Berry and Co.

by Dornford Yates

  Produced by Hilary Caws-Elwitt, in honor of Peter Caws

  BERRY AND CO.

  BY THE SAME AUTHOR

  _Published by Ward, Lock & Co.:--_BERRY AND CO.JONAH AND CO.MAIDEN STAKES.THE STOLEN MARCH.ANTHONY LYVEDEN.VALERIE FRENCH.AND FIVE WERE FOOLISH.AS OTHER MEN ARE.THE BROTHER OF DAPHNE.THE COURTS OF IDLENESS.

  _Published by Hodder & Stoughton:--_BLIND CORNER.PERISHABLE GOODS.BLOOD ROYAL.FIRE BELOW.ADELE AND CO.

  BERRY AND CO.

  BY

  DORNFORD YATES

  WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED

  LONDON AND MELBOURNE

  PRINTED IN GREAT BRITAIN BY PURNELL AND SONSPAULTON (SOMERSET) AND LONDON

  _DEAR VALERIE,_

  _When a writer admits that he has an affectionfor something which he has written, it is high time topray for his soul. Yet I make bold to confess thatthere are in this book some passages which I hold dear--aseeming vanity, which must be explained._

  _Many times you have found me at work upon thesechapters. Often you have taken ill-written pages ofmanuscript from my table and, sitting down in a chair,deciphered them for what they were worth. Once ortwice, whilst you read, you have fallen into silverylaughter._

  _Do you wonder that I treasure the sentences whichdrew forth such music?_

  _This is my dedication._

  _As many as see you are glad of the sight. All whoknow you are proud of the honour. But the manwhose efforts your mirth has commended is the proudestand happiest of the lot._

  _Need I say that your name is not Valerie? Ithink not. You will know whom I mean._

  _Most faithfully yours,_

  _DORNFORD YATES._

  _Pau, November, 1920._

  CONTENTS

  I HOW WILL NOGGIN WAS FOOLED, AND BERRYRODE FORTH AGAINST HIS WILL

  II HOW DAPHNE WROTE FOR ASSISTANCE, ANDMR. HOLLY WAS OUTBID

  III HOW A MAN MAY FOLLOW HIS OWN HAT, ANDBERRY TOOK A LAMP IN HIS HAND

  IV HOW NOBBY CAME TO SLEEP UPON MY BED, ANDBERRY FELL AMONG THIEVES

  V HOW JILL'S EDUCATION WAS IMPROVED, ANDDAPHNE GAVE HER HUSBAND THE SLIP

  VI HOW NOBBY ATTENDED A WEDDING, AND BERRYSPOKE NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

  VII HOW JONAH OBEYED HIS ORDERS, AND DAPHNEAND KATHARINE FESTIVAL BACKED THESAME HORSE

  VIII HOW JILL SLEPT UNDISTURBED, AND NOBBYATTENDED CHURCH PARADE

  IX HOW ADELE FESTE ARRIVED, AND MR. DUNKELSBAUMSUPPED WITH THE DEVIL

  X HOW ADELE BROKE HER DREAM, AND VANDYPLEYDELL TOOK EXERCISE

  XI HOW NOBBY MET BLUE BANDALA, AND ADELEGAVE JONAH A KISS

  CHAPTER I

  HOW WILL NOGGIN WAS FOOLED, AND BERRY RODE FORTH AGAINST HIS WILL.

  "Who's going to church?" said Daphne, consulting her wrist-watch.

  There was a profound silence.

  My sister turned to Jill.

  "Are you coming?" she said. "Berry and I are."

  "I beg your pardon," said her husband.

  "Of course you're coming," said Daphne.

  "Not in these trousers. This is the first time I've worn them, and I'mnot going to kneel in them for any one."

  "Then you'll change," said his wife. "You've plenty of time."

  Berry groaned.

  "This is sheer Bolshevism," he said. "Is not my soul my own?"

  "We shall start," said Daphne, "in twenty minutes."

  It was nearly half-past ten in the morning of a beautiful summer day,and we were all taking our ease in the sunshine upon the terrace. It wasthe first Sunday which we had spent all together at White Ladies fornearly five years.

  So far as the eye could see, nothing had changed.

  At the foot of the steps the great smooth lawn stretched like a finegreen carpet, its shadowed patches yet bright with dew. There were thetall elms and the copper beech and all the proud company of spreadinggiants--what were five years to them? There was the clump ofrhododendrons, a ragged blotch of crimson, seemingly spilled upon thegreen turf, and there the close box hedge that walled away therose-garden. Beyond the sunk fence a gap showed an acre or so of Bull'sMead--a great deep meadow, and in it two horses beneath a chestnut tree,their long tails a-swish, sleepily nosing each other to rout the flies;while in the distance the haze of heat hung like a film over the rollinghills. Close at hand echoed the soft impertinence of a cuckoo, and twofat wood-pigeons waddled about the lawn, picking and stealing as theywent. The sky was cloudless, and there was not a breath of wind.

  The stable clock chimed the half-hour.

  My sister returned to the attack.

  "Are you coming, Boy?"

  "Yes," said I. "I am."

  Berry sat up and stared at me.

