by Mya Robarts
His muteness lasts for an hour, during which we do nothing but enjoy the view. Perhaps the key to his speech is booze; he must need alcohol to communicate. Well, that’s unacceptable. He’ll talk to me normally—no drinks involved.
“You know, that thing you said I … um … was curious about. What you rudely interrupted—”
He’s still impassive, but I can tell he’s listening.
“Curiosity isn’t what motivates me. I know what it is about. Even before I became a … you know …” I’m trying to make him break his silence and complete my sentence. It doesn’t work.
“I have plenty of reasons. None of which are curiosity. I was eight the first time I saw a couple doing it.”
The tiniest twitch of his eyebrow tells me he’s fighting to keep a poker face.
“It wasn’t intentional. They were my parents.”
He’s preoccupied with his cape, but he has to be grossed out.
“I entered their room without knocking first. They’d quarreled that night, so I thought he was hurting her. They became awfully embarrassed and dressed quickly. Mom put me to bed, and, the very next day, I got the bees and flowers talk.”
“From your mom?”
Ha! There! I got an answer. I grin. “Both of them. Don’t wince. There was no morbid curiosity on my part. It took me years to realize what happened that day.”
He finally looks up. A thrilling sensation runs through my veins when those perfect blue eyes look into mine.
“I’m not sexually ignorant. I’ve observed … I’ve read books.”
He looks at me intensely. “You’re ignorant, Miss Velez. You just don’t realize how much you still have to learn.”
“Because I’m all theory and no practice?”
He nods and lies down on the grass with his hands propping up his head.
I throw a pebble into the current. “Mr. Fürst, I’m not so untouched anymore. I’ve been kissed in intimate places.” My collarbone and cleavage are private places, aren’t they? Though I wish my breasts had been kissed, too. And I wish this conversation didn’t turn me on.
He looks frustrated. “If you’re so determined, why don’t you take a random guy?”
How do I explain that, for me, sex isn’t just the physical act of rubbing together genitals for pleasure? I don’t know why, but I want him to understand.
“Seeing my parents like that left a mark on me. When they were together, they became a single entity. Because of them, I’m convinced there should be a connection between sex and being one. Sex and being in a long, committed relationship. Sex and being in love. What I feel for my friend is—” Every time I mention Rey, the crease between Aleksey’s brow deepens. “Nothing like that, but I care for him. And—” I shake my head.
The wind ruffles his long hair. “It would be a mistake. Your sister’s right. You go through too much trouble to check this off your to-do list.”
I sigh. I’ve never opened up like this to anyone, but something about him tells me he’ll listen. “There’s no to-do list. There’s recruitment.”
Aleksey nods. Maybe he’s always quiet because he’s a good listener. The word recruitment has elicited a look of disapproval from the cop. I know he understands me now.
“You might think I’m silly. All this love talk—”
Kind blue eyes meet mine. “Not at all. There’s logic, even poetry, in your expectations.”
At that moment, Divine and Joey arrive at the meadow. She smiles when she sees Aleksey’s back. Immediately she jumps into action, showing off more than usual. “Enjoy it, sick perverts!” she shouts.
She practically tears off Joey’s clothes. In seconds, they are both naked, and she’s clinging to him, her legs wrapped around his waist. Joey presses her back against a tree and slides his hands down so that they rest on her buttocks.
I watch, fascinated. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that he’s looking at me. Then, to my disappointment, Aleksey takes out a flask. I reach for it without hesitation.
“Let me drink a little of what you have.”
His voice is stern. “Just a sip.”
Liquor tastes horrible. I use that as an excuse to drop the flask and let the liquid pour out. “Oops!” I put on my most innocent face. He doesn’t look angry. There’s a tinge of amusement in his eyes as he watches the lovers’ antics.
My desperation to experience it makes me forget that sex has a fun side, too. The way they’re clenching their bodies as Joey struggles to maintain his hold on Divine isn’t as arousing as it is comical. Aleksey fights a smile. I openly grin.
