Reflections in the Mirror

by Luis A. Santamaría

  But Daniel was sure from the start.

  Ten days later, Daniel turned up at Bea’s door with an enormous bunch of roses and an emphatic declaration of love. She kissed him more passionately than ever and dragged him to her bedroom, where they would only leave to grab a bite to eat.

  From that day on, Daniel and Bea started a long-distance relationship. They made endless calls, often without anything particularly to tell one another, simply to hear the other one’s voice. Daniel also began sending her handwritten letters –these days, where email has killed post boxes, a rather romantic deed–, and many weekends one would travel to the city of the other to enjoy a few days together. The summer ended and the relationship matured without any risk of imploding. As autumn fell, on the ice-cold sand where he had spilled wine down her dress, they said forever. And the world stood still.

  Daniel had almost touched complete happiness just when a boulder fell on his self-esteem without him seeing it coming.

  The romantic phone calls started turning into boring, one-word answers, and the perfect plans together started to get pushed back with comments like this weekend, I’ve got a trip planned with the girls and I really want to go, you and I can see each other any weekend of the year.

  It happened in January. The breakup took place on the street, but it was the living room where Daniel saw it: a dark-skinned, sculpted body on top of the love of his life. It was Bea’s birthday and Daniel had caught a last-minute train. He wanted to surprise her, but it was he who got the surprise when he saw them lying on the sofa. Sweating. Groaning. It was there, beneath the curious glances of the neighbours, where the forever turned into a joke.

  Daniel never fully got over it. Years went by and he found her on Facebook. After much deliberation, he finally got in touch with her. Bea had married a handsome architect (Daniel wouldn’t have lived it down if it had been the guy he’d seen her with) and she was expecting her second child. When she asked about his life, Daniel lied. He assured her he was doing great and he made up work projects to impress her.

  They never saw each other again but every now and then they’d message to catch up. Even knowing that his chance with her had passed long ago, he used Bea as an excuse not to get involved with any other girl. He’d built a wall around his heart after having been cheated on and wasn’t keen to let anyone else in. That night in his brother’s bar, that wall had come tumbling down. That night when he had met Sofia.

  16

  That Friday, I had no intention of waiting by the door. Instead, I laid on the sofa with the latest edition of Muy Interesante. The record player oozed out classical music, my favourite. One thing was for sure, my life would not revolve around a piece of paper that sooner or later would slip under the door, I wouldn’t waste my time waiting around. It might be Friday evening but couldn’t I do as I pleased?

  This time, the note appeared earlier than usual. I noticed it straightaway as I was lying on the sofa so I wouldn’t have to turn my head to see the door. I dropped the magazine on the sofa and rushed over for my weekly fix.

  I see you like Beethoven, Angie. Me too! And I’m not just saying that to impress you, I’d never use the grand maestro as an excuse.

  I did something that I hadn’t done before: I stood on my tiptoes and looked through the peephole. I had planned it at some point that week, I had a right to know what he looked like once and for all. Although I refused to admit it, my plans of action for the following Fridays would depend on how attractive the man in question was. I looked both sides of the landing, in silence so my cowardly actions would go unnoticed. I didn’t see anything. The landing light was on but it was deserted.

  The moment I turned around to carry on with my life, a new slip of paper danced under the door and stopped between my slippers.

  Haven’t I shown you I’m harmless? Stop peeking out of the peephole and open the door so we can chat like actual people.

  Subconsciously I took a step back and ground my teeth, –that night my jaw would ache with the pressure–. Confused, I dropped my arms and dragged my feet to the living room where I let myself fall onto the sofa. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths.

  “I hate this guy,” I mumbled with my head buried between two cushions.

  I didn’t want to think, I needed to relax.

  Beethoven would help me do just that.

  17

  The nurse entered the room humming who knows what song. She opened the window curtains wide and the morning light illuminated Daniel’s face. Eva thought that the bright day was deceptive; it was much colder than it looked. After putting a stray strand of hair behind her ear, she turned towards the bed.

  “Good morning, handsome! How did we sleep last night?”

  Eva had the habit of establishing personal connections with all of her patients, no matter the state they were in, and Daniel, with his good looks, was not going to be an exception. As she didn’t get an answer, Eva approached gently, walking between the life-support machines, to carry out her protocol check-up. Everything was normal. Then, she turned back and, looking at her favourite patient with pity, she sighed.

  “Poor thing. So young and so handsome.”

  Eva cursed herself as she realised how rude and graceless she had just been. On the other side of the room, an elderly woman didn’t take her eyes off the other bed, where her husband slept. She didn’t pay attention to Eva’s arrhythmic and inappropriate humming. To remedy the awkward situation, Eva asked her about her husband:

  “How is Mr Hirtenstein this morning? He looks a bit better in his face,” she asked the woman, who looked up with a forced half-smile.

  “You’re very kind, young lady. But I’m afraid my husband won’t be waking up,” she answered in perfect Spanish.

  Wherever Mr Hirtenstein may be from, his wife certainly doesn’t come from far from Madrid, thought Eva.

  Just then, Sofia came in. She had a newspaper in one hand and a baguette in the other. As the months had gone by, they had left their mark on her health, Eva saw. She was no longer the dazzling, flirtatious young woman. Now she was the living image of worry, careless and abrupt. Her eyes didn’t shine any more.

  “Good morning,” she said to the elderly lady. Then she turned to Eva. “Any news?”

  “No, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. You’re only doing your job.” Sofia took Eva’s arm and gave her a knowing look: “Which, by the way, you do amazingly well.”

  Eva’s eyes lit up.

  “Oh, thank you so much! You’re an angel, Sofia. I’ll leave you alone now, I have to get back to work.”

  Eva headed to the door, sucking in her prominent stomach as she squeezed past the life-support machines.

  “I’m also leaving,” said the elderly woman from the other side of the room. To Eva’s surprise, she had forgotten all about her once again.

  Both women left, and when Sofia was alone with Daniel, her whole demeanour darkened. She was standing before a complete stranger, who she felt tied to by an incomprehensible connection, and an inescapable responsibility. Every time she visited that damned hospital, it was as if her heart was being sliced open by a scalpel.

  She grabbed a stool and sat beside his bed.

  “How did you sleep, kid?”

  She stroked Daniel’s head affectionately, using her fingers as a comb.

  “Don’t you think you ought to have a shave? You look a right mess.”

  As she spoke, she had a knot in her throat from the pity she felt. Her face tightened as she fought back tears. Holding Daniel’s hand firmly, she felt good protecting her love. Because that’s what he was, and she wasn’t embarrassed to admit it. Her love. It was time, once and for all, that she admitted how deeply in love she was with a man she had had so few conversations with. Often, she felt stupid for resting her head on his chest to listen to the weak beats of his heart. It made her feel at peace.

  Not a day went by when she didn’t get out of bed and ask herself why she went to the ho
spital every day. She could only answer with her heart, that said exactly what she wanted to hear; her head was just too sensible to pay herself any attention.

  Looking at Daniel’s closed eyes, she felt proud of having met him, having loved him. She was ready to receive him with a smile when he awoke from his lethargy. Time had passed and no one seemed to believe in that miracle except her. But far from disheartening her, it made her feel special.

  Her gaze was lost on the wall of the room as she remembered meeting him in Ricardo’s bar, when her heart had first skipped a beat seeing him. Then her mind wandered to that pleasant conversation in the Irish bar, after the big game. Sofia often held on to that memory, because it was the last time she had seen him awake.

  “Very well, Mr Basketball Star, I’m the bravest fan of the pavilion coming over to say hi, but I don’t know much about you. I think we should get to know one another a little.”

  Daniel had smiled, but Sofia knew that he was almost as nervous as she was.

  “That sounds good, I’m ready.”

