BLACKOUT

by Olivia Evans

  After a few moments, his breathing slowed and his body relaxed. “Will you tell me how you found out?”

  “That depends. Are you going to try to commit murder again, or are you going to stay here with me?”

  “That depends on what you tell me,” he said, his arms tightening around me.

  “Then, no. Murder will definitely be on the table, and I’m not going to lose you again.”

  He groaned and let his head fall against the door. I knew he was warring with himself over his need for answers and his need to avenge the shit we’d been through. “Fine,” he sighed, pulling me even closer. “With you this close, it makes it easier.”

  “Good.” I cleared my throat and rested my head in the crook of his neck, letting the warmth of his body and the scent of his skin ground me. “I found pictures on his phone from the party. Pictures of you and me dancing, laughing, going upstairs to the bedroom. And then I found pictures of me naked. Lots of them. And it just… It clicked.”

  “That motherfucker,” he ground out, his once-calm heart now hammering inside his chest.

  “You promised,” I whispered, placing my hand over his racing heart. When he didn’t toss me from his lap and try to make a run for it again, I continued. “Brett was there when it all went down and took him out of the apartment. Not before Krista punched his face several times. She really fucked him up. You would be proud.”

  “Remind me to buy her something nice,” he muttered, obviously wishing it had been him instead of Krista.

  “She busted his nose too,” I added because as fucked up as the whole thing was, it was pretty gratifying. “Basically, Ethan thought if he and I did ecstasy together, I would realize he was the love of my life, and I’d have sex with him. When that didn’t work, he took matters into his own hands.”

  “If he knew I was at the party, why didn’t he tell you that from the beginning? Why didn’t he blame me right then and get me out of the way?”

  I shrugged. “From what Brett managed to get out of him, Ethan wasn’t sure what you remembered about that night. He knew you’d drunk as much as me and taken the same drugs. If I had to guess, he was worried that if he accused you, you might remember more. You might remember him, and he couldn’t have that. I’ve been living with a monster for over a year, and I had no idea. The devil you know,” I whispered, thinking back to all those months ago when I’d wondered if my lack of memory had more to do with self-preservation and less to do with a blackout.

  “Where is he now?”

  “I don’t know. His parents’, maybe? A friend’s house? Krista packed all his shit and set it out. Brett helped him move it then told him their friendship was over. So, I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

  “Are you going to the police?”

  “I think so,” I admitted, hating how conflicted I felt. “For weeks, I wondered why I couldn’t bring myself to turn you in, and I think maybe it was because I always knew something wasn’t right. But this is different. This was cruel and deliberate.”

  “I won’t tell you what to do, but you already know what I think.”

  “I do.”

  “For the record, I’m so sorry this happened. But I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t relieved. This means I’m not a monster. It means I didn’t hurt the person I care about more than anyone in the world.”

  I let out a sigh and snuggled in his arms. I understood completely. We stayed like that for what felt like hours, not speaking, just being in each other’s embrace. I opened my eyes, catching sight of his bloody hand. “We need to clean that.” I grimaced.

  He followed my line of sight and shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

  I tsked and untangled our limbs to stand. I reached out and took his uninjured hand, pulling him with me. “It’ll be fine once we clean it up.”

  We moved into the bathroom, and I ran warm water over the cuts, dabbing them with a washcloth, all the while acutely aware he had yet to take his eyes off me. “Lonna, you know we still have some things we need to talk about.”

  “I know.”

  With his good hand, he reached up and cupped my jaw, running the pad of his thumb across my cheek, much like I’d done earlier. “Is this okay?” His words echoed those he’d said in the dreamy memory I’d awoken from that morning.

  “Gavin, I…” I didn’t know what stopped me from telling him about the dream. Maybe it was because of earlier, maybe it was his tortured expression, or maybe it was because I just wanted him to kiss me.

  “Kiss me.”

