“It’s not your fault,” she murmurs, climbing into bed with me and snuggling against my side. “It’s his. He’s a sick idiot and he’ll get what’s coming to him.”
I wish she wouldn’t get her hopes up.
Besides, once the news I’m with child hits his ears, he’ll ensure he’s the one holding it when this is all over.
I need to get a grip. This baby is going to live. And he’ll be surrounded with the best people in the entire world. Even if Charlie kills me, the baby will be safe with Momma and Daddy.
I hope.
Hours later, when Annie yawns for the hundredth time, I beg her to leave. I’ll be fine. And Olson is standing guard. He hasn’t spoken to me since I was in the ambulance. I’m sure he’s pissed I didn’t say anything, but I don’t regret keeping this a secret. It was for our safety.
A light tap on the door rips my attention from the TV, and Derek cautiously strolls in and occupies Annie’s seat.
“Hey Ace. How are you feeling?”
Humiliated.
“Better. Um. Thanks…for what you did.”
I’m trying not to remind myself you saw me naked.
“I’m glad I found you. That was scary.”
Awkwardness hangs in the air. Sure, the cat’s out of the bag, but now there’s a giant elephant in the room we both pretend we don’t see.
“How’s the baby?”
Of course, he’s the first one to point it out.
“Amniotic fluid was low. I’m under strict instructions not to go out to the barn for a few days.”
He grins. “Is that the doctor’s orders, or Betty Lou’s?”
Giggling, I reply, “Both.”
“Do you know what you’re having yet?”
I shake my head, lowering my eyes to my ballooning belly, stroking the bump that will soon make its way into the world. “I’m not sure I want to know yet.”
“…Was it planned?” My wild gaze meets his. No! “I’m not trying to be rude. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He stumbles over his words as he tries to justify his question. “I mean…I know he wasn’t…good…to you.”
“No, it wasn’t planned. I’ve been on the pill forever. Never missed a dose. But…I think he tampered with it somehow.” I shrug. “My other options suck, so I’m keeping him.”
My whole body shudders at the thought. This baby is a product of rape, and I’m keeping it around because…why?
It’s not the baby’s fault. He didn’t ask to be brought into this world. I can’t stick him with a greedy couple who might sell him for a fat stack of cash.
“Are you nervous?”
“Honestly, I haven’t given it much thought.” And there’s the sad and horrible truth. I don’t see a future with this baby. “I’d be naïve to think I’ve seen the last of Charlie, and once he finds out about him, he’ll take him away.”
Derek leans forward, balancing himself on his forearms and folding his hands together.
“Do you have a death wish, Ace?”
A giggle escapes me. Maybe I do. I absolutely did when I was trapped with Charlie. But now…dare I say there is the smallest glimmer of hope the FBI will catch him and lock him away forever?
“I used to. Now, I’m not so sure.”
He reaches out and takes my hand in his.
“I’m glad you’re okay. You had me worried there for a second.”
Weakly smiling, I sit up and fold my legs underneath me.
“Remember at Rico’s how we said this was all it could ever be? Friends, nothing more?”
He nods, his icy eyes searching mine, like I’m going to change my mind. Is he relieved, or horrified?
“I meant it when I said I was off the market forever. I can’t trust anyone. And you’ve been nice and helpful, and I get butterflies when I’m around you, but…I have somebody else to look after. You shouldn’t worry after me, Derek. You have your own life to deal with.”
I wish my heart didn’t ache when his face falls. I wish I could tell him I find his presence calming, and I’m craving his company. But the reality is, I carry baggage four miles long. There’s shit I haven’t even processed yet.
“Maybe not everyone,” he reasons, “But you can trust me. You can trust your family. You can trust Nate.”
Which reminds me…
“So, when were you going to tell me you and Agent Olson know each other?”
He chuckles nervously and beckons Olson into the room. His eyes sweep over me to make sure I’m not gushing blood or dying on the spot. And when he realizes Derek is holding my hand, he hesitates.
“He’s my brother.”
My eyes shift to Olson who grumbles and takes a seat at the foot of my bed.
“When I was overseas in Afghanistan, Nate’s unit is where I was assigned. I was in charge of patching them up when they were acting like assholes.”
“Shut up, Bubba,” Nate stammers. He brings his guilty gaze to mine and ducks his head. “It’s my job to encourage you to take witness protection, Aria. I really didn’t want you to take it. I prayed you’d say you wanted to come home.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because it’s a little unethical,” Derek replies for him. They share a hesitant look and frown.
“Derek and I have been through war together. Along with him, I can count on one hand the number of people I trust with my life. He knows my dirty little secrets and I still live to tell the tale. I knew if I brought you home, there would be one more person who could watch out for you.”
Part of me feels betrayed. They talked about me behind my back…they made plans without my knowledge.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant? And when did you find out?”
It’s my turn to become sheepish. I was afraid of this. I don’t want to go into this, but now, the important people know. There’s no point in trying to hide it anymore.
