by Hart, Romi
“I am not answering this.”
“YES, you are. Tell me what he has. Give me therapy, Doctor Katt. You know, since you’ve never actually taken me on as a therapist, you owe me an honest answer.”
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“Stop making it about that. Just tell me what does it for you? What, is he an expert in the field of psychology? Does he have a neatly trimmed beard, and does he start every sentence with “Well I read something quite fascinating in Psychology Today?”
“Shut up!” she says, in disbelief, almost laughing but too irate to let this one go. “You know, I think maybe we’re spending a little too much time together. If you’re getting this upset about it, it’s obvious you can’t handle a friendship.”
“Yeah you know, you’re right. Fuck friendship. If Bill wants to date you, then I challenge him to a duel.”
“A duel? Like in the eighteen hundred? A duel, are you serious?!”
“A contest between respectable men. I saw you first, I wanted you first. So, fuck Bill and his neatly trimmed beard.”
She laughs, against her own will. “He doesn’t have a beard. And you know what? You know what?” She repeats herself and her tone gets angrier. “Honestly, I went on one date with Bill and didn’t feel a lot of sparks. But NOW that you’re pulling this teenage-girl bullshit, now I really am interested in Bill. Really interested in going all the way with him. How do you like that?”
“I’m interested in Bill too. I wonder how much it would cost to end his professional interest in you?”
“Don’t you dare! I don’t want you speaking to Bill at all. Whatsoever.”
“Then tell me what I want to know.”
She fumes, and her voice becomes enraged. “You know what he HAS that you don’t? He isn’t you, Byron! That’s just about it. You have no fucking concept of respect, of boundaries or of just letting people live their life without trying to control every aspect. Bill is a fucking grownup, okay? He understands that my life is MY life. Not his, not anyone else’s.”
“Oh, I see how it is.”
“YEAH! That’s how it is. So, chill the fuck out!”
“You’re so sexy when you swear.”
“Thank you. I don’t want you calling me anymore UNTIL you chill out, stop this game, and learn to show respect. You were doing very well.”
“Yeah, I guess I had a relapse, huh?”
“I guess! Now I’m going to bed.”
“I wish I were your pillow.”
“Goodbye!”
Well, that went well. I just about went ballistic on my ‘friend’ and pissed her off and yet I don’t feel that bad about it, weirdly enough. I mean yeah, I get I’m a little jealous. But hey, all is fair in love and war. I’m not going to sit by idly while some fucker, some loser piece of shit, steals the woman that I want and that I was interested in from day one.
The best thing he has going for him is that he’s NOT ME, whatever that means. You’re going to meet a lot of people, Laura, who aren’t me! That’s not such a good thing. I’m fucking Byron Gallows, that’s who I am. And if you’re going to lead me on and pretend as if you weren’t interested in me even a little bit, then I’m going to call you on it.
Come on, deep down I KNOW you felt that attraction. I know it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have replied to me. Part of you knows this could be a good thing but maybe you’re just too afraid to admit what you want. Or maybe you think you can’t handle it.
Been a couple of days and Laura has ignored my rambling texts. Well, maybe not rambling, more like me being a condescending prick again. Yeah, I guess I deserve to be ignored.
And yet I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop, I want the drama. No, I want the fucking abuse. I want her to look me in the eye and tell me that she’s not attracted to me and has no interest in me. I don’t buy it and I sure as hell, am not going to let her put me on the back burner while she explores a serious adult relationship with Bill Fuckwitt.
But of course, Laura, as usual, can’t resist being just as big an asshole as I am. Instead of keeping it classy, what does she do? She posts all over Facebook that she’s visiting with a friend. Gee, who would that friend be, Laura? And where would that place be, where you are gonna sample ’really great shrimp?’
I laugh softly at the silliness of the whole thing, as I sit down at the table with Laura and Bill, nodding my head.
“Oh my God!” Laura says, with rage in her eyes and probably ready to foam at the mouth.
