by L. W. Clark
Maybe I didn’t sleep properly? The bed felt pretty comfortable but maybe I slept on my right arm all night? Oh wait. I was sore from all the work the day before. I was working and moving around all day and my body isn’t used to it. All I did the last few weeks was sit on my butt like a sack of potatoes, waiting for work.
The thought made me smile.
I went downstairs to make coffee for the homeowners before they got up. I didn’t expect to see Michael standing in the kitchen. He was the last one to leave the kitchen, and here he was.
Does this guy ever leave the kitchen?
He made coffee and was having a cup by the glass door looking out into the backyard. I got confused.
I know I’m on time and making coffee is one of my jobs. Maybe I was supposed to start work earlier?
“Good morning, Michael,” I said with a smile.
“Good morning,” he said.
He seems agitated. Last night he was friendly, but this morning he’s different. Maybe he isn’t a morning person, but then, why is he up before anyone else?
“Let me show you something,” he said.
He opened up the dishwasher in one of the kitchens and then the other dishwasher in the other kitchen.
“You mixed the dairy and meat silverware, and washed them together, which is unacceptable. See the difference in the designs? The dairy has this fancy ornament and the meat silverware has none.”
I’m sure Anna told me about this but either I didn’t understand or didn’t remember. This is a big deal for them. He’s not happy. I feel so bad.
“Oh … I’m … I’m really sorry,” I said.
He’s just staring at me, not saying a word. This is becoming awkward. Oh, here comes Anna. I’m sorry, but I’m kind of happy to see her. I’m not getting anywhere with moody Michael.
“I’m very sorry, Anna,” I said. “I guess I didn’t really understand the silverware rules.”
“It’s OK, you’re still learning. We’ll just have to buy new ones. Please grab all of them and put them in the garbage.”
Really? Throw them all out? They’re serious about these meat and dairy rules.
But I felt relieved. She was much nicer than her husband. She handed me my “to do” list and grabbed a cup of coffee.
“Have a nice day,” she said as she hurried back to her room.
Over the coming weeks, I noticed she was always in a rush. She was a lawyer who worked in Manhattan. She left for work before her husband and came home after he did. She’d come home, have a quick dinner, quickly play with her kids, and then go to her bedroom, quickly. She probably even slept quickly.
I worked extra hard that day. I cleaned her office even though it wasn’t on the list. I wanted to do something nice for her since she was nice to me that morning. When I saw her office, it was such a mess I couldn’t resist cleaning it. There were three trash cans, all full. When she came home and saw her office, she thanked me.
The day went well. I was swamped and didn’t have time to think of anything negative. Once again, my new best friend Kalian helped me find the right ingredients for preparing dinner. I would also help her if she needed me to hold the baby for a while. The baby boy, Aaron, was cute and quiet. He liked being carried. The four-year-old girl, Jessica, wasn’t so friendly or happy. She didn’t like to eat, so every meal was an adventure. She would cry and cry while Kalian would try to get her to eat. But she liked sweets, and she knew where to find them. She would try to sneak into the “food Disneyland” to grab some cookies or candy.
It was hard to take care of both these kids at the same time. I didn’t know how Kalian was handling all this, but she seemed to manage. I guess she was a professional. When Kalian wouldn’t let the girl have any sweets, Jessica would cry hysterically. I didn’t like this little girl, and she knew it. She always gave me a nasty look. I wanted to give it right back to her, but I was afraid there might be cameras around. Kalian was patient with her. She would keep saying no until the little girl finally gave up. I probably wouldn’t be so patient. Watching all this made me happy to take care of the house rather than the kids.
The house had five bedrooms and four baths. The kids had their own rooms. The couple had their master bedroom and there were two guest rooms. When Michael came home, I was doing the laundry and just stayed there for a while. Even the laundry room was huge. It was so easy and comfortable to hang out there. He came to the laundry room to make sure I wasn’t screwing anything else up. He corrected me on how to wash and fold the clothes. He seemed to take an interest in how I was taking care of things. I was a little surprised by that. I didn’t think a guy would care about house cleaning and stuff.
