Chasing Mercury

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  “What is this all about? Why are they calling her Elizabeth?”

  Nora was interrupted as a man in a suit with a red tie strode purposefully up and addressed the group.

  “Senator, would you like to go somewhere a little more private?”

  Gina flashed an expression of apology at Nora and 4B’s mother turned around. Nora now recognized the woman as Senator Tollworthy. Nora didn’t follow politics, but she admired Senator Tollworthy for her stances on civil rights, her work to help young families fight poverty, her anti-war stance, and her stringent views regarding Wall Street. As politicians went, Senator Tollworthy was a good one, Nora thought. And now she was here to claim 4B. The scene before Nora suddenly became surreal.

  “That would be perfect, Andrew. Thank you,” responded the senator, and Nora watched as the man led 4B’s parents, who were guiding 4B, through an opening in the crowd. When they passed Nora, 4B’s father had his hand on 4B’s elbow. His eyes never left her.

  4B reached out and touched Nora’s arm as she passed, her eyes confused, but Nora thought it best to leave her to the people who had come to claim her. She hoped her eyes conveyed the strength she wished she could provide by being at her side, and she reached up to squeeze 4B’s fingers before they slid from her arm. 4B’s mother glanced at Nora but her eyes didn’t linger. Her full attention was on her daughter.

  “Elizabeth, love, you scared the hell out of us. Tell us what happened. Your father and I—” A door closed on the unfinished sentence. Nora was left standing. Alone. In the suddenly silent terminal. Gina had also disappeared into the back office with the rest of the crowd.

  Nora stood where she was, debating whether to try to follow them. But the situation seemed to exclude her. Feeling cast adrift, she turned around, wondering if she should stay or go back home. Before she had a chance to decide, the door opened, and 4B came out. The senator hovered just inside the door, watching.

  “Nora! Are you coming? I need you,” 4B whispered, franticly waving her over. Nora saw confusion and fear in her eyes.

  “They whisked you away so quickly,” explained Nora, closing the distance between them, taking 4B’s hands. “So, that’s your family?”

  “I don’t remember them, Nora. I’m scared. Why am I so scared?” 4B squeezed her hands. All of the tension that had started to leave her expression over the last couple of days was back. The crease between her eyebrows cut a line through her otherwise smooth skin. A tear slid from 4B’s eye and Nora reached up to wipe it.

  Over 4B’s shoulder, Nora noticed the man in the red tie consult with 4B’s mother. He nodded his head and came out to them.

  “Ms. Tollworthy? Would you and your friend like to join us? It’s a little quieter in the office.”

  Nora looked over her shoulder at the people crowded behind the rope. Curious travelers had joined the group and the no-cameras agreement seemed to have lapsed. Several journalists and some curious on-lookers were aiming their cameras and cell phones at them. An airline representative approached the throng and most of the journalists lowered their devices, while the rest of the crowd continued to snap photos. Nora wondered what they thought they were seeing.

  “Please come inside, ladies,” requested the man. 4B’s mother was still just inside the doorway, watching them.

  4B took Nora’s hand and guided her inside.

  Nora closed her front door and leaned her back against the solid wood surface. She dropped her head and breathed in and out, pulling the air deep into her lungs before expelling it. Her chest was tight and the breathing helped. The smell of 4B surrounded her, filled her senses and tingled on her fingertips.

  Now, Nora felt ripped apart and the reminders of 4B were more than just the scent of her clinging to her hand. She pushed away from the closed door and wandered aimlessly through the living room. She passed the sofa, where 4B had curled up with a book just yesterday morning while Nora worked, before the phone call, before 4B had been wrenched out of her life as suddenly as she’d entered it.

  Look Homeward, Angel was still lying open, facedown, on the coffee table. Nora walked past it and stopped in front of the great glass window spanning most of the front wall of the cabin. She looked out, but didn’t see anything—not the cloud of dust from the car that had just left, or the long grass in the meadow across the road bending lazily in the silver light of the late afternoon sun. What she saw was already a memory, a parade of images of 4B, permanently imprinted in her mind.

