A Mother's Secrets

by Tuppence Van de Vaarst

  “Niara.”

  Niara! Panic-fueled love gave her a burst of strength. This was a vision! She could control it!

  She reached out with her mind, reaching for the nearest wood. The woman! The child!

  The vision snapped, changing to a hovel. It was like all the others she’d seen, and she felt a moment of despair.

  A branch! Above the door. Ash. Mountain ash. Ash is hard and cold, I fear. She likes it when you shed a tear.

  Vinet jerked out of her vision, tears streaming down her face. She was kneeling in the mud of the streets of Venia. No, Gwyn was kneeling, holding her close as she shook her shoulders. Nazir knelt next to her, worry clear on his face.

  “Vinet? Vinet!”

  “I…” she couldn’t speak. Her head hurt. Between her shoulder blades, the mark stabbed her with fury.

  “What were you thinking?” Though Gwyn was rebuking, the relief in her voice was clear.

  “Mountain ash, a branch,” Vinet managed. Her throat was dry. Breathing hurt.

  “What?” Gwyn demanded. “Vinet, what do you mean?”

  She coughed, trying to find the strength to answer.

  “There!” Nazir exclaimed. She couldn’t see where he was pointing. “The hovel!”

  He disappeared from her field of vision. A moment later she heard a scream.

  “Get back, Nazir!” Gwyn’s voice was a clear order. A moment later, Nazir stood by her side again.

  A pause. “Watch over her,” Gwyn said.

  Vinet didn’t have the strength to resist as Nazir took her in his arms. And why should I, was a brief flicker of her thought. “Can you stand?” he asked.

  She could, barely. She blinked as she saw flashing steel in Nazir’s hand. Had Gwyn given him her sword?

  She clung to Nazir as another wave of pain swept through her, radiating out from between her shoulders. She managed to steady herself just enough to see Gwyn emerge from the hovel, escorting a young woman carrying a bundle made from Gwyn’s cloak: the baby.

  “We’ll find Lord General Torainn,” Gwyn promised. “This is Lady Vinet of Ninaeva. She’s a member of the Council. Come back with us to Ninaeva, and you’ll be safe. I promise.”

  Lord General Torainn? How is he connected with this? Vinet thought, but she didn’t have the strength to think about it further. The young woman looked doubtfully at Vinet, but something in Gwyn’s manner convinced her to assent.

  Vinet didn’t remember getting back to the boat. The captain and Gwyn exchanged some heated words, but Vinet just sank to the deck, shivering. She couldn’t see. Her entire body was filled with pain.

  “Vinet?” Nazir’s eyes in front of her face. “Vinet?!”

  She tried to answer, tried to reassure him. But the world faded.

  **********

  Darkness. Floating. At least there were no screams. It was almost peaceful, more peaceful than she’d been in weeks.

  A sharp pain. She cried out, or tried to. She didn’t have a mouth. She didn’t have a body. Where was the pain coming from? It was all around her, all through her. She shook her head frantically. She had a head!

  A scream. Niara! Her head snapped around. Niara was at the foot of her bed, her eyes wide with fright. “What’s wrong with Mama?” she demanded.

  “We don’t know,” Gwyn’s voice broke. “We’ll find out, Niara, I promise. We’ve sent for Kinaevan.”

  Niara turned a tear-stained face towards the bed. Vinet tried to reach for her, but she couldn’t move her arms.

  “Don’t leave me, Mama,” she begged. “Please.”

  “She wrote this for you,” Gwyn said. “To be announced the day after Papsukkal.”

  No! Don’t show her that! I’m supposed to be the one to show her that! Vinet thought, helpless.

  Niara looked at the scroll Gwyn handed to her and then burst into tears. “No! I don’t want to be heir! I want my mother!”

  She ran out of the room, sobbing. Vinet tried to follow her, but her legs were like lead.

  Her vision shifted. Back on the boat to Venia. No, Venia to Hillsdale. No, back to Venia. The captain was staring at the sky. A dark figure dove down, enveloping the world in fire.

  Gwyn in Vinet’s study, Evalynna bending over the desk next to her.

  “Someone has to know Vinet won’t be attending the council session,” Gwyn said. “She can’t just not appear. I’ve written the Lady of the Council that she’s had an accident. That’ll have to do.”

