What Holds Us Together

by Sandi Ward

  “I can’t believe he was writing a book.”

  Lisa purses her lips and studies her sister. “Why’s it so hard to believe? He was a musician. He was creative, of course.” She picks up the top page and starts to read the second. “It’s not bad. Did you read this first page? He’s got an exciting scene going here. A lot of action.”

  My ears twitch. Peter was an excellent storyteller!

  Are you here, Peter?

  I glance around. Ah—there he is. Standing near the refrigerator, listening.

  “I don’t think I can read it. The thing is . . .” Annika chews the inside of her mouth, thinking. “I mean, he fooled around on the typewriter from time to time. But a novel? Why didn’t he tell me? Maybe he wanted to finish before he showed it to me.” She taps her fingernails on the table, then bites her thumb. “Oh, gosh. I don’t know if I can handle reading it. It’ll make me too sad. It’s not about King Arthur, is it? He loved the Middle Ages. I mean, I can’t even tell you . . .” Her eyes tear up, and she stops herself.

  Sam hands her a glass of water. She thanks him quietly.

  Lisa keeps scanning the pages and holds up one finger. “It looks like it’s a story about a knight—who is a woman in this case—on a ship, going on a quest.”

  “Ohhh,” my woman sighs. “A knight. I knew it. I know him too well.”

  Lisa goes on. “There’s also a young sailor who is accompanying our hero on her journey.” She picks up a glass of lemonade and raises it, as if in a toast. “He’s probably the love interest.”

  Annika rocks back on her heels. “Lisa, will you read the novel for me? Can you read the whole thing and let me know what happens? I just don’t know if I can do it right now.”

  “Of course. I’d love to read it. I’m sure it will be fantastic.” She still holds her glass, and I watch the lemon pulp floating in it. “I’m a fan of the knight already. She’s fighting a giant sea serpent while navigating rough waters, right on page two.”

  Ooh—a battle with a sea serpent! I remember Peter telling that story to the twins many times.

  Annika looks like she’s seen a ghost. I mean . . . not Peter’s actual ghost. But she looks pale. She heard Peter tell the sea serpent story to the children sometimes while she was in the next room brushing her teeth.

  “Oh, boy. Well. Okay. Thank you.”

  Sam walks over to the stove to peer into a big black pot. I notice the way my woman turns her shoulder so she can watch him as he reaches for a wooden spoon to stir the soup. Sam is like the magnet Delilah used to drag across the counter, attracting paper clips; Annika can’t help but turn to face him.

  “This looks ready.” I watched as earlier Sam poured cans of tomato soup into a pan. It has been heating on the stove, and the savory scent tickles my nose. Using a ladle, he carefully distributes it into several bowls. Lisa carries two bowls to the table, and Sam brings two more.

  Annika goes to the bottom of the stairs and yells for the kids to come down for lunch. She has their sandwiches piled on a plate, where they’re getting cold.

  “NOW,” Annika yells.

  “We’ll be down in a few minutes,” Delilah calls back.

  Once all of the adults are seated at the kitchen table, it almost seems cozy. Annika yawns.

  And then, something changes. The house, which was already unusually quiet, goes dark.

  Lisa startles. “Did . . . did we just lose power?”

  Danny turns to look. The space heater has stopped rotating. The digital clock on the stove is off. The lamp has gone dark. “Yes.” He turns to Annika. “You have candles?”

  “Sure.”

  My woman gets up, shuddering, and opens a drawer in the long hutch. She takes out several large candles and a box of matches.

  I get up onto my feet.

  Peter! Where’d you go?

  I spot him; he’s still in the kitchen. He watches Annika as she places a short white candle into a jar.

  Although Peter is still wearing a T-shirt and shorts, the clothes he died in, he does not shiver or rub his bare arms. His body is just an illusion, so the cold does not bother him. His face is smooth and his blue eyes bright.

  It’ll be okay, he tells me. Don’t worry about the electricity. There are plenty of people here. They’ll figure out what to do. I’m glad Annika isn’t alone with the kids.

  He’s right. I agree.

  What is Annika thinking now? I’ve become used to speaking with this ghost, and trot right up to him. Is she thinking about you?