  4B was gone, had left minutes ago, in the car her parents had rented at the airport. Now, Nora was left with an ache in her chest, and no idea of what would come next.

  Part 2

  4B

  4B STARED AT THE CEILING in the unfamiliar room, watching the shadows of plants cast by the outside security light move in a spooky dance. Hours after midnight, a cold rain was coming down in sheets, and all she could think of was curling up against Nora’s body under an airplane wing as the rain came down in a deluge all around them.

  Nothing about the reunion with her parents or being back in their house triggered her memory. Although everyone had been kind and sensitive, she longed to be with Nora, safe and familiar.

  The meeting in the sterile office at the airport played through her memory.

  From the moment her parents had appeared, she’d felt as if she’d been picked up and set in a scene in someone else’s life. Grace? Elizabeth? 4B? Who was she? She’d sat in the bright white room, studying the grain of the wood in the conference table, trying to figure out who she was. Her only comfort had been Nora next to her. Nora holding her hand, squeezing it firmly beneath the table, conveying safety through the simple touch. On her other side had been the mother she didn’t remember, attentive and sobbing. It had been difficult to see her cry like that. 4B had wanted to soothe the woman but she didn’t know how, so she sat and stared at the table, sneaking glances at Nora, who was always ready with a reassuring smile.

  The man, her father, had stood behind them, one hand placed on her shoulder, the other on her mother’s. All while the airline discussed the details of the crash. 4B knew the story already, even though she was still disconnected from it. While they talked, she focused on what was going on in the room, witnessing everything as a spectator. She observed that she should have felt crowded, but aside from the initial rush of strangers that had terrified her and separated her from Nora, the nearness, even the touch of the strangers hadn’t felt overbearing, just strange. The others—airline officials and her mother’s assistants—had remained at a polite distance. There had been a quick round of introductions when they’d entered the office, but 4B hadn’t remembered any of them. She’d focused on the two who said they were her family.

  “Elizabeth, honey, we would have been here so much sooner. We had no idea until Miriam showed me your picture in the newspaper yesterday evening. We thought you were in Los Angeles. We…” Her mother had started to cry again. She noticed how her father had stroked her mother’s shoulder. Who was Miriam?

  “Your mother has been up all night, pumpkin,” offered her father. 4B could tell the emotional reunion was uncomfortable for him. “Neither of us has been able to sleep since we heard.”

  Her mother wiped her eyes, careful of her makeup. “I should have known something was wrong. I hadn’t heard from you in over a week. We never go that long without talking. I imagined you were just enjoying your visit to L.A. with Layce. But when we heard you were in the accident in Juneau—Alaska, of all places—we were so confused. And then we wondered why you hadn’t contacted us immediately to tell us about it, to tell us you were fine. It wasn’t until we arrived here this morning that we found out about the amnesia. Oh, god, honey!”

  Her father moved to a seat next to his wife, draped his arm over her shoulders and leaned across her, taking 4B’s free hand. So much was going on. She felt like she should be asking questions about her life before, but she didn’t know what to ask. So she sat quietly, trying to bring detail out of the shadows of emo
tions she sensed floating below the surface of her mind.

  “This must be a little overwhelming for you, pumpkin,” her father said, an understatement.

  4B studied her father’s eyes, so similar to her own, full of concern. Innately, she trusted him. The protective gestures he’d displayed in the short time they’d been together—the hand on her elbow or her shoulder, standing near, always watching—made her certain of his love for her. In turn, she had wanted to make him feel better—wanted to make both of them feel better—but she hadn’t known how. Somehow, all of this was about her, but it felt so separate from her. She felt the expectation from all of them, that she could explain or solve all of the unknowns. But she couldn’t.

  “I… I’m sorry,” she said, owing him a response. “Yes, it’s a little overwhelming. I wish… I wish I could remember.”

  “Do you remember us, honey?” her mother had asked and the gleam of hope in her mother’s expression had made her feel insignificant and lacking. “You do remember us, don’t you?”