  His eyes searched mine, looking for a sliver of doubt, a hint of hesitation, but he wouldn’t find one. He leaned forward, and when his lips touched mine, the world melted away. There was no pain, no lies; there was nothing but him and us and forever. He kissed me until all the air had been sucked out of the room and my chest ached. When we pulled apart, we were gasping, breathless.

  “I love you, Lonna. I never got the chance to tell you before, but I’m not letting another second go to waste. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  I smiled through my tears and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close. “I love you too. So much.” Lost in our embrace, I pushed all the bullshit aside. We had so much to deal with, so many things to discuss, but without a doubt in my mind, we’d be doing it together.

  “I can’t believe you’ve been filling our apartment with those shitty ashtrays when you could have been painting here,” Krista said, looking around Bat’s studio in awe. I narrowed my eyes and stuck out my tongue like the mature adult I was. She flipped me off in an equally mature move.

  “Okay, Krista,” Bat said, her expression wary. “Here is your canvas and all the paints you could possibly need. And this is your smock.” Krista’s nose wrinkled at the paint-covered equivalent of a burlap sack, and Bat shrugged, a sly smile on her face. “Fine. Don’t use it. Good luck not ruining your clothes.”

  Krista groaned and took the smock, wrapping it around her waist with a grimace. “Okay, let’s make some magic.”

  I laughed and tied a smock around my waist as well before walking over to Bat. The large piece in front of her was like nothing I’d seen from her before, and it was breathtaking. “When did you start this?”

  She looked at the canvas, a hint of pride in her expression as she traced her hand over the surface. “A couple weeks ago. I’ve felt inspired lately.”

  “Oh?” I asked, my brow raised. It looked much like her other paintings, except it was missing her usual harsh lines and swaths of blacks and grays. “Someone seems to have their head in the clouds.”

  “I might have met someone,” she said with a shrug.

  “You did what?” Krista gasped, abandoning her painting for something much more interesting. It was then that I really studied Bat. She looked…different. It wasn’t anything major, but there were several subtle differences in her appearance.

  “You don’t have on eyeliner today,” I commented, my eyes roaming over her face. “And no black lipstick. And is that…” I grabbed the neck of the black pullover she always wore when she painted and peeked underneath, my mouth falling open when I saw what she was wearing. “Are you wearing a yellow shirt?” Since the day I’d met Bat all those months ago, she’d always covered every inch of her skin in black clothing.

  “I’m going to need answers before my head explodes off my body,” Krista said, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. I knew we were thinking the same thing.

  “Are these changes because of this someone you’ve met?” I asked, a smile stretching across my face.

  Bat shifted from side to side and rolled her eyes. “Maybe,” she mumbled like it was the most painful thing she’d ever had to admit in her life.

  “Well, who is it? Where did you meet? Tell us everything!”

  I let out a small laugh and put my hand on Krista’s shoulder. “Give her a minute, Krista. She’s not used to you going full-girl on her.”

  “Oh, I’m used to it,” Bat s
aid, shaking her head. “I’m just used to it being directed toward someone else.” Bat looked between the two of us, her expression defeated as we waited for her to continue. “Ugh, fine. His name is Carter. He rented some space here a couple weeks ago, and we ended up painting together a few times.”

  “He’s an artist?” Krista asked in a way that could only be described as ooh-la-la. I thought she might have even waggled her brows. Weirdo.

  “Hush, and let her talk,” I said, even though I was just as eager to hear about this guy who had managed to crack Bat’s tough exterior.

  Bat shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. I came in one day, and he was in my space. And it pissed me off, so I told him he needed to move his shit. And he laughed at me. He laughed at me.” Her face was colored with disbelief, much like I imagined it had been when it’d happened that first time. “I’m kind of intimidating,” she said, waving her hand around her face in explanation. “Usually people cross the street when they see me coming, which is the way I like it. So, to be laughed at… Who the fuck did he think he was?”