Joey loses his grip on Divine, and his erection goes on full display.
“Small …” Aleksey pauses as though he thinks he’d offend me if he said the word penis. “… thing.” He wouldn’t have offended me, but I don’t want to remember his thing at this moment.
“Mm, let’s call it the truth,” I say quietly.
He bursts out laughing. “The truth? You can’t handle the truth!”
I’ve never seen him laugh before. His joy makes him look younger, and God! He looks so damn hot when he’s happy.
I’m done. So is Divine. I get to my feet silently and wind my way back home.
Aleksey catches up to me. Throwing him a sideways look, I see him smiling crookedly.
“So you want to discover the truth? The naked truth?” He makes it sound so dirty and sexy that I don’t answer. Aleksey has an effect on me that alters not only my speech, but also the rhythm of my heart. It’s a combination of forbidden attraction and the fear I have of soldiers.
Poncho gallops happily around us. As we make our way to the city, the road becomes uneven. A wave of heat travels toward my lower body every time Aleksey places his hand at the small of my back to steady me. Something I’ve been dying to know comes to my mind. Now that he’s unusually talkative, I have to ask him. “Your proposal, the one you gave me a few days ago … I’m still considering it. Do I have a deadline?”
He shakes his head.
“But even if I don’t accept, will you train me in driving and parkour techniques?
Aleksey answers as if this should be obvious. “I’ve already agreed to that.”
“If I accept your proposal but refuse to have sex with you, what do you gain?”
He gives me his hand to help me step on a rock as the road begins to climb up the hillside. “Hard to explain.”
“What guarantees do I have that you won’t try anything else?”
Aleksey pats Poncho’s head. “No guarantees. Take it or leave it,” he says harshly. “But if it makes you feel more secure, you can bring your dog.”
“Why do you talk to me more than to others?”
He pauses before answering. “Maybe because you’re a voyeur. I like that you’ve found a safe, harmless way to express a part of your sexuality. You may be inexperienced, but you have a kink.”
“The same kink you have.”
“This is not my kink.”
I ask even though I suspect he won’t answer. “What’s your kink?”
He looks away, and we walk in silence for a while across a steep road flanked by trees. It’s not fair that he knows so much about me while he remains a mystery.
“I hate that you’re hiding the truth.” I cover my mouth to suppress a giggle.
He stops walking and grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. His hands cause a surge of warmth through my body. “Stop the jokes. You can’t handle the truth. You need to start with basic training before moving on to heavier practices.”
I want to say something, but my tongue refuses to cooperate.
His voice is raspy, low, and seductive. “I can teach you. If you want.”
I break eye contact, feeling my face flush. Aleksey doesn’t use words much, but when he does, sparks course through my veins. I force my voice to sound steady. “Only the basics?”
“Or whatever you want. You dictate the pace of our … lessons.”
I look at him in disbelief.
Is he serious?
“It will be educational for me, too,” he says confidently.
“Educational? How?”
His accented voice comes out as a sexy growl. “I’ve always had it … rough. I’ve never been with a V-girl. Being gentle, taking my time with you sounds … incredibly sensual to me.”
“You’d get bored.”
He shakes his head. “Why do you care? This is about you.” His eyes travel over my body. It doesn’t feel offensive. It feels seductive. “Regardless, sex is an instinctive act. You may be one of those birds that can fly immediately, or you may be the bird that crashes to the ground because you stepped out of the nest when you weren’t ready. You need guidance. My guidance.”
His subtle, clean, masculine scent intoxicates me. I realize we’ve been unconsciously leaning toward each other. I step back, but he closes the distance again.
“I’m your best option. I have enough experience to guide you, teach you, and protect you from harm,” he says huskily.
“What harm?”
He brushes my cheek lightly with his finger. The touch electrifies my skin. “Harm from other guys, from your friend, from yourself.”
