snow?” Vinet asked as they rose from breakfast.

  Breakfast at Ilhelm was a far more casual affair then it was at any other noble house. Pellalindra would have shuddered to see the people gathered around the table. But Vinet couldn’t see any point in excluding those she wanted to talk to simply based on their rank. Scholars of all sorts graced her table throughout the year, as well as the occasional traveler or servant who had a story to share. Today, however, it was just herself, Niara, Gwyn, and Nazir. Nazir had been regaling them with a story of a long-lost son fighting to regain his kingdom.

  Niara shifted in her chair and shook her head. Vinet glanced at her, startled. Niara never refused an offer to play in the snow.

  “Dear? Is everything alright?” she asked.

  “I’m fine,” Niara’s voice was muffled as she stared down at the table. “I’m fine!” With that, she rose and fled from the room.

  Vinet stared after her, aghast. What was wrong? That was completely uncharacteristic of her daughter!

  She started to rise and follow her, but Gwyn shook her head. “You stay here,” she told Vinet. “I’ll follow her, make sure she doesn’t get into trouble.”

  “But…” Vinet stared after Niara.

  “She’s upset,” Gwyn said. “I’ll get her to talk. She’ll come to you later.”

  Nazir cleared his throat. “Was it something I said?” he asked.

  Vinet glanced at him, startled. “No, I…” she stopped. The story. The long-lost son, fighting to be recognized by his father. She sighed and placed her elbows on the table, holding her head in her hands.

  “My… niece has had some troubling news recently,” she said. “It will take her some time to get used to it.”

  Nazir nodded, seeming to understand perfectly. “She is a charming child, and intelligent as well. I am sure she will understand quickly.”

  A part of Vinet flushed in pride for the praise of Niara, but another part of her worried. Had Kinaevan been right? Had she damaged her relationship with her daughter by keeping their relationship a secret?

  “Come, do not let her distress you too much,” Nazir urged. “Gwyn has said she will take care of her, and she seems more than capable. Niara trusts her, as well, for she also calls her Aunt Gwyn, if I’m not mistaken?”


  Vinet nodded, a small smile creeping over her lips despite herself.

  “There. If Gwyn says all will be well, then all will be well. Do not distress yourself. You worry too much as it is.”

  Vinet blinked. What did Nazir mean by that?

  “You do not sleep well,” Nazir said, voice calm. “Forgive me, but I can tell.”

  She flushed, embarrassed that her thoughts had been so easy to read. Carefully, she lifted her cup of tea, trying to keep her hands from shaking. She’d had another nightmare. She hadn’t been able to sleep for hours.

  “Well, since Gwyn has said Niara will talk to you later, shall I entertain you with another story until then?”

  Vinet smiled as she took a sip of tea. He was trying to distract her. Well, she would let him. He was right. She should trust Gwyn.

  “I’d rather know more about you, if you don’t mind,” she said. She paused. How did she explain her fascination without offending?

  He seemed to understand completely, however. He took a sip of his own tea before replying. “I am afraid I doubt I will be able to answer your questions to your satisfaction, but I will do my best. What do you wish to know?”

  “Where are you from?” That seemed a safe place to start.

  Nazir nodded and took another sip of tea. His eyes gazed far away, into the veil of memory. “A small village, not far from the southern border with Tigri. A tiny village, not more than a handful of people. We barely filled up half the temple at service time, and we did not have a large temple.”

  She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

  “My mother… well. She was Saemarian, as far as I ever found out. She was…” he sighed and stared down at his tea. Vinet felt an inexplicable urge to reach across and hold his hand to comfort him.

  He sighed again. “She was not… all there. Something had happened. She lived half in a dream world, and on the rare occasions I could get her to look at me,” he shrugged.

  This time, Vinet didn’t resist the urge. He glanced up at her touch, startled.

  “What made you start traveling?” she asked, trying to get them off the sad subject.

  His lips twitched. “Well, as you can imagine, village boys are not kind souls,” he said. “Especially not when one looks like,” he gestured at himself.

  Vinet winced.

  “The Temple was the only place I ever felt safe, but I didn’t want to be a priest, even then. How could I, with rumors of demonspawn following me even then? I loved the books in the Temple, though. So, I started off in search of more.” He shrugged. “A simple enough quest, but it’s led me all about Saemar, through Tigri, and some of the free cities. This is the first time I’ve ever been in the north, however. I must say, I was not expecting so much snow. It is beautiful though.”

  She took the hint and allowed the subject to change. “It is an early snowfall,” she said. “I’m afraid it will make travelling back to the capital for the council session difficult. Perhaps I should have followed Alexander’s advice and just stayed in the capital for Manyu’s Time.”

  “No,” Nazir shook his head. “You would never have been happy there for months at a time. This is your home.”

  She looked at him, surprised at how emphatic his words were. She started as she realized her hand was still on his, and hastily withdrew it.

  “While I agree with you, I do enjoy travelling,” she protested.

  Nazir smiled. “But staying in the capital is not travelling. And if you do not mind me saying so, it would be too much a reminder of the stress of politics.”

  She took another sip of tea, trying to conceal how rattled she was by his observations. They were too true. How did he know so much about her already?

  “Vinet.”

  She glanced up sharply at Gwyn’s re-entry into the hall. Gwyn was carrying a crying Niara. Without care for politeness or decorum, Vinet rushed over, carefully taking Niara from Gwyn.

  “I’m sorry,” Niara said softly through her tears.

