All We Want (Alabama Summer Book 6)

by J. Daniels

  I grip the doorframe as Tessa holds onto my forearm with both hands, her fingertips cutting into my skin.

  “Y-Yes,” she rushes out. “We do. We’d really like to. Right?” She peers up at me.

  “Yeah,” I tell her, then I look at Bri. “We want you to pick us. That’s our son.”

  Half of her mouth lifts. “Cool.” She rubs the top of her stomach. “I like that you just said that . . . I know I’m choosing the right family. I’ve been worried I wouldn’t, you know? Even though I don’t want to keep him, I still want him to have a good life.”

  “He will,” I promise, circling Tessa’s shoulders with my arm when she burrows against my side. “I swear, he will.”

  “We’ll love him so much,” Tessa says. Her hands link at my hip. “You’ve just made us so unbelievably happy, you have no idea . . .”

  I kiss the top of Tessa’s head.

  Bri tells us she’s giving our information to her adoption lady, and that we’ll be contacted soon to set up a home visit and to discuss costs. Tessa thanks her again, and Bri repeats herself, telling us she knows she’s choosing right before she steps off the porch.

  I watch her walk to the car this time, and after she drives off and the car disappears down the street, I close the door and turn into Tessa, who’s smiling and crying, so fucking happy with the biggest grin on her face.

  I’ve never seen her this happy before, except for one other day. The day she married me.

  I grip underneath her ass and lift her. She wraps her legs around my waist.

  “Babe,” she cries, cupping my cheeks. Kissing me with tears on her lips. “Oh, my fucking God, is this real?”

  “I couldn’t handle her leavin’ without knowin’.”

  “Me either.” Tessa shakes her head in disbelief. “Our son is coming home in a month, Luke.”

  I smile at her as pure contentment fills me.

  Our son.

  Holy fuck.

  MY EYES SLOWLY flutter open and blink against the early morning light.

  I stretch against the sheets, shifting my hips a little when an ache pinches low in my back.

  “Ow, shit,” I whisper, keeping my voice down so I don’t wake Luke.

  I slide back in the bed to sit up, hoping the change in position will help ease the sharp discomfort I’m feeling, but freeze when a strange, rolling sensation stirs just below my ribcage. When I feel it again, I drop to my elbows and peer down at myself.

  At my round stomach, ballooning beneath the T-shirt of Luke’s I wore to bed.

  I quickly scoot my hips back and sit up, pressing my back against the pillows. I form my hand to my stomach and wait . . .

  Come on.

  Come on, baby, please.

  A gentle pressure knocks against my palm.

  “Luke.” I grab his shoulder and shake him awake. “Luke! I think he’s moving!”

  Luke rolls to his back and peers over at me. His sleep-heavy gaze falls to my hand, where it remains and will remain. I’m too afraid to move it.

  “Yeah?” he asks in disbelief, turning onto his hip and reaching out.

  I nod quickly. “I think so . . . I felt something.”

  His hand presses just beneath mine, forming to the soft curve of my stomach.

  We stare at each other.

  And then, we feel it.

  My eyes flash open.

  Panting, I glance down at myself, pushing the satin sheet to my hips and bunching my T-shirt just below my breasts. I move my hands over the concaved curve of my stomach.

  There’s nothing in there, I think. What am I doing? What am I expecting to feel?

  God, that dream . . .

  I’ve never had a dream seem so real before.

  Sitting up, I rub the sleep from my eyes and yawn more awake.

  The morning light pushing into the room beneath the window curtain is pale and barely reaches the bed. I know it’s early without checking the time, but there’s no way I’m falling back asleep. Not after a dream like that.

  I glance over at Luke.

  He’s asleep on his side, his back to me just like it had been in the dream.

  I remember shaking him awake as if it really happened, and how he went from looking half-alert to anxiously aware when I told him what was going on. His warm palm pressing just beneath my own—illogically, I could still sense its pressure.

  How fucking weird.

  Why would I have a dream like this now?

