Ship's Company, the Entire Collection

by W. W. Jacobs

  FAIRY GOLD

  "Come and have a pint and talk it over," said Mr. Augustus Teak. "I'vegot reasons in my 'ead that you don't dream of, Alf."

  Mr. Chase grunted and stole a side-glance at the small figure of hiscompanion. "All brains, you are, Gussie," he remarked. "That's why itis you're so well off."

  "Come and have a pint," repeated the other, and with surprising easepushed his bulky friend into the bar of the "Ship and Anchor." Mr.Chase, mellowed by a long draught, placed his mug on the counter andeyeing him kindly, said--

  "I've been in my lodgings thirteen years."

  "I know," said Mr. Teak; "but I've got a partikler reason for wantingyou. Our lodger, Mr. Dunn, left last week, and I only thought of youyesterday. I mentioned you to my missis, and she was quite pleased. Yousee, she knows I've known you for over twenty years, and she wants tomake sure of only 'aving honest people in the 'ouse. She has got areason for it."

  He closed one eye and nodded with great significance at his friend.

  "Oh!" said Mr. Chase, waiting.

  "She's a rich woman," said Mr. Teak, pulling the other's ear down to hismouth. "She--"

  "When you've done tickling me with your whiskers," said Mr. Chase,withdrawing his head and rubbing his ear vigorously, "I shall be glad."

  Mr. Teak apologized. "A rich woman," he repeated. "She's been stintingme for twenty-nine years and saving the money--my money!--money that I'ave earned with the sweat of my brow. She 'as got over three 'undredpounds!"

  "'Ow much?" demanded Mr. Chase.

  "Three 'undred pounds and more," repeated the other; "and if she had 'adthe sense to put it in a bank it would ha' been over four 'undred by thistime. Instead o' that she keeps it hid in the 'Ouse."

  "Where?" inquired the greatly interested Mr. Chase.

  Mr. Teak shook his head. "That's just what I want to find out," heanswered. "She don't know I know it; and she mustn't know, either.That's important."

  "How did you find out about it, then?" inquired his friend.

  "My wife's sister's husband, Bert Adams, told me. His wife told 'im instrict confidence; and I might 'ave gone to my grave without knowingabout it, only she smacked his face for 'im the other night."

  "If it's in the house you ought to be able to find it easy enough," saidMr. Chase.

  "Yes, it's all very well to talk," retorted Mr. Teak. "My missis neverleaves the 'ouse unless I'm with her, except when I'm at work; and if shethought I knew of it she'd take and put it in some bank or somewhereunbeknown to me, and I should be farther off it than ever."

  "Haven't you got no idea?" said Mr. Chase.

  "Not the leastest bit," said the other. "I never thought for a momentshe was saving money. She's always asking me for more, for one thing;but, then women alway do. And look 'ow bad it is for her--saving moneylike that on the sly. She might grow into a miser, pore thing. For 'erown sake I ought to get hold of it, if it's only to save her from'erself."

  Mr. Chase's face reflected the gravity of his own.

  "You're the only man I can trust," continued Mr. Teak, "and I thought ifyou came as lodger you might be able to find out where it is hid, and gethold of it for me."

  "Me steal it, d'ye mean?" demanded the gaping Mr. Chase. "And supposeshe got me locked up for it? I should look pretty, shouldn't I?"

  "No; you find out where it is hid," said the other; "that's all you needdo. I'll find someway of getting hold of it then."

  "But if you can't find it, how should I be able to?" inquired Mr. Chase.

  "'Cos you'll 'ave opportunities," said the other. "I take her out sometime when you're supposed to be out late; you come 'ome, let yourself inwith your key, and spot the hiding-place. I get the cash, and give youten-golden-sovereigns--all to your little self. It only occurred to meafter Bert told me about it, that I ain't been in the house alone foryears."

  He ordered some more beer, and, drawing Mr. Chase to a bench, sat down toa long and steady argument. It shook his faith in human nature to findthat his friend estimated the affair as a twenty-pound job, but he was inno position to bargain. They came out smoking twopenny cigars whosestrength was remarkable for their age, and before they parted Mr. Chasewas pledged to the hilt to do all that he could to save Mrs. Teak fromthe vice of avarice.