  “Shh,” Vinet stroked Niara’s hair. “It’s alright, dearest. I’m here. I will always be here for you.”

  Niara said nothing else, just buried her face in Vinet’s shoulder. “Why?” she wailed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Vinet froze. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking. “I was scared, dear. I did what I thought I must to keep you. To protect you.”

  Niara sniffed, and Vinet held her even tighter. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

  Gwyn stood sentinel as Vinet stroked Niara’s hair. Niara sniffled some more but seemed to be calming. Finally, she wriggled, and Vinet put her down, kneeling on the floor next to her.

  Niara stared into her eyes. They were red from tears, but still so bright and shining. Vinet blinked back tears of her own. She never should have hid Niara’s heritage from her.

  “I’m sorry, dearest,” Vinet whispered again. “Can you forgive me?”

  Niara nodded jerkily, but her face was still twisted with confusion. Vinet’s heart contracted.

  She jumped as a shadow stood next to her. But it wasn’t a shadow, it was Nazir. She scrambled to her feet. “Nazir, I’m sorry…”

  He shook his head and crouched down to look Niara in the eye.

  “You have every right to be upset,” he said. “It is hard, finding out painful truths. But is this one really so painful?”

  Niara frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

  “You have a mother who loves you,” his voice was soft. “That is a treasure, little one. A mother who sacrificed much to raise you as her own. A mother who protects and cherishes you. That is not something to be taken lightly, little one.” His voice cracked on the last sentence.

  “Vinet!” Gwyn hissed.

  Vinet stared at Nazir in shock. She hadn’t told him she was Niara’s mother. She turned to Gwyn and shook her head mutely. Gwyn’s eyes were not convinced.

  Nazir ignored the two of them and remained focused on Niara. “So what troubles you, little one?”

  Niara sniffed. “I… but why did she lie?” her voice was a heartbroken cry. “She’s never lied before.”

  Vinet turned to bury her face in her hands.

  “Because sometimes we lie to protect,” Nazir answered. “Tell me, Niara. What would have happened if your mother was known to have had a child, unmarried?”

  Niara screwed up her face. Vinet had told her about her sister often enough. “She’d be disgraced,” she managed.

  Nazir nodded. “And then what would have happened to you?”

  Niara hesitated. “I… don’t know?”

  “You would have been sent to live with someone who cared far less about you than your mother,” Nazir said, his eyes kind but his voice grave.

  Niara turned an anguished glance towards Vinet. Vinet nodded slowly. She didn’t know what would have happened if she’d openly had a bastard child, but disgrace would have been the least. She had been too new in her position, too lacking in friends and support, to even risk it. Her second cousins could easily have petitioned the king for her removal. She had no one to turn to in case of such an event, and the Sisters of Mazda did not let children live with their mothers. She would have been forced to send Niara away.

  “Would you have wanted that?” Nazir pressed quietly.

  Niara shook her head vehemently. Without giving Nazir another glance, she threw herself at Vinet. “I’m sorry, Mama,” she whispered.

  Vinet shook her head as she returned the embrace. “It’s alright, dear,” she whispered. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

  “You, on the other hand,” Gwyn glared at Nazir. “How did you know?”

  Nazir stood up from his crouch and shrugged. “I watched.”

  Vinet watched him carefully, not releasing Niara from her embrace. Gwyn was eyeing him with suspicion, but he seemed perfectly calm.

  “It’s a secret,” Gwyn hissed. “And you’re an outsider.”

  Nazir simply nodded. “I am,” he said. “I under
stand your concern. I will swear on whatever you want never to reveal it to anyone.”

  “That’s not good enough,” Gwyn started.

  Vinet raised a hand sharply, and Gwyn subsided. She stared at Nazir, who met her eyes without flinching.

  There was no deception in his eyes, only pure sincerity. And after what he had just done, what he had helped Niara understand… “I trust you,” she said softly.

  “Vinet,” Gwyn began.

  Vinet shook her head. She couldn’t explain how she knew Nazir was to be trusted, but he was. She was sure of it.

  Nazir looked at Gwyn. “I will stay here as long as it takes for you to trust me,” he said. “But I mean you and your lady no harm. On my life, I swear it.”

  Gwyn still seemed unconvinced, but Vinet nodded decisively.

  “Thank you, Nazir,” the childish voice startled everyone.

  Niara looked over her shoulder to look at Nazir. “Thank you for helping me understand,” she whispered.

  If nothing else, that would have decided Vinet. She couldn’t send away someone Niara trusted. Nazir would stay.

  **********

  The trees in the gardens were bare, but beautiful. The small pond was frozen over. Everything was still and quiet. The snow had fallen again last night, laying untouched and pure. It was a peaceful, tranquil scene.

  Or, at least, it was until a snowball came out of nowhere and hit Vinet in the shoulder.

  “Hey!” she exclaimed.

  Gwyn gave her a wicked smile. “Score one for us, Niara!”

  Niara giggled and ducked behind a snowbank. Vinet tossed a light handful of snow her way but missed entirely.

  “Like this, Lady Vinet!” Evalynna scooped up a handful of snow and flung it straight at Gwyn. Gwyn dodged, avoiding getting it in the face, but still got a handful of snow on her shoulder.

  “Oof! I’ll get you for that, Evalynna!”

  Vinet laughed as the fight started in earnest. Snowballs went flying every which way, some aimed, some not. As Vinet crouched behind a bush, focused intently on Gwyn’s assault on Evalynna and awaiting an opportunity for an ambush, she felt a handful of snow slide down her back.