I picked the ring up and stared at it with wonder. Then I set it on the nightstand, swallowing thickly.
In the same drawer, I found a picture frame. Someone had turned it over, so I couldn’t see the picture inside. I had a terrible feeling in my gut. Had Carter been keeping secrets from me? Big secrets?
Taking a breath, I mustered the courage to grab the frame and flip it over. To my utter horror, it was a wedding picture I’d found. A handsome Carter in a tux smiling at his wife. She was a beautiful brunette with olive skin and a radiant smile, nothing like me.
“Bailey, you can come out now!” Carter announced.
But I was frozen, stuck like glue. When he came into the room, I sat down on his bed.
“Hey.” He smiled once he saw me. “Are you coming?”
I stared him down with hurt in my eyes.
“What?” he asked.
I looked at his nightstand. He saw the wedding picture and his ring.
I went into his closet and put my dress back on. Then I handed him the shirt I’d intended to mend. “One of the buttons is missing,” I said. “I was looking for a sewing kit. I wanted to fix it.”
He just stood there. Like I hadn’t just dragged a skeleton out of his closet.
“You never mentioned that you were married,” I said, fighting back tears.
And he still didn’t say anything. Not a single word. He just stood there, staring at me.
“I should go.” I went into the living room and grabbed my things. Tears burned the back of my eyes like the sting of isopropyl alcohol. He had betrayed me. He had lied to me. And he couldn’t even speak.
“Bailey. Wait.”
I stopped at the door, shaking with sobs. My heart was breaking into a million little pieces.
“I wanted to tell you,” he said. “I’ve tried to tell you. So many times.”
I shut my eyes and cried, leaning my head against the door.
“I was going to tell you tonight. That’s why I went out of my way to...”
When he drifted off, I turned around. The table was set with candles and a full course meal. There was a bottle of red wine and two glasses. I even spotted a dozen roses in the kitchen. But were they for me?
Or her?
“Please stay,” he begged, taking my hand.
“No,” I jerked away. “You’re a liar. I can’t trust you.”
He looked offended. “I never lied. Just because I never told you—”
“You’re married!” I shouted. “Doesn’t that mean something? Like you shouldn’t be dating me?”
His eyes raced across my face. They were wild. His pupils dilated in the dark.
I reached for the doorknob. “I don’t ever want to see you again,” I cried, opening the door.
But he slammed it shut, caging me in with his arms. “My wife died in a car accident five years ago.”
His truth echoed in my ear. I heard my own heart beating. Loudly. Violently. Profoundly.
“And I’ve felt like a ghost.” He smelled my hair and whispered, “Until I met you.”
I turned around and looked up at Carter. He was crying.
“You’re not married?” I asked.
A tear trickled down his cheek. “Not anymore.”
I dropped my purse and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m sorry,” I said into his shirt. “I’m so sorry.”
He tightened his embrace, running his fingers through my hair. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay,” he breathed, gazing into my eyes. “Just stay.”
I smiled at him and he kissed the end of my nose. I’d misread everything about the contents of that drawer. Of course Carter wouldn’t lie to me. Of course he wouldn’t deceive me.
Didn’t I know that by now?
“These are for you.” He handed me the roses. I took a whiff and blushed.
Even when I doubted him, he still knew how to make me feel like an angel.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” He pulled my chair out and put my flowers in water.
“Yes, please.” I felt terrible about accusing him for something he hadn’t done. But he told me to stop saying how sorry I was. That wasn’t what tonight was supposed to be about. Or so he said.
He’d brought home take out from my favorite Chinese restaurant. We talked about the Hamptons and then shared stories from our pasts. Mainly childhood ones that were funny yet poignant.
“That was delicious,” I said, pushing my plate back. I’d had one too many eggrolls and enough lo mein to stuff a horse. It had all been so delicious. The sweet ‘n’ sour chicken. The wontons. My fortune cookie.
“More wine?” He nodded to my empty glass.
“Mm-hmm.” I held his gaze, resting my cheek in my hand. I felt so good, so relaxed.
“What you did last night.” He poured me another glass. “I know that must have been... well, not easy.”
I looked down and then glanced around his apartment. It really was a nice place. I wondered what life had been like for him all alone. Then again, anyone could pose the same question to me.
“It wasn’t easy,” I confessed. “I’ve struggled for a long time. I have a therapist.”
“Nothin’ wrong with that,” he said. “I’ve been to therapy.”
I nodded. “I’ve felt so close to you. But I’ve wanted to be closer.” I held his hand across the table, and he squeezed mine back. “I wanted to tell you so you’d know who I really am.” I looked him in the eye. “So you’d understand why intimacy is hard for me. Even though it’s something I really want.”
“I think you’re amazing,” he said.
“I’m a mess.”
“Hey.” He leaned across the table with a playful grin. “You’re lookin’ at one.”
That made me smile. “What was she like? Your wife?”
He pulled his hand away and curled it into a fist.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about it. It’s none of my business.”