“Hey!” I say, helping myself to some breadsticks. “You know what I don’t get?” taking turns to look at Laura and Bill. Bill looks exactly as I pictured he would, except that he doesn’t have a beard. But he looks nice, mature, late thirties, beady eyes, and a respectable haircut. What a tool! Nevertheless, I will continue to show class.
“Hello,” Bill says in confusion.
“What’s the deal with pharmaceutical companies pushing medication even to patients who don’t need it?”
Bill looks at me in disbelief as I continue to start the polite debate. “I mean, I know people who work at Bayer AG since my family heavily invests in that industry. And they’ve all but confirmed that pushing products is more important than psychology. I mean, whatever happened to behavior cognitive therapy? Why is there all this heavy push for drugs instead of real healing? I thought drugs were bad, that’s what Michael Jordan once said in the 1980s.”
“Oh,” Bill says with a smile. “So I assume this is Byron Gallows,” he says with a nod, laughing politely.
“Yes, unfortunately,” Laura says eyeing me with daggers. “He decided to come to crash my date for some ridiculous and immature reason.”
“So, you’ve been talking about me?”
“Not THAT much, no,” Laura corrects me.
“Because you know, I’m obviously so young and inexperienced, my entire life is all about sex and partying. Because I’m just a spoiled rich boy. Is that what you all were gossiping about?”
A waiter approaches the table looking nervous. “Is everything all right? Is this man a member of your party?”
“NO, he is not.”
“Well, what can I say, boss?” I smile at the waiter. “I’m trying my damnest to qualify. How about you take this and go get me a real drink?”
I wink and slip the waiter a ridiculously thick wad of cash.
“Yes sir!” he says, gladly ignoring Laura’s objections.
“All right,” she says, still twisting the imaginary knife into my heart and seeing red. “You’ve made your point. What do you have to say?”
“Nothing. I’m here to listen. Continue to chat, by all means. I’ve very interested to know, as an investor, where the psychology industry is headed. I mean, if pharmaceuticals own your ass, I just wonder what about the welfare of the patient?”
Bill looks downright amused and plays along. “I wonder that too! Of course, since I’m a forensic psychologist, pharmaceuticals are not my field of expertise. Unless of course, we’re talking about profiling serial killers. And I must say, my son, you seem quite the candidate for a study.”
Bill smiles, not at all bothered by the scene. I’m almost tempted to troll him harder but then I notice Laura is still eye-gouging me, looking ready to stab me with a butter knife.
“I apologize for making a scene,” I say, keeping it classy.
“OH REALLY? DO YOU?” Laura says.
“Yes. But you see, I’ve been dating Laura for a while now. And I guess I took offense that she suddenly decided to start dating someone else.”
“Oh?” Bill says, still playing along. “Is that so?”
“NO, IT’S NOT!” Laura says, her eyes widening in anger.
“Well you see, Byron is it?”
“Yeah, that’s my name.”
“I’m aware of your family. Your father has a great reputation. I’ve certainly read a great deal about him.”
“Yeah, he’s all right most of the time. Kind of flatulent if you ask me.”
“You are SO immature!” Laura says.
“But you see Byron,” Bill continues. “While I do firmly believe in a man’s right to pursue the woman he loves, I also believe that the woman has the right to make her choice. We must let Laura choose, eh?”
“Yes, but I fear we’re both being played. Laura is playing us both and I think we as men deserve better. We’re not just sex objects here for the amusement of women.”
“Speak for yourself,” Bill says with a shrug.
“Okay that’s enough from both of you,” Laura says. “Bill, I think this date is over. Byron, I’m going to explain something right now, and I want you to get it through that thick entitled rich boy noggin of yours. I am NOT interested in a sexual relationship with you. I will never sleep with you. Ever.”
“Ever?”
“Never!”
“I mean that’s so absolute. Not even if God himself commanded you to procreate and refill the empty earth?”
