Space Hippie

by Tammy Hobbs

  INSIDE AGAIN...

  Herb groans, "My baby!"

  Rainbow pats his arm. "Sh... It's okay. We'll get her an even better paint job when we get home."

  Starr checks her holographic computer screen. "Have you seen his energy signature?"

  Rainbow looks at her own miniscreen in the dashboard. "That's odd... It's changing. And he's gotten a lot bigger."

  While Chillz, Rainbow, and Starr stare perplexed at the readings, Herb decides now is the perfect time to lean over and examine something stuck to his sandal.

  Which leaves Space Hippie as the only one who notices-

  "Uhm, guys."

  No answer. They're engrossed in their various activities. Herb hums.

  "Guys?"

  "Well, yesterday it was 7.02," mumbles Rainbow, "but today-"

  "Guys!"

  They look up. Ahead, they see Petrol is splitting into three equal pieces.

  "Oh, fudge!" spews Rainbow "We've got to get him before he splits, or this is gonna be a lot harder."

  "Are we in range?" asks Starr urgently.

  "No!"

  "Try the phasers anyway."

  "No. If we use them and we're not in range, he'll realize we're here, and then we're-"

  "Bones!" shouts Herb. He turns the bus hard to the left, and then to the right.

  Chillz falls over, hanging onto the table. "What the beck was that?"

  Rainbow peers outside. "OH... Bones. Apparently Petrol's been having a snack."

  Starr taps loudly on her desk to get their attention. "I'm getting some weird readings! Maybe we better-"

  The bus comes to a sudden halt. Space Hippie goes flying into a beanbag.

  Herb's apologetic. "Sorry, man. Look."

  A quickly-spreading green cloud surrounds the Luv Shuttle. Within the cloud lay the oil-smeared bones of a thousand creatures.

  "What's that smell?" Space Hippie asks, holding her hand up to cover her nose. She moves away from Chillz.

  All of the hippies wrinkle their faces in disgust.

  "Oh, gross! So that's what the speckled readings mean," Starr comments unhappily.

  Rainbow pinches her nose. "Go unter, but be careble." She sounds funny, but Herb understands her order.

  Space Hippie whispers, "What is it?"

  Chillz whispers back, laughing, "Petrol farted."

  "But how can we smell it? Don't we recycle our air with-"

  "Hurry!" Rainbow barks.

  Herb's still edging the bus forward as Petrol gets done dividing.

  The three Petrols head off rapidly in separate directions.

  Starr looks flustered. "But which one's the right one?"

  "I think they're all Petrol," answers Rainbow, thinking hard. "But only one of them is headed toward Mystery Character."

  Space Hippie asks the question they're all thinking. "But which one? And what are the others doing?"

  Rainbow is caught, surprised, in a moment of indecision.

  Herb quietly says, "Bow?"

  She massages her temple. "Thinking..."

  The hippies hold their breath, waiting for the crucial decision.

  "The one in the middle," she tells him firmly. "He's headed closest to the direction that we think Mystery Character might be headed," she adds.

  "We're out of the fart," Starr reports.

  Chillz pushes his foot down on an imaginary accelerator. "Go! Go!"

  They blast off after it, but after a moment it's obvious the Petrol is outpacing the Luv Shuttle. She won't catch up until he slows down.

  Herb looks to Rainbow, concerned. She pats him on the shoulders. "Do what you can."

  Later...

  Rainbow is taking a break to iron some hippie patches onto a pair of jeans.

  Space Hippie approaches her, nervously twisting her green hair, and says, "I want to help. With Petrol, I mean."

  Rainbow lifts the iron. "Do you think you can slow him down?"

  "How?"

  "Call him back, maybe?"

  "I don't think my power works on him. I'll try." She raises her arms in Petrol's direction.

  But Chillz throws his footbag at her. "Wait!"

  "Whatsa' matter?"

  "Remember the flufflings?" he reminds her. "Besides, maybe it'll just let him know we're here."

  Space Hippie starts to sit down, disappointed. Then she jumps back up. "The flufflings!"

  "Yes," says Rainbow, setting the hissing iron onto another patch, "but let's not wallow in self-pity right now."

