You Are Free

by Matthew Montague

  Chapter Twenty-five

  And the three of you drive out of town and out on the highway and through the checkpoint and then on to the highway and you stomp on the gas and the HUMVEE spins up to about fifty, which is really hauling for them, and finally Mr. Holden leans over and says slow down petty officer and you take your foot off the gas and the HUMVEE winds down and then you put the thing in neutral and just let it glide for about a half mile and then when it’s going about a mile per hour you pull over to the side and turn it off and you sit there with the engine creaking and a little wind in your ears, and then you lean over the side of the HUMVEE and puke in the dirt.

  And Mr. Holden says that was pretty fucked up wasn’t it and you say sure was sir and you take a swig from your canteen and spit it out and the Marine says you see that shit all the time kids and women fucked up from bad ammo or mines, there’s about a million minefields all over the fucking place and you really don’t want to hear anymore so you take another swig of your water and spit it out and then you take and drink the whole fucking canteen and then start the HUMVEE and pull back out on the road and you drive through Iraq.

  And all the sudden Mr. Holden leans over and says why’d you join the Navy Kieffer and you say why the service or why the Navy and he says both and so you tell him about your shitty job at the plastics factory and how you got promoted to be a manager and you went to one more wedding where one of your buddies was marrying a woman who was as goodlooking that day as she was ever going to be, and the next day you went in and quit your job and then walked down to recruiters row, lots of recruiters in upstate cause there are not a lot of jobs, and you walked past the Marine recruiter and looked in the door, and a Marine master sergeant looked up at you from his desk and put his pencil down and you looked at him and he looked at you for a long second and then he picked his pencil back up and went back to writing, and you took three more steps to the Navy office, and how you always wondered who rejected who.

  And the Marine in the back laughs and you kind of turn around and you say you’re a corporal right Marine and he says yea and you look ahead at the road and say how long you been in and he says what and you say how long you been in and he says oh, four years and you say I’m a E-4 too, been in for a year, and next year I’ll be an E-5 and what will you be then and he says probably still a fucking corporal and you both laugh.

  And then you turn back to the road and you tell Mr. Holden that the Navy recruiter looked like you were interrupting him but he gave you the practice exam and you aced it and then the recruiter dragged out the rating books and tried to talk you into going nuke and you said no way and no to subs and flight crew and flight deck too and then you signed up for a three-year hitch as a basic seaman and went off to boot and Mr. Holden says no Kieffer, not how, why and you think for a second and then you tell him because I didn’t want to die in the same shitty upstate new york town I grew up in without ever doing anything or going anywhere and he nods and says that’s not bad.

  And you come to a stop sign and wait there for a second, and then you say how about you sir why’d you join up and you turn left and start up the side of the mountain toward the comms station and he thinks for a while and says I needed money for college and it looked easy, the first two years they baby you until you sign up for real and then it still wasn’t that hard, we went to knife and fork school and we got commissioned and then I was on the boa,t and it happened so fast one day I was getting hammered at my frat and then next day I was on the boat, and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing but the senior chief took me in and after a while I was all right, you know its not that hard to be a officer.

  And then you feel the whole fucking HUMVEE lift up under your ass and before you can say or do shit it’s rolling on two wheels and its swerving all over the road and you hear the Marine say holy shit and it comes back down hard, and you can see a wheel rolling off to the left and the HUMVEE is scraping into the blacktop on its axle and it spins a little, and you hit the brakes and try to turn into the spin but it rocks back up on two wheels and then comes down hard again, and then it stops and everything is quiet

  And the Marine is climbing over the back with his M-16 in his hands and he’s shouting get the fuck out and you reach behind you and grab your M-16 and then climb out and turn to look and you can see Mr. Holden trying to get out of his seat but he’s still buckled in, and just as he figures that out you hear about four shots and you see the front of Mr. Holden’s head just come apart in a big cloud of red, and he falls forward in slo-mo kind of to his left and then across the transmission hump and on to your seat, and you can see into the top of his head where the bone is gone, it’s just gone, and the Marine grabs you and pulls you down behind the HUMVEE and you hear five or six more shots slam into the other side of the HUMVEE.

  And you are sitting there leaning against the HUMVEE and saying what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck and the Marine screams in your face shut the fuck up and you do and you hear a whole shitload of shots hit the HUMVEE and a few whistle overhead and you think its true you can hear the bullets go, and you see the Marine crawl around to the ass end of the truck and take a quick look, and then he sits back for a second and charges his rifle, and then he whips around and he lets loose, and you look down at your M-16 and you cannot remember how it works.