“No, I wouldn’t. The answer is no. And if there was ever a question before…” She laughs hard. “Then the answer is definitely NO right now. Now that I’ve seen your total obsession with me.”
“Oh my God,” I mumble to myself. “Does that mean you WERE thinking about it before?”
Laura folds her arms and stares at me.
“You know, before I screwed everything up, and granted I did that. But you actually WERE thinking of giving me a chance?”
Bill laughs, as the waiter drops off my drink.
“That’s something. That’s hope.”
“Let’s go, Bill,” Laura says, still giving me the evil eye. “We’ll settle up later. Byron, let me put this in words you’ll understand. You’re grounded. You act like a foolish teenager, I ground you from calling or texting me.”
Bill laughs pretty hard, taking a sip of his drink.
“I’m grounded? You think you’re funny or something? I’m Byron Gallows. My family owns everything. You can’t control me…”
“You’re grounded,” Laura says, as she grabs Bill and encourages him to leave with her. “Remember what I said.”
“Oh, I remember.” You said…if there was ever a question before. Which means you thought about it. It wasn’t all in my imagination. You have a huge shield up, but deep down, you’re thinking about me.” And suddenly blood surges through my veins.
I’m halfway to heaven, halfway into the arms of this woman I can’t stop thinking about. I can’t give up now. But she’s right. I do have to play by her rules, and I have to let her “ground me” until she feels I’ve been punished enough.
Obsession! She’s absolutely right. I don’t know what it is, but whenever I interact with her, my spirit starts to leave me. It starts to go mad with passion. And the more she slaps my hand away, the harder and filthier I fantasize about her.
She’s all the more sexier since she never actually comes out and says to leave her alone. I mean, what the hell is that? Grounding me? Instead of calling for security, instead of demanding I stop stalking her, she “grounds” me! She’s playing this game with me, whether she admits it or not.
I mean hell, the best way to get rid of me, Laura, would have been to take me on as a patient. Then you could never date me. But THAT was never your real motivation, was it? You naughty, naughty girl.
It’s been a week now and finally, Laura tells me I could call her, but only on the strict condition that I apologize. Yeah right! I admit I was worried before. Dating Bill just about pushed me over the edge. But she keeps letting me do this, she keeps letting me self-destruct and make an ass of myself just to see how far I’ll go. Oh, you have no idea, Laura. You’ve opened up a Pandora’s Box with this “emotional connection” bullshit.
“You know, if you had had one night of loveless sex with me, we could have both moved on by now. We’d be bored. Dating other people. Not even the least bit interested in seeing each other naked.”
“I’m waiting for my apology.”
“Ah, okay. I’m sorry. It was rude of me.”
“You were extremely rude to Bill. I haven’t even gotten to the part about how you disrespected me. But think of poor Bill.”
“I don’t care about Bill. I want to date you, Laura.”
“And that’s your problem! You don’t care about anyone else except you.”
“No. I care about YOU. I’m not going to be some fucking cuck and let you date another guy, when I obviously want you harder, and rougher and more madly. You’re all I think about. You put this in me, this…”
“This what?”
“This curse,” he says with a smile. “You put a hex on me. Now you’re all I think about.”
“I DID? HOW?”
“I don’t know but whatever you did, it worked like magic. Now I’m completely obsessed with you.”
“That’s ridiculous!” she says, a little too spiteful if you ask me. “I have not been chasing you. You’re the one who’s been coming after me non-stop.”
“So now that I have you on the phone and now that I’ve apologized, let’s be honest with each other.”
“Honest? How honest? I won’t date you, Byron, because you continually show me a lack of respect.”
“I do respect you. I don’t respect other men, and guess what? I don’t have to. I actually thought I was very nice to Bill, all things considered. And hey, he was laughing too. He thought the whole show was hilarious.”
“Yes, he thought your juvenile behavior was hilarious. Bill is from a different world. A professional world.”
“Is that why he was laughing?” I say slyly. “Because of me or you?”
