Payday

by Celia Walden

  ‘Jill may think she’s got it covered when it comes to Joyce and the reasons we’re going to miss her,’ Jamie began, ‘but I’m not sure she has …’

  ‘Why’s he making a speech?’ Nicole mouthed at Jill. By the set of Jill’s mouth, Alex could see that having her straight and sincere goodbye tailgated by what would doubtless be a far more colourful performance was galling. With no choice but to listen, however, the three women sat in silence as Jamie made it all about him.

  When Jamie had sprayed Sprite over a humourless conservationist intent on blocking a sale of luxury flats in Olympia, he told the room, it was Joyce and the wet wipes she always kept close to hand that had rescued the situation. When Reza Farhat, the Iranian It-boy who was as capricious with his properties as his wife was with her Birkins, had requested some kind of deep-fried rosewater cake to be served at their afternoon sales pitch, it was Joyce, again, who had scoured the far corners of Shepherd’s Bush market for the ‘zoolibia … zooleeva, zoo …’ Alex hated that when Jamie laughed at his own jokes it was charming.

  ‘None of us could pronounce it, could we, Joyce? Let alone bring ourselves to eat the things.’

  ‘You got a few down though, didn’t you!’ someone heckled.

  ‘Anything for a sale, mate. But jeez – they tasted like that stuff my wife leaves in bowls around the house. Isn’t that right, Paul?’

  ‘Potpourri!’ squealed a woman up at the front.

  There was laughter, and more heckling. It didn’t take much to get people going at that stage of the night, and Jamie wasn’t one to leave a drop of limelight unsqueezed. But over at their corner table, Alex, Nicole and Jill were grim-faced.

  Jamie didn’t know she was still there, watching, and doubtless cared even less, leaving her free to pick apart the mannerisms she’d grown as familiar with as a relative’s in the seven months she’d tended to Jamie’s every need.

  Had some ex-girlfriend once told Jamie that the rueful back-of-the-head scratch with which he followed up all his punchlines was charming – sexy? The whole shtick was route one Hugh Grant, and so patently disingenuous. How had it taken her this long to see that her boss was a fraud who specialised in making even insignificant people like her feel special – one of the clan – until they became expendable?

  From her first day at BWL, Jamie had done just that, assuring her the company was like ‘one great big family’ – admittedly ‘a dysfunctional one’.

  Even when she’d come clean about the pregnancy and he’d got over the initial annoyance of having to find maternity cover (an annoyance she’d actually enjoyed, because it meant she was good, maybe even irreplaceable), he’d been sweet about that, too, buying her a packet of the ginger chews Maya had found helped with the nausea, and recommending a ‘baby whisperer’ they’d used with Christel when his firstborn still wasn’t sleeping through the nights six months in. And when, a month into motherhood and sleep deprived to the point of tears, Alex had googled the woman to find she was 250 quid a session, she hadn’t been as put out as she should have been. That was Jamie: in his own charmed bubble, but he always meant well.

  ‘If it helps,’ Nicole said, without looking up from her phone, ‘I hate him almost as much as you do.’

  CHAPTER 6

  NICOLE

  The surprise on Alex’s face was gratifying, and Nicole broke off from the email she’d been tapping out to drink it in. It had felt good to say that out loud; even better to discover that she wasn’t alone.

  ‘I don’t—’

  ‘Yeah, you do. And I don’t blame you. So go on then: what’s the real story?’

  ‘With … ?’

  ‘Why did Jamie get rid of you? ’Cause you got pregnant? ’Cause Hayden was his mate? There’s been talk.’

  From Alex’s darting glances at Jill and back to Nicole, she was aware she’d overstepped the mark. But something beyond the alcohol in her blood pushed her on.

  ‘Come on. I think we all know golden boy’s been known to cut a few corners when it suits him.’

  Nicole badly wanted Jill to be aware of this, she realised. So much so, that she was willing to risk speaking out in front of her boss. Because although Jill and Jamie had always been close, she had above all always struck her as a fair and professional figure. If her protégé had done something out of turn, it was only right that Jill should know about it.

