Dodge sat on the steps leading to her porch, head bent, elbows on his knees. Looking up, he jumped to his feet. Before she knew it, he dragged open her door, helped her to her feet, and encased her in his strong arms.
“Baby…” His hands slithered up her back then down leaving no part untouched, unheated. Cupping her cheeks, he drew away to look into her eyes and took a deep breath. “Fuck.” He kissed her deep, long, and beautifully.
When he broke the kiss, his eyes narrowed, and his big, strong hands at her cheeks squeezed. “Don’t ever do that shit to me again, Lex.”
She meant to tell him again that she trusted him, meant to apologize, but he didn’t give her the chance.
“You realize some fuckwad is out there doing shit to scare you and making threats. We have no clue who it is, and you take off alone? We’ve been looking for you for hours. Couldn’t find you. None of us could.”
One arm snaked around her waist pressing her closer. His jaw hardened. “You have any fuckin’ clue how scared outta my mind I was?”
She shook her head.
“Scared enough I was about to call the cops even knowing they can’t do shit for twenty-four hours, even knowing I’d be working with Officer Wants-To-Fuck-You.”
God, that made her feel good, warm.
She bit the side of her lip. “I’m fine. I just needed some alone time.”
“Next time, you get your alone time in my vicinity.”
She smiled. “That’s not alone time, Dodge.”
“Yeah, you get a room. I’ll get another.”
She shook her head.
He cocked his. “How about when this shit’s over, we’ll talk about this again?”
She nodded. “I’m glad you didn’t get arrested.”
“I’m not stupid, Lex. Just told him what I had to say then left.”
He tugged her against him, tucking his face against her neck, and breathed deep. It lasted a while. Then he drew away, grabbed her hand, and walked her into her house. Unlocked, she figured he opened it with his key, one she gave him after the last incident when she started spending nights at his house. He’d asked her for it so he could check her house every morning and make sure no one had vandalized it or found a way in.
In the living room, he sat on her beige couch, grasped her hips, and lugged her onto his lap. “First time, your house was vandalized—”
“You don’t have to explain—”
He cupped her cheek. “I’m gonna explain ’cause though I know you believe me, you and me are a team. You want to talk about something, there won’t be a day when I won’t give that to you.”
She closed her eyes and let the warmth in her chest spread.
“First time, it was late. I woke up, saw the lights, looked out my window, realized there were cops at your place, so I rushed out to you. It’s not uncommon for me to wake up once or twice in the middle of the night. Ever since Cul was a baby, I’ve been doing it.”
He released a breath. “Second time it happened, I heard it. Everyone heard it. Days ago, when you got that call, I was still up. After that second time, I hadn’t been getting much sleep. You weren’t staying with me, and I was worried, so I had a hard time falling asleep at night. I’d check on you every few hours. It just so happened I was looking out when I saw your bedroom light go on.”
Eyes warm, face soft, he snaked his other arm around her waist and tugged her closer. “Nothing more I want than to take you, Lex. I’d take you every hour, but I’ve been busy. Neglecting you and Cul and work—everything but finding the asshole who’s fuckin’ with you ’cause it’s my job to keep you safe. I can’t have you living scared. I gotta make you happy. I can do that by finding whoever’s fuckin’ with you.”
Resting her forehead against his, her hand on his chest, she whispered, “But I need you.”
She said it, and she didn’t care she’d given him that. She loved him. He may not love her, but he cared a great deal and showed her just how much.
His eyes heated. “You need me, you call me. I’m there.”
Her heart squeezed. “Okay.”
He slid his hand from her cheek to the back of her head. “And Lex, baby, haven’t said it, but I appreciate everything you do for me and especially for Cul. Watching him, taking care of him, keeping him company, I couldn’t do all I’ve been doing if I didn’t know you were there treating him like he’s your own.”
She shook her head. “You don’t need to thank me.”