  She hesitated. Her mother and father waited for her affirmation. Their eyes seemed to say, of course she remembered them.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t,” she admitted. It had been a relief to say it out loud. The thick sense of expectation receded immediately.

  “Not even a little?” her mother had prompted, disappointment dripped from her eyes while hope shone in her smile. 4B felt awful for getting the answer wrong.

  “Roslyn, we mustn’t push,” her father had responded, gentle, but firm.

  Her mother looked at him and nodded. 4B watched as she leaned into him and wiped away another tear. At least they have each other to rely on, she’d thought. Her father had smoothed her mother’s hair. The next instant, her mother straightened up, composed herself, and her gaze had moved to Nora. She felt Nora shift beside her, sit up. Until that moment, neither of her parents had paid much attention to Nora. Selfishly, 4B was relieved to have their focus shift off of her for a moment.

  “I’m sorry, dear,” her mother apologized. “Where are our manners? Nora Kavendash? You were on the airplane, too. You were found with our Elizabeth.”

  “Yes, Senator. Your daughter and I were rescued together,” Nora had replied, squeezing 4B’s hand under the table. 4B had been grateful for Nora’s assurance. It helped her feel a little more confident.

  “How did… I mean, was Elizabeth… she was unconscious when you found her?” her mother had asked, looking distressed, almost like she didn’t want to know the details. “You both look fine now, uninjured.”

  4B thought about how frightening it must have been for them when they had first heard the terrible news. Again, it seemed like she was peeking into another’s life. Her father cleared his throat before he spoke.

  “We’re beyond grateful at the care you provided for her in the field. The airline hasn’t disclosed much yet, even when I explained that I was a doctor, as well as Elizabeth’s father.” He glanced at the officials across the table from them. “As it should be, I suppose. But they only mentioned Elizabeth’s amnesia today, when we arrived. To prepare us. You’re both ambulatory. That’s a good sign.” Like her mother, he’d seemed rattled, looking for footing.

  “Elizabeth was unconscious when I found her,” Nora had responded, explaining 4B’s condition and recovery. With it, she provided some detail about their time in the forest and the rescue. 4B was happy to let Nora do the talking. Nora had recounted the event to people numerous times since they’d been back in Juneau and could probably do it in her sleep. She had lifted her bangs and showed her father the healing scar on her forehead when Nora described her injury. He’d moved closer to examine the small bandage she still wore. His fingers had palpated the area around it and it hadn’t been as weird as she would have expected. In fact, it had been comforting. She surprised herself by missing his nearness as he moved back into his seat.

  “You probably saved our daughter’s life out there,” her father said, and his voice had cracked at the end. He’d had to pause before going on. “Thank you. We can never repay you.”

  Tears streamed from her mother’s eyes again. While she wiped them away, her father turned his attention to the airline officials, and after that, the discussion had centered upon the airline’s response and the settlement. The airline had seemed eager to please the Senator, so most of the conversation had been diverted to her mother and father asking questions and the airline answering them.

  After the meeting, Nora had invited 4B’s parents back to the house. The four of them drove back to Nora’s in two cars, with 4B’s parents following in a large rented SUV, while the senator’s staff, also in a rented SUV, drove in the other direction, toward the hotel the airline had provided for them.

  In the car, 4B’s mind had raced with a flood of questions about who she was and how she was connected to the people who had come to claim her. In a very short time period, the bubble she’d been operating within had expanded, and an anxious fear had filled her. In the quiet of Nora’s Jeep Cherokee, 4B’s fear had needed an outlet.

  “What do I do, Nora?”

  Nora had navigated out of the airport parking lot while keeping an eye on the rearview mirror. Her lips had been drawn together in a thin line and when she had glanced at 4B, her eyes had held more questions than answers.

  “What do you want to do?” Nora had asked.

  “Turn time backward until we’re back in your bed this morning, before the phone rang. Then we could have ignored it.”

  Nora had smiled then, and reached over to grab her hand.

