by Zack Zombie
“Well, we have this school play we need to put on, and I got put in the same group with a gang of bullies. Now they’re bullying me and my friends.”
“Oh, one of those, huh?” Steve said as he sat next to me.
“You know what, Jasper? I used to have a bully,” Steve said.
“What? You? No way.”
“Yeah, it was hard.”
“So what did you do?”
“Well, me and the guy bullying me ended up becoming best friends,” Steve said.
“No way! That’s crazy!”
“Yeah, I found out that the reason he was bullying me so much was because somebody was bullying him,” Steve said. “So, I decided I was going to help him out.”
“Whoa.”
Wow, Steve’s got some guts.
Man, I wish I had guts.
But I don’t think creepers have guts. If we did, I think they’d probably be in our feet.
“But, Steve, that sounds really hard,” I said. “Like, how can I even start being nice to Burt and his goons? Every time I’m around them I feel like I’m going to explode.”
“Well, Jasper, you’re either going to be the hero, or you can get your revenge and before you know it, you end up becoming the villain,” Steve said.
“Whoa, that’s deep.”
“You’re welcome,” Steve said.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you a gift,” I said and pushed the bag near my feet to Steve.
Steve opened the bag.
“Thanks, man, just what I needed! More gunpowder for my TNT! And there’s so much here. You must’ve been working on this for days.”
“Naw, last night was Burrito night at my house.”
Thursday
This school play just seems to be getting worse every day.
Today, Ms. Nilnose announced that we’re going to be performing our school play in front of our parents!
When the class heard that, it erupted into chaos.
Endermen were teleporting everywhere. Skeletons kids were falling apart. Zombie kids spilled their guts. And, of course, a lot of hissing came from Creeper kids.
Including me.
I really didn’t want my parents coming to school. And I knew my grandparents would probably be coming too.
Man, I can imagine it now. I’m going to be on stage and everybody in the whole world is going to know what a wimp I am, especially when Burt and his minions step all over me.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
“OOOOOOOOOOOH!!!”
“Quiet down!” Ms. Nilnose yelled as she finished dragging her fingernails down the blackboard.
“The performance will be in two Saturdays’ time. The school will provide the costumes for your characters, and Ms. Moldini will help you with rehearsals. Now off you go.”
Then the class mumbled their way out of the classroom.
Like usual, Harry and I were the only ones in our group doing the work. I didn’t even know where Burt and his gang were.
We made a list of the costumes and asked for some trees and a cave to be placed in the background. Once we finished, Ms. Moldini walked by and picked up our list.
She was giving nods of approval as she read down the list and then asked, “Where is the rest of your group?”
Harry and I looked at each other, scared.
“Um. . .I-I’m not sure, Ms. Moldini,” I stuttered.
Just as Ms. Moldini was about to reply, Burt and his gang burst through the door.
Uh. Oh.
Then Ms. Moldini walked over and gave them “the talk.”
Harry and just I looked at each other.
Yeah. . .we’re doomed.
Then Burt and his goons slowly crept over in our direction.
HSSSSSS.
“So, you ratted on us, heh?” fumed Burt.
Jeb, Braden, and Todd just stood behind him with angry looks on their faces.
“I. . .I. . .just told her you were outside, thasssss all. . .” I said nervously.
“We didn’t rat on you,” Harry said. “You just didn’t come to class and Ms. Moldini noticed.”
Yeah, we’re dead.
You know, Harry is a great friend. . .but sometimes he doesn’t know when to be scared.
“Oh, is that what happened?” snapped Burt. “Well why don’t you shut your pie hole. . .HEROBRINE!”
“What did you call me?” asked Harry.
Oh, boy. Now Burt did it.
That’s the one name Harry hates being called.
Nobody knows why, really.
Me and the guys tried to look it up. But all we found out was that in Harry’s native language it means ‘boy with face like butt’. . .or something like that.”
But man, Harry just goes ballistic every time somebody says it.
“HE-RO-BRINE! HE-RO-BRINE! HE-RO-BRINE!” taunted Burt.
Suddenly, things in the classroom started to heat up.
I took a quick glance and knew Burt and his gang were in deep trouble. . .and so were the rest of us.
If you didn’t know, Harry started going through some weird changes since he started going through puberty.
All I know, is that there was a fire truck in front of his house like three days this week.
All of sudden, Harry’s eyes started glowing and then smoke started coming out his eyes. . .and ears, I think.
Next thing you know. . .
ZZZZZZZT!
KABAAAAAMMMMMM!
Burt managed to react quickly and dodged the blast. But the wall and curtains behind Burt weren’t so lucky. . .
Next thing we knew, all the mob kids were running and screaming and everybody rushed out of the drama classroom.