  The Marine lifts up over the back end and fires again and then you crawl over to him and say I can’t remember how it works and he looks at you like you really suck and he takes the rifle from you and pulls back the charging rod and hands it to you and says you need to fire back and you need to fire at that little fort over there and then you need to get the fucking radio out of the back and hand it to me and you crawl back to the front and lift up over the hood saying holy fuck holy fuck and you see the little fort and you aim at a window, and when you pull the trigger you see a head pop out at the bottom of the window, and your M-16 rattles like a stick in a can and your bullets fly and they sail downstream and they hit that head and it turns red and the sill turns red and the head slides down out of sight.

  And the Marine yells good shooting Tex and then he stands up and waits for a second and he squeezes the trigger, really calm, and the rifle rattles, and then there is silence for a long time, maybe ten seconds and you remember that you are supposed to get the radio and you scoot back to the back of the HUMVEE and snake your hand over the fender and feel the handle and try to haul it up and over, but its too heavy, so you have to take a deep breath and stand up and lift the heavy fucker over and down, and then you put it on the ground between you and it’s still silent, and the Marine says maybe there was only two of them and you say what the fuck was that all about and he says who the fuck knows – could be Iraqis could be Kurds could be some bored ass motherfucker – that was a mine in the road prolly remote detonated with following fire – pretty basic maneuver – your officer is dead and you say yea he’s dead and the Marine says too bad but you got some back for him and then he squats down and fires up the radio and you then realize that you did get some and you wish you felt worse about it.

  You can hear the Marine on the radio and he’s saying we about two kliks from the comms station and we took a mine and we got a dead Navy officer and he says to you what was his name and you say Mr. Holden, Lieutenant Holden, and he says it’s Lieutenant Holden, off the boat and he listens and he says I don’t know what the fuck they were doing they were selling shit off the back of a HUMVEE and he listens and he says I got some petty officer here some supply type and he listens and he says to you what’s your name and you say Kieffer, Tom Kieffer, BM3, and he says Kieffer, a bo’sun’s mate and he listens and all the while you are sitting there with your back against the HUMVEE and you are looking out at the mountain above you and breathing heavy.

  And the Marine signs off and puts the hand set back on top of the radio and he says they say sit tight and they’ll send out some guys from Zakho as soon as they can and you say sit tight okay, and he says you did alright t
here squid and you are breathing more slowly and you say holy shit, and he says yea holy shit, and then you look at your M-16 there all black and hot and smoking in the sun and you think this is fucked up, this is fucked up, and the Marine lifts his head and looks over the HUMVEE toward the fort and he says I think there’s one more motherfucker in there and you say what and he says yea I can see something moving over there and you try to get up to a crouch but your legs aren’t working too well and so you fall back against the HUMVEE.

  And the Marine says we should go over there to make sure he’s not calling in back up too and you breath deep and say sure what do I do and he says you go back around the back and I’ll go around the front and we have a look and so you fall forward on your hands and knees and crawl to the back kind of dragging your rifle behind you and then you look back and see him disappear around the front fender and you get to the back and poke your head around and you can’t see the fort, so you sort of crawl forward a little so you can peek around the front side fender, and then you can see the fort and it looks quiet, and then you hear the Marine call softly I’ll go first and you watch the fort and if you see anything plaster it, right and you call back right.

  And the Marine takes off running low and bent over, and he scrambles over the road and into the ditch, and he puts his head up and then waves at you to come and you sort of hop up and stagger a little and then take three very slow steps across the hot blacktop and sort of fall into the ditch, and you look over to your left and see the Marine crouching up and he looks at you and says same thing again and you bring your M-16 up over the lip of the ridge and then you see the top of a head and you pull the trigger and the rifle fires and you see little dust clouds all over the wall, and then you stop firing and there is silence again.

  And the Marine comes flying out of the ditch and hauls ass over to his left and flops down behind a little hill with a bush on top and then he waves at you and you say fuck and you haul your ass out of the ditch and run like a mother fucker, ten long steps, and slide down into a little hole in the dirt, and then you lay there for a second and breathe, and then you pull yourself up and see that the fort is only about 20 yards away, and you look out over the brown dirt, and then from the corner of your eye you can see the Marine roll to his left getting farther away from you, and then jump up and run to about ten yards from the fort and lay down behind a little wall there.