  “If you’re sure,” Evalynna’s voice was hesitant.

  Gwyn threw her hands in the air. “No, I’m not sure!” she exclaimed. “My best friend could be dying and I…” she broke down and covered her face in her hands.

  Evalynna said nothing, only leaned down to hug Gwyn. Gwyn returned the embrace, trembling.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “Anytime.”

  “Pawn. Pawn. Pawn.” A whisper, a chant. Vinet’s eyes stung. No! She tried to cry out. She would not be a pawn.

  Fire burst from her hands. No, from Dannan’s hands. A demon laughed and cackled. Dannan cried out, trying to stop it. His face was a mask of panic. Fire consumed him, his crackling demise nearly drowning out the screams of a young girl.

  “Release the little one to me.” Vinet recognized the voice: AeresThonEsia?

  “No!” Dannan’s voice was panicked. “I cannot!”

  “Cannot, or will not? You should be more careful with your words, mage.”

  Fire stabbed through her shoulders, and her body arched, drowning out any other sensations. She floated again.

  “Nazir?” Gwyn’s voice, soft and uncertain.

  Nazir looked up from her bedside. His eyes were red. “I’m fine, Gwyn.”

  “No, you’re not,” Gwyn’s voice was hesitant, but no longer uncertain.

  Nazir shook his head. “What do you want me to say? You’ve already made your opinion about my feelings perfectly known.”

  “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

  “I love her, Gwyn,” his voice choked. “And now I might never be able to tell her.”

  He loved her! Vinet tried to rise, tried to tell him she loved him too, that she would be there, but she couldn’t do anything but watch.

  A soft curse. Gwyn’s eyes glistened. “I was afraid of that,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

  Nazir shook his head. “No, you were right. We couldn’t. I shouldn’t.” He buried his face in his hands.

  “Mazda damn the noble conventions,” Gwyn cursed.

  Nazir looked up.

  “Vinet is bound by them, as much as she wishes she wasn’t,” Gwyn said sharply. “Look at what she did for Niara.”

  Nazir looked down, morose. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Neither do I, Nazir,” Gwyn whispered. “Neither do I.”

  I do! Vinet wanted to scream. She didn’t care about noble conventions. She wanted Nazir by her side, as her lover, her husband, her partner, her lord. What sensible reason was there why she shouldn’t have him?

  Sense. Sense. “What sense is there in this?” Lord Auriel’s voice. He was staring at a map, his three burgundy-clad guards around him.

  “It will set us free,” the woman spoke.

  He shook his head. “Not yet. We still have much to do.”

  War! Battle. The screams of the dying. Arrows flew, striking men and women all around her. The shield wall held, though the men were rattled.

  A dark figure, flying down from the sky. Fear rose up inside her as it came closer and closer. She knew that figure. The white of bone became visible, and the hundreds of circling eyes. She tried to run. The skull kept coming closer and closer, empty eye sockets grinning at her.

  “Back!”

  Father! Vinet turned, seeing her father move to stand between her and the skull. “You will not have her. Not now, not ever!”

  The skull laughed, a horrible shrieking laugh that rent the air. Vinet covered her ears, but she couldn’t cease the vibrations that ran up
and down her body.

  “Back!”

  The world exploded. Screams rent the air as she went flying. She had a mouth now, and she screamed. She flailed, trying to reach, trying to ground, trying to do anything.

  “Daughter!” Firm and commanding. “Calm. I am here.”

  Her heart was racing, but she stopped flailing. She still couldn’t see. She felt warmth start to sink into her, and only now became aware of the fact that she had been freezing. She began to shiver.

  “Hush.”

  She released a breath as her father bent over her. Her shivers calmed.

  “Will she be alright?” Gwyn’s voice, low and worried.

  “She will be,” her father’s voice was ragged and exhausted.

  “What happened?”

  “The protections are failing,” her father snapped. “He who placed the mark tried to claim her.”

  Vinet shuddered, and she could see her reaction mirrored by Gwyn.

  “What can we do?” Gwyn whispered.

  “Keep her from using the Sight,” her father said. “I will do what I can in that regard.”

