by Lara Swann
“I think you’re lots of things, Kelsey Adamson.” I say, my voice deep and deliberate. “But silly isn’t one of them.”
She shifts a little closer to me, and I bring her in for a long kiss, our mouths meeting with all the electricity that buzzes between us.
Yeah. I’m definitely getting those tubs of frosting out later. Just as soon as I find out what’s going on here…
“Liam…” She moans my name, pulling back enough to get her breath, her eyes wide as she looks up at me.
“If you’re going to drag me along on a stake-out and take advantage of all my impressive ex-military vehicle-tailing skills, the least you could do is tell me why we’re doing it, hmm?” I point out, my tone still amused.
She squirms a little, shaking her head, but her eyes are laughing up at me anyway - shining with more than just warmth, too. The fire between us is already stoked and burning…I can sense it ready to consume us already, and we’ve barely even started this stake-out.
Yeah, this is going to be the most fun one of these I’ve ever been on.
“When have I ever judged you?” I murmur, kissing the sides of her mouth as I talk.
“Hey, no fair.” She laughs, pulling back again and thwarting my attempts to kiss it out of her. “Believe me, this is out there, even for me. The only other person I told responded by telling me I’ve got an over-active imagination and it’s just my mind looking for some big story to follow.”
She says it lightly, but I can sense the frustration in her voice. Part of me is too distracted by the other person comment, though.
“Who did you tell?” I ask, frowning.
There’s a weird ‘and why not me?’ thing going on in my mind that I don’t quite like.
“My boss.” She says, with a twist in her mouth.
Oh.
“Ouch.” I wince.
I can just imagine how well those comments would have gone down - particularly from him. I’ve heard enough about her dreams to know that just looking for a story to follow comment would have hit hard.
“Yeah.” She says, and I take her hand.
“Well, I can promise I won’t say any of that.” I tell her, and I mean it. I don’t care what she comes out with, but I’m curious now. “And, I mean, I am on this stake-out with you. If you think you’re silly for doing it, aren’t I even more so for coming with you without a clue?”
She gives me a small smile at that, then finally rolls her eyes and relents.
“Okay, fine. But I warned you - and no judging.”
“No judging.” I repeat with a smile of my own, leaning in for another kiss.
“Okay, so you know all those infrastructure projects we were talking about, and the raised property rates to pay for them? I think the projects are a scam and the Mayor is working with - or maybe blackmailed by - some other people to take our money. Oh, and that whoever those other people are, they may have been involved in Margaret - that’s the Mayor’s wife - her accident three years ago.” Kelsey says simply, as if that’s not a bombshell and a half.
“I, er—what—”
“Well, that’s the short version, anyway.”
I blink for a few moments and she gives me an askance look. “I told you—”
“Hey, wait a minute, give me a moment with all that, Kelsey.” I interrupt, trying to let all that filter through my brain. “You say that’s the short version, so…do you want to tell me the long one?”
I glance over to the house, where there are a few lights on and occasionally outlines of people moving between rooms.
“It looks like we’ll probably have the time.”
She follows my gaze, then finally sighs and brings her knees up to her chest.
“Yeah, okay then.”
And then she does. She launches into a long story of everything she’s been investigating, all the leads she’s tried to follow, the original conversation she overheard, the questions she asked the work men and her visit with Margaret - before finishing on the meeting she had with the Mayor.
For a long time, I just listen. It sounds crazy, but…also somehow, strangely plausible. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been in Ashton long, or that the community paying for infrastructure projects always seemed strange to me, but…as outlandish as it is, it doesn’t seem…as impossible as it should be.
My mind briefly flashes back to Mark and his concern - and I’m a little stunned when I realize this has been the answer to all those questions. For weeks.
“Shit.” I finally say, when she seems like she’s finished.
Her chin is resting on her hands, on top of her knees, and she’s staring out the window as she lets out a big breath.
“Yeah.”
Then she glances over at me, more from curiosity than anything else. “What do you think?”
I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to ask me that - I’d pretty much promised her I wasn’t about to react to whatever she said, but wow. I wasn’t expecting it to be something like that, either.
“I…can see your point.”
“Really?” She sits up, the surprise obvious in her voice.
“Yeah. Really. I still don’t know whether I actually think it’s likely, but…if you heard and saw those things, if there’s really no documentation of this stuff…then yeah, maybe.” I shrug, then glance back at the house. “So what were you hoping for tonight? That the ‘do not disturb’ in Ken’s diary would turn out to be some secret, clandestine meeting?”
“Well, when you put it like that…” She gives a half laugh. “But yeah, I guess so.”
“Hm.” I don’t say it, but I get the feeling that’s unlikely.
“A bit of a slim hope, I guess, but I figured I’d make one last attempt - see whether there was something to follow. I’ve pretty much exhausted every other option I have, and after telling Anderson…well…”
I nod, feeling a small pang inside my chest as I hear the defeat in her voice, but I can understand it. Having someone you respect totally dismiss your opinion would be enough for anyone to question themselves - and there’s only so far you can go with something when everything is stacked against you.