  “That sounds pretty good to me, too,” Nora had said, squeezing her hand. “Assuming it isn’t an option, though, what’s your plan B?”

  “I don’t know. Not knowing what I don’t remember makes it hard to plan. I don’t know those people, Nora.”

  “They seem nice. It’s obvious they care about you.”

  “Yeah,” 4B had said, gazing at the houses they passed. Her gaze had caught her own reflection in the side mirror and she thought how seeing the woman who was her mother had felt a little like looking in a mirror. Nora had cleared her throat before glancing at her again.

  “I think you should go home with them when they leave tomorrow.”

  4B hadn’t expected that answer and fear and disappointment had threaded through her heart.

  “Will you come with me?”

  Nora smiled but her eyes had a cloudy look and 4B had known then Nora wouldn’t go.

  “I want to. I would. You need to know that.”

  “I understand.”

  “I can’t leave Aunt Mace.”

  4B had felt like a selfish asshole for forgetting what Aunt Mace and Nora were going through.

  “I’m sorry. I’m acting like the world revolves around me,” she’d said.

  “Hey. It’s a lot to deal with.” Nora reached over and squeezed her hand.

  “I… I think I want to stay here. With you and Aunt Mace. Would that be terrible? If I told them I want to stay here?” 4B looked at Nora and a sudden bout of insecurity washed over her. “That is, if you want me to.” Where did she belong? Nothing seemed solid anymore, her whole—

  “It would make me happy,” Nora had said, stopping the negative spiral 4B had just been about to plunge into. Nora had pulled the Jeep to a stop in front of Aunt Mace’s house and had pulled the keys from the ignition. The ride had been too short. She needed more time. Nora had turned to face her. “I would like you to stay here. More than you know. But, I think you need to go home. Your memory might—will—come back, and you’ll have loose ends to tie up. Going home might help to push the process forward. And I’ll be here waiting.”

  “I don’t want to leave you.” Tears had stung the back of 4B’s eyes.

  “Just until you figure things out.”

  “What if my memory never comes back?”

  “I’ll be right here.”

  “What… what if my memory does come back?”

  “I’ll still be right
here.”

  They’d stared at each other for a moment, and Nora had held both of 4B’s hands. Then they had gotten out of the car when they’d noticed 4B’s parents waiting for them near the path to the front door to Aunt Mace’s house.

  Now, a day later, two flights, and an entire continent between them, 4B lay in her bed in Massachusetts and a tear leaked from her eye. She rolled over onto her side and remembered that last night at Nora’s.

  Before dinner, her father feeling restless, had gone into Juneau to get her a new cell phone, fixated on replacing the one she’d lost in the crash. When he’d returned with the newly activated phone, she’d been surprised by the number of missed calls and texts, all from people she didn’t remember, so after reading a few she’d left the rest for later, until after she’d regained her memory. They’d eaten the simple dinner Nora had prepared for them, while her parents had succumbed to Aunt Mace’s charm and her millions of stories. Everyone had seemed to relax throughout the evening, and 4B had been surprised at how comfortable she’d felt when she hadn’t been thinking about what the next day would bring. For chunks of time, she had even almost forgotten about why they were all there. It seemed they all felt the same way. The discussion had stayed light all evening and they hadn’t talked at all about what would happen the next day when her parents were scheduled to leave. 4B still hadn’t decided whether she would stay or go, but she knew they expected her to leave with them.

  She’d willingly returned the hugs when her parents claimed exhaustion early that evening, retiring to one of Aunt Mace’s guest rooms. And she’d sensed Aunt Mace’s relief when she’d said good night minutes later. Then Nora had led her back to the small cabin, had walked her upstairs to the bedroom, and had taken off her clothes. They’d slid between the sheets, and Nora had pulled the heavy covers over them before pulling 4B close.

  “I don’t want to leave you,” 4B had said pressing into Nora’s side. The internal debate that had waged within her all evening had culminated in an ache in her head and heart. She knew she’d leave the next morning.