Ten minutes later, when she hadn’t reappeared, I went looking for her. Stepping into her bedroom, I was overcome by the smell of roses and powder. It was the same scent that used to cling to Grandma when I was a kid. Noticing the anguish on her face, I dropped down on the bed beside her.
“What’s wrong, Mom?”
“I can’t go out, Zach. What if someone sees me?”
“So what if they do?” I was completely lost. I had no idea where her head was at or why being seen mattered.
“Zach, I’m not what I used to be.”
I had to concede there. Didn’t mean I was about to let her become a hermit though. “No, Mom, you’re not. But you’re still my mom, and I would like to take you to dinner. We can even sit in the back corner if you want.”
“Zach.” Her voice was desperate and needy, and I almost caved.
“I promise I’ll protect you.” I made the promise so easily, meaning every word. There was no way I was going to let anyone upset her.
“Okay. But if we see Angelica, I’m getting straight back in the car and you’re bringing me home. Deal?”
I had absolutely no idea who the fuck Angelica was or why Mom was so damn determined to avoid her, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. “Deal. Let’s go before my stomach starts eating me from the inside out.”
“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” She laughed, standing up and heading towards her closet. “Give me a minute to change.”
Leaving her to it, I went back out to the lounge to see if there was anything else lying around that I needed to know about.
We finally made it to a diner that was up to Mom’s standards and snuck into a corner booth, carefully avoiding being seen by anyone, especially the evil Angelica who I’d learned in the car was Mom’s replacement at the bank. A twenty-something know it all, who refused to listen to anything Mom had been trying to teach her and complained to management that Mom was bullying her. Finally, the truth had come out why Mom’s retirement had kicked in six weeks earlier than expected. While she hadn’t exactly been fired, it had been suggested that maybe it was for the best if she finished up early. Assholes! Had I known everything at the time, you can bet your ass I would’ve made sure everyone else knew too.
After placing our orders, with Mom indulging in a steak and vegetables, we sat back and relaxed. I’d managed two mouthfuls of my drink before Mom turned the interrogation in my direction.
“So, Zach, did you know Evelyn across the hall is getting another granddaughter? Another one! That means she’ll have three granddaughters and a grandson.”
Mom’s favorite topic to bust my balls about was the lack of a wife and children in my life. She was ready for grandkids, and with my sister Maddy too caught up in herself, all her hopes were weighing on me. No pressure.
“Evelyn must be thrilled,” I replied, playing along. While I knew exactly what she was getting at, making her work for it wasn’t going to kill her. If she wanted to have some fun, then two could play at that game.
“She is. She brought me over photos of the others the other morning. Beautiful kids they are. And Christian, her oldest, starts school this year. Can you believe it? He’s so grown up.”
“I hear kids do that.”
“When am I getting grandkids, Zach?”
“Wow! Straight out with it this time, huh? No pussy footing around today?”
“I don’t have time for pussy footing around, Zachary. I’m getting old. I want to be able to enjoy my grandkids. Remember their names. I lost my keys the other day. Do you know where I found them? Do you?”
“Where did you find them?”
“In the freezer next to the peas. I didn’t even know I had peas or why my keys were there, but it took me two days to find them.”
I couldn’t help the snicker that escaped me. I’d been worried about Mom’s memory for a while, but hearing this and seeing the annoyance on her face made me laugh.
“It’s not funny. You’re my only son, Zach. Who knows when your sister is going to be ready to settle down, if ever?” I knew that was something that worried Mom more than she was willing to admit. “I just want to see you happy.”
Reaching across the table, I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. I needed her to hear me. Really hear me. “I am happy, Mom. I’ve got everything I need, right here.”
With a heavy sigh, the fight evaporated from her and it turned to guilt, something Mom had mastered over the years. “I know, sweetheart, but don’t you want someone to share your life with?”
4
LILY
I couldn’t do it anymore.
It’d been four days since I’d brought Ava home from the hospital. Four days since I’d slept. Four days since I’d showered. Four days since I’d eaten a hot meal. Basically, I stunk, was beyond tired and hangry.
We’d been in my apartment less than fifteen minutes when I realized I wasn’t set up to look after a baby. I didn’t have a crib or a stroller or, as it turns out, a clue what I was doing. After tossing some of my clothes in an overnight bag, I packed up my chocolate-colored cat, Malteser, and went to my grandma’s house. Or my house, I guess. Grandma Rose died eighteen months ago leaving me not only her house, but completely alone in the world. She’d been my everything. The woman who raised me. The woman who dried my tears and fed me ice cream after I’d had my fragile teenage heart broken. She was my person. And I missed her every single day.
Opening the front door, I tried to juggle my handbag and a screaming baby only to be greeted with stale, putrid air. While Ava cried herself hoarse, I opened windows and doors. It took me three hours to find everything I’d come looking for. Thank God Grandma was a hoarder. She still had everything from when I was a baby; something I’d teased her about for years.
“Please, Ava. Please stop crying,” I begged as I bounced back and forth on the balls of my sore feet.