“Her name was Vanessa. She lived next door. We grew up together.”
I saw pain etched into the lines of his face. He’d been hurting for years.
“In high school, her boyfriend got her pregnant. Then he skipped town. I agreed to marry her.”
He couldn’t look at me. A part of him was with her. It would always be.
“A few months into the pregnancy, she had a miscarriage.”
He rearranged his silverware on the table, something to preoccupy his mind.
“There had always been something between us. Even as children. I’d tried to ignore it. So had she. But after we got married, everything changed. We fell in love. We’d always loved each other.”
I bit my lip, wanting to know more. “What happened?” I asked.
He looked at me and took a breath. “We were coming back from a football game. It was really late. A trucker was coming from the opposite direction on the other side of the road. But he came into my lane. I swerved so he wouldn’t hit us. And we crashed into a tree.”
I saw tears welling up in his eyes. It touched the deepest parts of me.
“She had taken her seatbelt off to get something from the backseat.” He buried his face in his hands and broke into violent sobs. “She was killed instantly.” He wept loudly. The sound was twisting my insides.
I set my napkin down and got up, kneeling in front of him. I held his hands and then touched his face. He pulled me into his chest, squeezing my body in his arms. I petted his hair, resting my head in the crook of his neck. His breathing improved as he rubbed my lower back, keeping me locked in his embrace.
I leaned back and he looked down at my face, slipping his thumb beneath my chin.
Our eyes met the way the sun dips down to kiss the sea. I lifted my head as he brought his mouth to mine in a sweet, tender kiss. When he kissed me again, I slid my hands down his shirt. He twisted his fingers in my hair, groaning every time we
touched. My body responded to the sound, longing for him.
He stood up and lifted me in his arms. His mouth never left mine.
As he carried me into his bedroom, I felt calm and relaxed. My heart was racing. I’d never yearned for someone like this. But Carter made me feel safe, loved, free. It was a peaceful kind of love.
He took off my dress and cradled my face in his hands, kissing his way down my neck. I closed my eyes and swayed into his body, attracting to him like a magnet. He took the barrette out of my hair and watched it topple over my shoulders in loose waves. Then he kissed me again with unbridled passion.
I curled my arms around him and gazed into his eyes. No one had ever looked at me like this. Like he wanted me so badly he was burning with it, aching for me, a thirst nothing else could quench.
Feeling some loose nerves, I unbuttoned his shirt slowly. He kept his eyes on me, planting kisses on my face. I slid my hands beneath the fabric and pushed his sleeves down until his shirt dropped to the floor.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whispered with a gentle nod. “I’m sure.”
He cupped my cheek in his hand and rubbed his nose against mine. Then he kissed my forehead, drawing me into his body with the curl of his arm. We were chest to chest, standing at the foot of his bed. I looked into his eyes and trembled, terrified that I wouldn’t meet his expectations.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I confessed.
He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “All you have to do is breathe.”
I shut my eyes and released the breath I’d been holding in.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I looked at him with a smile.
“Let me show you what it’s like to be with someone who loves you.”
He’d said it before. But it sounded different this time.
“You really love me?” I asked.
“Sweetheart.” He lifted my chin with his finger. “Don’t you know I do?”
“Yes.” I cried and wrapped my arms around him, burrowing in his chest.
“I’ll make love to you,” he said, touching my hair. “Only if you want me to.”
I leaned my head back to look at him. “Yes.” His eyes never left mine. “I do.”
He slipped his hand around my waist and tucked his arm beneath my legs, lifting me in the air. I curled my hands around his neck and he walked around the bed, placing me on the mattress. I kept my eyes on him as he lay down beside me, brushing his thumb across my lower lip.
I put my hand on his back. He had warm skin. Rough, but warm.
“We’ll take it slow,” he said.
I nodded and relaxed, feeling safe in his arms. We kissed for a long time. He had the softest lips. The way he touched me was so sweet. Tender too. Eventually, I had my arms around his back. He couldn’t seem to get close enough. But even as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, fear pricked the back of my mind.
“Carter,” I whimpered, pressing my palm into his shoulder.
He hovered above me and pulled his head back, watching my eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just...” I turned my head. “Could you turn on the light?”
He leaned over and flicked the switch to his bedside lamp. The room filled with light. I looked at him, saw his face and stroked his cheek. He swallowed and stared, waiting for me to make the next move.
“Could you leave it on?” I asked.
“Sure.” He rolled to his side and caressed my arm. “Are you comfortable?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry I made you stop.”
“It’s okay.” He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.
He had to be frustrated. But he never showed it. I admired his beautiful face, memorized every line. His handsome brow. His high cheekbones. His sensual lips. His long eyelashes. His strong jawline.
In that moment, I knew how lucky I was. To even meet a man like him, much less be invited into his bed. He was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. But he was good, too. He was a gentleman.
And I knew from personal experience how hard that was to find.
