Fragile

by Skyler Snow

  The memory came back and I smiled. It was a little adventure, being stuck in there with him. The fact I could even smile about it was a miracle. I hated elevators and being stuck sucked. Even though I’d been nervous, it was fun to watch him squirm and blush like some sort of maiden while I teased him. Honestly, it was genuinely fun to see how he reacted. Most of my friends had gotten used to all of my bullshit and I could walk up to them in lingerie and leather and they wouldn’t bat an eye. Jack’s reaction was a nice reminder that I wasn’t actually losing my charms. But it was more than that. When it came to Jack I loved his eyes being on me more than anyone else’s. And I wasn’t completely sure I had been teasing.

  I opened up Jack’s message and read it over. Short, precise and sent at three in the morning. Why could I imagine him pacing and agonizing over this text before actually sending it to me. The thought made me smile.

  Maybe we could meet up again. Just the two of us. Maybe we could talk about other things now.

  I smiled as I chose my outfit for the day. A white t-shirt with a blue plaid button up over it with black jeans. Dressing up a little would help to disguise the fact that I was going to be such a fucking wreck. Not that I wasn’t ever not a wreck, but it was nice to pretend sometimes.

  I was good at that. Pretending,but there was a part of me that hoped I wouldn’t have to with Jack.

  Don’t be silly, someone like Jack will never take you seriously.

  I shook off the thought and focused back on getting ready. I took my time with everything that morning, mostly because my muscles were still a little stiff and I knew that moving too quickly would probably make them cramp up. I managed to grab a quick breakfast before going down to my car so I could get on the road. I also made a mental note to grab groceries.

  Riding the elevator down my stomach clenched in anxiety when my mind returned to Jack. I smiled, thinking about his red face and his firm thighs under my palms.

  Shit. Stop that. You need to get through the day and not lust after your best friend’s dad.

  Of course, the first pick up was Elliot. I got there a few minutes early, but he was always ready to go whenever I arrived. I wondered if he would actually ever relax or if it was his general anxiety that made him so prepared for everyday.

  It didn’t matter because he was in the car now looking just about as rough as I felt. He was wearing one of Scott’s hoodies an adorable habit that he had picked up along with a pair of sweatpants. A few months ago Elliot was all buttoned up, I like the new laid back version. I felt like my friend was figuring out his place in the world.

  He held a thermos of coffee and his backpack with his drawing supplies was on the floor in between his feet.

  “So how are you?” I asked with mock innocence. Elliot’s eyes were still half shut and I could tell that Scott had to help him along this morning because there was no way in hell that Elliot had made the wrapped up sandwich he was holding in his free hand. He started to eat it between sips of coffee.

  “Fucking awful. I don’t know how you’re looking so good.” He muttered. Compared to the Elliot I had grown to love during these past few weeks, this version of him was a broken down mess of a man. I grinned. Good, let someone suffer with me today. Plus, he needed a chill pill…Elliot really took himself way too seriously. That was another reason I like Scott with Elliot, he was forcing Elliot out of his comfort zone. And I wasn’t sure he saw it, Scott that was, but doing that had forced him out of his too.

  “Trust me I feel like ass too, but I have way more practice than you do.” I teased and earned myself a glare from him as he took another bite of his sandwich. I leaned over and bit into his food quickly. Elliot slapped at me, cursing me out as I straightened up and drove us to work.

  “Try not to kill us please.” Elliot’s tone was dry but he stuck the sandwich in front of my face. I took a bite and when I swallowed I said, “Coffee please.”

  Elliot sighed but helped me sip from his thermos.

  All the while I was sitting there thinking, fuck my friend’s dad had asked me out. Awkward much! It almost felt like the text was burning a hole in my pocket, all the while I was debating whether or not to ask Elliot if he was good with it.

  Then again, it still wasn’t the weirdest thing I had done, but it was pretty out there. On the flip side, if Elliot could date Scott, why couldn’t I have Jack.