“So…what do you want to do now, then?” I ask instead, glancing over toward the house again.
“Settle down and wait to see what happens, I guess.” Kelsey responds, following my gaze. “Maybe he’ll go somewhere else later. Or someone will come by to meet with him here.”
I nod, although I can’t help doubting that. I can understand why she wanted to follow up on the ‘do not disturb’ block in his diary, but…this doesn’t look like it’s about to go anywhere. Not that it matters - I’m happy to wait here with her anyway.
“Well…” I say, turning my attention firmly back to where it wants to be. “I can think of a few ways to pass the time…”
I lean forward, shifting toward her as I put the cover down over the center console. I manage to snatch a kiss, my hand running through her hair and making her moan before she pulls back.
“Ohh no…we’re never going to see anything if we get started with that.” She laughs, shaking her head and retreating firmly to her side of the cab.
“Mm, what else do you expect with two people trapped in a car together like this…nothing to do…just waiting…”
“That can’t be what you did with all your military operations—” She objects, the laughter still rolling out of her.
“No, this is way better—”
“C’mon, let’s be a little bit professional about it, huh?” She grins at me. “What did you do to pass the time back then? Just eat snacks?”
“There weren’t even many snacks available.” I say, not hiding the dismay at that memory, before finally shrugging and answering the question. “Mostly, I guess we just talked.”
“Well, then. We can do that.”
I make a show of groaning about it, but I give in without objecting too much more.
“Okay, fine. Let’s get those snacks back then.”
I take the bag at her feet and start rooting around in it for other options. The pizza was good, but I’m still hungry.
“What else have you brought?”
I show her the options and we fall into eating and chatting idly for a while, with occasional glances at the house opposite, and the atmosphere feels strangely warm and comfortable between us as we do. I wouldn’t have expected it, but there’s something nice about this.
We talk a little more about the investigation Kelsey has done and I have to admire her dedication - and just how much she’s managed to accomplish alone, without anyone knowing about it. She asks about Maya and how preparations are coming for her starting school in Ashton when it restarts in a few weeks, which is something I’m intermittently nervous about. Maya seems thrilled at the idea, which is only a good thing, but I can’t help worrying anyway.
It’s been a great summer together - better than I could have expected, with both of us getting to know the town and people here - but I think that even with all the play time she’s had with Katy and Lily, she could do with a break from the cupcake store. She still seems to love it, which reassures me, but I’m eager for her not to burn out on all the time there.
It gets later as we talk, with the beginnings of twilight fading all the way into actual darkness and the lights of the houses around us becoming more obvious. That distracts Kelsey for a little while, as she tries to look for any outlines of people or activity in the windows, but there doesn’t seem to be much going on - lights on in a couple of different rooms, and that’s it.
The conversation gets a little sparser as we slip into the lull of being here, trying to stretch out and change position as our bodies get cramped. We move a little closer together, too, snuggling as the evening gets a little cooler. I’m glad we’re doing this in the middle of summer, though, otherwise we’d definitely need blankets and other supplies.
“Liam…” Kelsey says, after a little while of silence, and I glance down at where she’s curled against my chest.
We’re both on her side of the truck cab now and it’s a little tight on space, but I think I like that. This way, she’s closer to me.
“Can I ask you something?” Her eyes glance up to meet mine and even in the mostly-dark, I can see the warmth glinting in them. “You don’t have to answer, of course, it’s just…I’ve been wondering for a while.”
Her fingers play across my chest under my top, tracing idle patterns there, and the gentle movement of it softens the knot that I know would form in my stomach otherwise.
“What is it?” I murmur instead, my fingers combing through her hair.
“What happened…with Maya’s Mom?”
Her eyes don’t shy away from mine as she asks, and I let out a deep breath, my own eyes closing for a moment as I think back to it all. It wasn’t all that long ago, but I haven’t thought about her for a while, actually. Not even with Maya around and the quirks I usually see reflected in my daughter.
I’m surprised to find I don’t really mind the idea of telling Kelsey…I just don’t really know how.
“She died of a drug overdose.” I finally say, the regret tinging my voice as it does whenever I think of her.
It’s probably not the best place to start, but it’s the simplest.
Kelsey’s eyes widen, her mouth shaping into a small ‘O’ and I can’t help the warmth I feel at seeing it. For all her enthusiasm for trying the world and seeing new things, she really has been sheltered in a lot of ways, living here.
“It wasn’t…that unexpected, I guess.” I say, though I know that’s not really an explanation. “Just sad.”
Kelsey lies still in my arms and I’m not surprised she doesn’t quite know what to say. I know she’s not going to ask any more, but I find myself talking anyway, filling the silence between us.
“We were never…I was in a pretty bad way when I met her, to be honest.” I admit, finally voicing the things I’ve thought for years but never said out loud. “I’d just been discharged from the Marines, lost my best friend and…I didn’t know what to do with myself. I honestly don’t know what happened in the next year of my life. All I remember was the crushing weight of everything I was dealing with, numbed by a haze of alcohol. It’s why I don’t drink much.”