I was on the verge of conceding defeat and taking her back to the hospital for a check-up. It couldn’t be natural or good for her to have screamed for days. The only time she wasn’t crying was when she was asleep, which sadly wasn’t often enough.
After washing the blankets I’d found in the cupboard, I settled us both on the double bed and prayed for more than a few minutes of shut eye.
Ava didn’t agree.
At three in the morning, completely exhausted and cried out, I buckled her in the car and went to the hospital. They checked her over and, once again, confirmed she was okay. A little dehydrated and tired but overall, she was a healthy baby.
At six, as I fought to keep my heavy eyes open, Sarah bounced through the glass doors looking way too happy for me. I wanted to gouge her eyes out.
“Lily! What are you doing here?” Sarah exclaimed as she moved towards me. “Is the baby okay?”
“She’s an asshole, but she’s okay.” As soon as I said it, I felt swamped by guilt.
“Huh?”
Rubbing my eyes, I wished the headache would ease. “She’s cried from the moment I got her home.”
“Any idea why?”
“Do you think if I knew what was wrong, I wouldn’t have fixed it?” I snarked. I was a bitch when I was tired, and even though I knew Sarah didn’t deserve it, I needed someone to take it out on. I was quickly realizing why kids usually had two parents. The idea of handing her over and making her someone else’s problem, even for half an hour, sounded like bliss.
Dumping her bag on the floor at my feet, Sarah dropped into the uncomfortable chair beside me. The moment her arm wrapped around my shoulder, I fell apart. Having someone to catch me was all it took before I completely lost it.
“Hey! What’s this?” Sarah asked, holding me tight as tears streamed down my face.
After a few moments letting it out, I pulled back, wiped my eyes and sniffed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. What happened?”
“She just hasn’t slept. She barely eats. All she does is cry and shriek. She hates me.”
“She doesn
’t hate you, Lily. She can’t hate you. No one does. It’s just not possible.”
“Then why won’t she settle? What am I doing wrong?” I wiped my snotty nose on my sleeve. It couldn’t make it any worse. I was covered in spit up, milk and God knows what else.
“She doesn’t hate you. She just doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know anyone. Just give her time.”
Everything Sarah said made sense, but it didn’t help. It didn’t offer me the answers I desperately needed. A nurse appeared cradling a crying Ava. Standing up, I wiped my hands on my thighs and reached out to take her.
“Look, Lily, I have to get to work. Why don’t I stop by after my shift and see how you’re doing?”
As much as I didn’t want to intrude on Sarah’s life and take her away from time with her own family, I was desperate. “That would be great. If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. I’ll head over around six and bring dinner.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t. But I’m going to. And you, beautiful girl,” she trailed her finger across Ava’s cheek, “you need to be a good girl for Lily, precious.”
“Ava.”
“Excuse me?”
“Her name is Ava. I couldn’t keep calling her baby, so we thought Ava suited her.”
“We?”
“Zach and I.”
“Oh, you and Zach are chummy now, are you?”
Before I had the opportunity to answer, Ava’s squealing escalated. “I should get her home. Maybe after a bottle she might nap.”
“Fingers crossed.”
Sarah disappeared around the corner leaving me standing there, with the eyes of other parents boring into my back. Gathering our stuff, I carried Ava out to the car and headed home.
The doorbell rang at twenty after six and, thinking it was Sarah, I didn’t even bother to pull on pants before answering the door. Didn’t I give the delivery boy a shock. My pink shirt was wet in patches and clung to me in places it shouldn’t from my attempts at giving Ava a bath.
“Ah, I have a delivery for Lily Evans,” he spluttered, unable to meet my eyes.
“That’s me.” I smiled, accepting the plastic bag.
Scurrying away, he left me standing there feeling like a loser. With a loud screech, I slammed the door shut and went back to where Ava was still crying. Picking her up, I noticed she was hot to touch. Forgetting dinner which smelt so good it had my stomach gurgling, I focused on the baby girl who deserved nothing less than everything I had to give.
“What’s the matter my sweet girl?” I asked, wishing she could somehow tell me what was wrong.
Swiping the tears from her red cheeks, I felt how warm she was. Not knowing what else to do, I stripped her down to her diaper, hoping that would help. Rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet, I found my phone down between the couch cushions.
Sarah: Sorry, sweetie. Not going to make it. Chase fell off his skateboard and hit his head. I’m sending dinner though.
“Shit!” I swore before immediately feeling guilty. I needed Sarah’s help, but she was exactly where she needed to be. Looking after her own son was, and should be, her number one priority. I’d taken this on, I’d have to figure it out myself.
I walked into the bedroom we were using and found Ava’s pacifier. I was shocked when she took it and her crying faded. Too terrified to move, I just watched as her eyelids fluttered and fell closed as she drifted off. I don’t even know how long I stood there. I know my arms were numb and my legs aching. Only when I thought I was about to drop her, I relented and carefully set her down in the crib, holding my breath.
When she didn’t move, I backed out of the room on my toes. I’d made it all the way to the lounge room and dropped onto the couch before I risked taking a breath. I had no idea what I’d done differently or what had helped her drop off, but I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Whatever it was, I was taking it.