  After polishing off his breakfast and drinking a substantial amount of coffee, Elliot was starting to look a little bit more alive. By the time we picked up Connie there was color in his cheeks and he finally looked less black and white and more colored tv.

  “Hey, you two look awful.” Connie said immediately, putting on her seatbelt. Elliot looked between us, then back at Connie. I caught a quick glance of her from my rearview mirror and saw that she was smiling to herself.

  “What do you mean? Tom’s actually dressed up today.” He grinned. “And I look amazing.”

  “Exactly. Tom never dresses up unless he’s feeling bad.” She said in a matter-of-fact voice. Of course she was right, and Elliot just didn’t know. He hadn’t seen me so dealing with shit yet.

  Connie and I had known each other since we were in high school and she could see through all of my bullshit. My teasing and flirting never worked on her, probably because she was a lesbian and immune to my charms. But also because she knew it was me covering. It was a little refreshing to have someone who could see me as me. Past all the layers and faces I put on for my other friends, and the world in general… Connie saw me.

  That all remained unspoken between the two of us. She would observe and leave me alone till I came to her and I appreciated her for it. And right now that wouldn’t happen between us because that particular conversation was still a little bit too sensitive to tread onto.

  “That’s not true. I used to get dressed up when I was a stripper!” I proudly announced. Now that Elliot knew about that particular part of my life, it was on the table for open discussion.

  “And you would take it all off as quickly as you could. Doesn’t count.” Connie said from the back seat as I started the engine and pulled onto the street.

  “Don’t point out the obvious!” I replied.

  Connie laughed. “Someone has to point it out with you.”

  I rolled my eyes, but I smiled. My mind wandered to Jack. I was going to text him back, of course I was. Something about him intrigued me.

  13

  Tom

  Jack and I had been having so much fun together. I’d dragged him to a thrift shop the day before and we went shopping. Afterward we’d grabbed a movie at the theater, a horror movie that was way out of my league. There was the added benefit of me being able to bury my head in Jack’s chest or arm when the scary parts made me jump and I thought that was a win.

  My phone buzzed. I snatched it up and quickly opened the new text from Jack. Right away I felt my lips stretch in a smile. It happened every time I spoke to him and it was completely ridiculous. I scrolled the message and saw that he wanted to go for a walk. We’d probably peruse the shops, maybe grab a quick lunch or oooh...ice cream. I was in the mood for something sweet.

  I glanced down at my clothes, frowning. I was a mess. There was charcoal on my hands and smeared across my cheek. Of course it was on my clothes too. I always got completely lost in my drawing and became a mess.

  “I need to change.”

  Dashing into the bathroom, I quickly stripped off my clothes and hopped into the shower. Ice cold water hit my body, and I shrieked, almost falling in the tub in the process.

  “I am not going to die before I get to see Jack today,” I grumbled, snatching up the soap so I could wash myself up. The water stayed cold the entire time until I was about to turn it off. I cursed at it, climbing out and grabbing a towel before I padded to my room.

  “What should I wear?” I muttered as I rustled through my drawers. “There has to be something to wear.”

  I finally settled on a dark pair of jeans that just ha
ppened to be the same pair I felt really showcased my ass. For my top I settled on an abstract art t-shirt that Connie had designed for me a few months ago. It was black with bright neon shapes on it. I loved that thing.

  We decided to meet up and the minute I saw him I smiled. Jack looked so cool in his black leather jacket, button up white shirt and his jeans that I knew would show off a perfect ass.

  Don’t start Tom.

  “Were you here early?” I asked, jogging up to him.

  “Just a few minutes actually,” he smiled, looking me up and down. “I was thinking we could window shop and then grab ice cream.”

  “Oooh, ice cream. Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?” I wrapped my arm around his. “Cuz sweets will do that.”

  “Is that all it takes? Let’s go to the candy store first.”

  We laughed and I shook my head. I loved that Jack was so easygoing. He’d gotten used to my shenanigans, and I was really starting to relax around him.

  “I think you’d look good in that,” I pointed out a suit to Jack. “You have that whole distinguished older guy thing going on that’s sexy as hell to most people.”