  ‘For what it’s worth, Joyce always said you were brilliant.’ Jill’s usually serene, low voice rose higher, wavering with alcohol, and it occurred to Nicole that in all these years, she’d never seen her drunk before.

  BWL’s founder was part of that old-school breed who never show any chinks of vulnerability in the office. Nicole had never even seen Jill reapplying lipstick in the Ladies. Fair and steady in the operation of a company that she and her husband had set up to preserve history rather than destroy it, Jill was proof of what women who weren’t held back by men could accomplish. Which only made the need to remove the scales from her eyes greater.

  ‘Is Nicole right?’ Jill went on gently. ‘Did you feel Jamie had some, well, other motive for terminating your employment beside the due diligence business?’

  Nicole watched Alex assess the situation – and decide she had nothing to lose.

  ‘I wasn’t going to say anything, but the whole Khalvashi mess-up wasn’t mine – it was Jamie’s. He specifically told me to leave the paperwork unfinished. Why, I don’t know, but I reckon it was because he knew Khalvashi wasn’t legit and wanted the sale to go through regardless. Property Week had just done this big piece on him and maybe the pressure to keep up his whole “Deal Don” image got to him.’ She paused. ‘Then when you and Paul spotted the incomplete file, he pinned it on me, and used it as an excuse to get rid of me. I wasn’t going to say anything, because Jamie promised to make it up to me – that he’d get me another job. And like an idiot I believed him.’

  As Jill took this in, Nicole observed her boss closely. She was taken aback, but not shocked. ‘He’s been cutting the odd corner recently. Behaving, I don’t know …’

  It was Nicole’s turn to be surprised. ‘I thought he could do no wrong in your eyes.’

  ‘Oh?’ Jill gave a dry laugh and, taking two sips of wine in quick succession, looked over at Jamie, who had finally stopped talking and was getting a massive round in at the bar. ‘No. No, I wouldn’t go that far.’

  All three were woozy by now, but Jill’s neck seemed to have lost its ability to hold her head steady, and Nicole wished Alex weren’t refilling the older woman’s glass quite so soon.

  ‘I know that Jamie has always looked up to you,’ Alex volunteered, and although Jill nodded, her eyes remained sceptical. ‘And I mean, after all you’ve done for him, I’m sure he always will.’

  What started out as reassurance sounded a little like goading now, as though Alex were pushing Jill to acknowledge what a monster her mentee had become. Or perhaps he’d always been one in disguise. ‘You brought him into the company, didn’t you?’

  ‘Years ago, and he’s always been a little cocky …’

  ‘But now it feels like something more?’ Alex pushed on. ‘I felt that, too. Even before I went on maternity leave, there was something about his attitude … a lack of respect.’

  ‘Towards me?’ Jill looked up sharply.

  ‘Don’t take this the wrong way …’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘But he’d make these comments – about you being late. Or at the hospital with your … husband.’ At this Jill flinched. ‘Just little asides: “Oh, Jill’s sitting this one out again,” or “Jill was a no show.”’

  Alex was goading her. This young woman wasn’t just upset at having lost her job, she realised, but distraught, and something about the intensity in her eyes troubled Nicole, but being equally keen to prolong this conversation, she shuttered off the thought into a corner of her brain.

  ‘What really bothered me,’ said Alex, leaning forward, ‘was when he spoke like that about you in front of
the clients.’

  ‘He said those things in front of clients?’

  ‘Sometimes. And it just seemed a bit insensitive. Your husband …’

  ‘The big C.’ Jill fingered the stem of her glass. ‘Stan’s been getting treatment. He’s always wanted to keep his health concerns private for a number of reasons. Not least that it’s nobody else’s business. But you’d heard … from Jamie?’

  ‘Yes … I … he mentioned it in passing.’

  ‘In passing.’

  ‘I’m really sorry Jill, but –’ she glanced at Nicole, as though checking whether she should go on – ‘he’d tell most people. It always made me feel uncomfortable. As though he were using Stan’s …’

  ‘Stan’s what?’

  ‘Well sort of using your husband’s … illness to sideline …’

  ‘To sideline me?’

  ‘Well, to push himself forward. At least that’s how it came across to me.’

