by Ramy Vance
The faceless woman stood up, still crouching as if she had a bad back. Then the skin of her face slit started to part, to pull back like a wound being opened again. The slit filled with rows of teeth, lining what looked like a throat that stretched down to the pits of hell itself. The woman screeched and scuttled toward Suzuki.
Sandy slipped behind Suzuki and nudged him forward. “I’m still mana-less,” she said. “You take Razor Deepthroat, and I’ll get Stew down. Sound good?”
“That garlic didn’t seem to do anything.”
Sandy shrugged. “Not every idea I have can be a winner. Now go give her something to gag on.”
Sandy made her way toward the cauldron while Suzuki ran toward the screeching maw of rotating teeth heading his direction. Suzuki enchanted his ax with fire, and the two hit each other with intense force. His desire to hurt the vampire instantly dissolved. When Suzuki looked at the vampire, all he could see was the way her body curved, the slight cleavage that had somehow appeared out of nowhere, and her slowly removing her robes until he could see how far the slit on her face went down.
Suzuki realized that he was erect, and he had no idea where the robed vampire had gone. Suddenly his lower torso flared up in an intense, bright burning that almost made him pass out. The world went hot, and Suzuki struggled to keep his eyes open. As he leaned forward, he found that he wasn’t falling. He looked down. The robed vampire was crouched in front of him, her jaws firmly locked around his crotch.
“It’s the succ, dude,” Stew shouted. “She’s gonna suck you to death!”
The pain had snapped Suzuki out of the spell. He raised his ax and brought it down on the vampire’s head. There was a sickening thud, and the vampire’s jaws relaxed. She fell, her head smacking the floor with a satisfying crunch.
Suzuki landed on his ass and scooted away from the corpse of the vampire. He looked down at his crotch as Sandy helped Stew hobble over to where Suzuki sat.
Sandy dumped Stew next to Suzuki before she ripped the robes off the dead vampire and tossed them onto Stew. “You know,” she chided, “I remember you saying that you’d never turn down a blowjob once when we first started playing. I honestly didn’t think you’d take that so far.”
Suzuki stared at his blood-covered hands and showed them to Sandy. “Will you please stop being a dick and give me a potion?”
Sandy pulled two potions and status remedies from her inventory. She handed them to Stew and Suzuki. Both guys downed the potions as quickly as they could. Suzuki could feel the wounds on his crotch stitching themselves together. After a few seconds, it felt like nothing had happened. When he stood, he noticed something glinting on the table near the cauldron.
A beautiful gold chalice sat on the table. It was simply made, lacking the flash Suzuki had seen on other goblets in this realm, yet the craftsmanship was exquisite. Even from afar, it was obvious that this chalice had been made with something special in mind.
Suzuki knew in an instant that was what they were here for.
“Come on, guys,” Suzuki said as he approached the table.
He grabbed the chalice and held it up to the light. He was right. The gold shimmered in a way that he had never seen gold catch light before. It wasn’t particularly obvious why José wanted this chalice, but it was clear that this was what he had sent them for.
Beside the chalice was a small, glowing blue orb. There was nothing particularly interesting about the orb. It looked like the kind of thing that you might find in a Best Buy. Suzuki was surprised by how unmagical the orb looked. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen anything that looked this techy, other than the MERCs’ HUDs, since he came to Middang3ard. Without giving it any thought, Suzuki reached out and touched the orb.
He was instantly in a completely different room. He had been transported someplace, but not in the same fashion he’d been transported since Myrddin had first sucked him into a portal from New York to Middang3ard. This was smooth. It was almost like stepping off an elevator. He had felt a slight pull on his navel, but it had passed so smoothly that he had hardly noticed. Now he was in a dimly-lit room.
The room seemed to stretch on for some distance. Suzuki stood on a red carpet that ran up to a massive stone throne. Rows of pillars stretched alongside the carpet. Flags of different nations hung from the walls, nations that were unrecognizable to Suzuki.