“The day after we got back. When I went to my doctor appointment that day, they ran a pregnancy test and whomp there it is.” Nate arches an eyebrow, expecting me to continue. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want this piece of news to reach Charlie.”
“You think I’d sell you out?”
“No! Of course not! I’m afraid of the FBI selling me out. You have moles, Olson. Tons of them.”
“Do you know any names? Anybody I should be looking into?”
“Honestly, start with the agents that are with him now. You should be suspicious of everyone.”
“We’ll talk when you’re discharged. But this isn’t over, McKenzie.” He grins and squeezes my shoulder as he stands up. “You had me scared. I’m grateful you’re okay.” I wave him off and turn to Derek.
“You should go too. I heard you on the phone.”
He groans. The air changes in the room when it’s just the two of us. There’s hope—the most dangerous weapon any of us could wield. I’m suddenly aware of his fingers laced with mine.
“Just because you’re having a baby doesn’t mean we couldn’t have fun.”
I roll my eyes and choke on a laugh.
“Yeah? And what about after that, Derek? What happens when the baby comes?”
He ponders and wages a silent war in his head. When you meet a man like him, a man who is all about the ‘no attachments’ life, there is only one person who will change his mind. In his case, it’s Zoey. His mind is made up and I’m okay with that. Because my mind is made up too. Eventually, I’ll have to leave Sage Creek. Again. I’ll have to change my name and hide away while the shit hits the fan here. What matters is the life inside of me. His and mine. Until then, I’ll stay put because I’m out of options. But once Charlie pays off a judge, or a jury, the hunt is on. And I don’t plan on sticking around to find out what it means for me.
25
DEREK
On Saturday, Aria arrives home. That moment of unhindered honesty we shared in her hospital room is over, and now she’s using all of her energy to avoid me. Zoey makes u
s pancakes for breakfast and flips on some Saturday morning cartoons.
Nate has kept me updated on her progress, but other than that, she’s made it clear we need to put some distance between us.
It’s fine. I shouldn’t have been looking in her direction anyway. But when she entertained the thought of us having fun and asking me what would happen after the baby was born, I wasn’t thinking of ghosting her.
I want to help. It’s not my kid, but I want to help.
I don’t know this woman from Adam. She keeps her secrets close to her chest. She cuts me down when I get too close. And still, I keep coming back because she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Essentially, she’s right. Nothing more could happen. I’m not putting Zoey’s happiness on the back burner just because I want to take Aria McKenzie for a spin.
It’s more than that…
“I was thinking about going to the movies today,” Zoey announces from the chair she stands on at the stove.
“Oh yeah? Am I invited?”
She giggles and nods. “I’m in the mood for popcorn. Plus, I think I might need you to buy me another booklight because the one I have burned out and I’ve been reading in the dark. My poor eyes need a break.”
Of course.
“You’re not supposed to be reading in the dark, Zo. That’s how you ruin your eyes.”
She shrugs carelessly because we both know she’s going to continue reading in the dark. It’s a good thing I pay for good insurance.
“Anyway, I was hoping to see Spider-Man. It looks good from the trailer, but I’ve always been curious about how many Spider-Man movies there are, and which one is the real one.”
She’s going to be a genius.
“Do you believe in the multi-verse, Zo?”
She sticks her tongue out in concentration as she flips the pancake in the pan.
“I don’t know anyone who has died,” she admits, “Alternate realities are cool, no?”
“They’re an interesting concept,” I agree.
“I don’t know. I think it would be unfair to rule anything out.”
“You’re way beyond your years, babe.” I kiss her on the forehead and take over so she can grab a bite to eat.
“Maybe Miss Aria can come with us?”
Hearing Aria’s name immediately grabs my attention. When I narrow my eyes at Zoey, she bursts into a fit of giggles.
“I knew you liked her.”
Shit.
“It’s not like that. She’s just my friend.”
“Do you like her, like her?”
“We’re not having this conversation. Eat.”
She exhales impatiently.
“Mom has a new boyfriend.”
My racing thoughts come to a screeching halt.
“She does?”
“Mmhm. He lives in California, but you’re not supposed to know.” I’m going to fucking kill Emily. “She’s happy, Dad. Usually she’s mean to me, but ever since they started talking on the phone, she’s happy all the time.”
“And your point is…?”
“My point is you should get a girlfriend. Because then you’d be happy.”
Have I been pushing my miserable existence into the universe this whole time? I’ve been trying hard to keep my attachments outside, away from her.
“I am happy.”
She stuffs fluffy pancakes into her mouth and grins.
“You say that, but I wonder if you’re telling the truth. I’ve read about love, Dad. People are supposed to be together. You’re not supposed to stay alone the rest of your life.”
I’m happy with being alone. From the window in the kitchen, I catch a ribbon of black hair heading down the hill. She isn’t aware I’m watching her. I want to scream at her for being outside when she’s supposed to be resting, but her slender frame is dressed in form fitting clothing for once. Her pasty skin reflects the sun shining off of it. I hope she wore sunscreen.
