It’s already weird. We’re in this weird “not a relationship” relationship. It’s not even his kid!
“So, what’s there to do in town?” Tanner’s voice sounds behind me, making me jump.
“Ah…not much. What are you looking to do? The nearest nightclub is an hour away, but if you’re looking for a bar, Rico’s is always good.”
Tanner chuckles.
“Don’t worry, I don’t care. I came in here because you’re acting weird and I didn’t want Bubba to think I was bothering you.”
I arch an eyebrow, Betty Lou McKenzie style, and smirk.
“So…what do you need, Tanner?”
He snickers and leans against the counter. “I want to hang. They tell me I’m a ladies man. I used to be best friends with Heidi and Eve, but…” his voice trails off. Heidi’s dead and Eve was shunned due to Nate’s job. “Anyway, I’m not trying to get in your pants, so you don’t have to worry about that. I want to get to know you. Being friends with girls is a lot easier than being friends with those assholes.”
He brings a smile to my face.
“Well, I’m afraid I’ve led a pretty boring life thus far.”
Tanner shrugs. “I don’t know about that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman lift one hundred pounds of anything as easily as you carry two feed bags.”
Yeah, well, I’m not even supposed to be doing that either.
“Annie can lift more. But she’s starting to lose her edge because she travels so much.”
Her time working for the farm is dwindling. And my father’s words echo in my head about keeping the farm in the family. I’d have to hire people, right? There’s no way I can run this place by myself.
“And your brother?”
“He’s a teacher. He doesn’t want to run the family business. So I guess I’m the lucky winner.” I stir and cover the sauce, slowly turning to him and pasting on my best fake smile.
“You may think you’re slick, McKenzie, but I can tell when you’re lying.”
His phone vibrates in his back pocket, and I get a flash of Eve’s name popping up on his caller ID. His face immediately falls. He wants to answer it, his thumb hovers over that big green button. With a sad sigh, he presses ‘ignore’ and turns back to me, pasting on his best smile.
“You should answer it,” I quietly encourage him.
“No…because if she asked, I’d tell her the truth.” He sighs and hops up onto the counter. His chocolate eyes dart around the room, narrowing when they settle on Nate. Nate taps away on his computer, oblivious to his friend glaring a hole into his skull.
“Wouldn’t it be better if she knew the truth?”
He shakes his head sadly.
“It would only put her in danger.” He sighs. “And believe me, we’ve already lost too many people we care about.” He glances over to me and grins. “I know it’s not a thing with the two of you, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen him…”
What?
“Happy.”
“Maybe it’s gas,” I quickly cut in, returning to the stove and placing the garlic bread into the oven to toast. I don’t make him happy. We give each other a sexual outlet.
Even that is a joke to me.
Because…he makes me happy too.
“Probably that too, but…it’s more than that.”
I wish he’d shut up. I don’t want everyone pointing out the fact I’m sort of dating the guy who lives two doors down from me when I just got out of an abusive relationship.
“Anyway, I know you’ve been through a lot. I heard you telling him you’re going to be a spinster or whatever it was…but, he’s a good one. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
I know that. And that’s what worries me.
“Isn’t that a thing? Jumping from relationship to relationship? How am I ever supposed to love myself if I can’t be alone for one second?”
“I think I might be the wrong person to ask about loving yourself.” He gives me a half-hearted smile and leaps off the counter. “We all have our baggage. Some of us hide away, burying ourselves in work instead of facing the problem head on. Others go to therapy and talk to a shrink about all the reasons why they’re unlovable…” he shrugs casually. “And then there are some who accept the baggage, unpack and chuck the suitcases away, and live their lives in peace.”
“I wish I could be that third person.”
“Maybe you can. Trauma isn’t a one size fits all, and neither is therapy. You’re doing the right thing. And while you’re sitting here, thinking you’re unlovable for whatever reason, I’m here to tell you you’re not. Because that guy over there? The one with the stupid haircut and the piercing blue eyes, has always been closed off. And for the first time ever, when he smiles, it’s because he means it. He’s not saving face or trying to make us more comfortable.”
I take his words in stride when Derek looks this way. Tanner flips him the bird and instead of charging over here, he laughs and shakes his head.
Derek Hawthorn isn’t human. He is insanely beautiful with a perfect penis. And as much as I’m tamping my feelings for him down as far as they’ll go, I’m falling for him too.
36
DEREK
Aria and I stroll into Dr. Cash’s office the next day. Aria, though she won’t ever admit it, is terrified out of her skin. She hardly spoke in the truck and picked at her breakfast. I asked if she wanted me to pick up her mother too, but she declined.
We sit next to each other in the waiting room. She stares at the pictures ahead of her, a sense of longing in her gaze. This isn’t something she’s openly talked about. In fact, this is a topic she refuses to bring up.
I reach for her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s going to be okay. These things are common and it’s rare anything bad happens.”
She swallows and glances away from the pictures but refuses to meet my gaze.
“I want to get this over with,” she murmurs softly.
I get it. I’d be squirrely if someone was sticking a big ass needle into my stomach too. We’re the only two people in the waiting room. And after about five minutes, Dr. Cash approaches us with a smile.