  ‘Right.’ From the rapid rise and fall of Jill’s chest beneath her oatmeal jumper, Nicole could see how hard she was struggling to contain her outrage.

  But Alex wasn’t done.

  ‘Then there were the jokes,’ she murmured. ‘About women. About older women.’ She threw Jill an apologetic look. ‘And yes, about you.’

  ‘Well, Jamie’s always had an inappropriate sense of humour. I’ve told him, more than once, to rein it in.’

  Jill was trying to claw back some sense of control. This was all so undignified. But from the look on Alex’s face, things were only going to get worse.

  ‘I know, and look: most of the time I’d find it funny. But then he’d say this stuff,’ she went on hesitantly, ‘about what he called …’

  Nicole knew what Alex was about to say. She’d heard Jamie make the same joke. And she was torn between wanting Jill to hear it and hoping she’d be spared.

  ‘… your “RBF”.’

  ‘You’ve lost me.’

  ‘Resting Bitch Face.’ The words were said so quietly that for a second Nicole wasn’t sure Jill had heard. ‘It’s a social media term for women – for that aggressive look they can … we can all …’

  ‘I get the idea. And what? I’m supposed to have … that?’

  ‘He’d say you had it in meetings – sometimes. That it had got worse, as you, well, had got older. That it was off-putting for the clients.’

  ‘OK.’ Jill gave a terse nod.

  ‘He’d say …’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘He’d joke that for your sixtieth, he’d send you to Harley Street “for a bit of refreshing”.’

  Jill closed her eyes. ‘Right.’

  Conscious that with the speeches now over, the noise levels had decreased, Alex lowered her voice further. ‘Sorry, Jill. I know this is … harsh. But what the hell’s happened to him?’

  ‘Because he was such an upstanding guy before?’ Nicole angled her body towards the wall to have a covert puff on her vape. This drew an almost comical look of alarm from Alex, who glanced from her to the bar staff and back again. ‘What are they going to do, arrest me? Relax.’

  But Jill was oblivious, caught up in her own thoughts. ‘Jamie’s never exactly been Mr Sensitive. I mean he’s one of the most competitive men you’ll ever meet – but that’s what makes him so good at his job. And his humour … But I always thought he had a good heart.’

  ‘Then I wonder how well you’ve ever known him.’ Nicole spat out the words through a mouthful of water vapour.

  On the other side of the pub, someone hollered out ‘last orders!’ and only when neither one of them reacted did Nicole register the curious turn things were taking.

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means that I … shit.’ She glanced up. ‘He’s coming over.’

  As Nicole bent back over her phone, she felt Alex fumble for the shoes she’d slipped off earlier beneath the table, in readiness, she assumed, for escape.

  ‘Alex. Still here?’

  You’d think there might be a glimmer of embarrassment before this woman he’d just sacked – but nothing. He was here to talk to Jill. People were only of interest to Jamie while they were useful. After that, they ceased to exist.

  ‘Like the speech?’ he asked his partner.

  ‘Loved it.’ Jill was stony-faced. ‘We weren’t sure you were ever going to stop talking.’

  Nicole gave a snort and Jamie narrowed his eyes.

  ‘Do you think you girls may have had enough? School night and all that?’

  There was a millisecond’s pause.

  ‘Not sure you’re allowed to call us “girls” any more, Jamie,’ Nicole murmured, eyes still fixed on her phone. ‘Not least because we’re all over thirty. And FYI, “ladies” – another favourite of yours – is also out.’

  Alex looked from Nicole to Jamie and then Jill, suppressing a smile.

  ‘Well I’m going to leave you women to your feminist symposium. It’s getting late.’ He shrugged on that padded gilet of his and left.

  Once the door had swung shut behind him, the three women’s laughter was so loud and immediate that a handful of remaining revellers turned to look at them.

  ‘Do you think you girls may have had enough?’ Nicole growled, her voice carrying across the pub. But while the other two women’s laughter died down quickly, Nicole couldn’t seem to stop, and only when the mirth on the two women’s faces was replaced with alarm did she realise that her eyes were wet.

