The Yellow Suitcase

by L. W. Clark

  I’m not going to let all those desires get in the way of my priorities. I need to put myself second and focus on the things that are worth more than spending time having fun. I need to take this opportunity to work, like a machine. Learn things and save money. I’m young and I can do it. At this age we have so much energy and ability we don’t even use it half the time. I’ve seen that since I started working in this house. I even surprised myself. I could be standing on my feet and running around all day, sometimes without even taking a break.

  I should be taking advantage of my body and my energy while I have it. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a pep talk. I’ve been doing that since I was a little girl. It works so well. It feels like I become two people at the same time, talking to each other. I talk to myself, then listen to myself. It’s a conversation. I ask so many questions, then I answer them. I agree; I disagree.

  I determined my priorities and what to stand for. I asked myself, thought about my situation and then what the results would be. This was a turning point. I was the housekeeper of my mind and I cleaned it up. Keep the necessary things and throw out the unnecessary crap, the useless dusty thoughts. It was a great day.

  I went back to work on Tuesday. It was nice to see Kalian again. She told me about her weekend. I didn’t understand half of her story, but she seemed happy. As I made coffee, I noticed the silence. There wasn’t anyone around and it was already after 9:00.

  “Where is everybody?” I asked Kalian.

  “Oh, they’re probably sleeping in. It’s a Jewish holiday. Something called Shavuot, so they take the day off.”

  I’m not happy to hear that. I’m going to be around The Corrector all day.

  It was around noon when I saw Anna.

  “Good morning, or I guess I should say good afternoon!” she said with a smile.

  “Good afternoon,” we both said at the same time.

  “I’m going to order some food. What would you girls like?”

  It was nice of her to ask us. I didn’t care much about food lately. I was eating a banana or a slice of bread with turkey and cheese. I ate this way most of the time because I had no clue what the other stuff was in the fridge and the “mini-supermarket.” I was eating that way even though I knew about the “no dairy and meat together” rule in this house. I’d make that sandwich behind the open fridge door to block the camera. I followed the rules when it impacted them, making dinners or cleaning the kitchen. But it had nothing to do with me and my choice of food.

  “I’m thinking we should have Chinese food. Here’s the menu,” Anna continued.

  “Thanks,” I said as I took the menu.

  This all looks strange to me. I can’t even understand how ordering food works. We never ordered food in my country. We buy the ingredients and cook.

  “Ordering food? How does that work?” I asked.

  “It works very well,” she said with a smile. “You call the restaurant, they take the order and deliver the food to your home.”

  That sounds so easy and smart. I like this idea. It seems luxurious. I like luxurious.

  Anna looked at me as I stared at the Chinese menu without responding.

  “Or maybe you want something else? Do you like pizza?” she asked.

  “Yes, pizza,” I said. “I like pizza a lot.”

  “Pizza it is,” Anna said. “That’s probably better anyway since we usually have dairy on Shavuot. That reminds me, I need to get cheesecake for dessert later.”

  Boy, lots of cheese today.

  “You need to eat, you know. You need food for energy,” she said.

  “I eat,” I said. “I really do. I just don’t like to eat a lot.”

  I lied. I love food and I like eating. It just hasn’t been a priority lately.

  The pizza came and I forced myself to eat even though I wasn’t really hungry. I was curious to try American pizza. It was completely different from anything I had before. The slice was so big I could barely finish it. Kalian joined us. She had two slices.

  “I could eat another slice, but I’d better behave myself,” she said.

  This girl can eat.

  “Thank you very much for the pizza, Anna and Michael,” I said.

  I almost called him Corrector instead of Michael.

  “It was tasty,” I said.

  “You’re welcome. There’s more if you like,” Anna said.

  “Thanks, but I’m full now.”

  The lunch was almost over without any critiques from The Corrector. But just as I started to clean up from lunch, he couldn’t help himself.

  “You know, we usually eat pizza with our hands,” he said with a smile.

  He saw I was eating pizza with a fork and knife. My eating habits come from when I was a little girl. I was taught how to eat properly, with silverware. I think it’s the most appropriate way to eat. I don’t like to touch the food with my hands because it’s healthier, and I don’t like having the smell of food on my fingers after eating.

  “Yes, I noticed,” I smiled back. “But I like to eat with silverware.”

  “Alright then,” Anna said. “We’re going to my mother’s, and Kalian is coming with us. We’ll be back this evening. Here’s the phone number of my mother’s house just in case you need anything.”

  “OK, thanks,” I said.

  They were probably a little worried leaving me home alone given my history of mistakes. It felt nice to be in the empty house. I still had a lot of work to do. She wanted me to organize her closet in addition to the usual laundry and cleaning.

  It was already evening when I finished working. It was getting dark outside. During the day when it was light out and I was busy I didn’t feel alone in the quiet house. But now I did. I went to the kitchen and hung out for a while as I waited for them. I didn’t want to go to my room until they came home. It was still too early. After a while, I felt bored. I had nothing else to do so I decided to try that ice cream. It was The Corrector’s favorite thing to do at night, so why not give it a try? Maybe it does have some special taste at night. He told me I should try it, so I did.

