Spider Web
Page 11
She really didn’t want to be there. She was self-conscious about her dress, even though everyone dressed for the occasion. She was trapped in a room full of mindless chatter. She then remembered why she never came to these things; boring people with boring conversations. She made small talk with the other attorneys about the weather, new laws, and how she was liking Boston, but none of it mattered. Now that she had decided she wanted to talk to Nick, he was nowhere to be found. Didn’t that figure?
Eventually, Andrew decided it was time to mingle, so she followed him through the crowd. She introduced him to Anita and Harry. Of course, Anita looked stunning in her emerald green dress. It made her eyes seem even greener and brighter than ever. She and Harry both glowed with happiness. When Andrew asked about Nick, she felt herself blush, reminded of today’s little talk. When she and Andrew had finally sat down for a drink, he turned to her and said, “That man has been staring at you for a while now,” he nodded his head in the direction of the bar. Jules looked in the direction he specified and gasped. It was Nicholas. He stood there, alone by the bar, wearing a sleek black suit. It hung from his shoulders in a way that made him seem even taller than usual and made his shoulders appear even broader. His curly blonde hair was down for a change, hanging just to his shoulders. His expression was one she hadn’t seen before. He looked irritated at the very least, but closer to downright angry. Very out of character for him. His eyes were piercing, and Jules thought maybe he looked like he was trying to talk himself out of giving someone a good punch in the nose.
“That’s Nick. Come on, I’ll introduce you,” she told Andrew. She grabbed his hand and led him across the room. They had to weave between people who were now dancing on the floor between the tables and the bar.
“He looks mad,” Andrew remarked in a quiet tone meant only for Jules’s ears.
“Yeah, I thought so too. I’ll find out what’s wrong. Don’t sweat it, he’s harmless, I think.” Jules smiled, but she wasn’t really sure if she was telling the truth or not. She had never seen Nick mad about anything before, so this was completely new territory for her. He looked dangerous. Sexy. She gave herself a mental slap for even thinking it, but now that the thought was there, she couldn’t really push it out of her head.
“Hey Nick,” she called, waving her free hand in his direction. “I would like you to meet my friend Andrew.”
Nick was taller than Andrew and had to look down to meet Andrew’s eyes. The irritated look did not dissipate. Jules noticed that even his eyes were different. Usually they were a brilliant green, but now, they were more a bright blue. It reminded her of ice, and the look on his face was cold as ice as well. “It is nice to meet you. How do you know Jules?” His words were polite, but his tone said something else entirely.
“I used to work with her hus- well I know Jules from Nevada. We’ve been friends for years now. I was looking forward to meeting all her new friends here, she has told me so much about you,” Andrew smiled and shook Nicholas’s hand. That seemed to ease the expression on Nick’s face. Then Andrew turned to me, ”Hey Jules, I think I see someone I know, I’m going to mingle,” he winked at her, turned, and left, leaving her alone with Nick.
“Is everything ok, Nick? You look pissed,” she asked in a lower voice so only he heard.
“Can I ask you something? It’s really none of my business, but I’m curious,” his eyebrows were pulled together making lines on his forehead.
“Sure,” she replied. She knew that she was going to be asking a lot of questions soon.
“That guy, is he special?”
“Special, hmm, well yes, he’s special alright! That’s a good way to describe him, though I’m not sure we are talking about the same thing. What do you mean?” Jules was strangely interested in why Nick wanted to know.
“I mean, to you. Is he someone special to you?”
“Oh! No, no, no. I mean yes, but no. He is just a friend, believe me, I’m not his type.” Jules gigged a little at her inside information.
The furrow in Nicholas’s forehead eased. “Ok then, I was just curious.” He said the words like it were nothing, but his expression changed back to the one she had grown accustomed to. Satisfied. “So, I guess he won’t mind if I ask you to dance then?”
Out of nowhere, Jules’s heart started racing. The smile on Nicholas’s lips almost made her think he could hear it. She sure as hell could, what with it pounding in her ears so loud it drowned out the music playing. “I don’t think he will mind.” She was stammering! How ridiculous!