That day was long. I stayed in the kitchen until they finished dinner again. I made sure I studied the china and silverware designs and was fairly sure I put them in the right dishwashers, but I was still nervous. I didn’t want to see Michael in the kitchen the next morning, waiting to tell me what I did wrong.
I went back to my room and realized I didn’t eat anything all day but an apple. I focused so hard on doing a good job that I forgot to take any breaks. I thought I should eat, to keep up my energy for work. I thought about going to the kitchen to maybe grab something, but I had no energy to make the trip downstairs.
I laid down and again became sad and ended up crying—the same thing that happened the night before. I was fine during the day, but not so good at night. I hoped the sadness and all the negative thoughts were over. But they weren’t. They hit me again, even harder than before.
I can’t keep doing this for long. I can’t do this job and be so uncomfortable. I want to give it all up and go home. I don’t care. I want to leave. I’ve been crying for so long, and hard. I can’t seem to calm myself down. How can I find a way to go home? My biggest problem is money. Again. Money was the problem with getting here and it’s the problem with leaving here. What am I doing? Or thinking? I have no money to buy a plane ticket. That’s a fact. Of the hundred dollars I borrowed from my neighbor to get here I have forty left. I spent sixty buying the phone cards to call home. The phone cards are damn expensive. They cost five dollars for five minutes. What’s five minutes? It’s like “Hello, Mom? It’s me.” And that’s it. By the time she calmed down from being excited to hear from me, the five minutes were gone.
Of course, forty dollars won’t be enough to escape. I know I have to stay here and work, to pay for my ticket, plus interest, and pay my neighbor back. She helped me so much. I know it was only a hundred dollars, but it made a big difference. At least I know I have a few bucks for emergencies. I need more than just ticket money. I have no chance to get away. I feel so sick and unhappy with myself once again. I don’t even have anyone to ask for help. But I never like asking for money anyway.
I closed my eyes but couldn’t sleep. Even all that crying didn’t help me go numb and pass out.
ELEVEN
I slept for about two hours when the alarm went off. I hated the alarm. But then again, who doesn’t? It’s the worst. It reminded me of when I went to school and didn’t want to get up, so I’d pretend I didn’t hear it. I wouldn’t move in bed. I hoped my mom didn’t hear it either so I’d miss school.
Kids are funny when it comes to things like that. Yeah, like she would just forget about me. I’d lay there in silence until Mom would come into my room and say it was time to get up. Then she would scream from the kitchen, the bathroom and anywhere else she’d go until she heard me get up. Her voice annoyed me as much as the alarm. But we’d go through the same routine every school day. I think real success is when you get up when you want to instead of when you have to.
I got up an hour earlier than the day before to beat Michael to the kitchen. I wanted to get there before him so I would make the coffee. It was my job and I didn’t want Anna knowing that her husband was making the coffee instead of me.
Good. No one’s in the kitchen, so now I can figure out how to make coffee with this contraption. Everything is different here.
Even the coffee pot is different. I’m learning everything, like a child.
After a failed attempt, the coffee came out right. I felt relieved. I got up way too early, so I was waiting for a while until they all came to the kitchen. Anna got her coffee and gave me all the jobs for the day and started to leave.
“Anna,” I said. “May I use the phone to call my family? I know it costs money, but I’ll pay for the call.”
“Sure, you can. I don’t know how much it costs but when the bill arrives you can pay me then.”
“Thanks.”
Nice. I found the courage to ask her. I lied about calling my family, but that shouldn’t matter to her.
“Oh, by the way,” she said as she turned around. “Is there any problem with the food? I’ve noticed you don’t eat much. Are there any specific foods you like? I can get them for you.”
“No, but thank you. I wasn’t really hungry these past few days, but I’m fine. I’ll eat today.”
“And you can take a break at lunchtime,” she added.