Dropping my head back against the cushion, I laid down and just took a minute. Looking around the room, the one I’d spent countless hours watching movies in and playing with my toys as a kid, I realized I was going to have to make a decision on what I wanted to do with this place sooner rather than later. The paint was looking tired, there was a layer of dust coating everything and the curtains looked like they were out of another era. It was Grandma’s home. It was my home. The time was coming when I was going to have to decide whether I kept it or let it go to another family who could make happy memories here.
With a loud yawn, I pushed aside all decisions, making them future Lily’s problem and let my eyes drift closed.
I got forty minutes.
Forty blissful minutes.
It wasn’t anywhere near enough.
It was better than what I’d been getting, but it was all I was getting. The alarm clock, a.k.a. Ava, was awake again. Rubbing my tired eyes, I trudged towards the bedroom and made my way to where she was crying. Scooping her up, I held her close, breathing in her beautiful baby scent.
“Why don’t you like sleep, pretty lady?” I asked as I wrapped her in a soft, pink cotton blanket I’d found in the cupboard.
For the next, I don’t even know how many hours, I walked around in circles, sung every lullaby I knew before moving on to Taylor Swift’s greatest hits, and somewhere in the early hours of the morning, I buckled her into the back seat and tried to lull her to sleep by the gentle rocking of the car. It didn’t work.
After yet another feed, diaper and outfit change, I set her down in the crib, collapsed on my bed and burst into tears. I was beyond tired. I couldn’t take much more. I had no idea what I was thinking taking this on on my own. I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. Maybe my body knew better than my head did. This was just proof of that.
Sitting up, the room spun around me, and I realized how much trouble I was in. Falling back on the bed, I squeezed my eyes closed, praying for the wave of dizziness to subside. When I cracked my eyes open a moment later, it wasn’t any clearer.
Conceding defeat, I did the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t.
5
ZACH
“Last night was insane,” Bowie confirmed, collapsing onto the couch in the main room at the station.
He wasn’t wrong.
“Yeah. You can say that again,” I replied as I poured myself an orange juice.
It was almost seven in the morning, and the closer I got to the end of my shift, the more I looked forward to it. I was ready for some breakfast and sleep. Hell, I wasn’t even annoyed at the reality that I was heading home to a full laundry basket and an empty fridge.
Before I had a chance to say anything, my phone started ringing in my pocket.
“G’day,” I answered.
As soon as I said it, I cringed. Growing up and living in Australia most of my life, I rarely said g’day. It was one of those words the world thought we said but rarely did. It was right up there along with ‘throwing another shrimp on the barbie’ and the classic, ‘that’s not a knife.’ Ever since I’d made the move to the US, it’d crept into my everyday language.
“Zach?” a shaky voice asked.
“Ah, hi.”
“It’s…it’s Lily.”
“Oh, hi, Lily. How’s Ava?” To say I was surprised that Lily actually called was an understatement.
“Ava’s… Ava’s…”
“Lily. Are you okay?” I wasn’t psychic but something was definitely up. Even through the phone I could feel it.
“Ava’s okay. Fine. She’s fine.”
“Okay, Lily. You’re worrying me.”
“Don’t worry, Zach. I’m just… something’s not right. I’m so dizzy and Ava won’t stop crying, and I haven’t slept, and she just screams, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Shit! I knew something was up, but I wasn’t expecting her to be falling apart. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realized I only had fifteen minutes before it was time to call it a day. “Look, Lily. I just fi
nished my shift. Why don’t I swing by? Bring some breakfast?” I tried to keep things light while inside I was more than a little concerned.
“You…don’t…have…to…do…that.” Damn it, now she was crying.
Keeping her talking, I started asking questions while I hurried to grab my duffle bag. With my keys dangling from my finger and my bag swung over my shoulder, I said. “Hey, Lily, can you just hang on two seconds?”
Covering my phone with my hand, I motioned to Bowie who was talking to Grady who’d just breezed through the door looking refreshed and relaxed. “I have to go help someone. Mind if I skip out early?”
Even though I knew they wouldn’t have an issue, it was manners to ask. When they both nodded, Bowie asked if everything was okay. I answered him as honestly as I could. “I’m not sure.”
“Well get out of here and go make sure it is,” he confirmed.
“And, Zach?”
“Yeah?” I called back as I headed out the door.
“Remember to call if you need anything.”
“Will do,” I agreed with a wave before heading towards my truck. Jumping in, I remembered I still had Lily on the line. “Okay. I’m in the car now. What do you feel like for breakfast?”
Without a chance to answer, an ear-piercing scream boomed down the phone. “Is that Ava?”
“Zach, I’ve gotta go.”
“I’ll be there in a few. Sit tight.”
Backing out of the parking lot, I took off a bit faster than I probably should’ve on my way to the florist. Pulling up, I managed to snag a park right out the front. Spying the huge bunches of colorful flowers in the window of Daisy’s Flora, I wondered how I’d never seen this place before. I drove up and down this street almost every day but somehow, I hadn’t seen it.
Stepping through the front door, the scent of roses and other bright bouquets hit me. I noticed a girl behind the counter with purple hair and a ring in her nose.
Fallen: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 3