Reflections in the Mirror

by Luis A. Santamaría

  At the end of the game, put this jacket on and come out of the pavilion. A black limo will be waiting for you.

  Enjoy the party.

  Dad.

  Daniel didn’t understand at all. What party was his dad talking about? Why hadn’t he mentioned it before? It wasn’t that Daniel didn’t like that his dad had prepared a surprise for him, but that mystery seemed inappropriate somehow, seeing as he was already nervous enough with everything else going on. The last thing he wanted was to be looking for some mysterious black limo.

  An uproar coming from outside brought him back to reality. The floor and the walls shook. Daniel understood what was happening: the game was about to start and they were introducing the players over the speaker. It was the moment when the band played and the fans clapped their hands. According to what they had told Daniel, he would be introduced alone, in front of everyone just after the band finished playing. Until then, he should wait in the changing rooms.

  Your moment has come, he said to himself.

  He put his suit back in his locker and put on his team kit. The announcer was introducing the players of the rival team –the fans’ applause had turned into whistles­– and Daniel took a few seconds to look at himself in the mirror with his new attire. He still couldn’t get over it. Everything had happened so fast and at the same time like clockwork. A little voice inside his head never stopped repeating the same word, over and over: enjoy.

  One word that his fear let him hear, but not listen to. How could he enjoy himself if he could barely stand up? He went to the door and eased it open to hear better what was going on outside.

  “And now, ladies and gentlemen, we would like to introduce a new player to the team!” the announcer exclaimed.

  Only a few seconds left. He looked around and took a deep breath. The locker room seemed to get darker and the walls felt like they were closing in on him, crushing him.

  “WITH YOU ALL TONIGHT, DANIEL SANTOS!”

  Daniel walked out into the tunnel, keen to escape the cage. He took a mouthful of air which turned into a coughing fit. He needed oxygen. Looking down at the palms of his hands that he had covered his mouth with, fear took over: they were speckled with blood. He bent double with the spasms, slowly making his way through the tunnel that led to the court. With each cough he felt that he wouldn’t cope with another. Motivated to reach the light at the end of tunnel, he dragged his feet as if each one weighed a hundred pounds.

  Not now... was all he managed to think, they’re waiting for me...

  He could no longer feel the tips of his fingers. The murmur of the crowd sounded further and further away and the light at the end became blotchy. This incomprehensible loss of his senses only lasted a few seconds, then a ferocious electric shock, much stronger than the ones he’d had before, ran through his entire body, from his head to his toes, shaking his body violently. He could do no more than let out a dry cry when, from the pain, he fell against the wall and slid down to the floor.

  “DANIEL SANTOS!” he heard from the speaker, “ARE YOU THERE?”

  32

  They say that life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

  Waking up, he felt at peace. It had been a long time since he’d felt like that. He looked out of the metro window and saw that it was daytime. He didn’t recognise the scenery, he must have gone past his stop. He got off at the next one and saw that he wasn’t too far from home. The light from the sun blinded him as he stepped off the train. He caught his reflection in a plastic-covered billboard: he was wearing a black suit, one of those that looks sophisticated before leaving the house but that can soon make you look like a raging party-animal once the shirt comes untucked, as his had. Something had changed. No, everything had changed. His world, his existence, were completely different. Daniel had just experienced the most important breath-taking moment of his life.

  “Something’s not right, I don’t like this,” Oscar had said to Kiko a few hours ago in the stands of the pavilion.

  The Cuban took off his hat to fan himself, as well as to stop himself biting his nails.

  “That’s really weird. He should have come out by now.” He turned and looked up at Eric who was sitting three rows behind them. The coach caught his eye and shrugged his shoulders. No one understood why Daniel wasn’t coming out. Something wasn’t going the way it had been planned, and that was bad news.

  Suddenly, an uproar. All of those sitting behind them, Eric included, raised their eyebrows and smiled with relief as they clapped their hands.

  “He’s coming!” Oscar exclaimed, and hit Kiko on the arm.

  Kiko had tears in his eyes when he saw his best friend appear at the mouth of the tunnel.

  To the delight of the fans, Daniel ran to the basket with a ball in his hands and made an elegant shot. Then he headed to the centre of the court and lifted his arms to greet them all. The game was to start in two minutes, and a club employee hurried to pass him a microphone. Daniel took it and spoke:

  “Good evening everyone. I’ll be brief.”

  Daniel had to wait while a new round of applause and cheers sounded. He took that moment to quickly glance at the stands and something lit up inside him as he spotted his two best friends supporting him just like old times. He was also pleased to see Eric. He didn’t see his brother nor Sofia. His dad wasn’t there either. When the noise died down, he continued his speech.

  What are you supposed to say in moments like these? he thought.

  “I’ve fought hard so as not to disappoint you all. To be here today is a dream come true, but it’s only the beginning. I hope to succeed in this team. Thank you for coming on such a special day. Enjoy the game!”

  The fans exploded into rapturous applause once again. Daniel returned the microphone and headed over to the bench where his new coach, a portly man with the face of a checkout assistant, and his new teammates welcomed him.