  "Don't be silly," he said. "There's a service this morning. Besides,they've changed the lock of the poor-box."

  "I want to watch the Vicar's face when he sees you," said I.

  "It will be a bit of a shock," said Jonah, looking up from the paper."Is his heart all right?"

  "Rotten," said Daphne. "But that doesn't matter. I sent him a note towarn him yesterday."

  "What did you say?" demanded her husband.

  "I said, '_We're back at last, and--don't faint--we're all coming toChurch to-morrow, and you've got to come back to lunch._' And now, forgoodness' sake, go and change."

  "But we shall perspire," said Berry. "Profusely. To walk half a mile inthis sun is simply asking for it. Besides----"

  "What's the car done?" said Jonah. "I'm going, and I can't hurry withthis." He tapped his short leg affectionately. "We needn't take Fitch.Boy or I can drive."

  "Right oh," said my sister, rising. "Is ten-minutes-to early enough?"

  Jonah nodded.

  "This," said Berry, "is a conspiracy for which you will all pay.Literally. I shall take the plate round, and from you four I shallaccept nothing but paper. Possibly I shall----"

  Here the girls fell upon him and bore him protesting into the house andout of earshot.

  "Who's going to look after the car while we're in church?" said I.

  "There's sure to be somebody ready to earn a couple of bob," said Jonah."Besides, we can always disconnect the north-east trunnion, or jack herup and put the wheels in the vestry or something."

  "All right. Only we don't want her pinched." With a yawn I rose to myfeet. "And now I suppose I'd better go and turn her out."

  "Right oh," said Jonah, picking up his paper again.

  I strolled into the house.

  We were proud of the car. She was a 1914 Rolls, and we had bought her ata long price less than a week ago. Fresh from the coach-builder's, hertouring body was painted silver-grey, while her bonnet was of polishedaluminium. Fitted with every conceivable accessory, she was verygood-looking, charming alike to ride or drive, and she went like thewind. In a word, she did as handsome as she was.

  It was eight minutes to eleven as we slid past the lodge and on to theBilberry road.

  Before we had covered two furlongs, we swung round a corner to see asmart two-seater at rest by the dusty hedgerow, and a slight dark girlin fresh blue and white standing with one foot on the step, wiping herdainty fingers on a handful of cotton-waste.

  "Agatha!" cried Daphne and Jill. "Stop, Boy, stop!"

  Obediently I slowed to a standstill, as my lady came running after us.

  "You might have told me," she panted. "I never knew you were back. And Iam so glad."

  "We only arrived on Friday, dear," said Daphne, and introduced Berry andme. Jonah, it appeared, had met Miss Deriot at tennis in 1914.

  "But you had your hair down then," he said gravely.

  "It's a wonder I haven't got it down now," said Miss Deriot. "Why didn'tyou come along ten minutes earlier? Then you could have changed mytire."

  "And why are you driving awa
y from church?" said Jill.

  "One of the colts has sprained his shoulder, and we're out ofembrocation; so I'm going to get some from Brooch."

  "I'll come with you," said Berry eagerly, preparing to leave the car. "Idon't like to think of you----"

  "Nonsense," said Daphne, detaining him.

  "But supposing she has another puncture?"

  "Yes, I can see you mending it on a day like this."

  "It's very kind of you," said Miss Deriot, with a puzzled smile.

  "Don't thank the fool," said my sister. "If I thought he'd be theslightest use to you, I'd send him; but he only wants an excuse to getout of going to church."

  "Poor Jade," said her husband. "I am a knight, a simple starlit knight,a Quixote of to-day. Your brutish instincts----"

  "Carry on, Boy," said Daphne. I let in the clutch. "And come over thisafternoon, Agatha, and we'll tell you all about everything."

  "Yes, do," cried Jill.

  "All right," said Miss Deriot. "So long."

  Three minutes later I was berthing the car close to the lich-gate in theshade of sweet-smelling limes, that made a trembling screen of foliagewithin the churchyard wall.

  As luck would have it, Will Noggin, once a groom in our service and nowa trooper of the Dragoon Guards, was leaning lazily against the greywall, taking his ease. As we drew abreast of him, he stood to attentionand saluted, a pleased grin of recognition lighting his healthy face. Wegreeted him gladly.

  "Glad to see you're all right, Will," said Jill.

  "Thank you, miss."

  "Aren't you going to church?" said Daphne.

  "Not to-day, m'm. I'm on leave, and I've 'ad my share o' church paradesi' the last four years, m'm."

  We all laughed.

  "Well, if you're not going," said I, "we want some one to keep an eye onthe car."

  "I'll do it gladly, sir."

  "Right oh! She's a pretty piece of goods, isn't she?"

  "She is that, sir," said Will, visibly impressed.

  As I followed the others into the porch, I glanced back to see oursentinel walking about his charge, bending an appreciative gaze upon herpoints.

  They were singing the _Venite_.

  On the ledge of our old pew lay a note addressed to "Major Pleydell" inthe Vicar's handwriting. When Berry had read it he passed it to Daphne,and I was able to read it over her shoulder.