Someone was sitting on the throne. The person rose and pointed at Suzuki. Somewhere in the room was a shriek, an ear-piercing wail.
Suzuki was standing in front of the throne. He didn’t know how he had crossed so much space. He wasn’t alone near the front of the throne, either. There was an orc kneeling beside him, head bowed. Next to the orc was a dwarf with red eyes. He was also on his knees. Suzuki quickly dropped to his knees and lowered his head as well.
The figure on the throne was draped in a deep purple robe with a blaze of gold that flowed to the ground. Her hood was pulled over her head, giving the appearance of a very gaunt wraith. Dust seemed to be pouring from the bottom of her robe. When she leaned forward to speak, there was a sound like the hiss of air rushing from crushed lungs.
The robed figure leaned forward so that her face caught the little bit of light cast by the blue orbs that the orc and the dwarf held.
The woman’s face was scarred, but it was more than that. There appeared to be an infection on the side of her face.
But it was nothing like any infection Suzuki had ever seen. The skin was not rotting. It looked as if the skin had been peeled back, and instead of muscle and bone, there was only fiber optics.
The woman’s right eye was gone.
Instead, there was a glowing red eye-piece in the empty socket. The decay was spreading from her eye as well.
The woman pulled back her hood. She was bald, and the techno-decay stretched from the back of her head down to her neck. Her skin was a sickly greenish-yellow, and when she smiled, her teeth were oddly white and straight. “The Dark One requests that you submit your reports,” the woman growled. Her voice was deep, and it sounded as if her vocal cords been dragged through glass.
The dwarf held the orb above his head. “Viceroy Dominicus,” the dwarf whispered, his voice trembling with each word. “I humbly offer the reports on the Dwarven continents. We have begun to furnish weapons for the orc troops that are set to descend upon the elvish cities in the third realm.”
“How many weapons have you supplied?”
“Innumerable, my Viceroy. The upgrades the Dark One has blessed us with have allowed us to work faster than we ever have before. The furnace has not been shut down. We will make weapons until we are told to stop.”
“Our numbers are increasing. Do not stop. You are dismissed.”
The dwarf wavered and faded out of existence. As Suzuki watched the dwarf fade, he noticed that he was looking through the orc at his side. He looked down at his own body, which had a similar blue orb as the rest sitting in his hand, and he noticed that he was practically invisible. It was as if his spirit had been pulled from his body. No, that’s not right, he thought. More like an image of me is being projected.
It was the orc’s turn to report. “Viceroy, we have swept through the gorge that was formerly held by the human armies. We suffered few casualties, and we decimated the human army. Human captives were taken but, as the Dark One suggested, we have slaughtered all non-humans and left their bodies as an example of the Dark One’s might. We have also received the boon that the Dark One promised us upon arrival. Many of the humans have already sworn their loyalty to the Dark One.”
The viceroy laughed, a mirthless sound that sent shivers down Suzuki’s spine. “Continue with the forward expansion,” the viceroy said.
The orc dissolved, and the viceroy turned her eyes to Suzuki. “Report.”
Suzuki fumbled with the glowing orb, trying to figure out what to say. “Uh, ” he mumbled, “Our…efforts have been…consistent. Yeah, consistent.”
“The reawakening of Hal-shoroth h
as been completed by now, I trust.”
“Yeah. He’s up and ready to…take care of business.”
The viceroy leaned forward to get a better look at Suzuki. Suddenly, Suzuki felt his mind being ripped open. It was a similar feeling to when Fred went through his memories, but a thousand times worse. When the feeling passed, Suzuki fell forward, clutching his skull.
It felt like an eternity before the viceroy spoke again. “Hmm. A petty dungeon dweller. You must have broken into the mansion. No matter. You will be dead soon enough. Along with…”
Suzuki felt the viceroy invading his mind again. He screamed as he tried to shut her out of his head.
The viceroy sat back in her chair, wearing a smug smile that highlighted her freakishly perfect teeth. If she was concerned that Suzuki had seen their little pow-wow, she didn’t show it. Quite the opposite. It was as if she wanted Suzuki to report back to the world what he’d seen.