“You ready, Aria?”
She silently nods and stands up. When I make no moves to get up, her brows furrow.
“Derek…can you come with me?”
Shit.
“Sure.”
I’m not sure if we’re there yet. The last time I was in an ultrasound, I’ll admit I cried seeing my daughter for the first time, even though it was a grainy image and you couldn’t decipher what you were seeing.
I follow them back to the exam room where the ultrasound is set up. A nurse follows us in and takes Aria’s vitals and then gets her comfortable on the table.
“Let’s see this little person, huh?” Dr. Cash announces with a grin.
She squirts the jelly on Aria’s stomach and starts moving the wand over her belly, searching for the baby. We find him, easily. Dr. Cash searches for a suitable spot to inject the needle, away from the placenta and the baby.
I catch it before she does, and I’m relieved when she finds it too. She has the nurse hold the wand still.
She pulls out a small needle and gives Aria a reassuring squeeze. “This isn’t the needle we’ll be using to collect the DNA. This is local anesthetic to help numb you up so it’s not too uncomfortable.”
My eyes are glued to the ultrasound screen, watching the needle. I pray the kid doesn’t move. His heartbeat fills the air and Aria relaxes.
“Okay, local anesthetic administered. How are you doing Aria?”
“I’m okay,” she answers, strained.
I glance down to her and smile. She weakly smiles back and then shifts her gaze to the ceiling tiles above her. It’s almost like she’s disassociating.
“Okay. You might feel a slight pinch and some discomfort. If you feel pain, please let me know. Just try your best to keep still.” She nods to me, and I turn my attention back to
the screen. I watch as the needle invades her amniotic sack, holding my breath as she pulls the plunger of the syringe up. As she pulls out, she immediately places a gauze patch on the injections site. I take over so she can get the sample ready to ship. The nurse keeps the wand in place as we all listen to the heartbeat, making sure the baby isn’t distressed.
“You did good, Ace.”
She sniffles.
“How long until we find out anything?” she asks.
“We won’t see results for about two weeks. But, if we see it come through sooner, I’ll personally give you a call. No overdoing it for the next twenty-four hours. No sexual activity either.”
We stay like this for ten minutes, all of us watching the screen to make sure the heartbeat stays constant. When Dr. Cash is content, she cleans Aria up and sends us on our way.
She’s quiet. I mean, that’s Aria, always quiet. But this time…
Something isn’t right.
I end up pulling into the parking lot to Rhonda’s and wave Aria along. She trudges behind me, reluctantly walking into the restaurant and seating herself in the middle of the room. I sit across from her and order our drinks. When our waitress walks away, I finally open my mouth.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She licks her lips nervously.
“What if I hurt him?”
“The ultrasound looked promising.”
She frowns.
“And…what happens if everything is perfect?”
For the first time, I realize she’s asking about our future. I’m not entirely sure where and how fast this is going.
“Then you’ll finish out your pregnancy on a high.”
She shrugs, and sips on her sweet tea.
“This is awkward, Derek.”
She’s right. It’s awkward. And there’s virtually nothing I could do about it without her freaking out off the deep end.
“Talk to me, then. What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far.” A wave of hard realization washes over her face. She briefly glances down at her growing belly, around the black and white checkered diner, and finally to me. She thought she would be dead by now.
I nod, wanting to hear more.
“If I made it this far, then maybe I’ll get to see the baby before—”
“There isn’t a pick your own adventure chapter where you die, Aria.” Her watery eyes lock on mine, sad, mistrusting, and hopeful. “You get to have a future. You get to move on. You get to be a part of that great shelter you’re building with Jo. You’re allowed to be happy. Charlie will get what’s coming to him.”
She stares at the table for moment, contemplating her next words carefully.
“And if Charlie’s caught and put away…what does that mean…?”
She trails off, but I know that for us is in there somewhere. It’s been floating in my head for the past month.
“What do you want to happen?”
She sighs out of frustration and rolls her eyes. “I don’t know,” she snaps. “Why can’t you just tell me what you want from me?”
She’s squirming and uncomfortable. Aria McKenzie is like her father in the sense she doesn’t like asking the deep questions. It isn’t because they don’t think about them, it’s they’re afraid of the wrong answer.
“Because for the last two years, you weren’t allowed to have a choice.” She stills at my words, tears leaking from her eyes. “And if you want this to happen, I want it to be your choice.”
She’s not used to being the one in power. She hates it. She’s afraid of her choices because choosing Charlie was the wrong choice.
“I hate I’ve become attached to you,” she snaps.
“I’m quite attached to you too. Trust me, I wasn’t too happy about it either. I’m a guy who doesn’t do commitment, Ace—”
“Yes, as you keep reminding me.” She rolls her eyes and abruptly stands up. “I’m sure you must be so devastated by the lack of variety of women who come to your door at night. Don’t worry, I’m going to the bathroom.” She storms away without another word.
My stomach bubbles with anxiety and annoyance.
“Aw, where’d Aria go?” Nicole, our waitress asks.