  And then he waves at you, and when you get your legs under you, you can see the head come up and the AK flop over the window sill and even so, you pull yourself up and start running, and you hear the AK open up and the Marine’s M-16 open up, and you run like hell toward the fort and you see the head go pink and fall back behind the window sill, and you then feel something like a slap on the head with a big board, and you fall down and scrape the hell out of your chin and your helmet falls off and tumbles in front of you and you slide into the dirt and lay there, with your ears ringing, and you see the Marine run up to the fort and he kicks the door in and goes inside and then there’s quiet again, and then you hear one shot and then you see him coming out the door with his rifle low and he walks over to you and squats down and says where you hit and you don’t know.

  So he checks you out and then he reaches over picks up your helmet and whistles, and then hands it to you and you can see the long crease in the metal where the bullet hit and flew on and you finally get how close to dead you are.

  So you sit up and the world spins around you and the Marine says you okay buddy and you say yea I guess and he says good cause we gotta go in there and you say in there and he says yea we gotta check it out and he stands up and puts out his hand and you grab it and he pulls you up and you are all dizzy and try to walk and he says lean on me and you do and then after about six steps you say I’m alright lemme go and you walk like a drunk, but you walk with him toward the little fort.

  And you get to the doorway and he goes in and you hear him say shit and oh fuck and he comes out and says three dead goobers in here and a fucking radio and you lean on the door and he says good odds they called this one in and now we got to sit tight and hope our guys get here before their guys do and he looks at the three dead guys and says let’s get them the fuck out of here.

  The Marine goes inside and you look around through the window and see him grab the ankles of one guy and haul him to the door, the dead guy’s head rattling on the stone floor and his web gear chinking across the stones, and then he stops and looks at you and says a little help and you say oh sure and he hands you an ankle with a boot on it and a sock all scrunched down and dark skin showing with dark hairs on it, and you take it anyway and the two of you pull him out the door and into the shady side, and then you go back in and grab another guy and drag him out, and then go back in and grab the other guy and you try not to look at his head with a big chunk missing over the right eyebrow and you still do, and think I did that, and you look over at the Marine and can see that even he’s a little messed up about this and you drop the last guy in the shade and the Marine says mebbe they won’t smell so much over here and there they are, three dead guys lying in the shade and then you both go back in and kick dirt over the blood on the floor.

  The Marine picks up the radio and squeezes the handle and you both jump a little when a voice comes out asking some kind of question and the Marine grabs the handset and squeezes the button and says fuck you ragheads and you hear fuck you Joe come back and then he picks up the whole radio and smashes it on the floor.

  You both go back out to the HUMVEE and grab everything you can find, even Mr. Holden’s pistol out of his belt and you pull Mr. Holden out of the HUMVEE and you lay him on the road in the shade, and the Marine grabs the radio and you both haul all this shit, water and MREs and some ammo, back to the fort.

  The Marine crouches down on the floor and gets on the radio and calls in and they say 30 minutes and he clicks off and says or it’s free I guess and he stands up and says you take that window and I’ll take this one, just watch for shit and if you see something call me before you take a shot and he says you know how to charge the rifle now I guess and you say I guess and he says you’re doin all right squid and you say thanks jarhead and he smiles and says get to the window.

  And you look out the square window, back over the road you drove up on, and you look at the hills and the mountains all around you, going pink as the sun goes down and the air gets cold and your legs get cramped hunched down, and every so often you reach down by your feet and pick up the canteen and take a swig of the warm water inside, tasting the purification tablets you dropped in there this morning and feeling cold come up through your feet and into your legs.

  And then its dusk and there are still no headlights on the road, and you hear the Marine call in again and he says it’s been an hour and where the hell is the relief and the voice says on it’s way Marine and then Marine checks off your location with the voice and the voice stops for a second and then goes quiet for about five minutes while the rest of the light goes away

  And then the voice comes back again and the voice says sorry about this fellas we got the directions wrong they’re about five kliks south of you and are looking for a road to turn north as soon as we can boys sit tight and then he says we whistled up some Air Force for you, a A-10 will be overhead in about 15 minutes and you hear the Marine’s voice all tight and he says roger that sir and out and then you two are all alone in a little stone fort next to a road in a desert with mountains all around in the dark in Iraq.