“It wasn’t ME!” she says. “You’re the one who broke up our date.”
“You know what the tragedy of all this is?”
She laughs. “Don’t give yourself that much credit. Tragedy…”
“The real tragedy is that while you’re so flippantly dating other people, I actually haven’t been having sex with anyone. At all, like none. Can you believe that?”
If she says “Go ahead and date someone else” I’ll know, right now, if she really hates me or not.
“And I could have dated a couple of girls. Well, by date, you know what I mean. Easy girls in bars, a fist full of cash. We could have gone to Vegas and rode the pony all night long. But I didn’t want that. I’ve been so interested in you, I held off. Because I don’t date other people when I’m interested in one woman.”
She stays resentfully silent. “Why in the world would you go to Vegas and score with some floozy anyway? What kind of life is that?”
I smile and shrug. “It’s what I ought to be doing. I’m young. And we’re certainly not in a committed relationship, are we?”
“NO, we are not. And I have no interest in a committed relationship with you. OR a sexual relationship with you.”
“But that will change,” I say with a firm nod. “You’re eventually going to realize you’re fighting an IDEA and not really a man. Because you like the man, you like me. I think you do.”
She laughs loudly.
“But you’re resisting this idea for some reason. You know what my personal theory is?”
“Oh! Do tell. What is your theory?”
“You’re scared that you’re going to like it. Aren’t you?”
“No! I’m not scared. Not at all. And hey, just so you know, I don’t buy for a second that you’re being faithful to me or whatever. You’re a liar.”
“I don’t lie. I have no reason to lie. Sure, I bribe people. I have a lot of reckless, loveless sex with girls that pretty much want to be used and pampered with money. I’m arrogant, I’m full of myself. Sure. But there’s no advantage in lying, none at all.”
“So, I’m supposed to believe that you just pursue one woman at a time?”
“Absolutely. It’s just that well, I’ve never gone this long pursuing a woman before. Usually, all my pursuits end in a day or so. But you, my God, you’ve kept this going for weeks. I’m going to have blue balls by the time this
is over.”
“YES, you are! Because I will never sleep with you! I thought I made that clear.”
“I have a one-track mind,” I reply. “You’re the one who started this emotional-connection crap. And it worked so well, I’m playing your game. I want to pursue this the same way you do. You started it, you made the rules, now I’m playing on your terms.”
“It’s not a game,” she taunts back. “Maybe that’s your problem, you think everything is a game.”
“You want to know the truth?”
“No,” she says mockingly.
“I can’t even get it up with another woman.”
“What?!”
“Seriously. Even if I wanted to go out and screw someone else, my dick wouldn’t work.”
“So young to have that problem.”
“It’s not a health thing, it’s mental. It’s a mental block. You know how some women can’t orgasm unless they’re 100 percent comfortable? Well, it’s that way with me. Unless it’s the woman I WANT and not a substitute, I can’t even get it up.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true. Strange but true. Call it a lifetime of seducing every woman I’ve ever met and getting what I want all the damned time. Now, if I fail to get the girl, my penis turns against me. Lord George says, “Nope. You haven’t succeeded, try again. Or I’m out of here.”
She laughs. “Your penis is named Lord George?”
“Well yeah. Named after George Gordon Byron, of course.”
“I don’t know who that is. Look, Byron…I really do think all this obsession you have with me is just because I’m the first woman to tell you no. Okay? So if I were to sleep with you, and that’s a big if…” She talks over me and continues. “The attraction would be gone instantly because I would stop saying no, and you would lose interest then. It’s as simple as that.”
“So you’re afraid of me losing interest in you? How surprisingly, not independent of you. I never took you for the needy type.”
“How dare you!”
“I’m not being insulting, sweety. I’m just saying, the secret to conquering your fear of abandonment is to stop thinking of sex as this big dramatic thing. It’s just a good time, that’s all. We’ll still be friends. And besides, I’m pretty sure you’ll get bored of me first, more than me of you.”