  It was a more difficult undertaking than he had supposed. The house,small and compact, seemed to offer few opportunities for the concealmentof large sums of money, and after a fortnight's residence he came to theconclusion that the treasure must have been hidden in the garden. Theunalloyed pleasure, however, with which Mrs. Teak regarded the effortsof her husband to put under cultivation land that had lain fallow fortwenty years convinced both men that they were on a wrong scent. Mr.Teak, who did the digging, was the first to realize it, but his friend,pointing out the suspicions that might be engendered by a suddencessation of labour, induced him to persevere.

  "And try and look as if you liked it," he said, severely. "Why, from thewindow even the back view of you looks disagreeable."

  "I'm fair sick of it," declared Mr. Teak. "Anybody might ha' known shewouldn't have buried it in the garden. She must 'ave been saving forpretty near thirty years, week by week, and she couldn't keep coming outhere to hide it. 'Tain't likely."

  Mr. Chase pondered. "Let her know, casual like, that I sha'n't be 'ometill late on Saturday," he said, slowly. "Then you come 'ome in theafternoon and take her out. As soon as you're gone I'll pop in and havea thorough good hunt round. Is she fond of animals?"

  "I b'lieve so," said the other, staring. "Why?"

  "Take 'er to the Zoo," said Mr. Chase, impressively. "Take two-penn'ortho' nuts with you for the monkeys, and some stale buns for--for--foranimals as likes 'em. Give 'er a ride on the elephant and a ride on thecamel."

  "Anything else?" inquired Mr. Teak disagreeably. "Any more ways you canthink of for me to spend my money?"

  "You do as I tell you," said his friend. "I've got an idea now where itis. If I'm able to show you where to put your finger on three 'undredpounds when you come 'ome it'll be the cheapest outing you have ever 'ad.Won't it?"

  Mr. Teak made no reply, but, after spending the evening in deliberation,issued the invitation at the supper-table. His wife's eyes sparkled atfirst; then the light slowly faded from them and her face fell.

  "I can't go," she said, at last. "I've got nothing to go in."

  "Rubbish!" said her husband, starting uneasily.

  "It's a fact," said Mrs. Teak. "I should like to go, too--it's yearssince I was at the Zoo. I might make my jacket do; it's my hat I'mthinking about."

  Mr. Chase, meeting Mr. Teak's eye, winked an obvious suggestion.

  "So, thanking you all the same," continued Mrs. Teak, with amiablecheerfulness, "I'll stay at 'ome."

  "'Ow-'ow much are they?" growled her husband, scowling at Mr. Chase.

  "All prices," replied his wife.

  "Yes, I know," said Mr. Teak, in a grating voice. "You go in to buy ahat at one and eleven-pence; you get talked over and flattered by a manlike a barber's block, and you come out with a four-and-six penny one.The only real difference in hats is the price, but women can never seeit."

  Mrs. Teak smiled faintly, and again expressed her willingness to stay athome. They could spend the afternoon working in the garden, she said.Her husband, with another indignant glance at the right eye of Mr. Chase,which was still enacting the part of a camera-shutter, said that shecould have a hat, but asked her to remember when buying it that nothingsuited her so well as a plain one.

  The remainder of the week passed away slowly; and Mr. Teak, despite hisutmost efforts, was unable to glean any information from Mr. Chase as tothat gentleman's ideas concerning the hiding-place. At every suggestionMr. Chase's smile only got broader and more indulgent.

  "You leave it to me," he said. "You leave it to me, and when you comehome from a happy outing I 'ope to be able to cross your little hand withthree 'undred golden quids."

&nb
sp; "But why not tell me?" urged Mr. Teak.

  "'Cos I want to surprise you," was the reply. "But mind, whatever youdo, don't let your wife run away with the idea that I've been mixed up init at all. Now, if you worry me any more I shall ask you to make itthirty pounds for me instead of twenty."

  The two friends parted at the corner of the road on Saturday afternoon,and Mr. Teak, conscious of his friend's impatience, sought to hurry hiswife by occasionally calling the wrong time up the stairs. She came downat last, smiling, in a plain hat with three roses, two bows, and afeather.