  _DEAR MAJOR,_

  _Sometimes in the old days you used to read the Lessons. I think weshould all like it if you would do so to-day; but don't, if you don'twant to._

  _Yours very sincerely,_

  _JOHN BAGOT._

  In a postscript the writer named the appointed passages of Holy Writ.

  So soon as the first Psalm had started Berry stepped to the lectern,found his places and cast his eye over the text. Before the second Psalmwas finished, he was once more in his place.

  Doors and windows were open as wide as they could be set, and the littlechurch was flooded with light and fresh warm air, that coaxed the edgefrom the chill of thick stone walls and pillars, and made the frozenpavements cool and refreshing. Mustiness was clean gone, swept from herfrequent haunts by the sweet breath of Nature. The "dim, religiouslight" of Milton's ordering was this day displaced by Summer's honestsmile, simpler maybe, but no less reverent. And, when the singing wasstilled, you overheard the ceaseless sleepy murmur of that country choirof birds and beasts and insects that keeps its rare contented symphonyfor summer days in which you can find no fault.

  My impious eye wandered affectionately over familiar friends--the oldoak pews, almost chin-high, the Spanish organ, the reluctant gift of aproud galleon wrecked on the snarling coast ten miles away, the old"three-decker" with its dull crimson cushions and the fringed clothsthat hung so stiffly. A shaft of sunlight beat full on an old blackhatchment, making known the faded quarterings, while, underneath, aslender panel of brass, but two years old, showed that the teaching ofits grim forbear had not been vain.

  For so fair a morning, Bilberry village had done well. The church wastwo-thirds full, and, though there were many strange faces, it waspleasant here and there to recognize one we had known in the old days,and to learn from an involuntary smile that we had not been forgotten.

  It was just after the beginning of the Second Lesson that we heard theengine start. There was no mistaking the purr of our Rolls-Royce. For asecond the girls and Jonah and I stared at one another, panic-stricken.Then with one impulse we all started instinctively to our feet. As Ileft the pew I heard Daphne whisper, "Hsh! We can't all----" and she andJonah and Jill sank back twittering. Berry's eyes met mine for aninstant as I stepped into the aisle. They spoke volumes, but to hiseternal credit his voice never faltered.

  I almost ran to the porch, and I reached the lich-gate to see ourbeautiful car, piloted by a man in a grey hat, scudding up the straightwhite road, while in her wake tore a gesticulating trooper, shoutingimpotently, ridiculously out-distanced. Even as I watched, the carflashed round a bend and disappeared.

  For a moment I stood still in the middle of the road, stupefied. Then Iheard a horn sounded behind me, and I mechanically stepped to one side.Fifty yards away was the two-seater we had encountered on our way tochurch.

  Frantically I signalled to the girl at the wheel. As I did so, a burstof music signified that the Second Lesson had come to an end.

  "Whatever's the matter?" cried Miss Deriot, as she pulled up.

  "Somebody's pinched the Rolls. Will you----"

  "Of course. Get in. Which way did they go?"

  "Straight ahead," said I, opening the door.

  We were well under way before I had taken my seat. As we came to thebend I threw a glance over my shoulder, to see four figures that I knewstanding without the lich-gate. They appeared to be arguing. As weturned the corner a stentorian voice yelled--

  "The Bloodstock road, sir! I can see their blinkin' dust."

  Perched on one of the lower branches of a wayside oak, Will Noggin waspointing a shaking finger in the direction he named.

  * * * * *

  We were less than three miles from Bloodstock when the off hind tireburst. Miss Deriot brought the car to the side of the road and stoppedin the shadow of an old barn.

  "That," she said, "has just done it."

  I opened the door and stepped down into the road.

  "It means a delay when we least want it," said I ruefully.

  "Worse. I've had one burst already, and I only brought one spare wheel."

  I whistled.

  "Then we are indeed done," said I. "I'm awfully sorry. Heaven knows howfar you are from your home. This comes of helping a comparativestranger. Let it be a lesson to you."

  My companion smiled.

  "I don't mind for myself," she said, "but what about your car?"

  I spread out my hands.

  "Reason dictates that I should foot-slog it to Bloodstock and try andget the police moving; but I can't leave you here."

  "You can easily, but you're not going to. I don't want to sit here forthe rest of the day." She pointed to the barn. "Help me to get her inhere, and then we'll push off to Bloodstock together."

  A hurried reconnaissance led to the discovery of a little farmhouse, andtwo minutes later I was making urgent representations to the owner ofthe barn. To our relief the latter proved sympathetic and obliging, andbefore we again took to the road the two-seater was safely under lockand key.

  "And now," said Miss Deriot, "how did it happen?"

  "The theft? I can't imagine. We left that fool who yelled at us incharge. I suppose he left her to get a drink or something. This is onlythe fourth time we've had her out," I added gloomily.

  "Oh, I say! Never mind. You're bound to get her again. Look at thatmeadow-sweet. Isn't it lovely? I wish I could paint. Can you?"

  "I painted a key-cupboard once. It was hung, too. Outside thestillroom."

  "Pity you didn't keep it up," said Miss Deriot. "It's a shame to wastetalent like that. I
sn't it just broiling? I should love a bathe now."

  "I hope you don't wear stockings in the water," said I.

  Miss Deriot glanced at her white ankles.