  Jill’s hand wavered cautiously behind her back. ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Yes.’ Nicole cleared her throat noisily. ‘No. No, I just … there’s something …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I thought I could put it behind me. I mean, look at me: I’m hardly that woman, am I? I’m forty bloody three, I’ve got a pretty decent sense of humour. I’m a flirt and I …’ As the last remaining people headed towards the door and all three women smiled and waved, the conversation was paused. ‘I give as good as I get. Always have. But Jamie’s behaviour …’

  ‘Nicole,’ Jill’s voice was stern now. ‘Whatever it is, just spit it out.’

  After a long inhalation, Nicole began: ‘It was just stupid, harmless flirting at first. Professional flirting, you know? To keep things moving along … make the day go a bit quicker. Anyway, I guess he thought I was game. Everyone knew about Ian, right?’ She glanced over at Jill, hoping the acknowledgement of her stupid, brief office affair years ago wouldn’t affect her prospects at BWL. But of course her boss had heard the rumours – everyone had. ‘It was way before your time, Alex. He left the company years ago. Still, I’m guessing even you heard about it.’

  Alex paused, then gave a slight nod. ‘Listen, I’m hardly in a position to judge,’ she murmured. ‘I’m the girl who got herself pregnant with a guy from work, remember? A guy who by the way couldn’t run fast enough.’

  ‘I heard. And I’m sorry that Hayden’s been such a …’ Nicole swallowed. ‘Best never to expect too much of men, eh? But at least neither you nor Hayden was married.’ A crackle of laughter. ‘At least you’re not the scarlet woman.’

  Alex and Jill waited.

  ‘Well, anyway, Jamie clearly saw me as “game”. He’d say stuff about what I was wearing – nice stuff and then less nice stuff, and then one day, while we’re waiting to go into the conference room, he comes out and says, ‘You look very fuckable today, Nic.’

  ‘Woah.’ Alex was taken aback, but Jill had actually frozen in shock, her glass suspended in mid-air.

  ‘He said what?’

  ‘Then he moved on to a more direct approach, coming to look over project plans on my computer and pressing up against my back so that I could feel him …’

  In any other context Jill’s face, slack with disbelief, would have been funny.

  ‘Nicole,’ she managed eventually. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but is there any way you misunderstood this? That he was joking? Or that you, well, made Jamie think that it might be something you wanted?’


  ‘“Led him on”, you mean?’ Alex cut in, and Nicole was glad for the interruption. ‘I know that things were very different twenty years ago, but “leading on” is kind of out as a defence now.’

  ‘OK.’ Jill held her hands up. ‘Listen, I had to ask. And things weren’t so different ten, twenty or thirty years ago, for that matter. Much as everyone now likes to think they’re the first to call men out.’

  ‘Right – so you can imagine what this must have felt like for Nicole.’

  ‘I don’t have to imagine,’ Jill snapped. ‘It was pretty much the air we breathed back in the day. And it wasn’t just that side of men we had to contend with, either: do you have any idea how many times I was underestimated and sidelined on my way up? How many stupid comments about my looks and clothes I had to ignore? How much harder I had to work than every man to prove myself?’

  ‘So you get that this is not about anything Nicole did. You understand that it’s about Jamie; that it’s harassment.’

  Jill blenched.

  ‘Jesus.’ Alex contemplated Nicole. ‘I always thought he had a thing for you. I mean, I could see him following you with his eyes across the office sometimes, but he wouldn’t have been the only one. And I never thought he’d do anything, well, like that.’

  Both women watched in silence as Nicole picked at a hangnail, deciding whether to go on. It was madness to have said as much as she had. But there was no going back now.

  ‘Why didn’t you report it?’ Alex said softly. ‘We don’t have to put up with this stuff any more, do we? I mean isn’t that the whole point of being a woman in the age of Me Too?’

  Nicole threw her a watery smile: ‘Right. But I didn’t want to make too much of it. Plus I’m married and everyone knows I’ve slept with a co-worker in the past, so I very much doubt I’m going to get much sympathy from HR. God knows it wouldn’t make me appealing to future employers, either.’

  ‘But that’s got nothing to do with it!’