  "No! I can call the flufflings! Maybe they'll slow him down!"

  Chillz smirks. "Or maybe he'll just have a fluffling pie for dinner."

  "Another good point," concedes Space Hippie. "Well, I could call a bunch of blorch-notches?"

  "And they could crush us like a used soda can," he counters.

  "Or I could just sit here and be useless. As usual." She throws herself down grumpily onto a beanbag.

  "Don't worry," Rainbow says seriously. "You'll get you're chance. Just make sure you're ready." She lifts her jeans to inspect the patches.

  "How can I get ready if I can't practice?"

  "Practice with some slime."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Practice

  LUV SHUTTLE - OUTER SPACE

  A petri dish of slime sits on the table. The slime has grown out of it onto the table in a neat line. The line of growing slime branches off toward the middle.

  From further off, it's clear that the growing slime spells out the words, "I am Space Hippie."

  Space Hippie yawns. "I think we can safely say I've mastered slime."

  Starr gives her a one-armed squeeze. "That's very good!"

  "Yes," answers Space Hippie dryly. "Slime can save the Universe."

  "You never know."

  Later...

  The slime now reads, "I am Space Hippie and I am bored."

  "Can't I do anything more important?" she asks Rainbow desperately.

  "Like what?"

  "I don't know. Use the computers or something."

  "The controls are written in Nommese. We got a good deal on them."

  "Of course. Couldn't I drive?"

  "You don't have a license to pilot a Class Zebwa starship, do you?"

  "Of course not."

  Chillz throws his footbag at her again. "Sorry, Squirt. Just practice with some more slime."

  She throws some slime at him. It hits him right in the eye.

  He looks stunned. "What'd I say?"

  Even later...

  Space Hippie is staring out the window.

  Chillz and Starr sit in the back of the bus whispering to each other. Starr starts giggling. She looks over at Space Hippie.

  Space Hippie notices.

  Starr whispers something to Chillz. Chillz looks startled, then angry.

  Starr shifts her eyes to Space Hippie again and starts to open her mouth.

  "Don't!" Chillz tries to whisper, but fails.

  Starr giggles. "Oh, Space Hippie..."

  Chillz looks at her, pleading. He mouths the word "please."

  Space Hippie raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"

  "Did you know..." begins Starr. Chillz is practically on his knees begging her to be quiet.

  "... That... We've almost caught up to Petrol?" she finishes.

  Chillz looks relieved. He looks away from them both.

  Space Hippie raises the other eyebrow. "No... But thanks for the... Um... Update."

  Starr looks at Chillz. "You're welcome," she tells Space Hippie sweetly.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Zombie Science

  STILL LUV SHUTTLE - OUTER SPACE

  Rainbow sits cross-legged on a beanbag, smoothing coconut oil onto her dreadlocks and rolling them between her hands. Chillz is sprawled on the floor nearby reading a comic book with a cartoon zombie on the cover. Rainbow casually looks over at him, then...

  "I've got it!" She smac
ks herself upside the head.

  Herb jumps in alarm. He's been dozing at the wheel. "Dergoogle-dy?" He looks around for a second, see nothing important, then goes back to his snooze.

  "Petrol is undead!" Rainbow says excitedly. "He's a zombie!"

  "Well, I never really looked at it that way..." says Space Hippie, looking thoughtful.

  Chillz looks back down to his comic book and turns the page. "So what's the big deal?"

  Herb starts snoring again.

  Rainbow rolls her eyes and gives him that "Duh!" look. "What do we know about zombies?"

  "They're made up," answers Space Hippie matter-of-factly.

  "Wrong!" butts in Chillz. "They're just uncommon on Earth."

  "Right," says Rainbow. She throws him a candied ginger and he catches gracefully it in his mouth. "Our DNA makes it hard for us to come back. But creatures on many planets come back to life more easily."

  "They're real, just like most of Earth's mythical creatures," Starr explains to Space Hippie. "They're based on real aliens."

  "Right," continues Rainbow. "But what do we know about zombies?"

  Starr thinks for a minute. "Let's see... They're stupid."