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing. In all the time I’d known Bat, I’d never seen her flustered. It was honestly the cutest thing ever, and it made my heart so happy for her. After everything she’d been through, she deserved to be happy.

  “I see you trying not to laugh, Lonna,” she said, her face displaying her annoyance. I lost it. I doubled over with laughter, and Krista was happy to join me. Bat grunted and turned away, setting out her paint as if we weren’t standing behind her, laughing like hyenas.

  “I’m sorry,” I gasped. “You’re just so mad. How on earth did you end up going out with this guy?”

  “Ugh,” she spat, slamming down the lid on one of the paint cans. “He just…got under my skin. He wouldn’t go away. He’s like a cute STD.”

  “Did you just call the guy you’re going out with a cute STD?” I choked.

  “Look, he’s nice. And patient. And not like any guy I’ve ever met. He doesn’t care that I’ve been through bullshit that’s fucked me up. He likes me anyway and willingly subjects himself to my company.”

  “Bat,” Krista said, her voice soft and sincere. “People don’t subject themselves to your company. We willingly seek it out.”

  Bat’s eyes watered, and color rose to her cheeks. “I don’t know what my life would be like without the two of you. I can’t tell you how much your friendship has meant to me.”

  “We love you,” I said as Krista and I wrapped her in a hug. It had been three months since I’d found out what Ethan had done, and the one thing that helped me through it all was the support of my friends and, of course, Gavin. I’d worried what would come of my friendship with Krista and her family after a bit of time had passed and feelings had calmed, but to my surprise, they had my back. Krista had gone with me to the police station, and when I finally told my parents, Bat and Krista were right by my side.

  “I love you guys too. Now, I’ve had about enough of this girl bonding shit. Let’s paint.”

  I let out a sharp laugh and nodded. We had to be at the diner in a few hours, and if we planned on doing anything, we had to get to work. As the three of us went to our canvases, I thought about what I wanted to paint. For so long, there had been this dark cloud hanging over my life, blocking the light and casting shadows. This time, I wanted the sun to break through. Instead of the clouds being dark and menacing, I wanted them light and happy. I smiled and got to work. I was no professional, but there was something about painting my feelings that made me feel at peace.

  For the next hour, each of us was lost in our work, music playing softly in the background. “Lonna,” Bat said, coming up behind me. “That’s beautiful.”

  I looked at the painting and smiled. It was a complete wreck and so perfect. It was much like the very first painting I’d done, swirls of colors that represented the good in my life, the people I loved. But this time, the tornado of hopelessness and despair that had been the eye of the storm of my life was gone. It was nothing but puffy clouds of light and love.

  “Thank you.” I peeked over my shoulder and stifled a laugh when I caught sight of Krista. “What is that?” I whispered to Bat with a giggle.

  She shook her head and smiled. “I bet she won’t make fun of your shitty pottery ashtrays anymore.”

  Krista had made what looked like a finger painting. Of hot dogs. Or penises. I wasn’t quite sure, but it was totally something she would do, and I couldn’t wait to see her face when I suggested we hang it in the living room. Right as I was about to tell her my bright idea, a voice echoed in the room.

  “Bathilda, I didn’t expect to see you here!”

  We all turned to find a guy standing in the doorway, a wide smile on his face. He looked to be around six feet tall, with sandy blond hair that hung to his shoulders. He wore a black beanie even though it was ninety degrees outside, with a plaid shirt over a band tee, and jeans that looked like they’d been run through a meat grinder. He was the poster child for a hipster skater boy. And he’d just called Bat a name I’d never heard in my life.

  “Bathilda?” I asked, my brows likely touching my hairline.

  “Say another word, and I’ll kill you in your sleep.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand and eyed Krista, who looked like she was going to burst if she didn’t say something. I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder, shaking my head to let her know now wasn’t the time. Also, I really wanted to see these two creatures interacting in the wild. I didn’t need Krista to distract from the show about to take place.