“Yes, thanks Anna.”
How did she know I wasn’t eating? Did she check everything on the cameras? Or maybe the babysitter told her I wasn’t eating? I’m completely under their control in this house. It makes me uncomfortable and paranoid. I want to do everything right and perfect. But if I screw up, they’ll see that too. I don’t like the idea of them watching me all the time. I don’t think anybody does. It feels weird, even when you don’t do anything wrong.
Around lunchtime I decided to take a break and force myself to eat. Kalian took the kids downstairs so I was in the kitchen by myself. I wanted to sit and have a quiet lunch. I like silence when I eat. I like to focus on the food and not having a conversation at the same time. I was so sure Kalian would want to chat if she stayed in the kitchen.
I was still thinking about Anna’s comment about my eating habits. I guess she cared about me. I decided to have a nice, solid lunch. I found a piece of bread, chicken and cheese. I made a nice sandwich with mayo and lettuce. I wasn’t hungry but I ate anyway. I needed the energy, and I had to put on a show for the camera. It was a pleasant meal. Kalian and the kids came upstairs. Perfect timing.
“Hi Kalian. I still have some break time left so I’m going upstairs to my room.”
“OK, did you have your lunch?” she asked with a smile.
“Yes, and it was really good.”
The sandwich made me feel a little better, and happier. But maybe it wasn’t so much the sandwich as the phone call I was about to make. It was a nice, sunny day in May. I went to my room. I rolled up the shade and looked outside. The warm sun felt good on my face. It felt chilly all morning, maybe because I didn’t have much sleep the night before. I laid down and closed my eyes. I felt relaxed but excited about making the phone call. Suddenly, my eyes got big. I shot out of bed.
Crap. That lunch. Chicken and cheese together. Strictly a no-no in this house. Here we go again. I was probably recorded and would be busted! I wish I could find that damn tape and get rid of it. I can feel my face becoming flushed. I’m starting to panic. I need some fresh air.
I tried to open the window, but the handle was a different style.
Why the hell is everything so different here?
I finally opened the window all the way. I took a deep breath and just started to calm down when I jumped again, startled by a super loud siren. So annoying. I looked outside but didn’t see anything. The siren was wailing non-stop.
Wait. Oh no ... no … NO! Is that coming from inside the house? Are you kidding me?
I remembered. I was told not to open the windows or any outside doors. The siren was from the security system. My heart started beating fast. I didn’t know what to do. I screwed up, again.
There are way too many rules in this house!
I ran downstairs so fast I almost fell. I sped down the long corridor like I was doing a hundred-yard dash in the Olympics. I saw Kalian in the den earlier watching television, but she wasn’t there. The siren was so loud it could make you deaf. It was just like the sirens in the war movies. I ran into the kitchen and found her standing near the wall, pushing the buttons in a box attached to the wall. Her fingers were shaking as she pushed the bottoms. She kept trying but it wasn’t going well. She was getting frustrated and stressed. She finally got it right and the siren suddenly stopped.
“Well, that was exciting,” she said with a smile.
I ran over and hugged her.
“I am so, so sorry,” I said.
“No big deal. It happens. Thank God I remembered the code and entered it in time. Otherwise the police would soon be knocking on the door.”
I feel so bad. I made her do something to fix my mistake. It seems I can’t get through a day without having to apologize. What is wrong with me? I’m distracted. I’m here but I’m not. Here physically but not mentally. That’s what’s wrong with me.
“Oh my God,” I said. “That would be bad. Thanks again Kalian.”
I was about to ask Kalian to do me a favor and keep this accident between us, and not mention it to Anna and Michael when the phone rang.
I hope it isn’t one of them.
Kalian answered the phone. It was the security monitoring service calling to make sure everything was OK.
“Sorry, it was an accident,” Kalian said. “Everything is fine thanks … The security code word? Paris … OK, thanks, bye.”
I exhaled.