“You and the other Mundanes,” she finally said. “You will be swept under the tidal wave that is the Dark One, just as all else will be.”
Suddenly, Suzuki was back in the room with Stew and Sandy. He looked around, trying to figure out where he was or what was happening. Sandy was looking at Suzuki, obviously confused. “Everything okay?” she asked.
Suzuki pointed to the orb. “The orb,” he said. “That’s how they’re communicating with each other, and there’s something—”
The sound of a creaking door cut Suzuki off. He whipped around, looking for another exit, but there was none. The most he could find was a few coffins stuffed against a wall in the back of the room. “Come on,” he whispered as he ran toward the coffins.
Each of the Mundanes jumped into one of the coffins, closing the coffin lids behind them. Suzuki reached out to Fred. Hey, Fred, he ventured. You and the other familiars can talk to each other, right?
Correct, human.
Can you link me to Sandy and Stew?
Very well.
Hey, guys?
Even though Suzuki couldn’t see the surprise on Stew’s face, he could hear it in Stew’s reply. Dude, you’re in my head, Stew exclaimed. How’d you do that?
Later. I just need you two to know what’s going on. I’m going to check out what’s going on out there and see if we can find an opportune moment to sneak the fuck out of here.
Suzuki closed his eyes and cast Clairvoyance. The small portal opened in front of him again and he peered out at what was unfolding in the room outside of the coffins.
Robed vampires had filled the room. They were all carrying small candles. It was not only vampires in the room, though. There was a large number of orcs. The vampires and the orcs were eyeing each other with suspicion. The tension between them was palpable.
One of the vampires stepped forward and raised his candle. “Has the sacrifice been readied?” he asked. “With the rise of the Dark One’s gift, we will march into the Shire and burn it to the ground this very night.”
The vampires said nothing, but the orcs cheered.
Somewhere in the room, there was a quiet whine. The circle of vampires parted, and the vampire with nothing more than a slit for a face was walking toward the cauldron boiling in the center of the room. She leaned over the cauldron and began hacking and shivering until she coughed up a massive ball of coagulated blood.
It fell into the cauldron with a sickening plop.
The vampires crowded around the cauldron, whispering a chant.
The orcs watched uneasily.
Suzuki wiggled around, trying to get comfortable in the coffin. We gotta get out of here, he sent Stew and Sandy. There are at least a dozen vampires and orcs in there.
We can take them, Stew shot back.
No, we can’t. Sandy’s out of mana, and you just got bled for a ritualistic sacrifice to bring about some secret weapon. They’ve already finished the ceremony. We need to just get out of here.
So what’s the plan?
Suzuki wracked his brain. He wasn’t coming up with anything. The thought of waiting until dawn came had crossed his mind, but that was before he realized that now there were orcs in the building as well.
They weren’t going anywhere.
There was also the problem of the Dark One’s secret weapon, which was apparently being birthed in the cauldron. Then it crossed his mind. Sandy, Suzuki said, how good are you at sneaking?
Decent, she replied. I have enough mana to cast a stealth spell on myself. I’m pretty good with those.
All right. This is what we’re going to do. Stew and I are going to bust out and create a diversion. You sneak back to the kitchen, grab one of those gremouloons, and bring it back here.
Uh, okay. Then what?
You’ll see. Suzuki looked at the group of vampires and orcs. You’re going to hustle your ass, too. I’m not sure how long Stew and I can—
Stew kicked open his coffin and sprang out, two swords in hand, screaming, “I’m gonna gut each and every one of you motherfuckers!”
Suzuki could only shake his head as he opened his coffin. “Fucking Stew,” he muttered under his breath.
Stew was already wading into the sea of orcs and vampires. He had the element of surprise. Within a few seconds, he had already knocked over two orcs and decapitated one of the vampires.
As he blocked an attack from one of the orcs, he leaned back and swung his sword arching backward, slicing through one of the vampires who was approaching him.