  "I've had the feather for years," she remarked. "This is the fourth hatit has been on--but, then, I've taken care of it."

  Mr. Teak grunted, and, opening the door, ushered her into the street. Asense of adventure, and the hope of a profitable afternoon made hisspirits rise. He paid a compliment to the hat, and then, to the surpriseof both, followed it up with another--a very little one--to his wife.

  They took a tram at the end of the street, and for the sake of the airmounted to the top. Mrs. Teak leaned back in her seat with placidenjoyment, and for the first ten minutes amused herself with the life inthe streets. Then she turned suddenly to her husband and declared thatshe had felt a spot of rain.

  "'Magination," he said, shortly.

  Something cold touched him lightly on the eyelid, a tiny patteringsounded from the seats, and then swish, down came the rain. With anangry exclamation he sprang up and followed his wife below.

  "Just our luck," she said, mournfully. "Best thing we can do is to stayin the car and go back with it."

  "Nonsense!" said her husband, in a startled' voice; "it'll be over in aminute."

  Events proved the contrary. By the time the car reached the terminus itwas coming down heavily. Mrs. Teak settled herself squarely in her seat,and patches of blue sky, visible only to the eye of faith and herhusband, failed to move her. Even his reckless reference to a cabfailed.

  "It's no good," she said, tartly. "We can't go about the grounds in acab, and I'm not going to slop about in the wet to please anybody. Wemust go another time. It's hard luck, but there's worse things in life."

  Mr. Teak, wondering as to the operations of Mr. Chase, agreed dumbly. Hestopped the car at the corner of their road, and, holding his head downagainst the rain, sprinted towards home. Mrs. Teak, anxious for her hat,passed him.

  "What on earth's the matter?" she inquired, fumbling in her pocket forthe key as her husband executed a clumsy but noisy breakdown on the frontstep.

  "Chill," replied Mr. Teak. "I've got wet."

  He resumed his lumberings and, the door being opened, gave vent to hisrelief at being home again in the dry, in a voice that made the windowsrattle. Then with anxious eyes he watched his wife pass upstairs.

  "Wonder what excuse old Alf'll make for being in?" he thought.

  He stood with one foot on the bottom stair, listening acutely. He hearda door open above, and then a wild, ear-splitting shriek rang through thehouse. Instinctively he dashed upstairs and, following his wife intotheir bedroom, stood by her side gaping stupidly at a pair of legsstanding on the hearthstone. As he watched they came backwards into theroom, the upper part of a body materialized from the chimney, and turninground revealed the soot-stained face of Mr. Alfred Chase. Another wildshriek from Mrs. Teak greeted its appearance.

  "Hul-lo!" exclaimed Mr. Teak, groping for the right thing to say."Hul-lo! What--what are you doing, Alf?"

  Mr. Chase blew the soot from his lips. "I--I--I come 'ome unexpected,"he stammered.

  "But--what are--you doing?" panted Mrs. Teak, in a rising voice.

  "I--I was passing your door," said Mr. Chase, "passing your door--to goto my room to--to 'ave a bit of a rinse, when--"

  "Yes," said Mrs. Teak.

  Mr. Chase gave Mr. Teak a glance the pathos of which even the soot couldnot conceal. "When I--I heard a pore little bird struggling in yourchimbley," he continued, with a sigh of relief. "Being fond of animals,I took the liberty of comin' into your room and saving its life."

  Mr. Teak drew a breath, which he endeavoured in vain to render noiseless.

  "It got its pore little foot caught in the brickwork," continued theveracious Mr. Chase, tenderly. "I released it, and it flowed--I meanflew--up the chimbley."

  With the shamefaced air of a man detected in the performance of a nobleaction, he passed out of the room. Husband and wife eyed each other.

  "That's Alf--that's Alf all over," said Mr. Teak, with enthusiasm. "He'sbeen like it from a child. He's the sort of man that 'ud dive offWaterloo Bridge to save the life of a drownding sparrow."

  "He's made an awful mess," said his wife, frowning; "it'll take me therest of the day to clean up. There's soot everywhere. The rug is quitespoilt."