  "They like to eat brains," Chillz adds. He mimes being a zombie, and grabs Space Hippie, pretending to eat her brain.

  Space Hippie laughs, "They're vicious."

  Starr nods. "And they're hard to kill."

  He awkwardly releases Space Hippie. She blushes.

  Rainbow starts jotting notes on a notepad. "Yes... And how do you kill them?"

  "You... Destroy their brains?" Starr swats Chillz on the head a few times with a rolled up comic book.

  "Cut off their head?" says Chillz, ducking.

  "Burn them?" adds Space Hippie helpfully, grabbing an unlit lighter and chasing Chillz with it.

  "Right!" Rainbow tells them, beaming.

  Starr, Chillz, and Space Hippie all look confused.

  Chillz stops for a second. "But..."

  Starr finishes his thought aloud. "We won't be able to just set him on fire in space. There's no oxygen."

  Rainbow nods. "Right. But maybe if we got him on a planet with oxygen..."

  "And does he even have a brain?" asks Space Hippie. "Or a head?"

  "Ah hah!" Rainbow whips out two petri dishes. One holds black goop. The other holds green slime. "I've been growing these two samples. This one," she points to the black one, "I started with a sample of a smear that Petrol left behind back in the lab. This one," she points to the green one, "came from some reanimated slime here in the bus. Look closely."

  She hands Space Hippie the green one. Space Hippie shakes it a little. "It just looks like regular slime," she says, shrugging.

  "Do you see any lumps?"

  "No, it's all smooth."

  "Just like regular living slime, right? Now look at this one."

  Rainbow replaces the green one with the black one.

  Chillz peeks over. "Lumpy!"

  It's lumpy. And...

  "Gross! It's moving!" shrieks Space Hippie. Surprised, she almost drops it.

  "Careful!" chides Rainbow.

  "Sorry."

  Rainbow carefully takes the petri dish back from her. "Those lumps are little mini-organs. I've taken samples from them and tested them. The little wrinkly one shows some electrical activity."

  "A brain?" asks Space Hippie.

  "I think so. Or as close to a brain as this thing will get."

  "But it seems to be just floating around..."

  "Yes. So there's no head. Cutting part off probably won't help."

  "Then we'll just have to find the brain and destroy it," says Chillz confidently.

  The alarm starts going off. Herb jumps awake again and check some gadgets. "Snazz-wazzy. We're here, man."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Spendopolis

  OUTER SPACE

  The Luv Shuttle slows almost to a stop.

  A reddish brown planet lies nearby. It has several very large volcanoes on its surface. One erupts, spewing a cloud of ash.

  Rainbow points to the planet. "He's down there."

  As they get closer, they can see there's only one city on the planet. The city is surrounded by a protective bubble. As the ash nears the city, it seems to skirt around the protective bubble.

  SPENDOPOLIS

  The Luv Shuttle descends through the ash and clouds.

  "Okay, so what's on this planet?" asks Rainbow, business-like.

  Starr's back at her holographic computer. "I'm not familiar with this one, let me look it up..."

  She types a little on her keyboard. "Oh, this is Spendopolis."

  More typing. "This says it used to be a beautiful planet..."

  "What happened?" asks Space Hippie.

  "According to this, they industrialized, and then they used up most of their resources."

  Space Hippie turns to Rainbow. "So what do you think he wants with this place?"

  "No idea."

  They land, contract the Luv Shuttle to its original size, and begin driving.

  The surface is barren.

  The city, surrounded by its protective bubble, is nearby. They drive toward the entrance.

  At the entrance, a small bubble forms on the big bubble. The small one engulfs them and pulls them into the big bubble.

  Inside the big bubble, everything is clean, tidy, and brand new.

  Every home is a mansion with a white picket fence. A fancy robot dog plays in every yard. Each one barks and chases the Luv Shuttle until it gets to the end of its yard.

  An enormous new vehicle sits in every driveway.

  An in-ground pool and a big playground sit in every back yard. Well-groomed alien children wearing fancy new clothes swing, laugh, and climb.

  Starr directs Herb, "Take a right."

  A self-driving street sweeper passes.