  “Most people? Or you?” He tugged me closer to him. “Because I think you mean you.”

  I swatted his arm. “I didn’t say anything.”

  Jack chuckled. “I’m glad you’re in a good mood, Tom. I called you out because I wanted to tell you something kind of important.”

  My heart leapt into my throat. What did he want to tell me? I wanted to know, but I was so nervous at the same time. I bit my bottom lip.

  “Is it that I’m pretty? Come on, tell me that I’m pretty.”

  Jack rolled his eyes at me. “If I tell you that you’re going to torture me with it every single day.”

  I grinned. “You know me so well.” I was nervous, but I wanted to know too badly to avoid the subject. “So what do you want to tell me?”

  “Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I’ll be heading back to Oklahoma soon so I wanted to hang out with you some more. I don’t know if I’ll be back anytime soon.”

  I froze, unsure of what I’d just heard. “You’re leaving? Already? Why?”

  “My life is back in Oklahoma.”

  I scoffed, pulling away from him. “What life? Elliot is here. You do your job from your computer and Skype meetings. Your best friend is here.”

  I’m here.

  Jack stopped walking and stared at me. “Tom, I can’t stay here forever. Elliot will think I’m hovering eventually and I don’t want to barge into their lives. Besides, what do I have here? A hotel room, my computer? At least back home I have a home.”

  “With no one in it,” I snapped.

  He tilted his head. “Are you mad at me for some reason?”

  For some reason? Was he a moron? We’d been hanging out almost every day. How many times had he texted me in the middle of the night? I was always there for him, always supporting him, and he was more than happy to walk away from me as if I was nothing.

  I folded my arms over my chest. “I don’t think I’m in the mood for ice cream,” I muttered, glancing away from him.

  “Tom, did I do something wrong?” When I wouldn’t answer, he reached out and touched me. I finally glanced up at him and saw the concern in his eyes. “Really, I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m sorry I can’t stay.”

  I shook his hand off of me. “No one needs you to stay, Jack. Whatever, it’s fine. You have a life and you should go live it instead of wasting time here.”

  “I don’t think I’ve wasted any time. I had so much fun with you the past few weeks. You really made it easier for me to take everything in and the company has been nice.”

  And I had fun with you, but you’re leaving me and you don’t even care. No, I’m not going to let him see this side of me. No one should.

  Jack lifted my chin. “Please, let’s hang out and just forget about any of this right now, okay? I want to have one last day with you.”

  “Sure,” I said slowly letting my arms drop before I pulled my chin away. “Well then you really owe me as much ice cream as I want.”

  “Whatever you want,” Jack laughed, but I could feel his eyes searching mine. “Tom if I hurt you—”

  I laughed a bit too loudly. “Me? Hurt?” I patted his arm. “I’d have to have feelings for that. Come on, let’s go old man.”

  I shoved my hands into my pockets and turned on my heels walking away briskly so Jack couldn’t see the frown on my face. He was one more person in a long line of people that exited my life. Nothing had changed and it never would.

  14

  Jack

  It wasn’t until later in the afternoon that Tom actually texted back. I had passed out almost immediately after sending the text until noon and the next few waking hours had been spent on pins and needles waiting for a response. I tried to reason with myself.

  It’s a work day for him. Tom might not be on his phone too often. Or even if he was, my message might be drowned out with other messages. He must have a lot of friends who are texting him. That’s why he hasn’t responded to my message, right?

  It wasn’t until Scott invited me over that I got my mind off of it for a while. I was still thinking about Tom on the ride there. He stayed on my mind as I rode the elevator up and knocked on their door.

  All thoughts of Tom quieted when Scott opened the door and I saw his face. He was wearing his signature plaid shirts and blue jeans and I couldn’t help but smile. He was almost completely unchanged in both physical appearance and behavior, because the first thing he did was open his arms to me for a hug.

  Scott made me feel safe. He was a big guy, always had been, but it went further than that. He was my best friend, my constant supporter, my family. And nothing had really changed in the years that we had spent apart.

