Birth Marks

by Sarah Dunant

  This was it. I could tell from the sound of his voice. ‘And?’

  ‘The result shows a massive titre of antibodies.’

  Yep, definitely it. But what? ‘Wait a minute, I don’t understand. You mean more than before?’

  ‘I mean massively more.’

  ‘But how is that possible? I mean I thought the whole idea of a rhesus-negative baby was that the mother wouldn’t produce more antibodies.’

  ‘Not wouldn’t, Hannah, couldn’t. It isn’t possible. That’s the point.’

  ‘So what does it mean?’

  ‘It means that the baby can’t have been rhesus negative.’

  ‘But I thought you said that two…’ Holy shit. A positive baby. ‘You mean that the father can’t have been rhesus negative after all? The donor wasn’t the real father?’

  ‘You got it.’ Next to me the baby alarm exploded with noise. I almost dropped the phone with terror. ‘Hannah, you still there?’

  ‘Yes…er…it was just a child coughing. It’s OK. My God, Hugh, but would she have known? I mean could she…’

  ‘You’re in a better position to answer that question than I am. Assuming she knew that the father wasn’t the father—and since all AID candidates are told specifically not to sleep with anyone else at time of insemination, she must have been aware of the risks, and assuming she understood the significance of rhesus disease—and most textbooks spell it out pretty clearly—then at some level, yes, she would have known.’

  I heard Belmont in his tell-the-truth voice describe again those idyllic middle few months. ‘She seemed very happy with her decision. She even became quite interested in the process, reading a lot about the pregnancy…’ Until the change. Yes, she had known. She must have done. But there was no one she could tell. No wonder she’d become withdrawn. No wonder she’d asked to leave. Except…except if Hugh had worked it out, then so, eventually, must everyone else.

  ‘Hugh, when did you say the doctor did that final blood test?’

  ‘Just under thirty-six weeks.’

  ‘No, the date, what was the date?’

  ‘Hold on, I’ll have to look it up.’ I waited, smelling my own sweat on my skin. ‘Boy, this guy’s writing is terrible. Here you are. It’s the last entry—18 January.’

  18 January? The day after she phoned Eyelashes. The day that, according to Belmont, she went out to buy Augusta Patrick’s birthday present and never came back. ‘And when did the result come through?’ I think my voice might have been shaking.

  ‘It’s not dated differently, so I presume that same day. Presumably for once in his life he used a bit of medical science and sent it out to an emergency lab. Maybe he was suspicious. In which case depending on how far the nearest lab was he could have got the result back in what, a couple of hours?’

  ‘And the doctor would have realized, I mean about the father?’

  ‘Of course. It would have explained everything. There was, I’m afraid, a certain medical irony to all this. You see, in extreme cases pre-eclampsia can be one of the signs of rhesus disease. But you hardly ever come across it because it doesn’t usually get to that stage. As I said, normally the doctor would know immediately because of the increased reading of antibodies in the blood tests done earlier in the pregnancy. But because of the donor’s blood group, rhesus disease was the one thing this doctor wasn’t looking for. For him the signs of pre-eclampsia were just that.’

  Boy, I wouldn’t like to have been in his shoes when he discovered his mistake. Maybe Belmont didn’t need to pay him off. Maybe he offered his silence as an alternative to a malpractice suit. Saturday 18th. It must have been one hell of a day. Confrontation versus flight. No contest. But if Daniel followed her, was it really in order to bring her back? Hugh was talking, but I was already standing by the riverbed listening for footsteps behind me. ‘What?’

  ‘I asked when she died?’

  ‘Er…later that day. Some time between six and eight thirty.’

  ‘And when was she found?’

  ‘Two days later. The body got caught in some weeds.’

  ‘Hmmn. That may explain why the post mortem didn’t show it up. Of course I’m not a pathologist, but depending on the stage of rhesus disease the foetus would probably have been rather swollen. On the other hand a body in the water for two days…’

  Rather swollen. I sort of didn’t want to think about that. Except I had to. ‘Do you think the baby was already dead?’ And I was surprised to hear the break in my voice. Maybe here it was, after all this time, the real reason for suicide.