  "Is that a reflection?" she demanded.

  I shook my head.

  "By no manner of means. But there's a place for everything, isn't there?I mean----"

  We both laughed.

  "That's better," said my companion. "I couldn't bear to see you soworried this beautiful morning."

  "My dear," said I, "you've a nice kind heart, and I thank you."

  "Don't mention it," said Miss Deriot.

  From the crown of her broad-brimmed hat to the soles of her buckskinshoes she was the pink of daintiness. Health was springing in her freshcheeks, eagerness danced in her eyes, energy leapt from her carriage.Had she been haughty, you would have labelled her "Diana," and have donewith it; but her eyes were gentle, and there was a tenderness about hersmall mouth that must have pardoned Actaeon. A plain gold wrist-watch ona black silk strap was all her jewellery.

  "We'd better strike across the next field," said Miss Deriot. "There's apath that'll bring us out opposite _The Thatcher_. It'll save us aboutfive minutes."

  "You might have been born here," said I.

  "I was," said Agatha. She nodded towards a beech wood that stood afurlong away. "The trees hide the house. But we left when I was seven,and only came back to the County five years ago. And here's our field."

  The five-barred gate was padlocked. I looked at my companion.

  "Shall I get over, advance ten paces, and gaze Into the middle distance?Or aren't you that sort?"

  Miss Deriot flung back her head and laughed.

  "I'd rather you gave me a leg up," she said.

  With a hand on my shoulder and a foot in my hand she was up and over inan instant. I vaulted after her.

  "You know," I said, "we ought to perform, you and I. With a painter'sladder, a slack wire, and a little practice, we should do wonders. Onnon-matinee days I might even lift you with my teeth. That always goeswell, and no one would know you were as light as a rose-leaf."

  "Seven stone three in the bathroom," said Agatha. "Without stockings.Some rose-leaf."

  We were going uphill. The meadow through which we were passing sloped toan oaken fence, stoutly constructed to save the cattle from a perilousfall. For on its farther side the ground fell away sheer, so that atthis point a bluff formed one high wall of the sunken road for which wewere making. _The Thatcher_, I remembered, stood immediately opposite tothe rough grass-grown steps, hewn years ago for the convenience of suchpassengers as we. There was a stile set in the fence, and as I swungmyself over I glanced down past the edge of the bluff and into the roadbelow.

  In the little curved space that fronted the inn the Rolls was standingsilent and unoccupied.

  I must have exclaimed, for Agatha was over the stile In an instant, andasking me what was the matter. Then she saw, and the words died on herlips. Together we stood spell-bound.

  The door of the inn was shut, and there was no one in sight.

  My first impulse was to dart down the steps, beat upon the door of thetavern, and confront the thief. But valour yielded to discretion. Thegreat thing was to recover the car. I had but a slip of a girl with me,the spot was a lonely one, and it was more than likely that thehighwayman was not working alone. Besides, Agatha must not be involvedin any violence.

  I turned to my lady.

  "You stay here. I'm going to take her and drive straight to thepolice-station. I'll pick up some police and come back just as quicklyas ever I can."

  Miss Deriot shook her pretty head.

  "I'm coming with you," she said. "Carry on."

  "But, my dear----"

  "I often wish I wasn't so obstinate." She spoke meditatively. "But we'reall like that. Mules aren't in it with the Deriots," she added, with adazzling smile.

  "Neither, apparently, are cucumbers," said I, and with that I began todescend the rough stairs, stepping as delicately as I could.

  Half-way down I turned to look at my companion, and at that moment thestep upon which I was standing gave way. The scrambling sounds whichproclaimed my fall were followed by the rasping protest of yieldingcloth, and I came to rest six feet from the road at the expense of apre-War coat, which had caught the corner of one of the unplaned risers.All had been so still, that in that hollow place the noise could nothave failed to attract the attention of any one who was within earshot,and I lay for a moment where I had fallen, straining my ears for thesound of footsteps or voices.

  "Are you all right?" whispered a soft voice above me.

  I turned my head and nodded. Miss Deriot, standing with clasped hands,heaved a sigh of relief and prepared to continue her descent.

  Gingerly I stepped down into the sandy road and started to cross ita-tiptoe.

  Facing towards Bloodstock, the car presented her off side to us.

  With the utmost caution I proceeded to induct myself into the driver'sseat. As I sat down, Miss Deriot slipped in front of the bonnet andround to the near side. She was opening the high side-door and my footwas on the self-starter, when I heard the murmur of voices.

  We were not a second too soon.

  The moment I had started the engine there was a cry followed by theclattering of heavy shoes upon cobbles, and as the car slid into theroad a man in a grey hat came tearing out of the inn's courtyard, wavinghis arms and yelling like one possessed. Hard on his heels came poundinghis supporters, three of them, all bellowing like bulls.

  So much I saw for myself. Agatha, kneeling on the seat by my side, keptme informed of their movements till we swept out of sight.

  "He's simply dancing. The one in the grey hat, I mean. Now he's shakinghis fist at us. Oh, he's mad. He's thrown his hat on the ground. O-o-o,Boy, he's trying to kick one of the others. Oh, I wish you couldsee...." The merry voice dissolved into peals of laughter.

  Then the road curled, and Agatha turned left about and settled herselfby my side.

  "How did you know my Christian name?" I demanded.

  "Your sister used it this morning. You see, I've forgotten your other,and I can't keep on saying 'you.' But I won't do it again."

  "Please, Agatha."

  "Deriot. One 'r.' I say, you've torn your coat properly."

  "It feels as if it was in two pieces," said I.

  "If it wasn't for the collar, it would be," said Agatha. "Never mind.Bare backs are still fashionable. And what's a torn coat, when you'vegot the car again?"

  "You're right," I agreed. "You'd hardly believe it," I added, "but I cantell from the feel of her that some stranger's been driving."

  "I can believe it. After all, a car's just like a horse."

  As she spoke, we sped into the market square of Bloodstock. The policestation stood in Love Lane, a couple of streets away.

  Here a disappointment was in store. The sole representative of the Lawwas a station sergeant in his shirt-sleeves and a state of profuseperspiration. Between his lips was a penholder, and he held a telephonereceiver to his left ear. In an adjoining room the bell of anothertelephone was ringing violently in long regular spasms, while, somewherequite close, a dog was giving ceaseless vent to those short sharp barkswhich denote impatience of detention.

  A sudden elevation of the sergeant's eyebrows invited me to state mybusiness, but before I had spoken two sentences he shifted the penholderfrom his mouth and shook his head.

  "'Fraid I can't 'elp you at the moment, sir. That's the third car what'sbeen stole in this distric' this mornin'. There's a 'ole gang of 'emabout. Every one excep' me's out after 'em now. 'Eaven knows whenthey'll come in. An' there's that other telephone goin' like mad, an'the Chief Constable's lef' his bull-dawg tied up there, an' 'e won't letme within six foot of it." He turned to blare into the mouthpiece."'Ullo! 'Oo _are_ you? 'Oo _are_ you? Wot! Oh, I can't bear it. 'Ere,for 'Eaven's sake, 'old the line." He set down the receiver, shook thesweat out of his eyes, and sank on to a stool. "Another blinkin' cargo
ne," he said hoarsely. "I dunno wot's the matter with the world. Iwish I was back in France."

  * * * * *

  Love Lane was a narrow street, so I did not attempt to turn the car, butdrove on and presently out of the town by back streets on to theBilberry road.

  It would have been better if I had telephoned to White Ladies beforeleaving Bloodstock, to announce my recovery of the car; but I wasexpecting to be back there so soon that it seemed unnecessary.

  Indeed, it was only when we were once more under way that I thought ofthe colt and the embrocation, to say nothing of my lady's two-seater,now standing helpless in the gloom of the wayside barn.

  "I tell you what," said I. "We'll drive to the barn and pick up thelotion, and then I'll take you home. Then I can run your chauffeur backto the barn with a spare cover, drop him there, and push off to WhiteLadies."

  "I can improve on that," said Agatha, with a glance at her wrist. "It'llbe past one by the time we get home, so you must stay to lunch. You cantelephone to White Ladies from there. And afterwards I'll go back withyou--I was to come over this afternoon, wasn't I?--and we can drop thechauffeur at the barn on the way. And he can come for me in theevening."

  Agatha was living at Broadacre, a fine old place on the edge of theforest itself, and thither we came without incident, just as anold-fashioned gong was summoning the household to meat.

  Admiral and Mrs. Deriot were kindness itself. First I was given a long,cold, grateful drink. Then the old sailor led me to his own chamber andministered personally to my wants. My coat was given to a maid to beroughly stitched, and when I appeared at luncheon it was in a jacketbelonging to my host. Our story was told and retold, the lawlessness ofthe year of Grace 1919 was bewailed, and a violent denunciation ofmotor-thieves was succeeded by a bitter proscription of the CountyPolice.

  In the midst of my entertainment I remembered that I had not telephonedto White Ladies, but the servant sent to make the connection wasinformed by the Exchange that the line was out of order.

  "I expect it's fused," said I. "With Berry at one end and that stationsergeant at the other, the strain must have been fearful."

  * * * * *

  It was half-past two before we were once more in the car. On the backseat sat the Deriots' chauffeur, holding a spare wheel between hisknees.

  It did not take us long to reach the barn, and, so soon as we had oncemore unearthed the farmer, authorized him to suffer the chauffeur toremove the two-seater, and discharged our debt for "accommodation," Iturned the Rolls round and headed for White Ladies.

  "She's certainly a beautiful car," said Agatha, as the Rolls sailed up atreacherously steep gradient on top. "It's like being in a lift."

  "And, but for you, we might never have seen her again. Shall I give youa stamp album, or would you like to drive?"

  "D'you really mean that?" said Miss Deriot.

  I shot her a glance. There was no mistaking the eagerness of her partedlips and the sparkle of her gay brown eyes. By way of replying I broughtthe car to a standstill. A moment later we had changed places.

  "It's awfully kind of you," said Agatha delightedly, as she let in theclutch. "I've always wanted to drive a Rolls. I hope I shan't hurt her."

  "You'll do her good," said I. "I watched you in the two-seater. You'vegot beautiful hands."

  "Thank you, Boy."