We saw Burt and his friends outside huddled and fake crying as Ms. Moldini was talking to them.
Harry and I stood together outside and watched as the drama classroom burned down.
“Oh my gosh. . .was that me?” whispered Harry.
“Harry and Jasper,” seethed Ms. Moldini.
Harry and I turned our heads slowly to her.
It seemed our end would come in a different way. . .
“Go to the principal’s office. . .RIGHT NOW!”
Friday
So, yesterday. . .oh, man, yesterday.
That was BAD!
Man, I’m about to explode just thinking about it.
After the whole drama room went up in flames, Harry and I were ordered to the principal’s office.
We sat quietly next to each other and dreaded when the door opened. Because through them came our parents.
My parents were hissing.
And the O’Brien’s definitely raised the temperature of the room.
Both our parents gave us a quadruple dose of the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” killer stares as they were ushered inside the office.
Oh boy. We were in deep, DEEP trouble.
After the longest thirty minutes ever, our parents finally came out.
“Thank you, Principal Shortsnout, we’ll be sure to pass the advice you gave us to Jasper,” I heard my dad say.
Goodbye, Harriet. Goodbye, Harold,” my mom said to the O’Brien’s.
Harry and I gave each other a look, which was probably the last time we were ever going to see each other.
“Come on, Jasper. We’re going home,” said my dad in a really disappointed voice.
HSSSSS.
“What were you thinking?” my dad said, scolding me in the car.
“Honey, why would you be so mean to such a nice boy like Burt Farkus?” asked my mom.
Oh man, Burt must have told them it was our fault! I thought.
That would exp
lain why he didn’t get in trouble.
“Jasper, you’ve been suspended from school for the rest of the day, and the principal suggested that you take that time to reflect on your actions.”
As the car pulled into the driveway to our house, I got out and went to my room.
At night, I went to see my mom in the kitchen to see if I could explain the situation.
I wasn’t too hopeful though.
Yeah, adults never listen to a kid’s side of the story.
It’s like when the adults get together, all we kids can do is wear our striped jumpsuits and wait in our cells until our sentence is over.
“Honey, your father and I are really worried about you. We thought you finally settled into your new school and then you go and set your drama classroom on fire.”
“Mom. I didn’t want that to happen! It’s just that. . .”
“My goodness, do you know how many kids could’ve gotten hurt?” she said as she started hissing.
Uh-oh. Mom hissing. Bad sign. Really bad sign.
That’s because my mom works as a secretary in a powerplant.
Who knows what she’s been exposed to at that place.
So, in order not have to explain to my dad why my mom went nuclear, I jumped in and interrupted my mom and blurted out the whole story.
“Well, why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Mom asked.
I just sat there quiet for a while.
Then she gave me a hug.
. . .Or, whatever a hug without hands is called.
Yeah. . . needed that.
Later, I heard a knock on my door. The door opened, and my dad’s head popped in.
“Hey, champ,” he said.
Oh man, I hope Mom told him what really happened.
“I’m sorry for blowing up at you yesterday,” my dad said.
Wait. . .What?
“It was very brave of you to tell your mother about what really happened,” my dad said. “I know parents don’t always listen sometimes.”
Whoa. Did he just say that?
“And I heard about the bullies,” my dad continued. “Yeah, bullies are really tough to deal with. Especially when they call you names or when they throw cactus at you, and when they lock you in the janitor’s closet. . .and especially the wedgies, those are really painful.”
Huh?
“But no matter what, son, don’t let them get to you. You just keep being the great little kid that you are, okay?”
“Uh. . .sure, Dad.”
And with that, Dad patted me on the head and went down to help Mom with dinner.
You know, parents can be pretty weird sometimes.
But, you know. . .sometimes they can be really awesome too.
Saturday
Today, Harry came over to my house to work on the school play.
We worked on our script for a while, until we realized it would be much more fun to play video games instead.
“I really don’t think Burt and his gang are going to help us with this play,” Harry said, rolling his eyes.
Or I think he did.
Yeah, Harry kinda falls short on the eyeball department.
Anyway, despite the stress at school, I really think our play is going is going to be great.
The story goes like this:
Sir Farts-a-lot is sent on a quest to defeat the Ender Dragon that is terrorising a small town. The Village Elders gift him a Gold Sword and send him off to defeat the Ender Dragon. After an epic battle, Sir Farts-a-lot wins and takes the Ender Dragon’s Egg back to the village and makes a huge omelette.
“Hey, Jasper, how’s Sir Farts-a-lot gonna defeat the Ender Dragon?” Harry asked. “I mean, using the Gold Sword is kinda old school.”
“Hey, why don’t we add a plot twist,” I said. “Like he could use balloon fart bombs.”
“Yeah, we can even make it really scary,” Harry said. “Like make the Enderdragon rip Sir Farts-a-lots arms off.”