  A robot sweeps a sidewalk and smiles at them as they drive by.

  An alien in a brand new outfit jogs by with her German Shepherd Bot. She waves.

  Chillz watches the neighborhood through the back window. "How can these people have all this stuff? There's nothing here."

  Space Hippie agrees heartily. "These people are too perfect. It's... Creepy."

  "Where is he?" Rainbow asks Starr.

  "He disappeared 5 minutes ago. The last place I had a signal on him was over... There." She points.

  Herb pulls the bus into a scenic view spot and stops. Across a man-made stream with stepping stones, they see a neatly manicured grassy hill.

  There's a door in the side of the hill. A happy face is painted on the door.

  A large sign beside it reads, "Danger. Do not enter."

  "Well, that doesn't look too bad," says Chillz. "But the Luv Shuttle won't fit in there. We'll have to hoof it."

  He starts packing a backpack with gear and asks Space Hippie, "Are you okay to walk?"

  "Oh, my ankle healed up ages ago. I heal fast."

  "Oh, right," he mutters awkwardly.

  "Better bring the flamethrower," Starr reminds him.

  "I thought it was busted," says Rainbow, grabbing some gadgets and a toolbelt.

  "I've been tinkering with it. I think it's okay," he says doubtfully. "Worth a shot, I guess?"

  Herb starts to get up.

  Rainbow stops him. "Can you stay here? We might need a fast getaway. Or a rescuer."

  He nods.

  "Half an hour, okay?" she tells him, turning away to step off the bus. He grabs her and hugs her.

  "Careful," he says.

  "I will," she promises him.

  The hippies start getting out of the bus.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Cave

  CAVE

  As they walk into the cave, the door swings shut behind them.

  It's pitch black.

  Starr searches around in her backpack. "Hold on."

  Suddenly there's l
ight. She's holding a bright blue light on a stick. She hands it to Chillz.

  She pulls out a handheld gizmo and holds it out in front of her. It beeps low, "bonk."

  She shakes it. "It doesn't work in here," she observes sadly.

  "We don't need it," Space Hippie points out. "Look."

  On the floor, a trail of oily goop leads them forward.

  "Careful," Chillz warns, sliding a little and bumping into a wall. "It's slippery."

  The cave walls and ceiling are clean, round, smooth concrete. They, too, are smeared with Petrol's oil.

  Space Hippie points up at an oily spot on the ceiling. "He must have had to squeeze through here."

  Rainbow looks bitter. "He's grown since we last saw him, then. Lovely."

  Chillz leads them slowly into the cave.

  The cave widens.

  As they go deeper, things get less perfect. Less tidy.

  There are piles of trash lying on both sides.

  Starr gets distracted. She slows down and falls behind.

  Rainbow grabs the back of Chillz' shirt to stop him. She whispers feverishly to Starr. "Keep up! We have to watch for him."

  "Sorry," apologizes Starr, looking around nervously. "It's just weird. This stuff is piled up like trash, but most of it's practically new."

  "It is kind of strange," admits Chillz, holding the light up to illuminate a pile of shoes that look like they've only been worn once.

  "Well, when you have all the latest stuff, you have to do something with your old stuff," Rainbow says impatiently, nudging him forward.

  "So this is their dump?" asks Space Hippie. She picks up a fancy cocktail dress from beside her and holds it up. It looks brand new.

  They hear a low rumble.

  Rainbow raises her eyebrows. The rest of them shake their heads.

  As they tiptoe along, their steps echo.

  "What's that smell?" says Space Hippie, wrinkling her nose.

  "I think," theorizes Chillz, "There's not much airflow down here. Poor ventilation."

  "That must be why I'm feeling dizzy," pants Starr.

  The further they go, the bigger the cave gets and the more trash they see.

  More than once, Space Hippie thinks she sees some trash moving. It always seems to happen when she's looking the wrong way, though. When she turns to look, the trash sits still.

  She starts to walk very close behind Chillz and keeps looking over her shoulder. She twists her hair and accidentally steps on Chillz's heel.

  Eventually, the concrete stops. They come to an enormous natural cavern.

  They peek into it and see: