Brave Love

by Allyson Simonian

  Melissa averted her eyes and shook her head. “It’s up to Paige to tell you.”

  Chapter 27

  When Paige woke the next morning, she gasped in a breath at the sight of Ethan asleep in the chair next to her bed. Fisting a hand, she pressed it up against her chest. It was too overwhelming—not to mention embarrassing—to even think about what he’d witnessed last night.

  Ethan must have heard her moving, because his eyes blinked open and he quickly sat up. God, the expression on his face—the pity there. It was everything she’d feared. She closed her eyes against the shame rushing at her.

  The mattress dipped and the sheets rustled as he sat down next to her. “Whatever it is, Paige, I want to help.”

  “You can’t.”

  “Come on, Paige. You’re my girlfriend.”

  She opened her eyes. “You don’t even know me,” she whispered.

  He stared down at her for a long moment before shaking his head. “Don’t say that.”

  Knowing what she had to do, Paige dug deep for the strength she needed. “I can’t see you anymore, Ethan.”

  He sat silent for a long moment, blinking hard. Then he shook his head, as if he was trying to shake off what she’d said. “You need to be straight with me, Paige, and tell me what in the world is going on.”

  She opened her mouth and spoke the first words that came to her. “This is something I’ve been thinking of for a long time. We’re just not a match.”

  He jerked back slightly as if she’d hit him, then gave her a look of fury. “That’s complete bullshit.”

  “It’s not. We’re just too different.”

  Narrowing his eyes, he clenched his jaw. “Different how?”

  This wasn’t going well at all, Paige thought. The last thing she wanted to do was to push Ethan away, but she didn’t see another alternative. She was too damaged, too messed up, and no matter how much she cared for him, he didn’t need that in his life. So she didn’t answer.

  He stood and raked a hand through his hair. “You can’t even come up with an answer, can you?”

  She stared down at the floor. “It’s true.”

  “I’m not buying that. Now, why don’t you tell me what the hell happened last night? I saw you, Paige. I know you were terrified.”

  God, she didn’t have the strength for this. “Ethan, please . . . just go.” When she looked up, he stood unmoving, his eyes still wide with disbelief.

  “Please,” she repeated.

  Finally he scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’ll go for now. But this isn’t over, Paige. Not by a long shot.”

  The front door slammed a few seconds later, then Ethan’s truck started up. The flimsy dam holding Paige’s feelings burst open, and she began to cry.

  Chapter 28

  Two days later, Ethan walked out of the station after his shift. It had taken all of his focus to concentrate on work these past days. His nights had been spent restlessly, his chest aching with pain.

  Paige wasn’t taking his calls. Thinking he’d give her a little space, he’d done as she’d asked that morning and left. But he’d made a huge mistake. What he should have done was stay and insist she tell him what was going on.

  As he neared his truck, he debated driving over there. But instead he decided to visit Melissa.

  Once he arrived at the hospital, a volunteer told him which wing she worked on. He walked down a long corridor and found her sitting at the nurses’ station.

  She looked up and her eyes widened as he approached. “Ethan.”

  “Do you have a minute?”

  Nodding, she turned to a coworker and said she’d be back soon.

  “I’m worried about Paige,” he said once Melissa had led them to a break room and they’d sat down.

  She sighed heavily. “I am too.”

  “What’s wrong with her?”

  “Like I said, Ethan, it’s up to her to tell you.”

  He huffed out a breath of frustration. “Well, I can’t even get her to pick up the phone.”

  Melissa shook her head but remained silent.

  “I just want to help her.”

  She closed her eyes. “I know you do, but I can’t break her confidence, so please don’t ask me to.” With that, she pushed up from her chair and left the room.

  His own chair scraped the floor as he stood a moment later. Christ, he’d gotten nowhere. He walked out to the parking lot, started his truck, and headed over to Paige’s.

  But when he arrived, it was just as he’d feared. Her lights were on, but his knocks went unanswered.

  Chapter 29

  Paige walked into her bedroom. Sinking down against the wall, she pressed her forehead against her knees. She hadn’t taken Ethan’s calls, so it wasn’t really a surprise that he was here. But she just wasn’t able to face him.

  For the past two days, she’d been unable to even leave the house. Deep down, she knew she was doing the right thing by letting Ethan go, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

  The knocking finally stopped, and she waited for a full five minutes before returning to the living room. By the time she looked out the window, his truck was gone.

  She sank down onto the sofa, trying hard to ignore her anguish. She knew she should make herself eat something, but she had no appetite. So, with a shaking hand, she switched on the television.

  She sat on the sofa for hours that night. The drone of the television proved background noise for the thoughts swirling around inside her head.

  • • •

  Before seven the next morning, Paige was startled awake by more knocking. Pulling on a robe, she cautiously approached the door. It wasn’t Ethan, though; it was Melissa, wearing her nurses’ scrubs.

  Wondering why Melissa would have stopped by so early in the morning, Paige pulled open the door and moved aside as her friend stepped inside.

  Without even saying hello, Melissa leveled her gaze on Paige and said evenly, “Ethan came to see me at work last night.”

  Paige closed her eyes.

  “He’s really concerned, Paige,” Melissa said and touched her arm. When Paige opened her eyes, her friend said softly, “It’s obvious how much he cares about you.”

  Paige looked away, struggling with the emotions clogging her throat, but she stayed silent.

  Frustration pinched Melissa’s features as she huffed and leaned back against the front door. Crossing her arms over her chest, she said, “I really think you need to tell him,” but Paige shook her head.

  “He’d understand . . . anyone would,” Melissa insisted with a frown.

  Paige sighed. Ethan would be understanding; it wasn’t like she doubted that. But it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change the panic attacks. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was damaged and unfit for a relationship. And the thought of him feeling sorry for her . . . that just wasn’t something she could handle.

  She inhaled a shaky breath as Melissa stared at her, waiting for her response. It was better this way. Ethan was better off without her, even if he didn’t realize it yet. As well meaning as Melissa was, all Paige wanted at the moment was to get her friend out of her living room so she could break down again.

  She met her gaze. “I’m fine.” When Melissa put a hand on her hip, Paige tried again. “Really.”

  Finally, Melissa gave a heavy sigh. “You’ll call if you need anything?”

  Paige nodded and followed her toward the door. After Melissa left, she went into the kitchen and sat down heavily at her table. She could still picture the hurt look on Ethan’s face three days ago, and it haunted her. The thought of being without him hurt like hell, even if it was the right thing.

  Chapter 30

  A week later, Ethan had finally told James about the breakup. Breakup—he hated the very word. But it fit. He and Paige were clearly no longer in a relationship.

  He’d told James he wouldn’t be good company, but James had extended an invitation for dinner and then had insisted Ethan come.


  When Ethan arrived at the townhouse at seven, James opened the door. Since Denise had moved in, the place had gone from bachelor pad to homey. Throw pillows now sat on the leather sofa. Artwork covered the walls. To Ethan, it was a gut-wrenching reminder of what he’d envisioned having with Paige.

  James asked something, jolting Ethan out of his thoughts.

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Want a beer?” his friend called over his shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen.

  When James returned with two uncapped bottles, Denise followed him into the living room and gave Ethan a long hug.

  “Sorry to hear about what happened,” she said. “I just don’t get it, though. You two seemed so close.”

  They sat down at the dining table a little while later, and James pressed for more details. Ethan debated, wondering how much of what had happened he should share. If Paige couldn’t even tell him, then she didn’t want people to know.

  Yet these were his closest friends. He trusted them. What’s more, they’d liked Paige. He explained as much as he thought he should, and then asked their opinion.

  “Man, that’s a tough one,” James muttered.

  Denise had yet to say a word, and Ethan looked at her. “What do you think?”

  She toyed with her napkin before meeting his gaze. “I think . . .” She pursed her lips together. “I think that you’ve tried as hard as you can. Paige has your number. If she wants to talk, she’ll be in touch.”

  The words sliced sharply through Ethan. He considered what she said, and long moments later, he nodded and scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’re right, you know.”

  James stood and put a hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “Hungry?”

  Ethan closed his eyes and then opened them again. “Yeah. Sure.”

  As he left James and Denise’s that night, Ethan had the same thought he’d been having for days. He shouldn’t have told Paige about his dyslexia.

  Was that it—or at least part of—what had gone wrong between them? When she’d said they were different, was that what she’d meant?

  He shook the thought away. No. All that talk about them being different had been a smokescreen, and only that. It was something Paige had thrown out, hoping he’d back down and leave her alone.

  This was not the time to let old insecurities get in the way. Something else was going on with Paige. And there was one other person who might be able to help him figure it out.

  • • •

  The next day, a Saturday, Ethan ran laps at the city park near Paige’s house. He slowed to a walk when his lungs began to burn. Minutes later, he walked off the track.

  Using his T-shirt, he wiped sweat off his brow. From where he stood, he could just make out Paige’s duplex. Still breathing hard, he laced his hands behind his head and studied the house.

  Man, he wanted to go over there. He wanted to pull Paige into his arms after she opened the door. Because, in his fantasy, she would open the door. Then he’d finally be able to shake some sense into her and get her to tell him what was going on.

  Denise’s words replayed in his head, and Ethan sighed. Denise was right. If Paige wanted to see him, she’d have returned his calls.

  Turning, he started toward the parking lot. He needed to get home to shower and change clothes. His mother had invited him to have dinner with her and David that night, and Ethan was curious to see how things were going between the two of them. Apparently they’d been seeing a lot of each other since the barbecue, and Ethan still wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

  When she’d asked if Paige would be joining them, he’d said no and left it at that. But maybe David would be able to provide some answers.

  When Ethan pulled up to his mother’s house two hours later, David’s car was already in the driveway. His mother had the door open even before Ethan made it up the walkway, and stood in the doorway, hugging her arms close to her stomach.

  “David said you and Paige aren’t together anymore,” she said quickly.

  He sighed at the stunned expression on her face. “That’s true.”

  “What in the world happened?”

  Ethan didn’t see the point in going into the fact that none of it had been his decision. Not yet, anyway. David came onto the porch and nodded a greeting.

  Ethan debated grilling him right away about what was going on with Paige. But his mother still looked like she was in shock, so he decided to wait.

  “How’s the planning going on your trip?” he asked, changing the subject as they headed inside. His mother and David were planning a vacation in Europe—to France and Italy—places his mother had never been, and he knew she’d want to tell him about it.

  • • •

  After dinner, while his mother was in the kitchen, Ethan finally asked David about Paige.

  “How is she?”

  David raised a brow. “I’d say she looks about as bad as you do.”

  If the comment was designed to make him feel better, it did no such thing. “What is it, David? What’s going on?” When David remained silent, he probed, “You know, don’t you?”

  David looked away and sighed. “Yes, but I can’t break her confidence.”

  Standing, Ethan paced the room. “I’m getting really tired of hearing that.”

  David was staring straight ahead. It was obvious he wasn’t going to offer more.

  Ethan resisted pushing, knowing full well it wouldn’t get him anywhere. Instead, he said tightly, “I need to get going.”

  He stalked into the kitchen and kissed his mother on the cheek before heading out the door.

  Chapter 31

  For days, Paige had been trying to lose herself in her work. She’d naively thought that by focusing on the video she was producing, she’d be able to keep thoughts of Ethan at bay. No matter what she did, though, he was always on her mind. And she was completely miserable without him.

  It’s your own fault. The thought assailed her as she sat at her kitchen table in front of an untouched dinner of soup and a sandwich. No . . . it wasn’t her fault. She’d only been realistic about something that couldn’t work.

  And it couldn’t, despite how much she wanted it to. She couldn’t be who she was—a pathetic mess—in front of him. She refused to be.

  Things were better off this way. Ethan was better off, and she was better off too. And if her heart was protesting . . . well, eventually it would fall in line. Ethan was an amazing catch. He’d soon find someone else. The thought formed a bitter lump inside her throat.

  Pushing her bowl away, she put her elbows on the table and cradled her head in her hands. She was still sitting like that minutes later when the phone rang.

  Melissa was calling from the hospital. “Hey. I’m on break, but one of my coworkers just traded me for Friday night. Let’s go out.”

  Paige closed her eyes. “I don’t think so.”

  “Come on, Paige.” Melissa sounded annoyed now. “It’ll do you good to get out of the house.”

  “What about you and Mark?” Like Ethan, he was still on the rotation where he had weekends off. Paige tried not to think about what she and Ethan would have been doing to enjoy the time together. The four of them had even talked about double dating.

  “He’ll just see me on Saturday.”

  Knowing Melissa wouldn’t stop hounding her until she agreed, Paige sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll drive,” she said.

  Melissa laughed. “Sounds great. You can be the designated driver for the night. Seven o’clock?”

  “Sure. See you then.”

  After she hung up with Melissa, Paige forced down a few bites of her meal. Then she turned in early, and tossed and turned for a long while before finally falling into a fitful sleep.

  • • •

  That Friday, Anne followed Paige home. She’d looked so sad at work that Paige had asked her to join the night out with Melissa. To Paige’s surprise, Anne had agreed.

  After they picked Melissa up, Paige drove the thr
ee of them downtown. When Melissa had suggested PJ’s, Paige had immediately thought of Tom. She’d been to the bar a couple of times since their date, and it had been awkward seeing him. But the only other bar nearby was Tony’s, and that was Ethan’s territory.

  Ten minutes later, she pulled into the parking lot at PJ’s. Tom was standing at the bar when they walked inside. He raised an eyebrow, then smirked before returning to the drink he was pouring. A blonde in her early twenties was perched near him at the bar, doing her best to get his attention.

  “Where should we sit?” Melissa asked.

  Paige pointed to a table across the room. “How about over there?”

  They took the table and ordered a round of margaritas when their waitress stopped by. Throughout the next hour, their conversation evolved from small talk to deep discussion as Anne began sharing about her marriage. She described how the past few years had been a nightmare.

  Finally, Anne sighed. “He wasn’t always like that, you know. When we first got married, he was really good to me.”

  “When did it change?” Melissa asked.

  “Around the time we bought the house, I guess. Even before he lost his job, we weren’t sure we could make the payments.” She shrugged. “Now I’m going to have to sell it anyway. And, well, I’m filing for divorce.”

  Melissa reached over and squeezed her hand. “You have no choice.” She gave Paige a pointed look, as if to say things were completely different for her.

  Paige gazed down at the table. Melissa was right; Ethan was one of the good ones. Whoever ended up with him would be incredibly lucky. Sadness speared her heart at the thought that it wouldn’t be her.

  Chapter 32

  Ethan moved the sander over the last part of the living room floor. When he was satisfied he’d covered every inch of that section, he switched the machine off and brushed some of the dust out of his hair. He’d made good progress on the floors, but it wasn’t like he cared much anymore. Massaging the back of his neck as he walked into the kitchen, he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.