He held out his hand for her, his lips pulled back over his white teeth in the most sincere smile she had seen from him yet. At that moment, Jules looked at him. Really looked. His blonde hair lay in soft curls to his broad shoulders. Jules wondered if it felt as soft as it looked. His face was pale, but not albino pale. His now very green eyes sparkled when the lights from the make-shift dance floor hit them, the pale purplish rings barely discernable. His nose was straight, almost pointed. His pale colored lips were slightly pouted. She was lost in his eyes for a moment, and then raised her hand unsteadily to take his. “You look beautiful tonight,” he whispered in her ear. Jules felt the blood pooling under the skin of her cheeks and neck.
He led her to the dance floor and slipped his arm around her waist. Jules hadn’t even noticed the song playing was a slow one. Even though she had never heard it before, it was pretty and even a little sad. And then she froze right there in his arms on the dance floor. Dancing was not something she had ever been good at! Sure she could do it, just like she could do calculus in her head!
“What’s wrong?” He asked with pleading eyes.
“It’s nothing, just, well I don’t dance well,” her cheeks were crimson by now, she was sure of it.
“No big deal,” he said, “leave it to me.” He placed one of her arms over his shoulder, lightly trailing his hand over her elbow and forearm as he did it. He took her other hand in his and his feet took off. He pressed her body close to his own, keeping his strong hand on the small of her back. He whirled her around the floor like it was nothing. Jules was drifting effortlessly along with him around the room. She dared to break a smile, and it did not go unnoticed. He smiled his thousand watt smile right back at her and Jules thought she might melt right there. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Anita and Harry dancing. When Jules turned, Anita’s eyes caught her own. She was grinning from ear to ear and Jules could almost hear the thoughts her friend was having. So naturally, Jules blushed yet again.
“That’s a nice color on you,” Nick remarked without missing a step.
“Um, thanks. Andrew helped me pick it out,” she said.
“I’m not talking about the dress, although that’s nice too,” he laughed lightly, “I’m talking about this,” he said, as touched her cheek gently. Jules felt the blood rushing even faster to the place his hand had just been. He smiled gently. No! She thought. This is not happening. I can’t do this.
He must have felt her anxiety, because he loosened his grip on her waist. He stared at her for a second, then to his left. Jules followed his gaze and well, crap. One of Joe’s old colleagues was headed in their direction. It was Shane. She noticed the others on the dance floor had moved aside to give them plenty of room. Jules immediately looked for a safe route to duck out quietly, but there was none. It was too late and he had spotted her. He was coming her way.
“Can I cut in?” Shane asked with a smile. Nick looked at Shane, then at Jules. She pursed her lips momentarily then nodded, and Nick released her.
She danced, albeit ungracefully, with Shane. She moved only in a small, stationary circle. He kept his hands on her hips and her hands on his shoulders. Jules kept her hands in front of her, just in case she felt the need to push him away. She managed to keep a good distance between them, not like the full contact she had just experienced with Nick. Shane rambled on and on about Joe and how sorry he was about Joe. Jules restrained from ending the dance early, but just barely.
“Jules?” Nick called from behind her. He was following her out the doors. Jules pretended not to hear him. “Jules, wait!” Nick was one step behind her when she flew out the door to the dock outside. The convention center was situated right on the water, and any other night the view here would have been breath taking. “Jules! Wait!” He grabbed her by the elbow and spun her around to face him. “Please,” he said gently. He took her chin in his hand and turned her face up to his. Jules looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “What did he say to you?” His words were deliberate. Angry.
“Nothing,” she lied. This wasn’t something she wanted to discuss right now.
“Jules, I’m your friend, please,” he pleaded with her. Jules wanted to tell him to go away. She wanted to not want to tell him what was going on with her. She opened her mouth to do just that but she saw the concern in his eyes. She couldn’t resist his eyes.