I think about his size, knowing that I’m not ready for this man. “If I don’t want to go all the way—”
“Then we won’t. If you want to, this could be an addition to the other skills I’ll teach you.”
I keep stepping back, shortening the distance between me and the trees. “Wouldn’t that be fraternizing? You’re not supposed to fraternize with Nats. They’ll deport you.”
He looks at me as though I’m crazy. “So? The world is full of places for us to go—if you wanted to come with me.”
He’s deluded. No country would admit me without a passport tattoo. But hearing how his deep, masculine voice carries those words is heaven.
“They’ll execute you,” I say.
“I’ve put my life at risk for others ever since I joined the Army. It would be a nice change to risk my life for something I want for myself.” His humorless face smolders. “I crave you.”
Aleksey craves me. My cheeks warm at his words, and I don’t know what to say. He looks as though he has been dying to let out those words for a while. His eyes look at me expectantly. I can recognize his lust but … is there a difference between lusting and craving?
I shake my head. It doesn’t matter, anyway. He’s off-limits. Still, I’m overwhelmed with feelings I haven’t felt before.
I look at him questioningly. “I don’t know anything about you.”
The cop looks down at himself and smiles wickedly. “You know my feet are big. What else is left to know?”
“Many things.” Like the people for whom he cares. For a few minutes, I bombard him with questions. Who taught you to play bass? Who do you fight for? Is there anyone waiting for your return? He moves closer with each question, though he politely refuses to answer.
We stand close to each other, and electricity sizzles in the air. I forget what I was about to ask.
My back hits a tree. I can’t retreat anymore, so I tread to my side, stepping on a rock. This reduces our height difference a little. He presses his palms on the tree trunk next to my head, trapping me.
Looking at me intently, Aleksey takes a strand of my hair and twirls it, then tucks it behind my ear. The way his hand lingers at my earlobe leaves my skin tingling.
My voice comes out breathy. “I’ll … have to think … your offer … through.”
His voice is low, husky. “I’ll give you something to think about.”
Aleksey slips his hand around my waist, pulling me closer. He positions my body so that the height difference isn’t an obstacle. He’s building anticipation, making the wait for his lips deliciously torturous. His face slowly approaches, the deliberation clear.
When his lips touch mine, it’s a soft brush that makes my body melt into liquid fire. Then they move against my mouth hungrily.
And everything that isn’t his body vanishes into thin air.
He’s showing me that he can be gentle, but I want more. My hands grab his shoulders. I press my body tightly against his. He mirrors my action with his pelvis, blending it with mine. Showing me through his erection the promise of greater pleasures.
I whimper. Automatically, the kiss deepens. His bulky arms tighten their grip on my body. My skin burns and tingles at all the points where our bodies are touching.
He kisses me deeply and lingering at times, playfully pulling my lower lip at others. Expertly, he moves his lips to my earlobe and neck before returning to my mouth. He doesn’t make me feel like he’s kissing me. He makes me feel like he owns me. I feel it in the way his hands move up and down my sides, the way his bulky arms constrict me. It makes my blood bubble deliciously with a desire I’ve never felt before.
I can’t get enough of him.
Aleksey keeps kissing me like this until he finally pulls back, touching his forehead to mine and resting his hands at the small of my back. I struggle to control my breathing. My heart pounds in my chest, and I’m sure he can hear it. It’s not embarrassing because I can see that I affect him, too. He’s struggling to recover his cool, arrogant demeanor.
I’ve never been kissed like this. Come to think of it, I’ve never been truly kissed, until now. It was either Warren Lee-Rivers forcing me or Rey not being himself. It never felt natural—never felt like a ride to the moon and back.
“Surrender,” Aleksey whispers, still holding me tightly. He skims his nose along my jaw to my neck. “Surrender to me and I’ll …”
His lips at the hollow of my throat speak louder than words. If I surrender, the pleasure will be like nothing I’ve felt before. I can barely manage it now. If he makes me feel this way when both of us are fully dressed, how would I feel if we were scantily clothed, exploring our bodies in a private place? I’m dying to find out, but I can’t overcome my reservations.