  She felt his warm, comforting presence again. But this time, a demand, a whisper in her mind.

  “Daughter. Listen and obey. Do not use the Sight. You have no desire to use the Sight. Not till we stand together in the city of our homeland.”

  She was floating, so warm and comforting. “Yes, Father,” she whispered.

  “Very good, my daughter. Rest now.”

  She felt herself drifting off in obedience to his command.

  “I cannot stay,” her father’s voice again. “She will wake within the day. Be gentle with her. You are her Keeper, Gwyn. Her care is on your shoulders.”

  Gwyn nodded solemnly. Kinaevan turned to Nazir.

  “Nazir. Take care of my daughter.”

  “I will, sir.”

  Kinaevan bent over, leaning on a wooden cane. He looked so old. He spoke to Nazir. “The blood that flows in your veins is blessed. It will not corrupt her, or your children. Take care how you use your gifts and teach them well.”

  “Children? Blood?” Nazir’s eyes went wide.

  Kinaevan staggered, and Gwyn went to his side. Angrily, he shrugged her off. “The Lady calls,” he said. “I must leave.”

  “You can’t leave like this!” Gwyn protested. “You need rest, as much as she does!”

  Her father’s eyes were dark. “I will have rest soon,” he said. He bent over, coughing again. “I must return to my duties. And the saving of my child. In six months time, we shall meet again.”

  Six months? Vinet tried to protest. What was going on? Why did he have to leave? Why did he seem so old, so worn?

  Kinaevan turned towards her again, and a smile smoothed his worn features. “Sleep now, daughter.”

  She couldn’t resist the hypnotic lull. She took a deep breath, and the world calmed.

  Small, quiet sounds. The crackling of fire. The crinkling of paper as someone turned a page. She sniffed. Someone was burning apple wood, a healing plant.

  She opened her eyes. She was lying in her bed in Ilhelm Castle. Nazir sat in a chair at her side, reading a book.

  “Nazir?” she whispered.

  He glanced up sharply and dropped the book. It fell to the ground as he scrambled to his feet and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Vinet? You’re awake! Thank Mazda!” He grabbed her hand, looking elated.

  She laughed. Awake or not, she felt weak as a newborn kitten. “I’m awake,” she said. She smiled, placing her other hand on top of his.

  Nazir beamed, squeezing her hand tightly, then turned towards the door. “Gwyn!” he called. “She’s awake!”

  Vinet heard running footsteps, and the door burst open as Gwyn came into the room. Vinet smiled at her.

  “Mazda’s light!” Gwyn nearly flew to her side. Vinet laughed as she claimed the hand that Nazir hadn’t. “In Mazda’s name, Vinet, swear you won’t ever do that to us again.”

  Vinet laughed again, but tears stung her eyes. “How long was I asleep?” she asked.

  “Two weeks,” Nazir said quietly.

  Two weeks? Her eyes widened. “I missed the council session.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Gwyn said hastily. “I wrote Pellalindra. Mazda knows what she’ll think of receiving a letter from a bodyguard, but I used your seal, so that should help.”

  She had to smile. “Niara?”

  “I’ll get her,” Nazir volunteered. He rose and left, pausing only for a moment to exchange a smile with Gwyn.

  Vinet looked at Gwyn, raising her eyebrows. Gwyn simply shrugged.

  “He’s helped a lot since you’ve been ill,” Gwyn said. “He’s not a bad man, Vinet. Just…”

  “A commoner. I know,” Vinet sighed.

  Gwyn winced. “It’s not…”

  Whatever else she was going to say was interrupted by a squeal of delight. “Mama!” Niara shrieked, flinging herself across the room and into Vinet’s arms.

  Vinet let out her breath in a whoosh as Niara slammed into her chest. “Easy there, darling,” she said.

  Niara buried her face in her neck. “I was so scared,” she said.

  Vinet stroked her daughter’s hair. “It’s all right. I’m better now.”

  Niara pulled away. “Are you really going to name me heir?”

  Vinet glanced sideways at Gwyn, who shrugged sheepishly. She sighed as she turned her eyes back to Niara. “Yes. Does that bother you?”

  “No!” Niara shook her head. “I want to be your heir, just not Lady of Ninaeva. Not yet.” She wrinkled her nose.

  Vinet laughed. “Not yet, dearest. Not for a very long time.”

  “Good,” Niara snuggled back into her mother’s arms.

  Vinet looked around the room. It was perfect. Nazir was sitting at her side again, Gwyn was smiling down at them, and Niara was in her arms. All felt right.

  She blinked. The woman! The child! She remembered finding them, but as to what had happened, she was clueless.

  “What happened to her?” she asked Gwyn.

  Gwyn blinked in confusion, then her eyes cleared. “To Eithne?”

  “Is that her name?”

  “Yes.” Gwyn sat down in the chair that Nazir had vacated. “Eithne and her son are safely in one of the guest apartments. I assigned the most trustworthy of servants and guards to them.”

  There was something more. “What does she say?”

  Gwyn hesitated and exchanged a look with Nazir.

  Vinet narrowed her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  Gwyn’s eyes were dark. “She was Lord General Torainn’s mistress while the Regulars were in Venia,” she said. “The child is his. She’s named him Kishtar, after Torainn’s father.”

  Vinet’s eyes widened. “And he abandoned her? To live in that hovel?”

  Gwyn shrugged. “She says he didn’t, that he always intended to come back, but,” she shook her head again. “She also insists that they were married.”

  “Married!” Vinet exclaimed. “But Torainn and Lady Kianna…”

  “Were married for many years,” Gwyn interrupted. “I know. I checked. If Eithne only met Torainn during the Venian campaign, then even if they did marry, it wasn’t valid.”

  Vinet caught her breath, trying to reconcile the friendly, jovial man she’d met in Venia with this new information. How could he justify abandoning a woman and child, a woman he’d seduced and deceived, to the slums of Venia?

  “I’ll speak to her,” Vinet said. “I’ll let her know.”

  “You’ll speak to her when your strength returns,” Gwyn’s voice was firm. “You’ve only just woken up. Your father said you need to get your strength back.

  Her father. “How is he?” she whispered.

  Gwyn exchanged a glance with Nazir, who shook his head slightly.

  “How is he?” Vinet demanded. “I know something was wrong.”

  Gwyn gave her a startled look. “He seemed troubled,” she said. “But he wa
s determined. I couldn’t stop him from leaving.”

  “To find a solution to my curse,” Vinet whispered.

  Gwyn appeared even more startled. “Yes. How did you know?”

  She shook her head. If that part of her dreams had been real, then what else had been?

  Gwyn waited. “Never mind. You need to rest.” She stood up, gesturing to Niara and Nazir to follow her. She turned back at the door and smiled. “I’m glad you’re well again, sister.”

  Vinet smiled back, despite a lingering fear that this was far from over. “So am I.”

  Chapter 14: Papsukkal Festival

  Vinet could tell the capital was preparing for Papsukkal. Colorful streamers hung over the city streets, and there was a tense excitement in the air. Papsukkal was the day that didn’t belong. It marked the beginning of the new year, a new planting season, but it didn’t fit with the rest of the calendar. It was out of balance, out of place, out of time. Anything could happen on Papsukkal, and there would be no consequences the rest of the year. Servants became masters. Masters became servants. It was one of Vinet’s favorite holidays back in Ninaeva, but she had to be in the capital this year for some morale boosting scheme the Council had thought up. She could see their point. The king was ill, and there was a war in the southeast. Her understanding didn’t change the fact that she would much rather have been back in Ninaeva, participating there, in her home.

  She looked across the carriage and smiled at Niara, who was bouncing up and down in excitement as she stared out the carriage windows. Niara would enjoy the celebration, at least. It was going to be spectacular, if the rumors Vinet had heard were even half true.

  She glanced sideways to glimpse Nazir sitting next to her. He and Gwyn seemed to have come to an agreement that one of them should always be with Vinet. On the one hand, she welcomed the arrangement. On the other, she had been so busy that she hadn’t had a single moment of privacy with Nazir.

  She knew he loved her. And she loved him, she was certain of it. They needed to talk about it, but not with anyone listening, not with Niara, Evalynna, or even Gwyn around. This had to be between the two of them. Though it seemed unlikely that she’d get a chance for that until after the festival.