  She took off her hat and jacket and prepared for the fray. Down belowMessrs. Teak and Chase, comparing notes, sought, with much warmth, toput the blame on the right shoulders.

  "Well, it ain't there," said Mr. Chase, finally. "I've made sure ofthat. That's something towards it. I shan't 'ave to look there again,thank goodness."

  Mr. Teak sniffed. "Got any more ideas?" he queried.

  "I have," said the other sternly. "There's plenty of places to searchyet. I've only just begun. Get her out as much as you can and I'll 'avemy hands on it afore you can say--"

  "Soot?" suggested Mr. Teak, sourly.

  "Any more of your nasty snacks and I chuck it up altogether," said Mr.Chase, heatedly. "If I wasn't hard up I'd drop it now."

  He went up to his room in dudgeon, and for the next few days Mr. Teak sawbut little of him. To, lure Mrs. Teak out was almost as difficult as topersuade a snail to leave its shell, but he succeeded on two or threeoccasions, and each time she added something to her wardrobe.

  The assistant fortune-hunter had been in residence just a month when Mr.Teak, returning home one afternoon, stood in the small passage listeningto a suppressed wailing noise proceeding from upstairs. It was so creepythat half-way up he hesitated, and, in a stern but trembling voice,demanded to know what his wife meant by it. A louder wail than beforewas the only reply, and, summoning up his courage, he pushed open thedoor of the bedroom and peeped in. His gaze fell on Mrs. Teak, who wassitting on the hearth-rug, rocking to and fro in front of a dismantledfire-place.

  "What--what's the matter?" he said, hastily.

  Mrs. Teak raised her voice to a pitch that set his teeth on edge. "Mymoney!" she wailed. "It's all gone! All gone!"

  "Money?" repeated Mr. Teak, hardly able to contain himself. "Whatmoney?"

  "All--all my savings!" moaned his wife. "Savings!" said the delightedMr. Teak. "What savings?"

  "Money I have been putting by for our old age," said his wife. "Threehundred and twenty-two pounds. All gone!"

  In a fit of sudden generosity Mr. Teak decided then and there that Mr.Chase should have the odd twenty-two pounds.

  "You're dreaming!" he said, sternly.

  "I wish I was," said his wife, wiping her eyes. "Three hundred andtwenty-two pounds in empty mustard-tins. Every ha'penny's gone!"

  Mr. Teak's eye fell on the stove. He stepped for ward and examined it.The back was out, and Mrs. Teak, calling his attention to a tunnel at theside, implored him to put his arm in and satisfy himself that it wasempty.

  "But where could you get all that money from?" he demanded, after aprolonged groping.

  "Sa--sa--saved it," sobbed his wife, "for our old age."

  "Our old age?" repeated Mr. Teak, in lofty tones. "And suppose I haddied first? Or suppose you had died sudden? This is what comes ofdeceitfulness and keeping things from your husband. Now somebody hasstole it."

  Mrs. Teak bent her head and sobbed again. "I--I had just been out for--for an hour," she gasped. "When I came back I fou--fou--found thewashhouse window smashed, and--"

  Sobs choked her utterance. Mr. Teak, lost in admiration of Mr. Chase'scleverness, stood regarding her in silence.

&
nbsp; "What--what about the police?" said his wife at last.

  "Police!" repeated Mr. Teak, with extraordinary vehemence. "Police!Certainly not. D'ye think I'm going to let it be known all round thatI'm the husband of a miser? I'd sooner lose ten times the money."

  He stalked solemnly out of the room and downstairs, and, safe in theparlour, gave vent to his feelings in a wild but silent hornpipe. Hecannoned against the table at last, and, subsiding into an easy-chair,crammed his handkerchief to his mouth and gave way to suppressed mirth.

  In his excitement he forgot all about tea, and the bereaved Mrs. Teakmade no attempt to come downstairs to prepare it. With his eye on theclock he waited with what patience he might for the arrival of Mr. Chase.The usual hour for his return came and went. Another hour passed; andanother. A horrible idea that Mr. Chase had been robbed gave way to onemore horrible still. He paced the room in dismay, until at nine o'clockhis wife came down, and in a languid fashion began to set thesupper-table.

  "Alf's very late," said Mr. Teak, thickly.