“It’s just, if one more person tells me how sorry they are, I might just lose my mind!” The tears escaped her now. They flowed in a near constant stream down her cheeks. Jules tried to suck them back, but now that they were free, there was no stopping them.
“Oh little Mouse, I see,” was all he said. He put his arms around her shoulders and held her close to him. Jules turned her face into his chest and let the tears fall, ruining his shirt. She hadn’t cried over Joe in a long time. When finally her emotions seemed more under control, she looked up. She couldn’t read the look on Nick’s face now. He drew in a deep breath and let it out with a long sigh.
“Nick?” she asked tentatively.
“Yeah Mouse?”
“Thank you,” she said. It was hardly enough for the flood of emotion she was feeling at that moment. Sadness, of course. Anger, yes. But there was something else. Something she hadn’t felt it in a long time. It was affection, and it terrified her.
“Do you want me to take you home?” he asked. Always the gentleman.
“No. I’m fine, really. But will you stay out here with me for a while?” Jules couldn’t believe she was even asking, but she had been a slave to her grief for too long. She made the conscious decision to not let it rule her anymore.
“Whatever you want. What shall we do?” he asked. Jules told him that she wanted to talk. He agreed, but probably wouldn’t have if he had known she was going to grill him.
She asked about how he got things done at work, which he still refused to tell her. He told her about his family. He told her how his mother died when he was born and how he and his father became estranged shortly after. He was raised by his aunt who doted on him like he was her own child. He had no siblings and his father did eventually return to him. He mentioned how his father always felt that it was somehow his fault his wife died. No he was not involved with anyone. More information flowed from him tonight than the entire time they’d known each other. When she asked him why that was, his reply struck her. “I have a hard time not giving you what you want lately. I try not to get too close to anyone. But you seem to have a sort of charisma that I can’t ignore. It used to irritate me, but eventually, I had no choice but to give in.” Jules didn’t know what to think about that. Even though he had told her plenty, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more, something big, he wasn’t saying.
It was late by the time they ended their conversation, and Nick insisted he escort her home. It wasn’t necessary, but she allowed it anyway. To be honest with herself, she did not want to be alone right at that moment. At her door, he asked if she needed anything at all, and her response surprised them both. “Come in,” she said flatly before she could change her mind.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” He was reluctant, but she wasn’t about to turn back now.
“Yes. I am sure. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”
They talked more throughout the night about various things until Jules was exhausted and was yawning uncontrollably.
“You should sleep, you look exhausted.”
“I don’t want to sleep. I’ll just have bad dreams. You can go if you want. I won’t make you stay,” she said, but secretly hoped he wouldn’t go.
“Do you want me to go?” He asked.
“No.” She was sure of her answer.
“Then it’s settled. Come here,” he held his arms open for her. Her heart raced but she did as he requested. Jules was not prepared for what he did next. She would have expected him to try and kiss her or make some other stupid guy move. She wasn’t sure she would stop him either. But instead, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight to his chest. His hand rubbed gentle circles on her back that sent little shivers down her spine. She tried to pull away from him, but he repositioned them so that she could lay her head in his lap. “Rest,” he told her softly. He gently pulled his fingers through her hair and around her face. It was so relaxing. It felt natural, as if it were nothing at all for him to be touching her that way. The whole damned night had left Jules more confused than ever before, but she shoved it away. It had been far too long since someone held her for the sake of her comfort, and for one night, she was going to just let it happen.
She must have slept there in Nick’s lap. When she opened her eyes, it was light. The dream she had been having eluded her and all she could remember was that it was a good one. She stretched her legs and realized that she was still on the couch, and still in her dress.
“Good morning, Mouse,” the sweet voice in her ears brought her to the present. Her head was still across his legs. He had one arm draped over her ribs and the other on her head. Had he been there all night?!
“Mornin,” she mumbled, pushing herself into a sitting position. “You stayed. Did you move at all?”