“I do, babe, and I am. It’s hard enough to find a good woman. A woman who loves my kid, treats him like he’s hers?” He shook his head yet never lost hold of her eyes. “I thought that was impossible. Me feeling the way I do about you and you loving my boy and making him happy is a dream come true.”
She smiled.
“Don’t really want to talk about this now, but I think it’s time.”
The smile died on her lips.
“Meant to talk to you about this a while back, but shit got in the way. It’s about Cul’s mother.”
She had time to think about it, and the fact was she didn’t want to know what happened between them. That was before, and this was now. They were new, different.
She shook her head. “I don’t need to—”
“Yeah, you do ’cause you have ideas about me and her and need to know the truth.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
He released her neck and dropped his hand to hers on his chest. “Lilliam was a tap.”
Her brows furrowed. “A what?”
“A tap, a woman who hangs out at the club and—” He looked behind her and then met her eyes. “—Offers herself to us.”
“You mean for—”
“Yeah, she’s one of those women who doesn’t mind getting fucked by a different biker every night, by several of us a night.”
Oh God.
“When she told me she was pregnant, I wasn’t pissed. I had reason to be. She’d been trying to get Trig to make her an old lady. When Trig found out she told Mia and Lynn he’d patch her, he stopped fuckin’ her. She moved on to me. Because she was a tap, I never thought she wasn’t fuckin’ anyone else. As it turns out, when she started fucking me, she stopped fuckin’ the rest. All part of her plan—get knocked up by a brother. Then she’d get what she wanted, become an old lady or at the very least be the mother of a kid whose father’s a biker. She picked right ’cause I found out, I married her making her an old lady, exactly what she wanted.”
She swallowed.
“I wasn’t pissed though. I thought maybe the way it happened was the only way I’d ever be a father since I’d never been in a relationship. I always wanted to be a dad. My old man left when I was a kid, but I thought I could be someone’s and I could be good at it.”
He released a breath, and his hand, over hers against his chest, fell away. “I didn’t love Lilliam, but I was stupid and naïve and thought maybe if I got to know her, I’d grow to.”
Her eyes widened. “You thought you could grow to love the woman who tricked you into marrying her?”
He chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah, I did. She was never a knockout like you. She was pretty—”
“Is.”
He cupped her cheek and drew her close, resting his forehead against hers. “No, Lex. Was. She was pretty. Not like you. Nowhere near gorgeous. Maybe she’s still pretty.” He dropped his hand, moved away slightly, and shrugged. “I married her thinking she’s pretty, and maybe it was stupid, but I married her hoping I got to know her, something’d grow. Maybe not love, but maybe respect, friendship, something, anything.”
Made sense, after all, it was human nature to hope for something more, something better.
He shook his head. “I was wrong. Since she was pregnant, we married quick, and after that, I got to know her. I didn’t like her as a person ’cause there was nothing to like. She bitched, nagged, yelled, picked fights for no reason, complained about everything. Then to me, she was ugly. Who she is tainted her looks so I didn’t se
e pretty anymore. Still don’t. I didn’t think I could like her less, then Cullen was born and I started wanting to hate her.”
Her eyes widened.
“Even in the beginning, he’d wake up at night crying, she’d refuse to get up and feed him. She refused to change him, bathe him. I had no idea what I was doing, but I did it all ’cause she did nothing. Granted with a baby, your first, no one knows what they’re doing, but you try. And Lex, believe me when I say, I knew being a parent wasn’t gonna be easy. I knew I had to pitch in, but she refused to do anything.”
God. How could she not get up and feed her crying baby?
“I had time off work, but eventually I had to go back. I told her she had two choices, stay home and care for our son or get a job. She chose to stay home and watch Cullen. At the time, I was glad. I thought she’d bond with him.”
His eyes turned pained. “Didn’t happen. At least three out of the five days of the week, I’d come home and find Cullen in his room crying and her in our room with headphones on.”
Her chest clenched.