  "Now you shall have a stamp album as well. Go carefully here. There usedto be a wasps' nest in that bank, but it's closed now, same as theGerman banks. What a war!"

  "But I don't collect stamps."

  "Then she shall have a dog. What about a Sealyham to sleep on your bedand bite the postman?"

  "I'd love one," said Agatha.

  "And you'll sit up in bed in the morning, with your hair all about youreyes, and smile at him, and he'll growl back at you--I can just seeyou."

  "Thanks awfully. But you're wrong about my hair."

  "Is it never unruly?"

  "Only by day. I wish to goodness I could wear it down."

  "So do I. Then we could all sit on it when the grass was wet. At themoment there's a particularly beautiful tress caressing your leftshoulder. And I think you ought to know that the wind is kissing itquite openly. It's all very embarrassing. I hope I shan't catch it," Iadded cheerfully.

  Miss Deriot made a supreme effort to look severe.

  "If you do," she said uncertainly, "I shall drive straight into thehorse-pond."

  "'Sh!" said I reprovingly. "You oughtn't to jest about such things. Youmight catch it yourself. Easily." Here we passed the horse-pond. "Youknow you'll never be able to look fierce so long as you have thatdimple. You'll have to fill it up or something. I suppose it's full ofdew every morning now."

  Without a word Agatha slowed down, turned up a by-road, and stopped.Then she proceeded to back the car.

  "What on earth is she doing?" said I.

  She turned a glowing face to mine.

  "Going back to the horse-pond," she flashed.

  I laid a hand on her arm and she stopped.

  "My dear, if you must have a bath, you shall have one directly you getto White Ladies. I'll turn on the water for you. But let me beg ofyou----"

  "If I go on, will you promise to behave?"

  "Faithfully."

  "And fold your arms and sit like a groom all the way?"

  "I suppose you couldn't make it a footman. Then I could stand on thepetrol tank. However, as it's your birthday----"

  I folded my arms with a sigh. Instantly Agatha leaned towards me with adazzling smile.

  "Good Boy," she said in a caressing tone. "Now he shall have a stampalbum."

  "But I don't collect stamps."

  The smile deepened. But for her red mouth, her little white teeth wouldhave been the prettiest things in the world.

  "Well, I'd thought of a stamp album," she said slowly. "However, as it'syour birthday----"

  A minute later we were back in the main road.

  * * * * *

  By my direction Miss Deriot drove straight to the stables, and we leftthe car standing in the middle of the yard.

  As we walked round to the front of the house, "We won't tell the othersthat we've found her just yet," said I. "We'll hear what they've got tosay first."

  "Perhaps they're all out looking for her," said Agatha.

  "Not all. Daphne's sure to be here somewhere."

  As I spoke we rounded a clump of laurels to see the lady in questioncomfortably ensconced in a deck-chair upon the lawn. By her side wasJill, seated upon a cushion, one little foot tucked under her, nursingthe other's instep with her slim, brown hand. On a rug at her feet layJonah, his chin propped between his two palms and a pipe in his mouth.

  All three were gazing contentedly across the grass to where the driveswept wide to the foot of the broad grey steps. _There stood a handsomeRolls-Royce, the facsimile of the one from which we had just alighted._

  With a great gasp Agatha stopped dead, and I recoiled as from a spectre.Instinctively we clasped one another.

  "It's all right," I whispered. "I've seen it too. It'll go away in amoment. Shows what imagination will do."

  "But--but it's real!" cried Agatha.

  "Real enough, my lady," said Jonah's voice. He seemed to be speakingfrom a great distance. "And I'll bet you never expected to see her againso soon," he added, looking at me with a smile.

  "To tell you the truth," said I, "we didn't."

  As in a dream I watched a dazed and stammering Agatha made welcome andset in a chair by my sister's side. Somebody--Jill, I fancy--led me tothe rug and persuaded me to sit down. Mechanically I started to fumblefor a cigarette. Then I heard Jonah talking, and I came to my senses.

  "We thought you'd be surprised," he was saying, "but I didn't think it'dtake you like this. After all, there's nothing uncanny about it."

  "But I don't understand----"

  "Listen. Will Noggin was sitting in the car w
hen he heard a crash, andthere was a fellow lying in the middle of the road, about fifty yardsaway, with a push-bike beside him. Naturally Will jumped out and ran tohis help. The man seemed to be having a fit, and Will was just looseninghis collar, when he heard the engine start and saw the Rolls moving. Heleft the chap in the road and ran like mad, but he was too late. Nobodyever saw the fellow with the push-bike again. Of course he was one ofthe gang, and his fall was a put-up job to get Will out of the way.Pretty smart--what?

  "Well, you hadn't been gone five minutes when Fitch arrived on hismotor-bike. He'd come to bring us a can of petrol, for after we'd lefthe remembered the tank was almost empty.

  "That gave me a bit of hope. If they stuck to the main road you werepretty well bound to catch them, for Fitch swore they'd never get fivemiles. But, of course, they might turn off. So I thought the rest of ushad better follow and search the by-roads for all we were worth. So Isat on Fitch's carrier with the can under one arm, and Daphnecommandeered the curate's push-bike and sent Berry after us."