  She wants to read my book, but she’s afraid it would be too painful. I wish she would read it. It’s an adventure story, and a love story. I thought it would help her see how happy I was. He scowls, defeated.

  Everyone eats their soup faster, I suppose because they want to consume it while it’s still hot. They stop talking and focus on their lunch.

  Once everyone is done, Annika washes the bowls in the kitchen sink. From the steam rising, I see that we at least still have hot water. But that’s about all we have left of modern conveniences. Annika works by the light of a candle and the weak sunlight coming in through a window.

  “Everyone should power down their phones,” Danny suggests, taking a spoon from Annika and drying it. “We’re going to run out of battery power and have no way to recharge.”

  Sam goes into the back room to make sure the fire is roaring by throwing lots of logs on and moving them with the poker until the flames grow high. I walk over to try to soak up a little warmth. Snow still falls outside the window.

  Danny comes in and corners Sam by the hearth. I sit at their feet, craning my head up to watch them carefully.

  “So everything looks good. I got what I need from the garage. I’ll do it today.”

  Sam doesn’t respond. He looks worried. I watch him rub his fingers together. “Hey, look, again . . . I’m sorry about the tire. I don’t know what I hit or ran over. I’ll pay for the new tire.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about that. I’m not worried about that shit now.” Danny glances over at the entrance to the kitchen. “Look, I talked to Trung and he said the town plows are struggling to keep the main roads open. They can’t keep up with the snow. He doesn’t think anyone with a big truck is going to get up into this neighborhood and the secondary roads until at least very late tonight or tomorrow. So today’s my best opportunity.”

  Sam gazes at his brother, but his eyes quickly move away, back to the floor. “So you’ve got at least the rest of the day free and clear until a truck can get up here.” His expression goes mild for a moment, and he looks hopeful. “That’s not bad. It would give you time. But there’s still a lot that could go wrong.”

  “Lemme check my weather app.” Danny consults his phone. “It says the snow will stop in the late afternoon. Right about the time the sun starts to go down.” He rubs his chin. “That’ll be perfect.”

  “You’re going to leave tracks in the snow. They’ll see you crossed the creek.”

  “If anyone sees my footprints, I’ll say I went over there to try and help out.” Danny grinds his teeth a moment, thinking. “You’ll have to think of something to keep everyone busy. Maybe Lisa will read Peter’s book. But we know Annika doesn’t want to. So just keep her occupied.”

  Sam rubs his fingers over his mouth. He suddenly seems itchy all over, scratching his forehead and then his side. He winces. “You shouldn’t have to go by yourself.”

  Both men stand there with sleeves pulled down over the knuckles of their hands to try to keep them warm. Danny turns and looks at me.

  “What’s the matter with you?”

  Me? He’s finally ready to listen to me?

  ROWR! Whatever you’re scheming, Annika will find you out, I want to tell him. She’s a very smart human.

  “Go easy,” Danny tells me. “I don’t have any food, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

  Food? That’s the last thing on my mind.

  I hear footsteps, and it sounds like the children ar
e running down the stairs. I sprint over to the doorway to the kitchen to say hello.

  Donovan comes bursting in and stops short just in front of Annika and Lisa. Delilah follows close behind.

  “I have to go,” he says, breathless.

  “Go where? Donovan, you haven’t even had lunch yet.” My woman grabs his hand. “You’re still cold from sledding.”

  He shakes his head. “I’m cold because it’s freezing upstairs. But I have to go. Right now. I’ll be back.”

  Annika and Lisa turn to Delilah, who startles at finding herself the object of attention. But then she realizes they’re counting on her to explain why Donovan wants to leave. She puts a hand on her brother’s elbow. “Donovan, show them the photo.”

  “No, no, it’s—”

  “Lexi just posted a photo with a boy. He’s a senior who lives down the street from her. But I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.”

  “A senior boy? A friend of hers?” Annika wipes her hands on a dishtowel.

  “Not exactly.” Delilah bites her lip and takes a quick glance at Donovan. “We tracked her on maps and they’re at her house. It’s probably no big deal. I told Donovan that I bet Steve was just bored, so he went over and offered to help shovel her out. It’s not like it’s anything serious.”