  “Great! Hmm, let me think of my first question...” Sofia put her finger to her lips and looked up at the ceiling. “OK, the first one is easy: what do you do for a living?”

  “I’ve been working as an IT technician in a computer shop for the past few years, which I try to balance with basketball.” Daniel sipped his beer before continuing. “And if my coach saw me drinking alcohol after a game, tomorrow he would make me run the entire training session.”

  Sofia laughed.

  “Although the computer thing is temporary. What I really would like to be is a professional basketball player.”

  She swallowed, impressed.

  “I’m sure you’ll get there,” she said.

  “Well, players in the first division aren’t allowed to drink after playing so I might have to reconsider.”

  “Don’t be daft!” She gave Daniel a friendly tap on the arm.

  Daniel smiled back at her.

  “Now it’s my turn. How long have you lived in Madrid?”

  “Actually, I don’t live in the city itself, I live in a little town just outside. My dad and I moved there from a small town when I was little, and that’s where I’ve lived ever since. Then I was sharing a flat with my boyfriend, but he ended up leaving me.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. How long were you together for?”

  “Six years.”

  “Not bad. And now, what do you do?”

  Sofia’s eyes darkened, something that hadn’t happened at the mention of her failed relationship.

  “One thing for sure is that my dream is even more impossible than yours. I want to be a dancer. To act in a grand theatre in front of thousands of people. But the only thing I’ve managed so far is to teach dance classes in a small academy.”

  “Well, it seems we both like to dream big.”

  “Excuse me?” Sofia called to the waiter. “Could we get a plate of patatas please?”

  The waiter nodded and got on with their order.

  “Patatas, now?”

  “Why not? Don’t tell me you’re not allowed to eat them too?”

  Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed.

  “And let’s take a shot!”

  A grey cloud plunged the hospital room into darkness, bringing Sofia back down to Earth. She covered her face, trying not to cry, she wouldn’t let herself.

  “Anyway, I wonder what’s going on in the world,” she said, unfolding the newspaper. “Let’s see...” She skimmed the first few pages. Polls suggest an extremely low turnout likely for next week’s local elections.

  She stopped a few seconds to look over at Daniel, who didn’t seem bothered. Then she took a deep breath and carried on.

  “Obviously you aren’t interested in local elections. What do you think about this: Madrid’s metro strike cancelled last minute. Ugh, boring. Let’s look at the stock exchange, I know you like that.”

  Sofia read as if he really was listening to her.

  “Wow, it’s really gone up!” The stock-market index reaches its monthly maximum thanks to rising tendencies of the main banks. You’re going to be rich, kid!” She exclaimed with a smile.

  It was her new favourite pastime: imagining Daniel’s reaction with each piece of news and pretending to have a conversation with him.

  “Now sports, your favourite section. The Spanish team has won and made it to the Euro as top of their group. And, they’ve played a few more matches.”

  Someone opened the door. It was Dr Vergara.

  “Jaime!” Sofia jumped at the interruption. “I didn’t expect you this early. I was.... just reading the...”

  He smiled a commercial smile.

  “Don’t worry, you’re at home here.”

  “I wish I was at home.”

  “I didn’t expect to see you here, I thought you’d be coming this afternoon.” Jaime was lying, it was obvious. Had he used Daniel as an excuse to spend a little time alone with her? The idea pleased her. “How are you?”

  “I’ve had better days. To top it all off, this cold depresses me even more.” On the other side of the window, the enraged wind whipped the branches of the trees. It was a perfect reflection of her mood.

  “It’s normal to have some worse days. Look, I’m going to make a suggestion. Do you like Greek food? I have to go and get some lunch now, but would you like to have dinner tonight? I know a restaurant nearby that is to die for and getting some air will do you good.”

  Sofia held her breath. Is he asking me out? She thought quickly while she watched him without blinking. There’s something different about him. She took a few seconds to think of an answer. She harboured an absurd feeling of guilt toward Daniel that made her feel bad. Of course she would like to go and have dinner with Jaime, but would that mean she was deceiving Daniel even though what they had was no more than a strange friendship?