  The game started and Daniel, sitting on the bench, was pleased at having finally made it to the next level. When no one was looking, he felt his face and then his chest. Everything seemed to be in order. Then he examined the palms of his hands: clean, no trace of blood. What had happened before? Minutes ago he’d felt like his life was consuming him, and now he felt better than ever. Trying to take his mind off the mystery, he focused on the game, ready to enjoy what would be the best day of his life.

  As soon as the referee whistled the end of the game, Daniel made for the tunnel to the changing rooms along with his new teammates. In the middle of the collective euphoric atmosphere of victory, Daniel didn’t feel any of the pressure or anxiety of a few hours ago. He only had to worry about making sure he fit in as best he could with the group.

  His mysterious black suit awaited him in his locker. He hadn’t thought about it during the game, and now the doubt came back to his mind. What would he do? Was he going to go along with his father’s game or would he go and find his friends to celebrate his return, something he preferred by far? He was dying to relax behind a dirty bar with his best friends. While stroking the sleeve of the suit, Daniel debated between his curiosity of what the surprise might be and the comfort of the familiar. Unconvinced, he took the suit off the hanger and put it on.

  “Wow! Look at the newbie!” the team captain joked. “Where are you off to? Been signed by the Lakers?”

  The other players all chuckled. Daniel relaxed when the other guy smiled and winked playfully.

  “I’m going to a party,” he replied shyly, “but don’t ask me where, because I don’t know.”

  “Hey, if you don’t want to invite us, no worries,” the teammate beside him teased. “It’s normal that you’re resentful, we didn’t let you play even for a minute.”

  The changing room erupted in laughter. The guy who’d spoken shook his hand, he was on cloud nine. That day, still not really understanding how, Daniel was living his dream.

  “Guys, I’ve got to go, they’re waiting for me. I’
ll see you on Monday at training.”

  Daniel said goodbye and left the pavilion feeling like he was walking on air.

  Night had already fallen. Some fans were having a friendly chat when Daniel walked past them, and a few turned to watch him go. He’d never know if it was because of being the new team member or the elegant outfit he was wearing. He felt disoriented, he didn’t know where he was going. His friends weren’t around to take him to any bars, and he couldn’t see any limousine like his father had promised in his note. He waited a few minutes until, in the distance, a shiny Lexus rounded the corner and stopped in front of the arena. Realising that his father’s note hadn’t been a practical joke, he felt a shiver run down his spine. He swallowed when the driver’s window wound down. He was completely taken aback as he recognised the man at the wheel.

  “Laddie! C’mon, jump in! Am to take you to a very special party.”

  “Manu! What are you doing here?” Of all the people he could have imagined driving a luxury car like that, his physio was the last. “Did you see the game?”

  The Andaluz gave a good-natured chuckle. He took off his chauffeur’s cap, as if to make it clear it was him, and he threw it on to the back seat.

  “Listened to it on the radio. C’mon, in you get, we’re already late. Chat while we drive.”

  Daniel obeyed his old torturer. He rounded the front of the vehicle and got in the front seat. The inside of the limousine was dark and smelt good.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “You’ll see for yourself,” Manu replied while putting the car into first gear.

  During the drive, Daniel observed everything through the window. The artificial lights that lit up the sides of the buildings of Gran Vía Avenue, and soon he was in the centre of Madrid. At night, this part of the capital turned into an improvised open-air party, where people came and went between restaurants, theatres, shops and bars. Despite Daniel’s long absence, nothing had changed, and that felt good. Then they turned left onto the Paseo de la Castellana. After a few more minutes, Manu stopped the car and turned to Daniel.

  “Here we are.”

  Daniel caught his breath as he recognised the place. He’d been here before. Manu had stopped the limo next to an enormous office block whose top floor was taken up by his brother’s bar.

  “So this is where my dad wanted to bring me,” he said more to himself than to his physio. “You’re not going to let on what’s waiting for me up there, are you?”

  Manu shook his head.

  “Have fun, laddie, been a pleasure being your physio.”

  “Aren’t you coming with me?”

  Daniel didn’t want to say goodbye so soon to his friend, and much less go into that place alone.

  “No sir-ee! Done my bit, am off now.”

  Daniel got out of the car.

  “Take care of yourself!” he said as he stood on the pavement.

  “By the way, Dan,” Manu stopped just as he was closing the limo door, “You look a real gent with that get up!”

  Daniel chuckled.

  “Go and learn to speak properly!”

  Manu and the car disappeared into the night and Daniel entered the building. Once at the top, he ran his eyes over the dance floor, and realised everyone was looking at him.

  The bar was exactly as he remembered it the day it was opened, only this time the music was playing more quietly and there were fewer people at the bar.

  “It’s great to see you,” one of the waiter’s said as he passed by him with a tray full of white wine. He handed one to him.

  “Welcome, Daniel,” this time it was a blonde with a dubious taste in fashion who smiled at him.

  “A toast to the lad!” shouted a drunk from the bar, lifting his own glass.

  “You’ve changed so much,” commented a woman next to him who, despite being old enough to be his mother, looked at him with terrifying desire.