“Hey Kalian. Can you please do me a …” and the phone rang again.
“Hello?” Kalian answered. “Oh, hi Michael.”
No! Please Kalian, don’t tell him anything!
“It’s all good Michael,” she said. “Yes, the security company also called, and I told them it was all a mistake … Yes … thanks, bye”.
“Thanks again, so much Kalian, for taking care of this,” I said.
“No worries. Just another day,” she said with a smile.
I don’t want to see these people when they come home but there’s no way to avoid them. This accident messed up all my happy feelings about the phone call I wanted to make. I know I have no choice. I have to deal with them. I have to continue this job and do what I have to do, but it’s hard to focus. I’m too distracted by my thoughts.
I had to make dinner and thankfully I got help from my buddy Kalian. She helped me find the correct ingredients once again. Kalian even complimented my cooking. Who knew I would end up cooking and would be good at it? My mother would be so proud of me if she could see me. She’s a great cook. She made meals almost every day. Even when she didn’t have enough ingredients, somehow she would create a great dish with whatever was in the kitchen. Sometimes there wasn’t enough money for food. I have heard that you have to have good hands to make tasty food. It’s not all about ingredients and recipes. It’s more of an art. Enjoying it and putting much love into it. I guess my mother had all of that.
I wish she could have seen the food storage room. There was so much choice it would be so easy to make just about anything. All I was doing was following Anna’s recipes, which she printed out from a website. No creativity at all. But I still enjoyed making a nice meal. I made beef stew with vegetables and asked Kalian to try it. She enjoyed it. She thought she could finish the whole casserole.
I barely cooked back home but my mother would force me to watch her and learn. Cooking was mandatory for a woman from her perspective. So, I would help her prepare the dishes. I guess I picked up some cooking skills while hanging around her.
I did some extra work around the house to try to make up for the stupid alarm incident and the chicken and cheese sandwich. I thought it might help avoid the attitude I was getting from Michael, with his rolling eyes. I cleaned the stove and decided to take out the garbage, which was Michael’s job. I didn’t know why it was his job, but he seemed to do it every night before having his ice cream and going to bed.
When I pulled the bag from the garbage it was quite heavy. The bag was almost as big as me. Pro
bably the same weight as me too, but I pulled hard and grabbed it with both hands as it came out. I walked toward the back door, the same one I saw Michael use when he took out the garbage. I unlocked the glass door to slide it open, grabbed the garbage bag and stepped outside, when I heard the familiar, unpleasant, most disturbing sound of the siren once again.
I did it again? What the hell? I can’t believe it! Why am I having such a hard time remembering all the rules? Maybe I’m just not used to living like this. I never had to stop and think before opening doors or windows!
I didn’t get mad at myself this time. I got mad at all these rules I was dealing with. I put the bag in a big garbage can next to the house. I hoped I put it in the right place but at that point I didn’t care. I was so tired of this and I wasn’t happy about going inside and apologizing to Kalian, again. I wanted to just run away but there was nowhere to go.
I saw Kalian running from the hall to stop the siren. She was running while pushing Aaron in the stroller, with Jessica running behind her, screaming. What a scene. The little girl’s screaming sounded just like the siren. Kalian kept asking her to stop but that only made her scream louder. Then Aaron decided to join in the fun and started crying. It was a madhouse, and it was because of me.
I took the stroller from Kalian and started gently rocking it so maybe he’d stop crying. I asked Jessica to take my hand, but she resisted and cried even louder to leave her alone.
“This is all your fault and I’m not going to you,” she screamed as she grabbed Kalian’s skirt.
Kalian saved me again, with the same routine as last time, including taking the calls from Michael and the security company. Kalian looked at me as I stood in the kitchen. She didn’t say anything but after a while she just smiled. I smiled back. I was even more embarrassed.
When Anna and Michael came home, I expected the first subject would be the alarm incidents. But my obsession wasn’t theirs. When they came home, they didn’t even mention it. But of course, I continued to overthink it.