  “Carter, I told you if you ever called me that in public, I would burn all your paintings. Clearly, you thought I was kidding,” Bat said, her arms crossed over her chest. He let out a low laugh, and if I wasn’t mistaken, Bat might have shivered. Holy shit.

  “Bathilda, you wouldn’t do that. You love my paintings.” He walked over to her, and they stood face-to-face, him smiling adoringly and her scowling. He reached up and tapped the tip of her nose with his finger, causing a small break in her angry demeanor. “Hi,” he whispered. “I’ve missed you.”

  Bat’s face broke into a wide smile, one I’d never seen, and it caused my mouth to fall open and Krista to clutch my arm in surprise.

  “Shut up, stupid,” Bat said, and oh my God, she sounded so soft and sweet, I felt like I’d been transported to the twilight zone.

  He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, and Krista gasped, or maybe it was me. Hell, it was probably both of us. The pair turned to us like they’d just realized we were in the room. Bat narrowed her eyes when she saw our gawking faces. Carter, on the other hand, smiled with his entire face.

  “Well, hello, ladies. You must be Lonna and Krista. Bat’s told me so much about you two.”

  “Funny,” Krista said. “She’s told us nothing about you.”

  “Krista,” I said under my breath. I thought he would have been bothered by her comment, but he just laughed.

  “It’s fine. I’m not surprised, but it’s nice to meet you two, nonetheless. I hope to see more of you in the future.”

  “We’re actually heading to lunch if you’d like to join us,” Krista said, causing Bat’s eyes to narrow into slits. I wasn’t even sure they were open.

  “Ah,” he said, looking at Bat. “I wouldn’t want to do anything that would make Bathilda uncomfortable, but thank you for the invite.”

  “You calling me Bathilda makes me uncomfortable, and you continue to do that. I don’t know why you’d turn down lunch.”

  He reached up and swept his thumb across her cheek. “I love your name, but I’ll call you Bat if that’s what you want.”

  She groaned and smacked his hand away. “Call me whatever you want. And come to lunch while you’re at it. I don’t care.”

  Krista and I shared a knowing look as we pulled off our smocks and cleaned up our stations. We did as Bat said and put our canvases in her nook while she and Carter chatted about his latest piece. It wa
sn’t until she pulled off her black pullover that I truly understood just how far Bat had come. Her bright-yellow shirt had a finger-painted face on it, much like the old Nirvana logo. But instead, it read “Don’t worry, be happy.” Bat was truly healing, and it made my heart swell for the possibilities that lay ahead for all of us.

  My phone beeped, and I looked at the screen, smiling when I saw the text from Gavin. “Gavin is at Lucky’s. Are you guys ready?”

  With Bat accepting that Carter was going to be part of the afternoon, we headed to the diner. “The cakes here are amazing,” Krista said as we made our way toward the entrance. As soon as we walked through the front door, a large group of people shouted congratulations in unison.

  I looked around the room, my vision blurring with unshed tears when I saw several of my coworkers and professors from Tech with my boss Katherine. Next to them were my parents and Gavin.

  “What is all this?” I asked, breathless.

  Katherine stepped forward and clapped her hands together. “You have one hell of a support system, Lonna. Also, your marketing design won. The company made the decision several months ago but wanted to wait until it was the appropriate time to unveil the new campaign. I told your old professors at Tech, and the rest is history.”

  “I won?” I asked, my breathing labored as her words sank in. “Holy shit, I won?”

  Gavin stood by a large poster with a black cloth draped over it. He looked at Katherine, and she nodded, a beaming smile on her face. He ripped it off, and tears rolled down my cheeks when I saw the image in front of me. It was a jukebox with a group of people around it, dressed from three different decades. Across the top was the name Jukebox Clothing in bright neon letters with the tag line “Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be Your Own Time Machine.” in fonts from each decade. The models were dressed in clothing from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. It was my design, and it had won.