“You don’t have to…” She starts, but I shake my head, stroking her hair again.
“Maybe I should.” I murmur. “I’ve never told anyone this. Never talked about it. Maybe it would be good to.”
I’m not the sort of person who ever would have believed that ‘talking helps’ bullshit a few months ago, but…I don’t know. That night I told her about Brandon, it did change something. Maybe that was just because we started having sex - hell, maybe I just need more sex to get over what happened with Amanda too, I’m not going to object to that - but maybe…maybe there was something in the talking about it, too.
“Okay.” Kelsey says softly, and I take another deep breath.
“I didn’t even remember hooking up with her, not really, though I think I did it a few times. We were in the same kinds of places - drug-laden parties, too much drink around - and that’s kind of what happens. Then a while later, she comes around saying she’s pregnant. Paternity test confirmed it and it was like a shot in the arm. I was a total screw up, throwing my life down the drain…and suddenly, I had a baby on the way. With an on-again-off-again addict, neither of us any family worth mentioning.” I close my eyes as that moment comes back to me again. It should have been terrifying - and it was - but it was also life-saving too. “Maya saved my life. She still does, every day. I think about that a lot - I even say it sometimes - but I’m not sure anyone really gets it. If she hadn’t come along then I’ve got no doubt - I’d probably be dead in some gutter by now.”
I’m quiet for a moment, the harrowing certainty of that hitting me the way it always does, before I continue.
“Once I found that out, I turned my life around. Threw away the drink. Dragged Amanda to rehab - the first of many times, as it would turn out. We promised each other we’d quit our habits and do the best for the kid - for Maya. We even moved in together, pretended like we were a couple for a while, though that didn’t last. We were more like roommates and co-parents than anything. Sober, she wasn’t my type at all - and off the drugs, I doubt I was hers. The only thing we really had in common was Maya, but…that’s a pretty strong commonality. For a while, it sort of worked. I went to a cooking school - food was the only thing that came close to satisfying the craving alcohol left me with - and I figured after all the death and destruction in the Marines, I’d try my hand at creating something instead.”
She smiles, and somehow the light from it manages to penetrate something that had only ever been a dark memory. Until I think about how things fell apart, anyway.
“But…it didn’t last. We were just about scraping by and I’d almost gotten to the point I could take a real job and make some money, but—then Amanda got a few acting gigs. That was why she came to LA in the first place - to Hollywood - she wanted to be an actress. It was also how she fell into the drugs. It could have been a good thing. It meant more money and security for the three of us—so I cut back what I was doing, started spending more time at home taking care of Maya while Amanda worked. She promised she wouldn’t go near the party scene or drugs - but acting was her dream, what she’d always wanted. Who was I to argue against that? Except, of course…the closer she got to being part of it all, the more she wanted to fit in. To have all of it. She spent less and less time at home, and it wasn’t long until I caught her with the drugs again.”
I shake my head. It’s not something I really want to linger on. “Maya was three by that point. Long story short, I spent the next several years dragging Amanda back to rehab, over and over again, and limiting the time Maya had with her increasingly erratic mother. She got a big role, in the end. Some reality program that meant we had the press at our door and in our face - and in the end I’d had enough. I was done. When she got back f
rom the filming, I was going to suggest that we split - even from just our half-hearted cohabitation - and that I take Maya so that she could focus on what was obviously more important to her. Only…she never came back. The end-of-filming party got a little out of hand, there were drugs - of course - and she was too excited, too out of control. This was supposed to be the start of her career. She took too much and this time…no one could save her.”
I take a deep, shuddering breath, then finally shake my head, trying to clear it of all of that.
“I left Los Angeles shortly after - moved somewhere I could get away from anything remotely connected to all that and…well…Ashton certainly isn’t Hollywood.”
Kelsey lets out a deep breath too, holding me a little tighter as she meets my gaze.
“No, it certainly isn’t…” She murmurs, then shakes her head. “Shit, Liam.”
“Yeah. Shit.”
That’s about the only way to describe it.
“But things are better now.” I say softly. “I hate that I couldn’t save her. That’s two people on my conscience now, but—”
“No.” She shakes her head more fiercely, scowling up at me. “Hey, don’t say that. Don’t ever think that. No one is on your conscience. You did everything you could, but something like that…it has to be their choice. It’s awful if they can’t bring themselves to make it, but you can’t force them to. It’s not on you, Liam. And Brandon—”
“He came back to save me.” I say, the emotion creeping into my voice before I can help it.
She reaches for my hand and squeezes it hard.
“Because of him - because that’s the kind of guy he was. That was his choice, Liam, not yours.”
I blink quickly, looking away and out of the window. Shit. I didn’t mean things to get so intense.
“Sorry.” I choke out, and she reaches up to my face, pulling it back toward her.
I don’t want to look into her eyes or see what might be there, but I can feel the way she’s scowling up at me.
“Don’t be sorry.” She says, her voice dropping to a whisper. “Don’t ever be sorry for all the shit life has dealt you. That’s not on you.”