  Lisa squints. “Who is Lexi?”

  Annika raises an eyebrow. “She’s Donovan’s girlfriend.” She says this with care, as if announcing an important decree.

  “Ohhhhh. I see. And you guys tracked her on a map? What kind of insidious, clever, scheming prosecutors have you turned into? Good Lord.” She grabs a stack of dry bowls to put away in the cabinet. “What are you planning to do, Donovan? Go running over there, just because your girlfriend posted a photo with another guy? That’s a terrible idea. It’s probably completely innocent, and that would make you look jealous and desperate.”

  “Thank you,” Annika says, gesturing toward Lisa. “You should listen to Aunt Lisa. There’s no sense in rushing to conclusions. And it’s still snowing. You can’t even get down the street.”

  “He did. Steve got down the street. I mean, he lives a lot closer to her, but . . .” Donovan is staring at the phone. He sounds younger, and his cheeks are flushed bright pink, like bubblegum. “Why didn’t I think to go to her house? I should be there to see if she needs anything.”

  Delilah puts a hand on her hip. “She doesn’t need anything, Donovan. Her whole family is there. Obviously. Everyone is stuck.”

  “I have to go.” Donovan clicks off the phone. “I have to go right now.”

  Sam comes into the kitchen. He looks back and forth to try to figure out what’s going on. “Everything okay?”

  “We’re having a crisis.” Lisa gestures toward Donovan, who frowns at her, clearly unhappy at this description. “This hothead needs to rush over to his girlfriend’s house.”

  “Well . . .” Annika reaches up to smooth Donovan’s hair back from his forehead, but he doesn’t see her hand coming and flinches. “Sorry, sweetheart. Why don’t you call her instead?”

  “But that kid might still be there.”

  “What’s the matter?” Danny asks as he enters the kitchen, pulling on one glove. He has his coat on, and it looks like he’s getting ready to go back out.

  “Girl trouble,” Annika sighs. “Donovan wants to go over to his girlfriend’s house to make sure she’s not . . . that she’s not hanging out with another boy? Is that it? But he really can’t go anywhere safely in this weather, can he?”

  Donovan clenches his jaw. He looks about ready to lose his grip. “I have to go. It’s just snow. We just walked through it to Aunt Lisa’s house, Mom. It’s no big deal.”

  Danny raises an eyebrow. “Hey, man, your girl is two-timing you? I think you better haul ass and get over there.”

  “DANNY.” Annika’s mouth hangs open. “No, I just said no.”

  “It’s too far to walk in the snow,” Delilah chimes in. “She lives downtown. And I really don’t think Lexi meant anything by it. That photo is probably just meant to show that she’s having fun during the blizzard, you know?”

  “Lexi,” Danny chuckles, pulling on his other glove. “That’s a funny name. I have a daughter named Alexis.”

  Sam and Annika exchange a look.

  Danny looks up, and his expression hardens. “Wait a minute . . . What grade did you say you were in again?”

  Donovan freezes, mouth partly open. His eyes dilate, as if he sees a snake on the kitchen floor. He and Danny stare each other down for a moment. Each thinking carefully about his next move.

  “No, no, no,” Delilah practically yelps, a look of relief on her face. “Her last name is DiGiovanni. Not Parsons.”

  Danny’s face darkens and he stands up straighter. Donovan moves slightly toward his mother under Danny’s withering assessment.

  “Yeah, that’s her mom’s last name. My girls live with my ex-wife during the week.” Danny takes a few steps toward Donovan, who flinches. “You’re seeing Alexis? Since when?”

  “Since . . .” Donovan glances quickly around the room, as if suddenly unsure of the answer. “I mean, I guess about two months?”

  “Two months?” Danny huffs. “Wow. Those girls don’t tell me anything. And she’s with another guy right now? Show me the photo.”

  Donovan hesitates.

  “Show it to me,” Danny insists, an edge to his voice.

  Donovan peers at his phone, hits a button, and then holds it up for Danny to study. Danny’s forehead furrows as he tries to focus.

  “Goddamn it.” He pushes the phone back toward Donovan and walks over to Sam. “It’s this jackass named Steve. He thinks he’s God’s gift to every girl in town. I can’t seem to get rid of that guy. I told Alexis: No boys at the house.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You know what that douchebag did?”