“She ran to the bathroom. She should be back in a minute.”
She nods and promises to be back when Aria comes back from the bathroom. I gaze out the window and stare at the small strip mall of boutique stores owned by a lot of the locals.
Bethany Hunt owns one of those shops—the floral shop to be exact. That’s how she gets all her gossip. And you better believe she keeps a record of all the messages she’s written to mistreated women.
Aria returns and drops down across from me, glowering. She’s on the verge of a full blown panic attack.
“I know you’re scared, but it’s going to be okay.”
Her bottom lip wobbles and she buries her face in her hands. I tell her to come sit with me, while the whole god damned restaurant is watching us now. She slides in next to me and rests her head on my chest while she cries.
“It’s these stupid hormones. I’m not this person.”
I know.
I gently kiss the crown of her head and breathe in her scent.
“Let’s get a big, greasy burger and head home, okay? We can Netflix and Chill all day.”
That earns me a giggle, but we both know nothing sexual can happen. It will be a literal day of binge watching shows and staying in bed.
Nicole returns and gets our orders. She calms down and her face returns to her natural paleness. It’s almost laughable.
“Do you think we can go on a real date?”
I stare at her in surprise.
“Like, I’ll get dressed up, put on some makeup and we go to dinner somewhere. Super low key because I’m a pretty cheap date…”
I tilt her chin so I’m gazing into those hazel pools of Aria and smile.
“You wanna go on a date with me, Ace? Just the two of us?”
She nods sheepishly, embarrassed she’s the one who had to ask.
“Actually…I was going to ask you if Zoey could come on the date with us…”
My stomach jolts with…something I haven’t felt before.
“What?”
“I mean, Emily would have to be okay with it, of course…but I thought it might be a good idea if the three of us spent some time together away from home.” Her eyes widen. “Not that I want to get a hotel or anything, but like to a restaurant in Richmond or something.”
I kiss her temple.
“Yeah, of course. I’ll talk to Emily. And since you’re thinking about this, I’m sure she’s going to want to meet you in person.”
Her face falls.
“Do you think she’d be okay with it?”
No.
“There’s only one way to find out…”
Color me fucking surprised when Emily agrees to come to dinner at my house tonight—on the same day Aria asks me out. Annie and Chris invite themselves, because they want to be there for Zoey, and then of course, you can’t have a dinner with only some of the McKenzies. Betty Lou and Steve invite themselves too. And then…the guys overhear. So now it’s a whole fucking family event.
Betty Lou helps me in the kitchen while Aria sets the table. When Emily arrives, Zoey ushers her in where she says hello to Chris, Annie, and Steve. She’s totally overwhelmed, but the asshole part of me is glad she is. At least she knows how many people are on Zoey’s side.
“Hey, Darlin’! It’s so good to see you again!” Betty Lou exclaims, rushing out of the kitchen and pressing a kiss to Em’s cheek. Emily flashes me a nervous look and pastes on a fake smile.
“Em,” I greet cordially.
“This is quite the party,” she says quietly.
“I know we talked over the phone about this, but do you want to step outside a minute?” She nods nervously, avoiding Steve’s gaze. I usher her out the back door only to find my idiot brothers
sitting around the fire pit, beers in hand A brief smile spreads across her face when she lands on familiar faces.
“Em!” Tanner greets the loudest. He’s the only one who remains friendly with her, even though she’s been nothing but rude to him. The others regard her politely and carry on with their conversation.
“This blossomed pretty quick, huh?” she asks nervously.
“Yeah. It did, but it’s real.” She purses her lips and gives me a knowing look.
“Real, as in rainbows and butterflies, or real, like how you and I were together?”
I consider her question as I try to put my feelings into words.
“Real as in she’s the one.”
Emily raises her eyebrows in surprise.
“You don’t do ‘the one’, Derek. I’ve heard all about your flings since you moved here.”
“I’m not saying I’m going to marry her tomorrow.” It’s too early for that. “But somewhere down the line…yeah. I could see myself doing that.”
She watches me like she’s waiting for me to pass it off as a big joke. It’s not a big joke. It’s the God’s honest truth, a truth I wouldn’t tell her right this moment, so I don’t scare her away.
“Derek, sweetheart, I need your help cutting this ham,” Betty Lou calls from the open kitchen window.
“Be right in,” I call back. I give her one final glance and smile.
“This is going to be your life, Derek, you realize that, right? She doesn’t have the best reputation around town. She’s aloof, she’s bitchy—”
“That’s what Bethany Hunt says about her. And don’t call her bitchy again.”
She frowns and drops her gaze.
“Have you even spent any time with her outside of those stupid barbeques?” I ask her. She doesn’t have to answer, because I already know she hasn’t. “Just…have dinner with us. Give her a chance, okay? Because I have never met anyone who has become our daughter’s best friend as quickly as Aria has.”
She takes a reflexive step back like I slapped her across the face.
“I know about the guy you’re seeing in California,” I drop my voice.
Annoyance is written all over face. I’ll have to give Zo the heads up for when she goes home on Monday.
Make Me Dream (The Sage Creek Series Book 1) Page 28