“Three months of that shit, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take wondering how long he’d been crying, wondering if she even took him outta that crib all day, so I put him in daycare.
“Then she spent her time spending money. She spent fifty grand, money I had to pay back trying not to sell my house, a house I bought for her and Cul and me, for the family I thought we were gonna be.
“I know what you’re thinking, Lex, but regardless of the fact that I didn’t love her, we could’ve had a good life. I would’ve taken care of her. I would’ve tried to make her happy. I did try to make her happy. Thing was nothing made her happy ’cause she didn’t want me.”
He pointed toward his house. “She didn’t want that house I bought, which was shit but it’s not shit now and it wasn’t shit when Cul was born ’cause the brothers and me fixed it up before then.” His voice grew thick when he said, “She didn’t want Cul. She thought she wanted to be an old lady, but when she was one, she acted like she was still a tap, hitting on my brothers, and I didn’t stray, not once.
“I tried and tried even after realizing she was a bitch. I gave her shit I thought she wanted: a ring, a marriage, a home. All she did was nag, bitch, and complain. While she did all that, I didn’t get laid once. First ’cause she was pregnant and didn’t feel up for it. I’m a man. I can’t imagine what it’d be like carrying a baby, throwing up, feeling like shit, but I get that. Then she was tired she said ’cause Cullen kept her up all night even though I’m the one Cul kept up ’cause she wouldn’t get up.”
His hands went to her hips and squeezed. “We weren’t even married a year, and I stopped trying to fuck my wife. It was pointless. I thought I hated her, not ’cause she wouldn’t give it up even while she acted like she’d give it to my brothers but ’cause of the way she treated her son, my son.
“I realized she didn’t want to be an old lady anymore. She wanted shit, expensive shit. To get expensive shit, she nagged and bitched. When that didn’t work, she went out and used my credit. A new purse, new shoes, whatever the fuck… All of it costing more than I could afford. I’d stopped trying to fuck her, but I kept trying to make us work ’cause I wanted my boy to have his mother, ’cause I thought one day she’d wake the hell up and realize he was her kid too, a kid who’s sweet and smart and fucking amazing.”
He shook his head. “When it all became too clear I was wasting my life and Cul’s childhood dealing with his bitch mother, I gave up. I told her to find somewhere else to live and filed for divorce.”
Right choice. Definitely. Cullen deserved better. Dodge deserved better.
“You didn’t have to tell me this so I’d hate her. I already hate her.”
She did. Lilliam was so lucky to be Cullen’s mother, and she treated him like he didn’t matter.
A shadow of a smile crossed his lips. “Not telling you so you hate her, Lex. At one point, I thought I did, but the truth is I don’t and I can’t hate her ’cause she gave me Cullen and he means the world to me. I’m telling you so you know what happened between her and me so you don’t think I didn’t want it to work, that I didn’t try.”
Her brows drew together. “Why would I think—”
“The day I fucked up. I tried to explain, and you told me you understood her. I thought you should know the whole story.”
He remembered that? In truth, she couldn’t sympathize with any woman who came on to her husband’s friends. It was wrong in so many ways, but he took it out on her, undeserving of it. She’d been angry and hurt and said somethings she didn’t mean.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her lips to his, pulled away, and met his stare. “I was upset. I didn’t mean it. There’s no excuse for what she did to you. There’s no excuse for what she does to Cullen. I knew that then, but I’d come to the conclusion that I didn’t want to pay for her mistakes.”
His eyes darkened. “I won’t hurt you again, Lex. I promise when I get that pissed, I’ll walk away so I don’t lose it on you. I promise I’ll come back when I’ve calmed down some.”
He’d already done it. The day he found out she hadn’t told him the calls started again, he’d walked away, but he’d come back.
“I promise I’ll give you and Cul everything I got, try beyond my means to make you happy.”
She smiled.
“I love you, Lex.”
Her heart stopped. The breath rushed out of her. “You don’t have to say it just because I did.”