  "Is he?" said his wife, dully.

  "Very late," said Mr. Teak. "I can't think--Ah, there he is!"

  He took a deep breath and clenched 'his hands together. By the time Mr.Chase came into the room he was able to greet him with a stealthy wink.Mr. Chase, with a humorous twist of his mouth, winked back.

  "We've 'ad a upset," said Mr. Teak, in warning tones.

  "Eh?" said the other, as Mrs. Teak threw her apron over her head and sankinto a chair. "What about?"

  In bated accents, interrupted at times by broken murmurs from his wife,Mr. Teak informed him of the robbery. Mr. Chase, leaning against thedoorpost, listened with open mouth and distended eyeballs. Occasionalinterjections of pity and surprise attested his interest. The talefinished, the gentlemen exchanged a significant wink and sighed inunison.

  "And now," said Mr. Teak an hour later, after his wife had retired,"where is it?"

  "Ah, that's the question," said Mr. Chase, roguishly. "I wonder where itcan be?"

  "I--I hope it's in a safe place," said Mr. Teak, anxiously. "Where 'aveyou put it?"

  "Me?" said Mr. Chase. "Who are you getting at? I ain't put itanywhere. You know that."

  "Don't play the giddy goat," said the other, testily. "Where've you hidit? Is it safe?"

  Mr. Chase leaned back in his chair and, shaking his head at him, smiledapprovingly. "You're a little wonder, that's what you are, Gussie," heremarked. "No wonder your pore wife is took in so easy."

  Mr. Teak sprang up in a fury. "Don't play the fool," he said hoarsely."Where's the money? I want it. Now, where've you put it?"

  "Go on," said Mr. Chase, with a chuckle. "Go on. Don't mind me. Youought to be on the stage, Gussie, that's where you ought to be."

  "I'm not joking," said Mr. Teak, in a trembling voice, "and I don't wantyou to joke with me. If you think you are going off with my money,you're mistook. If you don't tell me in two minutes where it is, I shallgive you in charge for theft."

  "Oh" said Mr. Chase. He took a deep breath. "Oh, really!" he said. "Iwouldn't 'ave thought it of you, Gussie. I wouldn't 'ave thought you'dhave played it so low down. I'm surprised at you."

  "You thought wrong, then," said the other.

  "Trying to do me out o' my twenty pounds, that's what you are," said Mr.Chase, knitting his brows. "But it won't do, my boy. I wasn't bornyesterday. Hand it over, afore I lose my temper. Twenty pounds I wantof you, and I don't leave this room till I get it."

  Speechless with fury, Mr. Teak struck at him. The next moment thesupper-table was overturned with a crash, and Mr. Chase, with his friendin his powerful grasp, was doing his best, as he expressed it, to shakethe life out of him. A faint scream sounded from above, steps patteredon the stairs, and Mrs. Teak, with a red shawl round her shoulders, burst'hurriedly into the room. Mr. Chase released Mr. Teak, opened his mouthto speak, and then, thinking better of it, dashed into the passage, tookhis hat from the peg, and, slamming the front door with extraordinaryviolence, departed.

  He sent round for his clothes next day, but he did not see Mr. Teak untila month afterwards. His fists clenched and his mouth hardened, but Mr.Teak, with a pathetic smile, held out his hand, and Mr. Chase, after amoment's hesitation, took it. Mr. Teak, still holding his friend's hand,piloted him to a neighbouring hostelry.

  "It was my mistake, Alf," he said, shaking his head, "but it wasn't myfault. It's a mistake anybody might ha' made."

  "Have you found out who took it?" inquired Mr. Chase, regarding himsuspiciously.

  Mr. Teak gulped and nodded. "I met Bert Adams yesterday," he said,slowly. "It took three pints afore he told me, but I got it out of 'imat last. My missis took it herself."

  Mr. Chase put his mug down with a bang. "What?" he gasped.

  "The day after she found you with your head up the chimbley," added Mr.Teak, mournfully. "She's shoved it away in some bank now, and I shallnever see a ha'penny of it. If you was a married man, Alf, you'dunderstand it better. You wouldn't be surprised at anything."

  "As I was a-saying, kindness to animals is all very well"]