“No. Not really. I didn’t want to disturb you. You wanted me here, and so I stayed. I couldn’t bear to move you, you looked so peaceful.” Jules felt of pang of guilt when she understood the words he said. Not just guilt, a terrible feeling that she had committed some crime. She was afraid that she had given him the wrong impression.
“Nick, I think,” she started.
”Don’t worry about it. I knew it was only a matter of time before you saw through me. I tried to hide it, but you are very perceptive. I wouldn’t dream of asking for more than your friendship, Jules. I know what you have been through. I know I’m no good for you. But, I can’t keep this from you anymore. When I saw you last night, I had every intention of saying goodbye. I was going to leave Boston and move somewhere I couldn’t cause you any undue pain. But when I saw your friend with you, something took over. I think I was jealous. I wanted to hold you, rip you away from him, or anyone else, for that matter. And when that idiot upset you, I wanted to take him apart. I know all this is absurd, and I know you don’t feel the same as I do. I thought about it all night, and I have decided I will leave you alone, if that is what you need me to do.”
“Wait a minute. You were going to leave?” She had barely digested what he was saying.
“Yes.”
“Don’t,” she firmly replied. She didn’t know how all this would work out, but she certainly wasn’t going to let him leave Boston because of her.
“Why not? I don’t actually need my job. Because I care for you, I don’t want you to feel anything but happiness.”
“I don’t know. I just know I don’t want you to leave, not because of me. Changing your whole life for me will not make me happy.” That was the best reason she could give. Nick was her best friend, and she told him as much. He understood her better than anyone. She may not be head over heels for him, but he was special to her, and she didn’t want to lose that. She couldn’t lose that.
Nick finally agreed to stay, and they agreed that for now, they would remain good friends.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JULY
Weeks passed. Nick and Jules went back to their working friendship. Once in a while he would smile, or say something that would send electric shocks down her spine and she blushed even more often than before. The fact that he was falling for her made her feel selfish, for him to have those feelings and her not to reciprocate. She knew that she had strong feelings for him, but she had feelings for all the people she called friends. She lied to herself daily that the feelings for him and for her friends were the same. She had no idea where, if anywhere, this thing with him would go. She tried not to think about it and just concentrate on her job.
One night, like so many others, she and Nick were working late on a case. When Jules decided she needed to go home, Nick stopped her. “Jules wait,” he said as he glided around his desk to her. “I know I said I wouldn’t, but I... don’t think I can. I mean... I just, I just wanted, well..”
“Nick, what ARE you trying to say? Spit it out, already,” she snapped. She was tired and irritable. The words came out sharper than she meant for them to.
“I’m talking about this,” he said lightly, folding his hand around her cheek. “Please, forgive me,” he said, his voice trailing off into a whisper. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. She found herself leaning against a wall of muscle. Her hands automatically went up and braced themselves on his chest. He was taller than she was and she had to look up to see his face. She breathed in his scent; it was somewhat floral, mixed with a woodsy musk? She couldn’t be sure because all of her neurons were firing in different directions. She knew what he intended to do, and even though her brain was yelling at her to stop him, she didn’t. His head bent down to her level, his breath washing over her face. She leaned in unconsciously to breathe it in. Then his lips were on hers. Gently and slowly. He was kissing her! At first she didn’t know what to do because she was in shock. She stood there like a frozen statue. However, she could not deny the electricity she felt throughout her entire body. When he pulled away, he whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” She placed her index finger over his lips, silencing him. Something inside her took over then, leaving reason and sanity behind. She placed her hands on his neck and tip toed up to reach his lips. He returned with the same gentle caress. She held the back of his neck and his hold on her tightened. He had one arm around her waist, one hand on the side of her neck. Her body bowed against him, as if it couldn’t get close enough. Her heart raced at an unbelievable pace in her chest and she feared it may jump right out. Her head was swimming and she felt lightheaded. She felt her knees going limp and realized that she wasn’t breathing. Nick pulled back from their embrace and laughed under his breath. “Sorry’” he said.