  "Isn't he back yet?" said I, looking round.

  "Not yet," said Jonah, with a grin.

  "And doesn't he know she's found?"

  "That pleasure is still awaiting him. Well, Fitch was right. We left theBloodstock road for the second time at Dew Thicket, and at the foot ofthe hill there she was, dry as a bone, but as right as rain."

  "Abandoned?"

  "Apparently. Any way, there was no one in sight. I sent Fitch after youand drove her home. Fitch had a burst directly he'd left me, and had towalk back to Bilberry."

  "Is that all?" said I.

  "Well, it's enough, isn't it?"

  "Not nearly," said I, rising to my feet. "Kindly accompany me to thestables."

  "What d'you mean, Boy?" cried Jill.

  "'Sh!" said I. "Come and see."

  In silence I led the way, Agatha treading solemnly by my side. As weturned under the archway that led to the stable-yard--

  "You see," I said carelessly, "we, too, have met with some success."

  The Rolls was standing where I had left her, waiting to be backed intothe garage.

  My sister gave a cry and caught at Jonah's arm. Jonah started violentlyand smothered an exclamation. Jill put one hand to her eyes, as if tobrush away a vision.

  There was a long silence.

  At length I turned to Jonah.

  "I fear that you were hasty, brother. A moment's reflection will showyou that you and Fitch have spoiled some poor car-owner's day. Let mesuggest that you return your ill-gotten gains to the foot of the hillbeyond Dew Thicket without delay. As a matter of fact, I know the policeare very concerned about this theft. It was the fourth in this districtthis morning."

  Fitch came forward, touching his hat.

  "It's a mistake anybody might make, sir. They're as like as two pins."He pointed to the car. "She's the spit of ours, she is."

  "Don't be silly," said I. "I admit they're exactly alike, but that'sours."

  Fitch shook his head.

  "Different chassis number, sir, to say nothing of the number-plates."

  I stared at him. Then--

  "Nonsense," I said sturdily.

  "It's a fact, sir. The one in the front's ours. I'm afraid you've stolesomebody else's car."

  * * * * *

  We had returned to the front of the house and were wondering what to do,when our attention was attracted by a sudden outburst of cries and thenoise of a car's tires tearing at the road. This lay but a hundred oddyards away on the farther side of the brown stream by which the lawn wasedged. For the length of a cricket pitch the hedgerow bounding thehighway was visible from where we stood, and as this was not more thanfour feet high, we were able to observe a scene which was clearly butthe prologue to a drama in which we were presently to appear.

  Under the explosive directions of a man in a grey hat, who was standingupright and holding on to the wind-screen, frantic efforts were beingmade to turn what seemed to be a small touring car. Even as we looked, asavage gesture in our direction suggested that our friend wasidentifying the Rolls by our side as stolen property for the benefit offour individuals who crouched timorously behind him. To my consternationI observed that these were no less than an inspector and threeconstables of the County Police.

  The next minute the car had been turned round and was being drivenrapidly back to our lodge-gates.

  "Leave them to me," said Jonah quietly. "Go and sit down on the lawn,all of you. I'll fix them."

  * * * * *

  "That's the fellow," said Grey Hat, in a shaking voice, "and that's hisaccomplice." He pointed a fat hand at myself and Agatha in turn.

  "I beg your pardon," said Jonah. Grey Hat turned and looked him up anddown. "Were you wanting anything? I mean, I live here."

  "I don't know who you are," came the reply. "But that's my car, andthose are the people who stole it."

  "One thing at a time. My name's Mansel."

  "I'm the Chief Constable of the County."

  "Good. Now, about the car. I was under the impression that it was mine."

  "Don't try and bluff me, sir," roared the other. "You know perfectlywell that that car was stolen from the outskirts of Bloodstock only afew hours ago. You're a receiver, sir, a common----" He checked himselfwith an effort. "Inspector!" The officer addressed came forward andsaluted. "Caution the three of them."

  "Hadn't you better identify your property first?" said Jonah. "I mean, Idon't want to interfere, but if it's a question of our arrest----"

  The inspector hesitated, and the Chief Constable's face took on a darkershade of red. He was a coarse-looking man, generously designed andexpensively over-dressed. For a moment I thought he was going to strikeJonah. Then he caught a heavy underlip in his teeth, turned on his heel,and strode to the Rolls-Royce.

  He cast a proprietor's eye over her points. Then he stepped behind heras though to come to her other side. The next second he was back andshaking his fist in Jonah's face.

  "So you've had the infernal audacity to alter the number-plates, haveyou?" he yelled. "Thought to bluff me, I suppose. You impudent----"

  "One moment," said Jonah steadily. "Without looking at the dash, tell meyour chassis number. Your chauffeur should know it."

  "One double seven eight," came parrot-wise from the lips of thegentleman referred to.

  "Thank you," said Jonah.

  Grey Hat almost ran to the Rolls, tore open the bonnet, and stared atthe dash--stared....

  We waited in a silence so charged with expectancy as to be almostunbearable.

  At last the Chief Constable straightened his back. His eyes were bulgingand his face redder than ever. Twice he essayed to speak withoutsuccess. Then--

  "I said it was my car," said Jonah placidly.