  “God, it’s good to see you. Alone, I mean.” He said, his voice a deep rumble that I could feel in my bones as we slapped each other on the back and rocked back and forth. Even though we saw each other just last night this felt like our real reunion. Our first moments alone together.

  “Yeah. You haven’t aged at all, you freak.” I laughed and we finally broke apart. Scott waved me in, closing the door behind me. The kitchen had been cleaned up and there wasn’t any sign of last night’s mess. The only smell was the lingering lemon of whatever cleaner Scott had used.

  “Aw, you flatter me.” Scott chuckled.

  “It wasn’t a compliment. You always looked old as hell.” I shot back immediately.

  Scott punched my shoulder. It only ached for a second, but I grinned. I deserved it, but he was definitely holding back.

  “Well, sit your old ass down. I’ll get some coffee and we can get to actually catching up.”

  I sat down on one of the couches and relaxed. It still surprised me, despite the fact that this was my third visit to the apartment, how much it was both Scott’s and Elliot’s. At first it made me feel like I didn’t belong. Now? It felt like a hug from a familiar friend. I felt welcomed, maybe it would take a second to feel like home. But I had a feeling that wouldn’t be too difficult. My two favorite humans lived here.

  “Thank God for coffee,” I groaned as I took a drink of it and relaxed against the cushions. “It’s nice to have something hot and sweet in my mouth.”

  I ignored the image of Tom laughing his ass off at my words. While shooting me a witty come back.

  “It seems your time spent with Tom is rubbing off on you. Please don’t tell me that your mid life crisis is going to turn you into some weird meme gay kid.” He gave me an absolutely scorching look before cracking a grin.

  “Meme? What’s a meme?” I asked after taking a drink.

  Scott shook his head and suddenly a very tired look flashed across his face before he downed most of his coffee. I raised a brow at his reaction.

  “Tom and Elliot have been trying to explain it to me for the last couple of weeks. It’s…They’re weird internet pictures that are meant to be jokes.” Th
ere was a heaviness to his voice now and I could tell that it wasn’t something that he wanted to talk about much. That made me happy. He was just as old and fucking confused as I was.

  “And you call me old. How is Elliot, by the way?” I moved on quickly so that he wouldn’t have another chance to punch me. He leaned back in his chair and looked around the apartment. His eyes landed on different pictures of all three of us on dozens of different trips and then on one of Elliot’s drawings before he smiled.

  “Elliot’s great.” His eyes lit up at the mention of my son’s name. “But when he showed up…I’m not sure how to put it, he was...anxious. Nervous. I think between the move, and the new job, he was struggling, but I think he’s happy now. At least I hope so.” His eyes softened, “But he’s calmer. More relaxed, I think he’s coming into his own.” He gestured at something vague that seemed to encapsulate the entire apartment. “He’s settled down a little, too.”

  A blind man could see how much Scott adored my son.

  “I can tell,” I nodded. “Elliot’s always been a little bit of a nervous kid, but maybe it got worse when you stopped coming around. It wasn’t your fault,” I said quickly holding up a hand to his distressed expression. “He didn’t really play sports or do anything that any of the other boys did. He liked to draw and that was good enough for him.” I shrugged. “I’m glad he moved here. Closer to his friends and you.”

  “He needs you and he misses you,” Scott said. Almost like he could read my mind. He’d always been good at that. Picking up what wasn’t said.

  “I’m sure but he’s thriving here, you’re good for him.” I had to acknowledge.

  “I thought you were still struggling with us?” Scott said quietly staring into his mug of coffee like it had the answers to the universe. “I’m still worried that you’re holding back and not telling me the truth. If you don’t want me with Elliot—”

  I shook my head. “I would never do anything to compromise my son’s happiness. And I wouldn’t do that to you either. I’m coming around, Scott. Trust me, I’m dealing with it and every day I’m starting to get more comfortable. It was just completely unexpected. Besides even if I wasn’t okay with it—which I am not saying is the case— I have a feeling it wouldn’t make a difference. The way you look at each other, it’s not my place to come between that.”