  ‘I very much doubt it. And for her to be sure it would have had to stop moving a while ago. In which case that would have shown up on the PM. No, not dead, but it would have been in trouble. By thirty-six weeks the antibodies would have been crossing through the placenta and attacking the blood supply for some time. The baby would have been becoming progressively more anaemic. It might even have stopped moving. In order to cope it would be frantically pumping what little blood it had left around the system. Eventually the effort of pumping would have caused the heart failure. Technically that’s what would kill it.’

  He stopped. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Next to me the sound of Benjamin’s short, loud breathing filled the room. ‘Are you all right, Hannah?’

  ‘Mmn…Yeah, I’m fine. Listen, er…thanks a million. I mean I really appreciate…’

  ‘It’s OK. You sure you’re all right?’

  ‘Of course. This is my job.’

  ‘Yes, well it’s mine too, but it doesn’t stop it being a bitch sometimes.’

  ‘Yeah.’ A memory suddenly washed like driftwood into my mind. Him and me outside a cinema, his arm around me as I sobbed into his shoulder. Even he wasn’t completely dry eyed. I couldn’t even remember the film any more, but I was glad that the years hadn’t thickened both our skins that much.

  ‘Well, Hannah, if there’s nothing more I can do…You know you can call me if you need more help.’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Do I assume you’d like me to put this report in the shredding machine?’

  ‘Please.’

  ‘Fair enough. And listen, take care of yourself, all right? Maybe we could get together for a drink some time? Talk about something other than work.’

  ‘Yeah, some time.’ What is it people say about never going back? ‘I’ll call you,’ I said, but it wasn’t him I was thinking about.

  I didn’t have time to dwell on it. The front door opened with a bang. I was up and on the balls of my feet heading for the doorway when I heard Colin’s voice in the hall. I caught up with it at the bottom of the stairs.

  ‘God almighty, Hannah, don’t you think it’s about time you developed more of a sense of responsibility? I just hope for your sake he’s all right.’ But he didn’t wait for an answer, just thundered up the stairs two at a time.

  ‘Who?’ I called up after him, just because I knew it would enrage him further. So Kate had told him about work. I would have thought she had more brains. I heard her come in behind me. The door slammed a second time. When I turned it was hard to tell which one of them was the most furious. She saw me and shook her head, at a temporary loss for words.

  ‘It’s all right,’ I said. ‘I know. You mentioned I was in trouble and he freaked out about the baby.’

  She used some words I hadn’t heard from her for a long time. From upstairs Benjamin let out a wail. ‘Well, if he’s crying at least he’s not dead,’ she yelled up the stairs. ‘And since you’ve woken him, you can bloody well get him back to sleep.’ She flung off her coat and stood at the bottom of the stairs. It was a while since I had seen the maternal caring Kate so blazing mad. ‘I swear sometimes he can be such a stupid old woman. We’re sitting in the cinema waiting for the film to begin and I just mentioned it, that’s all, and he blows his top. What does he think? I’m really going to leave Benjamin with you if I believed there was any chance of trouble?’

  ‘Listen, don’t worry about it. He
’ll be so ashamed he overreacted that he’ll have to be nice to me for weeks. It could be the beginning of a whole new relationship. As it happens it’s perfect timing. I have to go anyway.’

  ‘Now, don’t you start—’

  ‘Not just because of this, I promise. I’ve had a phone call. There’s someone I have to see.’

  She sighed, as if it were all too much for her. ‘So when will you be back?’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll stay somewhere else tonight.’

  ‘No you will not. I’m not letting him getting away with driving you out. He’ll use it as an excuse for being right. It’ll take us a couple of hours to get Benjamin back down and finish the row. We’ll probably still be up when you get back.’

  I shook my head. ‘Maybe not.’