  I leave Luke as he is and palm my phone, removing it from the charger as I swing my legs out of bed. My toes curl against the cool wood when I push to my feet. I check the time on my way out of the bedroom: 6:24 A.M.

  I walk down the stairs and dial up Mia, knowing she’s awake already with Beau. The call connects on the third ring.

  “Good morning, mom-to-be.”

  I smile the dumbest, dopiest grin I’ve ever smiled, and take a bouncing seat on the couch.

  She’s been calling me that ever since she heard our big news.

  Luke and I waited until we passed the home visit and interview with the adoption agency before we told anyone about the baby. We kept our immeasurable joy to ourselves for ten solid days.

  Ten.

  Solid.

  Days.

  What a complete fucking nightmare that secret was to keep. I basically had to avoid everyone I know. I didn’t trust myself not to shout about it at the top of my lungs. I wanted to tell every single person I’ve ever met. I wanted to call up people I’m no longer in contact with and share my news with them. Everyone. My family, and my friends who have become my family—I wanted them knowing the most.

  But I knew it was best to wait until we knew for sure and we were as certain as we could be. I couldn’t imagine celebrating with the people I love, only to have everything ripped from us if this didn’t work out. And even though there’s still a risk since Bri can’t legally sign the adoption paperwork until after the baby is born, this feels final. If something was going to stop this from happening, it would’ve happened already. Luke and I would’ve failed the home visit. We would’ve tanked the interview. Bri would’ve had another desperate woman buy her a muffin at the coffee shop and chosen her over me.

  Nothing is stopping this.

  It’s happening because it’s supposed to happen. I’m beginning to think it was always meant to happen this way.

  “Okay, tell me if this is weird or not—I had a dream I was pregnant with Bri’s baby.”

  “You mean, with your baby . . .”

  I frown at the arm of the couch.

  Huh. When she puts it that way, I guess it isn’t that weird.

  “That’s what I meant.” I bend my legs up underneath me. “Still strange though, right?”

  “I think that’s pretty normal,” Mia says. She keeps her voice quiet. “Even though you’re adopting, you’re still having a baby, Tessa. I can understand having a dream like that.”

  “It felt so real though. I woke up expecting this giant belly, and I didn’t have it.” My lips pull down. I sink lower into the cushion. “Why does that make me so sad? I shouldn’t be sad about any of this anymore. Be honest—do I sound like an ungrateful bitch right now?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Promise? `Cause I don’t mean to . . .”

  “I don’t think you sound ungrateful.”

  Despite Mia’s respected opinion, my mood continues to dwindle.

  I think about everything I’m going to miss out on. I list them in my head: a check-list that will never be checked off.

  “I feel like there are things that won’t matter once the baby is here, but right now, I’m kinda bummed I’ll never have that belly.”

  “Who says never? You might deliver your next baby—”

  “And I might not,” I’m quick to counter. “This could be it. Adoption might be the only option for us. And if it is, I feel like I’m going to mourn these silly little things that shouldn’t matter to me. Like getting an ultrasound or w
atching Luke’s face when he feels our baby move for the first time . . . I saw it in my dream, Mia, and the way he looked at me—what if I never see that?”

  “You will see it.” Her words are final and so sure sounding. “When he watches you hold that baby in two weeks, he’ll look at you that way. I promise.”

  A gentle cooing sound comes through the line.

  I picture Beau’s sleepy face near the phone, his head on Mia’s shoulder.

  My smile returns.

  “I can’t wait for that,” I mumble. “I can’t believe it’s happening so soon.”

  “Maybe even sooner. If he’s anything like Beau, he’ll come early and surprise us all.”

  “Thank God we’re prepared, thanks to my best friend and the baby shower she rocked two days ago.”

  Mia’s laughter is soft. “I did rock that, didn’t I?”

  Despite her “your shower is in the works! Don’t buy anything!” warning that came a day after sharing our news, I was still surprised this past Saturday showing up at Ben and Mia’s house.