Even in Stew’s stupidity, Suzuki could see that Stew had a certain knack for causing havoc.
Suzuki took a much more measured approach. He stayed to the outer ring of monsters and cast a fireball, which he held patiently in his hand.
Once he figured out a good spot, he lobbed the fireball over near the cauldron. The fire caught and forced the orcs and vampires toward the center of the room, which Stew was managing to turn into a killing zone.
Just as Suzuki was thinking that he and Stew might be able to finish off the vampires before Sandy made it back, the floor rumbled and the walls shook.
Vampires, orcs, and humans alike stopped for a moment to see what the source of the commotion was. An inhuman wail tortured the air, and a mass of tentacles spread over the lip of the cauldron and out onto the floor.
The distraction was just enough for an orc near Stew to reach out and slash him across the thigh. Stew fell to his knees, and the swarm of orcs and vampires threatened to overpower him.
Suzuki leapt across the room and landed in the growing dogpile of bodies, rolling around and slashing anything with legs and arms near him. He felt something against his neck, and before he knew it, he was sailing through the air, landing near the fire he had started. Suzuki slid straight through the flames along the cobblestone floor and bumped up against the cauldron, nearly tipping it over. He felt tentacles wrap around his neck and arms.
It took some heavy thrashing and slashing, but he was able to remove himself from the horror growing in the cauldron.
Stew was surrounded by vampires and orcs. He was backing up against the wall. With a scream and flourish, he slashed himself across the chest and cast Bloodlust. His muscles swelled, and his eyes went dark with concentration. He took a defensive stance and waited for the vampires to come for him.
The first vampire stepped up to Stew, wildly swinging a dagger. Stew simply stepped to the side, brought his sword up in an uppercut, and split the vampire in half. “Who else wants some?” Stew shouted.
More vampires were pouring through the doorways into the room. Some of them were climbing in through the windows like insects. Suzuki looked around in horror as the vampires flooded the massive room, each one of them coming for Stew. It must be his blood, Suzuki thought. He had to fucking cast that spell.
Suzuki took advantage of the vampires’ distraction to rush into the crowd and decimate the orcs who were overrun by the sudden increase in bodies. His ax blade sang as he enchanted it with fire, slashing through any orc he saw, setting their bodies aflame.
&n
bsp; In the heat of the moment, Suzuki turned around and felt a sword slip between a gap in his armor. He grabbed the sword, punched its owner in the face, flipped the sword around after he pulled it out of himself, and slashed the orc’s face. Then he spun around, enchanting his new weapon, looking for something to kill.
Out of the corner of Suzuki’s eye, he saw Sandy run into the room, holding one of the gremouloons. Suzuki cut a path toward her.
The vampires were overrunning Stew. He was hardly able to keep them at bay, still slashing at anything that got within a couple of feet of him.
Suzuki took the gremouloon out of Sandy’s hand. He cast a glance at Stew, who was yelling at them to get away.
“Just go,” Stew shouted. “Get out while you can! Get to the sun!”
It was out of the question.
Suzuki knew that, and he wished that Stew did as well.
Instead of running out of the room, Suzuki ran to the cauldron. He leapt over three orcs and landed right in front of the stinking, bubbling mess.
Curiosity got the best of him, and he couldn’t help but look down into the cauldron. What he saw horrified him. The cauldron was filled with tentacles and cloven hooves. Beneath the mess of foulness, a crumpled head with deep red eyes stared up at him and bleated maniacally.
Suzuki screamed as he plunged the gremouloon into the cauldron.
Sandy’s tome levitated in front of her as she waved her wand around. She shouted as she pointed her wand. A strong telekinetic pulse rocked through the room, sending the pile of vampires and orcs on top of Stew flying. The cauldron tipped over and the obscene creature being birthed skidded across the floor along with the gremouloon.
The gremouloon’s body was shaking. It lay on its back and its skin was bubbling, little pus boils popping up everywhere. Suddenly, one of them shot out and landed in the pile of water next to the Dark One’s secret weapon.