  ‘So take a spare set of keys. You’ll need our car anyway. The tubes are buggered and there are no taxis to be had.’

  ‘Colin’ll go mad.’

  She smiled for the first time. ‘Why do you think I’m offering it? The keys are hanging up by the door.’

  We looked at each other. I gave her a quick hug. ‘Thanks, Kate. You’re a real older sister.’

  ‘I know. That’s what worries me. Should I ask you if you’ll be all right? On second thoughts just do me a favour, will you? Have an adventure for me while you’re at it.’

  As I closed the door she was heading upstairs to the sound of fury.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Finsbury Park doesn’t make a great impression at any time of the day, but it’s at its worst around the time when the pubs close and people realize there’s nowhere to go but home, even though it’s the last place most of them want to be. No wonder he hadn’t wanted to invite me back to his flat that night in February. Just as well I’d found an address anyway. He wasn’t in. But that was hardly a surprise. If he was dancing, then the show had either just come down, or not yet gone up, depending how bad a job it was. I was willing to wait.

  I stayed in the car. It was warmer that way and more of a deterrent for people who might feel tempted to run their pound coins along the side for a lark. Good thinking, Batwoman. Good strategy too. Start with the questions you can answer and maybe the others will give themselves up in gobsmacked admiration. OK, so on the surface Eyelashes might be an outside choice, but he wouldn’t be the first man to swing both ways, and if he didn’t want me to know, how better than to play it more camp than he really was. That he had been fond of her had shone through even his exaggerated cynicism. When it became clear, after three months of trying, that the Belmont sperm wasn’t capable of making babies, why not go to him? Certainly it had been his number she had called eight months later when she’d really needed help, even though she’d never arrived at his door to collect it. The taxi pulled in at 11.45 p.m. I had to move to get to the door before he was inside it. I caught him by the gate. He whirled round. I think, for a second, he thought I might be a mugger hiding in the bushes. I put my hands in the air to show him I had dropped my knife.

  ‘Hi. Remember me?’

  It took him a few seconds. ‘Yes. Wish I could say I didn’t.’

  ‘I need to talk to you.’

  ‘Don’t you always? Well, sorry to disappoint you, dear, but much as I’d love to invite you in I’ve got an audition in the morning and I must get my beauty sleep.’

  ‘Don’t worry, it won’t take long, if need be we can do it out here. Just a couple of questions. Tell me, are you exclusively gay or do you sleep with girls?’

  ‘We-ell…Now is this meant as an offer or an insult?’

  ‘Or maybe that’s not the right way to put it. Maybe I should ask if you’re bi-sexual?’

  ‘ACDC, darling. Get the jargon right.’

  The camper he got the more I was sure. ‘Next question. Where were you between the nights of 29 April and 2 May? Your bed or hers?’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Oh come on, Scott. I wasn’t born yesterday. And I know a good deal more than I did when you last lied to me. What happened? Did she ask you or did you offer?’

  He seemed so well protected that I was almost surprised when it hit home. Even in the street light I could see the face crumple. If this had been a happy-ending type of story I would have thrown my cap in the air and yelped for joy. As it was, I just closed my eyes for a second. ‘OK. At last. Now I’ve got some things to tell you. Do you want to hear them out here or invite me inside?’

  It wasn’t big, but it had style—Habitat filtered through a couple of interiors magazines, ideas rather than money. You could see he had put a lot of energy into it. The drinks cabinet was an old safe painted matt black. He clicked the code while I made myself comfortable in a tubular chair. He hadn’t looked at me since that moment on the street. I decided not to rush him.

  He poured a generous measure. Among his many jobs he’d probably been a bar tender. I waited. He sat down on the sofa and put his elbows on his knees cradling the glass between his hands. He still wasn’t looking.

  ‘It was no big deal. I mean we’d messed around the odd time before. It was just a nice way to spend a night, that’s all. She was a good-looking girl. And yes, I like them both. There’s no crime in that.’