As he lay there patiently, never questioning me, never pressuring me, never forcing me, I fell in love with him all over again. Because bad things happen to good people. But good things can happen, too.
Spectacular things. Wonderful things.
Gifts I never thought I’d be given.
“Carter,” I said with tears in my eyes.
He turned his head towards me with immediate concern. “Hey,” he rubbed my back. “It’s okay.”
“You’re my best friend.”
“Sweetheart.” He threaded his fingers in my hair. “Come here.”
I put my head on his chest and cried, letting him hold me. He didn’t rush me as I worked through getting the emotions out. He just kissed my hair and hugged me close, shielding me from the darkness.
When I was all cried out, he pulled the covers over us. “It’s okay,” he said. “We don’t have to do this tonight. We have plenty of time to figure it out. I’ll wait. As long as it takes. I love you, Bailey.”
I lifted my head from his chest and gazed down at him. He was so strong, in a way I’d never known a man could be. That heart of his must have been made of gold. I wanted to cherish it. The way he cherished me.
I covered his mouth with mine and got in his lap. He was very responsive at first, pulling me closer. I left a string of kisses down his neck. Then I ran my fingers over his torso, kissing his chest and abs, his stomach, his ribs.
He rubbed my lower back, hesitant. “Bailey, we don’t have to—”
“Shh...” I gazed down at him. “I’ve been waiting my whole life to meet someone like you.”
He curled my hair behind my ears since it was falling in my face. The feel of his skin made me shiver.
“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I said.
He trailed the back of his knuckles against my cheek. “You’re not alone.”
I took a breath and whispered, “I know that now.”
He looked for approval in my eyes, wiping away stray tears. When he kissed me, I finally let myself go, completely unraveling in his arms. He crushed his lips to mine with an urgency I’d never experienced before. I dipped my head back and lay down in the bed, pulling him on top of me.
His mouth traveled the length of my body, leaving delicate kisses in the strangest places. The tip of my shoulder. The edge of my ear. The curve of my ankle. And everywhere in between.
I laughed when his kisses tickled and he smiled down on me. “Turn out the light,” I whispered.
He flipped the switch and wrapped my body in his arms. I surrendered to the darkness, trusting him with my heart. With Carter, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was ready to live a full life. With him.
My first encounter had been so cold. Severe. Strained.
But now, I felt warm and relaxed, like he was sapping every bit of stress away.
I buried my hands in his hair and leaned my head back, lost in the moment.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I sighed.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
I hooked my leg around his waist and dug my nails into his back. Carter pushed a stray piece of hair from my face and then looked deep into my eyes. I traced my fingertips down his arm and stared right back, wondering how I had gotten so lucky.
The handsome devil from the restaurant wasn’t a cocky jerk after all.
He was the most amazing, patient man. Who wanted to be with me.
I shut my eyes in the dark and let in everything I’d been blocking out for the past seven years. I loved how simple it was—being with him. If I’d known falling in love would be like this, I would have done it a long time ago.
When he lay beside me, I turned to him with a smile. He was already staring at me.
“Hi,” I whispered, feeling his breath on my skin.
“Hi.” He pressed his
palm into my back and kissed me softly.
Feeling euphoric, I snuggled against him as he pulled the covers around us. He cradled my body in his arms and I rested my head on his chest. I couldn’t fight the shameless grin on my face.
A few tears slipped out, even though the last thing I felt was sad.
“Hey.” He looked concerned. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. “I’ve never been this happy.”
He kissed the end of my nose and tucked my head under his chin.
I shut my eyes and nuzzled his chest, draping my leg over him.
It was the perfect night. Hopefully, the first of many to come.
Because, for the first time in years, I was actually happy to be alive.
Chapter 15
Carter
I was awake before the sun came up. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t stop watching her.
She looked beautiful sleeping beside me, her blonde hair spilling onto my pillow. I propped up on my elbow and listened to her breathe. After I lost Vanessa, I never thought I’d invite a woman into my bed again. Much less my heart and soul. But Bailey had me wrapped around her finger. And I loved it.
She shifted beside me and made the cutest little noises, fighting the urge to wake up. When her eyes opened, I laid my cheek down on the pillow beside hers. She bit her lip when she saw me.
“Good morning,” she cooed.
“Good morning.” I kissed her and touched her arm. She felt warm.
She stared over my shoulder with a wicked smirk, driving me wild with those adorable dimples.
“What?” I asked.
“Did you get those last night?” She nodded at the box of condoms on my nightstand. “Before we...”
“Yeah.”
“Because...” she lingered on the word. “You ran out?”
“Because I’m not in the habit of bringing women back to my apartment.”
She beamed, flushing a light pink. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” I tickled her until she was screaming with laughter.
She gave me the sweetest look. So innocent. So pure. I pulled her on top of me and she put her head on my stomach, splaying her long fingers over my ribcage. Being with her was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. No matter what happened, I never got sick of Bailey Lewis.
An Agreement (Summer in New York Book 3) Page 17