  They’d gotten me with the birthday party invitation for Chase. Mia had sent it in the mail.

  I suspected nothing. The physical invite completely threw me and me alone. Luke was in on the shower and took off with the guys shortly after dropping me off. I spent the afternoon with the women in my family and my closest girlfriends, opening gift after gift. We got everything on our registry and then some—I nearly cried.

  This was really happening. How lucky are we?

  That night, Luke and I stayed up until two, putting together the crib and setting up the nursery.

  “You’re the best,” I tell her. “I’ve been saying it for years . . .”

  “You’re all set now. Just need that sweet baby boy.”

  “Yep.” A grin takes up my face.

  “And a name . . . anything yet?”

  “Ugh. No.” I slouch sideways against the back cushion. “Nothing is sticking. Every name I come up with, I don’t really want. Same with Luke. I know if we ever have a girl, we’re going to name her Sara. That was easy . . .”

  “Aw. After Luke’s mom?”

  “Yeah. I’ve always liked that name.”

  “It’s pretty.”

  “But boy’s names are hard. And you basically took all the good ones.”

  “Ha ha,” she mocks. “You realize the only name I had any say in was Beau’s, right? Ben decided Chase. And I obviously wasn’t around for Nolan . . . speaking of Chase, did you get his real invitation yet? I mailed it last week.”

  “Let me check.” I stand from the couch and move into the kitchen, where the mail from yesterday is stacked neatly beside the microwave. “His real invitation.” I smirk, flipping through bills and junk magazines. “I might frame the fake one. Keep it as a memento.”

  “Oo. Remind me to give you the shower invite I sent out. You can frame them together.”

  “Good idea.” I find the small envelope addressed to Uncle Luke and Aunt Tessa in Chase’s giant, chaotic handwriting. “We got it. Tell Chase he did a great job writing everything.”

  “He was so proud of himself,” Mia shares.

  I smile at the address and Mia’s cute, bubbly script just beneath where she wrote it again correctly.

  We might not have received this invitation if she hadn’t rewritten it. The street address is all over the place, and instead of it reading 26 Lake Air Terrace (our actual address), it reads 26 Lo Kai Turtle Turtle.

  “Did you know he added the word Turtle to our address? Twice?”

  “Yes,” Mia giggles. “I thought it was sweet, so I left it.”

  I blink and focus in on one word: Kai.

  Kai Evans.

  My breath catches.

  “No fucking way,” I mumble.

  “Mm? What’s that?”

  I drop the invite on the pile of mail and hurry out of the kitchen. “I gotta go. Sorry. I think Chase just picked our baby name . . .”

  “What!” she whispers excitedly. “What are you talking about? What is it?”

  “I’m clearing it with Luke first.” I take the stairs two at a time.

  “No! Clear it with me! Don’t make me wake up Chase.”

  “Ha! He’ll never remember it. I’ll text you if it’s a go.”

  “Text me anyway! We might want it if you don’t.”

  I roll my eyes as I reach the top of the stairs. “Okay, fine. I’ll let you know either way.”

  “Good luck!”

  The call ends.

  I hurry down the hallway, reaching the bedroom, but I don’t enter. I halt in the doorway when the empty bed comes into view, and after I realize the bathroom is also vacant.

  “Luke?” I call out.

  “In here.”

  Turning back, I follow his voice to the nursery.

  Luke is hunched over one side of the crib, shirtless and in his boxers. His lean, muscled back flexes as his arm cranks something into place.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, stepping farther inside the room.

  He peers back at me. “Fucked up dream. You don’t wanna know . . .”

  “Yes, I do. Tell me.”

  Luke straightens up then and turns to me, wrench in hand. “I didn’t tighten something when I first put this together.” His nostrils flare. “We brought him home and this shit collapsed in on him the first night.”

  A knot, tight and twisted, forms in the pit of my stomach. “Oh, my God, why did you tell me that?”