“Uh. . .we can’t make it too scary,” I said. “I really don’t want to have to move to a new school again.”
We just looked at each other.
“HSSSSS. . .BOOM!” Harry said.
Then we just burst out laughing.
Later, to help me feel better, Mom made me one of my favorite foods in the whole Overworld. . .
CAKE!
While we were eating dessert, Dad asked about the school play. So I told him about the story we had so far.
“That’s lame,” my sister Ima said. “Everyone knows that story.”
“Well ours is going to be different. . .You’ll see.”
“Why don’t you talk to Grandma Ada?” my dad said. “I remember her saying she had seen an Ender Dragon once.”
“WHAT? Grandma Ada saw a real Ender Dragon?”
You know, that would explain her color change.
Man, grandmas got it hard.
Wow, mad props to all the old ladies.
Sunday
I was really excited to see my other grandparents today.
On our way there, my little brother fell asleep in his car seat, so we kept real quiet.
They say you shouldn’t wake a baby creeper while he’s sleeping.
My uncle tried waking a baby Creeper once.
They had to rush him to the hospital.
It took them six hours to just to dig the rattle out of his nose.
But they never did find the binky.
Grandma Ada had prepared a feast for us when we arrived.
I love eating at Grandma Ada’s. She makes the best mushroom stew.
After our ginormous lunch, me and my sister Ima went to explore Grandma and Grandpa’s house.
Ima and I used to play Hide and Sneak when we used to visit our grandparents.
Ima was really good too. . .
As for me, let’s just say grandma got used to cleaning the little piles of gunpowder around the house.
One time, Ima hid in the library and pretended to be a part of the wall.
All I remember is that when she jumped out, everything went black.
Later, my dad said we had enough gunpowder to make fireworks for weeks.
So, I asked Ima if she wanted to play a game of Hide and Sneak.
But she said she was too cool for a “kiddy” game like that.
Wow. . .that’s cold.
Anyway, we decided to explore my grandma’s collection of library books instead.
She’s collected every book she’s ever read since she was a baby Creeper.
Then Ima found a book that looked Enchanted.
“Whoa. . .what’s that?” I asked.
“Looks like an Enchanted Book,” Ima said, opening it up.
Inside, instead of enchantments, we found a bunch of old Minecraft stories.
As we were flipping the pages, I thought the pictures and fancy letters looked really cool.
All of a sudden, I saw the words, “The Legend of Sir Farts-a-lot” flash by.
“Hey, wait a minute!” I said as I grabbed the book from Ima and started flipping back to the pages to find the Sir Farts-a-lot story.
Man, I thought Dad made up this story. But it’s actually true? Whoa!
So, I started reading. . .
Once upon a time, there was a young Creeper boy named Farts-a-lot. He wasn’t the strongest creeper in the village, or the smartest.
But he did fart, a lot.
One day, his village was being attacked. And when Farts-a-lot saw the purple clouds of smoke in the sky, he knew that the Ender Dragon was responsible.
Everything was in chaos. So, little Farts-a-lot decided he was going to help.
But how could a
small Creeper like him take down the legendary Ender Dragon?
So, he ran to the ancient village library and started to read more about the Ender Dragon.
And after reading a lot of books, he finally found the Ender Dragon’s weakness. He would have to slay the Ender Dragon with a Golden sword.
Then he ran to the Villagers and told them his plan. . .but they laughed at him.
“You can’t even hold a sword,” one Creeper said.
“You can’t even ride a horse,” another Creeper said.
“He’ll explode before he even gets near the Ender Dragon,” a bunch of other Creeper villagers said.
But the little creeper didn’t let that stop him because he knew his plan would work.
So, Farts-a-lot grabbed his dad’s Golden Sword and decided to make a journey to the lair of the Ender Dragon.
After traveling for a few days, he found the lair of the Ender Dragon but the Ender Dragon wasn’t there. So, Farts-a-lot decided to wait until dark to put his plan into action.
Meanwhile, he lit some torches to keep himself warm. But, as it grew dark, suddenly the light from the fires attracted the Ender Dragon.
“RAAAAAARRRRRRRR! WHO GOES THERE? RAAAAAARRRRRRRR!” the Ender Dragon roared.
The little Creeper was surprised and went to grab the Golden Sword.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get a good grip.
“RAAAAAARRRRRRRR! the Ender Dragon roared as it got closer.
Oh no! Maybe the other Creeper Villagers were right. Maybe this was a fool’s quest.
“RAAAAAARRRRRRRR! the Ender Dragon roared again and was almost upon the little Creeper.
And just when the Ender Dragon was close enough to eat the little Creeper. . .
“RAAAAAARRRRRRRR!
PRRFFT.