Shaking his head, he grinned. “Why do you think I waited to tell you until now?”
“Y-you love me?”
Lifting a brow, he shot back, “Like you can’t fuckin’ tell?”
Could she?
Yes. Everything he did showed it, proved it.
She fought a smile then buried her face in his neck. “Now, I’m really glad you didn’t get arrested.”
He burst out laughing. His hands slipped from her hips up her back and squeezed her tight.
A knock sounded on the door. She didn’t bother moving.
Dodge, though, turned his head and shouted, “You better have a good reason!”
The door parted then a sweet little voice said, “Dad? Lex?”
Drawing away, her arms fell to her lap. She twisted and smiled at Cul, rushing toward them. A second later, his small body slammed in to them. He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and rested his head against her stomach.
She snaked an arm around his back and cupped the back of his head. “Hey, sweetie.”
He looked up at her and removed one arm from around her to rub his eye.
“It’s bath time, then bedtime.”
Cul met his father’s gaze. “Lex tucks me.”
Three words in a row. Getting better, more confident.
Her chest further warmed realizing what he’d said. Eyes watering, she swallowed her tears and drew her hand through his hair. “I’d be happy to tuck you in tonight.”
She did.
After he fell asleep, she headed for the master bedroom. Not seeing Dodge, she decided to take a warm bath. While immersed, he walked in and joined her.
That night, he made love to her soft and slow. It was perfect.
Chapter Thirty-One
“Please…” Bent over the bathroom vanity, chest to counter, hands sprawled on the mirror, eyes glued to Dodge’s reflection, she moaned. “Harder.”
Head cast down, no doubt watching their connection, he pulled out of her, sunk himself deeper, and held still.
“Stop torturing me…”
He lifted his head, and his dark, hooded, and heated eyes met hers. Hands grasping her hips squeezed her. “You don’t know shit about torture, Lex.” He drew out and slammed into her.
God, so close.
He slipped a hand under her, across her stomach and chest lifting her upper body off the vanity. Then he buried his face in her neck and sucked on her lobe.
Her
eyes rolled to the back of her head. “Oh…”
Releasing her, he grabbed her hips and slid out.
“No!”
He spun her to face him, grasped her butt, lifted her, and set her on the marble. His hands gripping her hips, he thrust inside.
“Oh God…please…”
“Want it?”
She nodded.
“Then fuckin’ look at me.”
She angled her head. Her stare hit his and held. He thrust into her repeatedly. When she thought she couldn’t take anymore, he pressed his thumb against her clit and pushed hard. Her nipples puckered, her body shuddered, and her world went hazy.
Unbelievably magnificent.
Too intense to keep quiet, to remember why she had to.
A cry tore from her throat. He released one hip and placed his big palm over her mouth. Not a second later, his shaft pulsed inside for a long while. Then he collapsed against her and wrapped his arms tight around her back.
Cheek resting against her chest, breaths heating her, he whispered, “Best I ever had.”
She stilled, feeling warmth spread through her chest.
He lifted his head, chin between her breasts, locking gazes with her.
Gliding her hand through his hair, she quirked a brow and smirked. “Are you talking about me?”
He grinned. “Fuck, yeah.”
****
Lex looked away from the onions she’d diced and met Cullen’s gaze. “Hey, sweetie.”
He smiled so bright but didn’t say her name.
She hated that. He’d been saying more, true, but it’d been days since he last spoke. He knew words, and when he spoke, he did it well, pronouncing syllables correctly. He just chose not to. Why? He had the sweetest voice, so soft yet firm.
He neared, grinning wide. She knew what he wanted—food. He snacked often, amazing how it never ruined his appetite. It made her think he must starve during the week when he was in daycare.
She wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, leaned down, and cupped his cheek. “I love hearing your voice. It’s beautiful. Did you know that?”
Riding Hard (Hell Ryders MC Book 4) Page 27