  “Tell us everything, Daniel!” exclaimed a stranger from the back of the room.

  All the faces were familiar to Daniel but he didn’t recognise any of them. He felt like a circus monkey, and was waiting for some kid to turn up and start throwing peanuts at him.

  Two very familiar faces came towards him through the crowd and embraced him.

  “You’re not crying, are you?”

  Oscar sniffled and shook his head. His eyes were red.

  “I’m just happy,” he assured.

  Daniel and Kiko burst into laughter and the three friends hugged again. Suddenly it was as if they were in another dimension.

  “You look stupendous, mate,” said Kiko as he looked him up and down.

  Oscar nodded.

  “You look better than ever.”

  “I mean, that’s not hard,” added Kiko and the three laughed again.

  “I’m really glad to see you two,” Daniel rested his hands on his friends’ shoulders. “I’ve missed you.”

  Just then, he felt an attack of sincerity from all the emotion of the moment, and he admitted to himself that he was dying to see his brother and, why not, congratulate him on his amazing bar.

  Regarding his two friends, he still had things to talk about with them. Neither of them had visited him while he was in the village, even worse, knowing how pathetic he’d been feeling. He dismissed the idea, there’d be plenty of time for reproaches. Now was the moment to enjoy the party and get drunk without thinking of anything else.

  “Let’s celebrate!” Oscar pushed his way to the bar. From there he called to his friends.

  What are you on? Daniel understood over the music. Kiko thought he’d heard something similar like ‘what do you swan?’ The two friends frowned and went over to the bar.

  “I said,” Oscar repeated losing his patience “what do you want?”

  Lady Gaga started playing and instead of replying, Kiko and Daniel made up a ridiculous dance that soon the tipsier guests started copying.

  Oscar rolled his eyes.

  “Yes, very good, Backstreet Boys. I’ll just get you what I’m having then.”

  Daniel suddenly stopped his dancing. He’d spotted Ricardo coming through the crowd. Daniel threw himself on him and hugged him. He cried like a baby in his big brother’s arms. When he finally composed himself, they started chatting about nothing of great importance. But in reality, it was all important.

  Oscar and Kiko watched the scene from the bar.

  “I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t seeing it,” Oscar said. “I don’t know what they did to him back in that village, but he’s a new man.”

  “I’m happy for him.” Kiko sipped his drink and started spluttering. “What on earth did you order me?”

  “A gin and tonic, nothing else.”

  “Well, I can’t taste any tonic.”

  “It will do us good, this is a bit dull. We’re going to have fun, I think Danny will be busy all night.”

  Oscar made his way over to the dance floor followed by a stomping Kiko who was muttering between gritted teeth.

  “It will do us good, he says. Bloody madman.”

  Daniel and Ricardo’s catch up went on for a short time. An awkward silence had fallen between them like a see-through veil that stopped them from carrying on the conversation. Ricardo was well aware of what his little brother was waiting for. As if the mere fact of sharing the same blood let them read each other’s minds, Ricardo looked at him and pointed to the corner of the room: the spiral staircase.

  “Good luck, little bro. Today it’s your turn to go to her towel.” He winked.

  Daniel swallowed and nodded. He went up the steps and in spite of walking straight past him, he didn’t see his father huddled in the shadows. Jorge, who watched on paying meticulous attention, understood what was going to happen.

  That evening, the terrace was closed to the public. The fairy lights were turned off and the bar was empty. The chairs and stools were piled on top of the tables, it was clear that the floor had just been mopped too. The music downstairs was muffled b
ut he could still recognise the sound of The Wallflowers.

  Leaning on the railing, Sofia’s gaze was lost in the view. At that height, the cold, night wind whipped his face and ruffled her hair playfully. Daniel asked himself if it were a coincidence that she was standing in exactly the same place as the last time they’d been there.

  It’s as if a whole lifetime has gone by since that day, he thought, fascinated by the relativity of time.

  His legs buckled. Just the thought of going up to her to say hello made his throat dry up. What was he going to say? Where was he going to start? Finally, he clenched his fists and teeth and moved his feet to stand himself beside her.

  “Hi, Sofia.”

  “Hi.” She didn’t even turn around. She just sighed, her breath misting in front of her face.

  “How are you? You haven’t changed a bit since I last saw you.”

  This time she did turn around, and looked at him with a forced half smile. Was she trying not to cry? From the floor below the opening guitar chords of The Sound Silence played.

  “Fine. How’s your knee? I haven’t heard from you for a while.”

  Sofia accompanied this last comment with a stroke of Daniel’s wrist on top of his jacket. Her words felt like a kick in the balls.

  “Well, yeah. Four months and seventeen days to be exact,” he replied. “My knee’s much better, thanks.”

  She snatched her hand back. She took a step back.

  “Sorry? Where’s this coming from?”

  In spite of her proud expression, a tear ran down her cheek and on to her top lip.

  “It comes from you not having any idea of how I’ve suffered all this time. Isolated, alone. Without knowing if I’d ever run again. Can you imagine, even just for a second, how miserable I felt watching the weeks go by and realising that no one cared about me? So you can save your ‘I haven’t heard from you for a while.’”