A silver glint catches my eye. She holds a purple and silver titanium travel cup in her hand. Good. So she’s drinking water.
Zoey’s giggle brings me back to Earth, and her mischievous smile tells me she knows I was checking her out. Shit.
26
ARIA
27 weeks pregnant…
I find myself more often than not in the kitchen cooking…anything. Since I’m bound to the house, I’ve literally binged everything I could on the TV shows I used to watch and couldn’t find anything to pique my interest.
So, I cook.
Annie can’t cook to save her life, so it’s solely up to me that she eats at least one well-balanced meal every day so she can continue slaving away at her computer.
And she’s…
Where is she?
I wander away from the stove and peek my head out to the dining room. Her laptop is open, and a half-typed Word document remains open, but she isn’t here. I slowly pad through the house, checking every room for her.
She…disappeared.
Even the bathrooms are empty.
I walk timidly through the rest of the house, back to the kitchen. I jump when Derek’s large frame waits for me near the front door.
His icy eyes sweep over me from head to toe. Not in a predatory way. In fact, my stomach somersaults when a seductive grin spreads across his freckled cheeks.
“Knock much?” I ask with an uncharacteristically breathy voice.
“I knocked. You didn’t answer. I was checking in on you.”
Nodding, I timidly pass him into the kitchen and stir the soup I’ve been preparing all day.
“No need to check in on me, Dr. Hawthorn. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
He steps into the kitchen and leans against the island with a cocky smirk.
“Can you?”
There’s so much implied behind those words. And when I turn around, my heart races erratically in my chest.
“Yes.” I don’t trust the shaky reply that escapes me.
“Tell me.”
My words get caught in my throat. It’s like I’ve completely forgotten how to form sentences. His eyes question me with gentle insistence. It’s then I can’t stay quiet. He’ll coax it out of me whether I want to or not.
“About what?”
“How do you take care of yourself, Ace? Because I take care of myself too. And when I do, you’re tattooed on my eyelids.”
I choke on a jagged inhale.
“Tell me,” he repeats.
“I-I don’t know…”
“When Annie isn’t here, when you’re alone in bed, or taking a bath, do you think of me?” He closes the gap between us, cradling my face in his large, calloused hands, tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. I melt into his touch as my heart races a marathon. “Don’t lie to me, Ace.”
I swallow my anxiety and nod.
That’s the truth, isn’t it? Yes. I think of him. I think of him shirtless and doing manly things like running and moving hay. I think about him in the shower…with me.
“Yes. I think about you.”
He grins.
“Tell me,” he repeats.
My eyes flutter closed as he presses a kiss on my throat.
“I see you…and me…”
He picks me up so effortlessly and sets me down on the counter. My hands rake through his thick, wavy locks, and his hands grip my waist firmly, but gently.
“Is this okay?” He whispers, fingering the button of my cut offs and popping the button out of the socket.
I nod. Heat pools down below. My skin is on fire as he kisses a trail from my covered breasts down to my clit. His tongue swirls and my head bangs against the counter.
Suddenly, the smoke alarm shrieks as the soup boils over, yet Derek doesn’t move.
“Derek…the soup…”
“Leave it,” he growls.
Is the shrieking getting louder?
“Aria!”
My eyes snap back to Derek, but it’s not his voice.
I glance around me and there’s not another soul in this house.
“Aria!”
I push Derek away, earning a wild stare as I close my legs and pull my shorts back on as I try to find the voice.
“Aria!”
My eyes fly open with Annie standing above me, gently shaking me. I close my eyes in frustration. I didn’t even get to the end. I didn’t get the sweet release I’ve been craving ever since I entered my second trimester.
And lo and behold, I dream about the vet who lives two doors down from me, the man too afraid of commitment, the man with the young daughter who loves Heartland as much as I do.
I dream about a man in which nothing could ever blossom into anything more than a friendship.
Shit.
“Peanut? Did you have another bad dream?”
It wasn’t bad. It was actually…pleasant.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
She giggles. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t wake me up. It’s ten o’clock.”
Realization sets in as I launch myself out of bed. I need to be in town in thirty minutes to meet with Dr. Nelson. I pull on a pair of shorts and a dirty shirt I haven’t gotten around to washing yet.
“Where’s the fire?” she asks.
“I forgot to set my alarm,” I groan. “I have a therapy appointment in thirty minutes.”
Annie throws me a pair of socks and runs a brush through my hair while I pull on socks and shoes. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t have time for sisterly bonding moments right this second.
“Be careful, okay? Do you need me to drive you?”
“No, I should be fine. Olson will escort me there so I should be able to shave a few minutes off my ETA.”
I race through the house, grabbing a snack size bag of chips and race out the door with Annie shouting at me to be careful. I meet Nate’s gaze across the driveway and put up a hand in surrender.
I peel out of the property, a move that will get me in major trouble with my father when I get back, but I can’t deal with it right now. I zone out as I speed down the country road.
Make Me Dream (The Sage Creek Series Book 1) Page 20