  Sam folds his arms across his chest. “No. What’d he do?”

  “This kid—” He can barely get out the words. “Last year, when he was a junior, he hooked up with this poor, innocent freshman girl. And then Monday went into school and told everybody. My ex told me he just went in and practically shouted it out on a megaphone. He may as well have added it to the morning announcements: In football, Manchester beat Ipswich 14 to 7; and in other news, Alexis DiGiovanni gave Steve Smith a blow job in the parking lot—”

  “Wait.” Sam frowns. “It’s Alexis we’re talking about?”

  “Nnnnnnnnooo.” Danny throws up both hands in front of him and waves them frantically. “No, no, no, I’m just using that as an example. But Steve is a scumbag. He’s so full of himself. I can’t believe Alexis even talks to him.”

  Sam claps Danny on the shoulder. “Sorry. He sounds like a jerk.” He nods at Donovan. “You should be happy she’s going out with Donovan now. Maybe he’s a better choice.”

  Danny glances back up at Donovan and squints. “Highly doubtful. Highly.”

  Annika bristles at that. She moves closer to Donovan, who allows it.

  Sam cuts in. “I’m sure Donovan is a good kid, Danny.”

  Danny sighs. “Maybe.” He points at Donovan. “Look, don’t worry about Steve—I’ll take care of him myself. But you can’t go over there either.”

  Donovan frowns. He grips the phone so tightly in his hand I think he might break it. His mouth is pressed tightly closed and he breathes out through his nose like a stag about to charge.

  Danny goes on. “Your sister is right. It’s too far to walk in this weather. But also, I won’t allow it. No boys at the house, and no dating until she’s eighteen. That’s it. That’s my rule. It seems she’s clearly broken my rule, so she’s gonna be in big trouble. You don’t need to call her. I’ll tell her it’s over.”

  Donovan swallows. He looks back down at the photo, breathing shallow, eyes starting to tear up. He’s clearly unsure what to do. His cheeks and mouth have gone from pink to red despite the cold. I’m concerned because he looks like he’s going to be sick.

  Donovan, I wish
I could tell him. Make a good choice. Be a good boy. Be the good boy your father always knew you were.

  “You know what else?” Danny looks Donovan over from head to toe, as if seeing him anew. “You should cut your hair. I don’t like it.”

  Oh! That was unnecessary. Annika and I both startle at the same time.

  I don’t understand what Danny is getting worked up about. Of course, I also don’t really know anything about his daughter, or what kind of trouble she might have gotten herself into in the past with this Steve they’re talking about.

  I think if it were a year ago and Peter was still alive, Donovan would back down. He’d keep his mouth shut and leave the room. But a year has gone by and he has spent a lot of time alone. Donovan is taller, and his shoulders are broader. He is becoming a man who speaks his own mind.

  “That’s too bad, because Lexi likes it,” Donovan says, his voice even. He tips his head back slightly in a motion I immediately recognize to be uniquely Peter’s, although when Peter made that gesture it signaled he was listening, whereas I can see for Donovan it is meant to be a challenge. “I didn’t have to ask her twice to go out with me. If we can’t meet at your house, we’ll just find somewhere else to go.”

  “DONOVAN.” Annika holds up a finger in warning, eyes wide.

  “You little snot-nosed—”

  “Danny, back off,” Sam cautions before his brother can react, throwing a hand up in front of him.

  “Goddamn it.” Danny shakes his head and takes a step back. “This is the last thing I need right now.” He throws his hands up. “I’m going for a walk. And I’m going to call Alexis.” Just as he’s turning to go, he swings back around to point at Donovan. “Don’t screw with me. Back off.”

  Sam waits, casting a sympathetic eye on Annika and her kids. Donovan stands tall, keeping his face and body still, but his mouth twitches.

  Once we hear the front door swing open and slam shut, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Donovan starts pacing.

  He shoves the phone into Delilah’s face. “What is this? Why would she post this?” There’s a note of despair in his voice.

  A funny feeling of unease shivers down my spine, and my fur stands on end. Donovan doesn’t usually get emotional. He’s always in control.