  Oh my God. This is the most delicious ice cream I’ve ever had! I can’t stop eating. Having this ice cream at night really is magical. It makes me feel comfortable. Yes, this is comfort food. Maybe ice cream is more of a nighttime dessert.

  I knew The Corrector would notice I had some ice cream. I was also sure he’d say something about it. After my private ice cream party, I felt like going to my room. It was getting late and no one was showing up. I went upstairs where there was a spot to hang out near a big wide window overlooking the road.

  It’s so dark and windy outside, and this house is so huge. It’s starting to get a little creepy. I don’t see any cars on the road. Ah, there’s one. This must be them. Nope, it’s not. Damn. I can’t even see lights from other houses. I hope the security alarm is on so nobody can come inside.

  I had all kinds of silly thoughts. It felt like I was in a scary movie. I went downstairs, looked around. I went back upstairs. I went up and down the stairs a few times. I became anxious when I looked at the time; it was already after eleven o’clock. I started worrying about them.

  Why are they so late? I hope they’re all right. I didn’t expect them to come home this late. They’re all usually in bed by now. She told me they’d be home evening time. Maybe I should call them at the mother’s house? But then again, I don’t want to seem silly and bother them. Oh, forget it. They should be here by now. I’m calling.

  After a lot of rings someone picked up the phone.

  “Hello?” she said, in a sleepy voice.

  I think it’s Anna’s mother. Did I wake her up?

  “Hello. This is Alyssa, Anna’s housekeeper. I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if Anna and everyone left yet? I was starting to worry because it’s getting late.”

  “Oh no my dear. They decided to stay over. They’re all asleep already.”

  “Oh, I thought they would be coming back tonight.
OK, thank you. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight my dear.”

  She hung up. I was happy, but surprised. Happy that everything was fine with them, but I couldn’t believe no one remembered me when they decided to stay over.

  That’s rather inconsiderate. Didn’t they care? They changed the plan, didn’t call me, and here I was, sitting for hours waiting for them, and worrying. Another lesson learned.

  THIRTEEN

  November 1996, Long Island

  It was always a special moment when I got paid. I made $230 a week. It was double what I made in a month back home. Knowing that I worked and earned this myself made me feel proud. I was grateful to Anna and Michael. But it should’ve been more, given the long work hours and the two additional jobs.

  The Corrector would call me to come downstairs and hand me the cash. Of course, he’d be in charge of paying people, because of his controlling personality. I thanked him and went back upstairs to my room. I had all these dollars in my hands. I counted it a few times, because counting money felt good. It felt powerful, even though I knew the money didn’t belong to me, yet. But it was still exciting holding it for a while. Getting paid always made me ambitious to earn even more.

  In September I extended my visa for another six months. Anna was happy to help me with the application. I was learning more every day. As I learned, the job got easier. But I still wasn’t comfortable living in the house. Even though it was beautiful, and my room was nice and cozy, I just couldn’t get used to it. I was here because I needed to be here. Usually the new and unfamiliar becomes familiar. We get used to it. But this was not going to happen to me in this place, that was for sure.

  Kalian worked and lived here too, but she seemed happy and comfortable. She seemed to love the kids and enjoyed taking care of them. She was smiling and happy when she’d leave the house for the weekend, and she’d have the same smile and positive energy when she came back. She seemed happy in her skin. It doesn’t matter what kind of job or lifestyle you have; it’s all about finding happiness with who you are and in everything you do.

  After five months of work without leaving the house, Anna made my day when she asked me to go with them to their apartment in the city. I got so excited. I’d finally be able to see the city. This was my dream since I landed. I felt like I was going on vacation even though I’d be working. It was still going to be exciting to be there. I’d be able to smell the air and hear the sounds of the city.

  I was desperate to see lots of people. I wanted to see the lights at night and the yelling of drunk people in the middle of the night. I felt like a caged animal who was hungry for freedom. I couldn’t wait. The days were going slow as I counted them down, and my excitement grew as the day approached. It would be nice to leave this big, quiet house for a couple of days.

  Since Kalian had the weekend off, I’d have to take care of the kids. After breakfast and coffee on Friday morning we all got into the car. I sat in the back seat between the kids. Even in the car I had to work. But it was nice to go for a ride. It felt different and fun. I pretended I was on a family trip. It was interesting to see new things while we were on the road. It was good to see some life, some energy. It felt comfortable hanging with them, even though they weren’t my friends or anything.

  Michael turned on the radio. Hearing the music made me feel even better. I became so optimistic and positive about being there. The sun felt good as we sat in the car. We hit traffic. Anna and Michael complained but I sat patiently, looking at the passengers in the cars around us and enjoying the music. Aaron was sleeping and Jessica was playing quietly with her dolls.

  Interesting. Jessica’s quiet and not crying? She’s happy when she’s around her whole family.

  “We’re getting close to Manhattan. You’ll be able to see a nice view soon.” said Anna.

  “I can’t wait,” I said.