  ‘Except when you’re setting out to deceive and defraud.’

  ‘Listen, I don’t know anything about that. She just came round one night and offered. I accepted.’

  ‘Bullshit, Scott. And I tell you I’m getting tired of coming back to hear the things that you don’t tell me first time round. Except now I’m not the only one who wants to know, and I can always flash my address book open on your page. My suspicion is they won’t be as understanding as I am.’

  He looked up and you could see he was frightened. It was a bit cruel really, but fuck it, I had enough of him getting away with it. ‘I swear that was all she said. Of course I had a good idea it wasn’t the truth, but when I asked, she told me it was better if I didn’t know. She just wanted a favour. If I didn’t give it she could always go elsewhere.’

  ‘And if you did?’

  ‘She said when she was rich she’d take me on a Mediterranean cruise.’ He laughed even though we both knew it wasn’t funny. ‘I always knew she’d find some way of getting out of it.’

  Boy, if I’d known then what I knew now. ‘So why didn’t you tell me, Scott?’

  He lifted his glass to take a drink but it was too fast a gesture and Scotch splashed on to the carpet. He scowled. ‘I don’t know. I was scared, I suppose.’

  ‘Of what?’

  ‘That she’d done something wrong and that they’d come looking for me. She sounded pretty freaked out on the phone. I’ve thought about it a lot since.’ He looked up. ‘It was some kind of surrogacy deal, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, some kind. Only it was the sperm that was the really important bit.’

  He nodded. ‘So what happened?’

  ‘It’s a long story. And most of it I don’t think you’d want to know.’

  He looked at me for a moment, then dropped his eyes. ‘They found out.’

  ‘Of course, they found out. Jesus, Scott, what did you think? Come to that what did she think? That someone was going to just hand over sixty thousand pounds and not check the merchandise?’

  ‘Sixty thousand?’ he whistled through his teeth.

  ‘If they hadn’t discovered it when they did, they would have found out later, after the baby was born. They would have tested for paternity. She must have realized that.’

  He was silent for a moment. Then he said quietly, ‘I think she thought she could get away by the time that happened. Or that they would want it so much it wouldn’t really matter.’

  At last, after all this time, I could hear it, Carolyn’s voice secondhand in my ear. So, I had been right. She wasn’t just a victim. All along she had had her own scam going, her own game plan. Except in the end she just hadn’t been smart enough, had only been one jump ahead when she should have been three. Still, you could see how it had h
appened. Such a lot of money. How could she not have been tempted? ‘Yeah, well, under other circumstances she might just have been right. But not with this family. This guy wasn’t looking for any child. He was looking for his. Nothing else would do.’

  ‘So he checked it out while she was still pregnant?’

  ‘In a manner of speaking, yes.’ Why tell him? He’d thought he was being a friend to her. Wasting my time wasn’t really crime enough to deserve carrying this one around with him for the rest of his life.

  We were both silent. I imagined her sitting here, that long shower of hair cascading down a slender naked back. Had it been a quick fuck, duty over passion, or had they squeezed some long slow pleasure from it? Maybe it made you a better lover, knowing how to be the woman as well as the man. He had a good body. Let’s hope for her sake it was one when the earth moved. That was one secret he could keep for himself.

  ‘Listen, I know you think I lied to you about the baby, but she never told me, I swear. She didn’t say anything that morning on the phone. Just that she needed a place to stay and she’d be coming soon. That was all. When she didn’t turn up I suppose I knew that something had gone really wrong. I kept calling her flat, just on the off chance. Late on Saturday night someone picked it up. But it wasn’t her.’ He looked up at me. I nodded. ‘Yeah, that’s what I figured. Bet it scared the shit out of you too. Christ, I wish she’d told me. I mean I’m not that much of a shit. I would have helped her, you know. I would have looked after her.’ I let him play with it for a bit. There was nothing I could say to help anyway. Eventually he let it go. ‘What happens now?’