  His gaze hardens. “Are you serious? You just fuckin’ told me to.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He exhales a loud, tense breath, looking over his shoulder at the crib. “Try dreaming about it. I can still hear him cryin’.”

  I move to him, circling my arms around his warm waist. “Hey.”

  He tips his head down.

  Dark shadows smudge beneath worried eyes.

  “It was just a dream . . .”

  “I fixed it,” he says in response. “Tightened everything I could . . . we should be okay.”

  “That really scared you, didn’t it?”

  He nods stiffly.

  “I’m sorry.” I kiss the center of his chest, letting my lips linger there for a heartbeat before I peer up at him again. “Are you okay now?”

  “Yeah.” He plucks at the bottom of my shirt. It barely covers my ass. And I never wear bottoms to bed. Panties only. “What are you doing up already?” he asks.

  “I had a crazy dream too.” I elaborate when his brows raise. “Not like that . . . it was weirder than anything. I dreamed I was pregnant. I had a big belly and we were feeling Kai move for the first time. It was really special.” I pull my lips between my teeth and wait.

  I just totally dropped that name right in there. Yes, I did.

  “We were feeling who move for the first time?” Luke pokes me just above my hip.

  “Ah!” I giggle and arch my back, rolling up onto my toes. “Kai! We were feeling Kai move . . . what do you think of that name?” I fall back onto my heels and grip his waist. “Chase gave me the idea. I’ll show you what I mean later, but what do you think? Do you hate it?”

  Luke thinks for a moment.

  “I don’t hate it,” he says.

  “Really? I know it’s different. But I love how it sounds—Kai Evans. Baby Kai. Sweet baby Kai.” I throw my arms around his neck and beam, ear to ear. “It’s very versatile.”

  His mouth twitches. “Mm.”

  “Mm as in, you like it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Really?”

  “Looks like we got our boy’s name.”

  Our boy.

  “Finally.” I tip my chin up and we kiss. Then I press my cheek to Luke’s chest when he circles his arms around me.

  I peer at the rustic white dresser above his bicep. The cushioned rocker Reed and Beth got us. And the wall decorated with animal themed artwork and cute framed quotes.

  Run Wild Little One and Little Be
ar Cave.

  “I love this room,” I say.

  Luke’s chin rests on the top of my head. “Me too.”

  “Wanna sit with me and stare at it all morning?”

  Instead of answering, Luke grabs my hand and leads me over to the chair.

  He pulls me into his lap where I curl up, my head on his shoulder and his arms around me.

  We sit there together all morning, talking about Kai.

  One week later, our crew gathers at Ben and Mia’s house for dinner and game night, a tradition we don’t all get to gather for very often, thanks to work schedules, new babies, and our ever-growing group. Typically, someone is always missing out because of life getting in the way, but tonight, everyone was able to make it.

  “Almost done,” Mia announces, closing the oven door. “Just a few more minutes on the potatoes. Everything else is ready.” She snags an asparagus spear off the sheet tray and bites the end before returning to the table.

  “Mia, you really didn’t need to cook all this food,” Beth says. “We could’ve just ordered pizzas or something.”

  “Yeah, you literally just had a baby. Why are you cooking?” Riley, Reed’s sister, asks. She leans over and touches Layla’s nose when she pops her head above Beth’s shoulder. “I see you, pretty girl.”

  Layla flaps her arm and babbles around her fist.

  “What? I didn’t cook that much food.” Mia pops the rest of the asparagus spear into her mouth and sucks the juice off her finger. “And it was one of those meal delivery boxes. They make it so easy. This was nothing.”

  “You were literally breastfeeding Beau while measuring out ingredients, Mia.” I raise my finger in front of my face to point at her. “You’re a rockstar. Own it.”

  She gives me a little smile. “You will be too.”

  Beth and Riley both turn to look at me as warmth creeps down my neck.

  “How excited are you?” Beth asks.

  “Yeah . . . a week, right?” Riley wiggles her hips in her chair when I quickly nod. “That’s so cool. I can’t wait to meet baby Kai.”