I’ve willingly yielded to a moment with someone I should consider an enemy. For all I know, he could have forced other girls into his wicked ways. Don’t Accord cops ask for compensation in exchange for their help? He’s helped my family, but that’s not reason enough to lay down my arms. I don’t know to what extent I can trust him with my safety and my heart.
But as I gaze into his eyes, which at this moment look kind and expectant, I decide that none of that matters. He might look like a soldier, but he doesn’t act like one. He may have a past, but it’s his present actions that count. He’s a military man, but if we slept together, it’d be consensual. In my book, the word consensual is the key to my acceptance.
My breathing is still ragged, and my face must be all shades of red as his lips continue their exploration of my neck. Yet the overwhelming lust that Aleksey stirs in me can never match the history of mutual support Rey and I have. Besides, there’s a certain arrogance in Aleksey that makes me think he might be mocking me.
I reluctantly escape the prison of his embrace. “You have to know that Rey … Come on! Don’t scowl. Well, the guy you mocked is still my first choice.”
He looks incredulous. Why would I prefer a regular guy over the quintessential super-soldier? The eighth wonder of penises?
“Him? You’re like an ocean during a storm, whereas he’s a slimy, moldy puddle,” Aleksey says scornfully. He leans slowly to kiss my neck again. “You can’t deny it. The way your body enjoys my touch … I can tell the sensations are new to you. He can’t make you feel like that. He never has and never will.”
I refuse to admit he’s right. “I feel lustful with you because, apparently, every girl feels like that when you’re around. And you know how to touch the right spots.” His scowling face looks slightly smug, so I add quickly, “But that’s not enough.”
I stride toward the city, and he follows me. “By the way, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mock Rey again.”
He raises a cocky eyebrow “Or …?”
“I’ll make you pay for it.”
His only a
nswer is a skeptical, crooked smile.
“Recruitment gives a choice to the hundreds of Nationalist civilians who would otherwise perish due to the consequences of a war their leaders started. Sixty-three percent of the recruits get married to our honorable soldiers, becoming Patriot citizens in the process. By contributing to the Patriot cause, recruits improve their living conditions.”
Extract of Maximillian Kei’s speech for the United Neutral Nations Organization Spring Conference
17
Hope
“Ouch!” I lick the finger I’ve just stabbed with the needle. The examination room fills with the laughter of my siblings. They’ve been repeating sexual puns all afternoon. Now they’re competing to come up with the best stabbing accident joke.
The purpose of my embroidering efforts is worth the age-inappropriate jokes. I’ve been stitching the bridal sheets for the last authorized wedding before the recruitment. Sara Jenkins, an ex-Comanche, is engaged to a mysterious groom. I struggle to decorate the opening that will allow the husband to enter his bride without offending her modesty during the wedding night. The white sheets are a huge deal since they’ll be displayed for the entire town the morning after. Starvillers expect that blood will stain the sheets.
It’s tedious labor, but at least the Jenkinses will pay me well. I’m not at my best because I’ve been thinking about Aleksey’s proposal. About his mouth on mine. A soft, sweet oppression constricts my chest whenever I think about that kiss. I can alleviate it only by sighing. Sighs and needles aren’t a good combination.
Azzy covers her head with one of the sheets and puts her mouth through the opening, puckering her lips so that they look like a duck beak.
“And they won’t see their bodies while doing it? Imagine if the groom is bigger than this. Poor Sara! I can’t believe this is part of her ‘thrust-oh.’”
“Trousseau, Azalea. Troo-soh,” I explain.
“More like true-sore,” says Azzy, tossing aside the sheet and giggling.
Dad enters the room and perches himself on a table for another homeschooling session. He’s heard our sexual banter, but he’s used to it.