  My dream will be a reality soon. I’m the happiest person in the world right now. I’ll have a story to tell my friends and family now that I’ll see this magical city with my own eyes. The Manhattan that we only knew from movies and books. The city that never sleeps. And now it would be real.

  Then I saw it. My eyes got wide. The most unforgettable, powerful and extremely attractive view of the city skyline. I could actually feel its energy. I was speechless. I looked from one end of the skyline to the other, and back again. The architecture and the size of the buildings were like nothing I’d ever seen. I stared in awe until the car made its way into a tunnel and the skyline disappeared.

  “Are we going close to those tall buildings? Are we in the city now?” I asked.

  “Yes, we are. This is where I come every day to work.”

  “I’m so jealous.”

  “Why? Because I come here every day?”

  “Yes. I’d like to work here, but I’d really love to live here.”

  “I love Manhattan too. When I was single I lived here. But we moved to the suburbs for the kids. Plus, Michael doesn’t really like crowds.”

  She seemed to want to chat more, but Michael interrupted, asking her a question. We came out of the tunnel and I looked at the streets, the people and the buildings. I watched as the taxis would get so close to us you could see the eyes of the people in the other car.

  Even the people look different here. Their look, the way they dress, the way they walk. Everything seems eclectic and different. I want to be part of this crowd one day. I belong here.

  Michael dropped us off in front of the building. Getting out of the car felt so nice. I could finally take a deep breath of the city air. I needed that. I needed city oxygen. The air in the city always smells different. Most of the air is probably polluted but I didn’t care. I liked it. It’s hard to explain. At home, every time we’d return from the countryside, I could smell the city as we got closer. It always energized me. I helped Anna get four large suitcases out of the car. It seemed like they packed for a long vacation.

  I thought this was a weekend trip. How many clothes do they need for just two days? I’ll find out soon enough since I’ll be unpacking all the bags.

  All I had was a shopping bag. I didn’t want to bring my big yellow suitcase, and I didn’t have any small travel bags, so I just put some clothes and a toilet kit in a shopping bag. That’s all I needed since I’d be staying in the apartment, working. I collected Aaron. Jessica went right to her mom. I became so distracted standing on the street that it was hard to focus on the baby. I was astonished. Looking around, seeing the people and the vitality of the city. It pulsated. I didn’t want to go inside, but the fun was over.

  The building had five floors. Every floor belonged to one family, and the elevator would open into the apartment. Their apartment was on the top floor. When the elevator door opened, I was stunned. The apartment was something from a movie. I couldn’t hold my excitement.

  “This apartment is amazing, Anna,” I said.

  “Thank you. I like it too. I wanted to keep this even though we spend more time on Long Island. I didn’t want to give it up because then we wouldn’t come here so much, and that wouldn’t be a fun thing for me.”

  Seems like she still wants a city lifestyle. She was from the city. Michael wasn’t. She seems happy enough on Long Island, but probably because she still has this place.

  “Do you work close by?”

  “It’s not too far from here. But the travel from the house is long and annoying.”

  “Why don’t you all just live here? This is such a beautiful place.”

  “Yeah, I know. Maybe. One day. Maybe we should start unpacking.”

  She wants to change the subject. She even looks different since we walked in here. Her appearance and personality are brighter. Maybe that will happen to me? Maybe the city will help with my attitude and energy. I’m hungry. It’s the first time I’ve been hungry since I left home. This is a good sign. I was worried about not having an appetite and losing too much weight.

  I put Aaron in his room for a nap and knocked on Anna
’s bedroom door. They were all in there resting. I asked Anna if it was OK to have a cup of coffee. She came with me to the kitchen to show me how to make it. She made enough for herself too and went back to the bedroom. When the coffee was ready, I asked her if she’d like to have it in her bedroom.

  “I’ll be right there,” she said.

  The coffee tasted good and it killed my appetite, a little.

  “Let me show you something,” she said.

  I followed her up a narrow staircase. When we reached the top, she opened a door. It was a rooftop living space that was part of the apartment. I was amazed.

  “I love hanging out here and having coffee or a glass of wine. It’s so beautiful isn’t it? I prefer this small rooftop more than that huge backyard we have on Long Island. What do you think?”

  I don’t know what to say. Actually, I do know, and I absolutely agree with her. But I don’t want to share my opinion. I’ve learned it’s not always good to share your opinions, especially with the people you work for.

  “It’s interesting,” I finally said, looking around.

  The rooftop was small but cozy, with plants scattered about. It had an unfinished look to it. A nice place to hang out and relax. There were a couple of comfortable chairs and a small coffee table. I wanted to stay there, have my coffee and daydream about living like this one day. But I heard Michael calling his wife and it reminded me that I was supposed to be working. I followed Anna downstairs. I went to the baby’s room. His diaper needed changing.

  “Alyssa, the food we ordered is here,” Anna said. “Can you please go downstairs and get it?”

  I finished up and handed Aaron to her and started towards the elevator.

  “Hold on,” she said. “Let me give you some money. And this is the elevator code. You’ll need to enter it when you come back up.”

  I know the food delivery process already, but having a code for using the elevator? That’s impressive. So many new and interesting things.