  For a moment Grey Hat stood glaring at him. Then, muttering somethingabout "a mistake," he started to lurch towards the police car. As theofficers turned shamefacedly to follow their chief, Jonah's parade voicerang out.

  "Stop!" At the word of command, master and men alike stood still wherethey were. "My friends and I have been openly accused of felony andthreatened with arrest."

  The Chief Constable swallowed before replying.

  "I was mistaken," he said thickly. "I--I apologize."

  "You mean to say you believed that to be your car?"

  "I did."

  "Why?"

  "It's exactly like it."

  "There must be some difference."

  "There's no difference at all. If mine were here, I'd defy you to tellthem apart."

  "Do you seriously suggest that I shouldn't know my own car?"

  "I do."

  "And that such a mistake on my part would be excusable?"

  "Certainly."

  "Thank you," said Jonah. "That excusable mistake was made this morning.My car was stolen and sought for. Your car was found. If you willaccompany me to the stables, I shall be happy to restore it to you atonce."

>   Grey Hat started forward, his face transfigured with excitement andrelief.

  "You mean to say----" he began.

  "Come, sir," said Jonah icily. "I feel sure that the ladies will excuseyour withdrawal."

  * * * * *

  It was half an hour later, just when we were finishing tea, that a cryfrom Jill made us all turn to follow her gaze down the curling drive.

  Twenty paces away was Berry, plodding slowly in our direction, wheelinga tired-looking bicycle. His clothes were thick with dust, his collarwas like a piece of wet rag, and on his face there was a look of utterand profound resignation.

  As we started to our feet--

  "Don't touch me," he said. "I'm leading in the Marathon race. Theconditions are fearful. Competitors are required not only to walk, butat the same time to propel a bicycle, the hind tire of which must bedeflated. You're only allowed five falls, and I've used four of them."With a final effort he reached the edge of the lawn and laid the bicyclegently on its side. "'How we brought the good news from Aix to Ghent,'"he continued. "Yes, I see the car, but I'm not interested. During thelast five hours my life has been so crowded with incident that there isno room for anything else. Isn't there a cycling club about here I canjoin? I've always fancied a grey sweater."

  "Did I hear you say that you had fallen, brother?" said I.

  "You did. Four times were these noble limbs prostrated in the dust. Thefirst time was when the handle-bars came off. Oh, it's a beautifulmachine." Solemnly he waited for the laughter to subside. "But shedoesn't turn easily. If my blood counts, there are at least threecorners in the County that are for ever England. And now will somebodyfetch the Vicar? I shan't last long. And some drinks." He stretchedhimself upon the grass. "Several drinks. All together in a largevessel."

  Jill fled, weak with laughter, to execute his commands. Berry proceededto remove his collar and tie.

  "I can't think," he said suddenly, "why they call them safety bicycles.I suppose it's because they strike only on the box." He turned toDaphne. "Since I left you this morning, woman, I have walked with Death.Oh, more than once. Of course I've walked without him, too. Miles andmiles." He groaned. "I never knew there was so much road."

  "Didn't you do any riding?" said Jonah. "I know they're calledpush-bikes, but that's misleading. Lots of people ride them. That's whatthe saddle's for."

  "Foul drain," said my brother-in-law, "your venomous bile pollutes thecrystal flood of my narration. Did I ride? That was the undoing of thesage. When he recovered consciousness for the second time, it was todiscover that the chain was missing and that the back tire was windless.In my endeavours to find the chain I lost myself. That reminds me. Imust put an advertisement in _The Times_ to the effect that any onereturning a bicycle-chain to White Ladies will be assaulted. I have nodesire to be reminded of to-day. If anybody had told me you could coverabout fifty miles of open road in England without meeting anything butroad-hogs, who not only failed to stop when I hailed them, but chokedand blinded me with their filthy dust, I should have prayed for hissoul. And not a pub open!"

  He stopped to watch with a glistening eye the approach of Jill, bearinga tankard in one hand and a large jug of some beverage in the other.

  "What is it?" he said.

  "Shandy-gaff."

  "Heaven will reward you, darling, as I shan't." He took a long draught."And yet I don't know. I've got an old pair of riding-breeches I don'twant, if they're any use to you."

  There was a shriek from Agatha and Jill.

  "Is anybody going to church?" said Daphne, consulting her wrist-watch.

  Berry choked.

  Gravely, I regarded him.

  "Run along and change," said I. "And you can return the curate hisbicycle at the same time. Besides, a walk'll do you good."

  "Don't tempt me," he replied. "Two hours ago I registered a vow. I shalldrink no water till it is accomplished."

  "Let's hear it," said I.

  "To offer no violence to a fool for six months," said Berry, refillinghis tankard. "By the way, you'll have to be very careful when you takeoff my boots. They're very full of foot this evening." He sank back andclosed his eyes. "You know I never look at the almanac, but before I wasup this morning I knew that this was a blue-letter day."

  "How?" said his wife.

  "I left a stud within the bath, and heard Jonah find it." He spread outa dramatic arm.

  _"And he thereon did only sit, So blind he couldn't see,And then the fat-head yelled and swore, Not at himself, but me."_