  “Don’t pull a face. It would just be dinner between friends, so you can take your mind off things.”

  Jaime accompanied the comment with a subtle stroke of Sofia’s arm on top of her jumper.

  “OK, let’s meet this evening,” she replied in the end, looking at Daniel out of the corner of her eye. “But just as friends, let’s keep that clear.”

  She realised why he looked different. Instead of his usual white coat, Jaime was wearing a blue shirt which brought out his eyes and with his sleeves rolled up, his tanned forearms showed.

  “Great! I’ll call you this afternoon and we’ll decide a time, OK?”

  “I hope this Greek restaurant is as good as you say it is.”

  “It’s amazing. I guarantee you’ll have a meal that you won’t forget in a long time.”

  “We’ll see,” replied Sofia with a hint of complicity. “I’ve got to go now, I have things to do.”

  “OK. Have a good day then. I’ll see you later.”

  Jaime said goodbye with a casual wink before turning to Daniel to carry out his daily check up.

  Sofia was leaving the room with mixed emotions when she bumped into someone unexpected.

  “Ricardo!” she exclaimed. “How are you?”

  He looked terrible, more like a tramp than a businessman. He had an unkempt beard and smelt of sweat, as if he hadn’t washed in days. Sofia looked him up and down. He looked back at her with a tired expression.

  “He’s a great guy, Sofia. I’m happy for you.”

  “I’m worried about you,” Sofia said, wanting to change the subject at all costs.

  He shrugged his shoulders.

  “Ricardo, we haven’t talked about it since the accident. You never talk about your brother,” Sofia spoke cautiously. Ricardo’s reaction, based on his current state, was unpredictable.

  Ricardo’s voice was firm but weak. He looked at her through tired eyes.

  “I know.”

  Sofia maintained eye contact and tensed.

  “And why not?”

  “Because I don’t know how to talk about him.” His voice became wea
ker. “I don’t know if to talk about Danny in the past tense or the present. If I remember the good things and good times, it’s like admitting that he’s dead. If I talk about him how he is right now, it’s me who wants to die.” While he spoke, his eyes were fixed on something in the distance, probably so that he didn’t break down. “A lot of people ask me to tell stories about him. What am I supposed to say? I could explain to them that the few messed up times we have spoken lately have been to argue, but that’s not what people want to hear. I can’t tell them about the few good times we had as kids because they’re our little secrets.”

  Ricardo bit his bottom lip and tensed his jaw. He was on the verge of tears.

  “Live your life, Sofia.” He said. “You don’t have to watch over him. Be happy and forget about my brother.”

  Silence flooded the hospital corridor like a thick, icy fog. Without another word, Ricardo left. Sofia, wrapped up in a sea of doubts, watched his unhurried walk. For the first time, she thought it possible that perhaps she would never speak to Daniel ever again. To her surprise, she felt relieved.

  18

  It was Monday and night was beginning to fall in the capital. Although the sky was clear, a light breeze reached the corners of the darkest, narrowest streets of the city. The dusk light painted the west-facing façades a nostalgic orange, and the first evening walkers and runners were starting to sprout up in the parks, as offices and businesses spat out tired workers.

  Among them was Oscar. After leaving the burger bar, he headed toward the mouth of the metro, whistling made-up tunes. The first thing he did having entered his studio apartment was open a beer that had been waiting for him in the fridge and turn on the computer. While it booted up, he put on some Bruce Springsteen. A fun photo took pride of place as the background of his laptop. In it, Oscar, Daniel and Kiko were trying to look seductive in front of the majestic aqueduct in Segovia. A perfect moment. In the past, seeing that photo used to cheer Oscar up. Now it had the opposite effect. It represented a happy past which would never return, the memory of the biggest misfortune he had ever known, the image of his best friend lying motionless on a hospital bed.