The Floating Feldmans

by Elyssa Friedland

  Elise had jumped up as well. She put two fingers to Natasha’s neck and checked her watch. Freddy saw that his sister was playing the role she was born for: caretaker, which could take many forms.

  “Why can’t anyone on the boat see that she’s sick?” Mitch asked.

  “Because if any of the crew notices, they’ll quarantine her in the boat hospital. And trust me, we don’t want her there. She’s much better off with me taking care of her. And Elise,” he added.

  “Is she contagious?” Rachel asked.

  “You can’t catch this,” David said, patting Natasha on the head.

  “Are you sure?” Natasha asked weakly. “I looked up Fermentalisminutia and the CDC says they don’t know how it’s spread yet. Freddy—I knew it was ridiculous that bugs can’t live on a boat.” Before she could ream him further, her head dropped and another wave of vomit hit the ground.

  “Where is Darius with that dish towel?” David groused, looking around.

  “He probably ran into his new girlfriend, Angelica,” Rachel said.

  “Not now, Rachel,” Elise snapped. “Dad, let’s just get Natasha to her room and we’ll deal with everything there. Mitch, grab an arm. Dad, you must have your medical bag in your room.” David nodded.

  Freddy recalled that as children their father never went anywhere without his trusty black leather doctor kit. Elise would bring her plastic Fisher-Price version and together they would listen to the heartbeat and take the temperature of any willing patient, which was usually him.

  Mitch slipped an arm through Natasha’s and Freddy took the other one. They brought her to her feet and slipped out of the room without calling attention to themselves. For someone who probably weighed no more than a hundred and five pounds, Natasha was awfully cumbersome—Freddy found himself panting by the time they reached the elevator. Why did he never join his girlfriend at the gym? And what the hell were they going to do if she had contracted some terrible sickness? Finally they reached the door to the cabin and Freddy passed his half of Natasha’s weight on to Rachel so he could grab his key card. When he pushed open the door, he heard a collective gasp.

  “Holy crap.” His sister’s voice sounded first. “You really are rich.”

  THIRTY-TWO

  Darius and Rachel walked into the breakfast buffet for the last time. The crowd was slightly thinner than usual. Disembarkation times were scattered based on airport connections and final destinations, and the Connelly children actually found an open table.

  Rachel filled her plate with pastries: two mini croissants, a Danish, and a blueberry muffin. Darius was happy to see her eating again. He didn’t know what happened with Austin, but ever since she’d checked her email on Angelica’s computer, she was back to consuming a normal caloric intake. Maybe even larger than normal.

  Although his sister was dressed and ready for breakfast earlier than he was that morning, she’d sat back down on her bed and leafed through the Paradise International magazine. She hadn’t announced her intention to wait for him, but it was definitely a shift in behavior. He didn’t even mind when she made fun of his Thrasher T-shirt and complained that he was taking too long in the bathroom.

  “Do you see Mom or Dad anywhere?” Darius asked, scanning the crowd. Rachel looked up from her half-eaten muffin.

  “No. And I don’t want to either. Now that Mom has relaxed about her hair bonfire, she and Dad will be ready to skewer me. They’re so pissed at each other that the best way to deflect will be to focus on something they agree on—that I deserve to be grounded for the rest of my life. Can college-age kids get grounded?” Darius assumed the question was rhetorical.

  “What about Grandma and Grandpa? We should probably say good-bye to them, right?” Darius asked, moving his scrambled eggs around aimlessly.

  “Grandpa told me they’re in Departure Group Six, whatever that means. I think their flight to New York is much later than our flight home. But he said Mom and Grandma made some arrangements for all of us to meet up in front of Peace O’Pizza at noon to say good-bye. Freddy and Natasha should be there too, assuming she’s feeling better.”

  “Got it,” Darius said, distracted by the crowds. It was so hard to find anyone with all these people milling about.

  Darius felt really sorry for Grandma Annette. The day before had been her actual birthday and the family was in tatters. Sure, they had reached a détente (he listened in his Cold War history elective), but it had a forced quality to it. He couldn’t stop picturing his grandmother’s face when he’d found her alone on the pool deck the first day. He wondered if there was anything he could do to make her happy. Maybe he would tell her about the kiss. It was hard to keep it inside and it wasn’t like he could go back home and tell Jesse, who would make fun of him mercilessly for stopping at first base. Then he would demand to see a photo, and if Darius was willing to share the one selfie he’d snapped of him and Angelica in the arcade, Jesse would goad him about her glasses and debate team T-shirt. Grandma Annette wouldn’t tease. She would just be ecstatic that someone was voluntarily confiding in her.

  “Anyone else you might want to say good-bye to?” Rachel asked, giving him a kick under the table. He looked up at her and she was smiling in a smug, know-it-all way.

  “What? No,” Darius said. “I’m excited to go home. This has been a little too much family time for my taste.”

  “Uh-huh. I just wondered if maybe you were looking for Angelica? You haven’t taken a bite of your breakfast and you keep looking around the room. So I was just thinking you might be—” She raised a croissant at him accusingly.

  “I’m not anything,” he snapped, but of course his sister was totally right. Angelica’s family had booked a private room for their last dinner and the Feldmans/Connellys had scrounged with room service after Natasha had taken ill, so he hadn’t seen her since the kiss. It was his first one if he discounted all the sloppy misfires during Seven Minutes in Heaven at the middle school parties. He reviewed what he knew about Angelica: She went to a school called Highland, worked at Harvard Cleaners, and had a rich uncle. Even though she had the fairly common last name of Lee, he felt confident he could track her down on social media. He had already crafted a nonembarrassing reason to reach out to her: sending her a draft of his college essay. It was already half-done.

  “Chill out. You read my private emails so it’s not exactly like you’re in a position to be upset with me for a little prying,” Rachel said.

  “I’m sorry about ratting you out,” Darius said. He looked down at his eggs, dicing them into smaller pieces. “I actually really like hanging out with you. I hope you’re not mad.”

  “Awww, little brother. You’re sweet. Why don’t you come visit me at school this fall? After you turn in your applications. We can celebrate. I know a bunch of places that don’t card. Or maybe I’ll hook you up with a fake ID.” She winked at him.

  “That would be amazing. Although I’m still not sure I’m even going to be doing applications. Well, maybe for that school on Route 18 that teaches air-conditioning repair.”

  “I think the tuition thing will work out. If you have to take a gap year, that’ll just give you more time to visit me. Since you’re not eating anything, want to try the Ferris wheel on the sundeck? I flirted with one of the Sports Center dudes and he gave me a VIP pass so we don’t have to wait in another dreadful line.”

  Darius shoveled in a bite of toast and grabbed his hoodie. The last ride he and Rachel went on together was It’s a Small World. She had made fun of him for asking where the kangaroos were in Austria.

  “Sweet,” he said and did one last sweep for Angelica as he followed his sister out the door.

  THIRTY-THREE

  “I guess this is good-bye,” David said, reaching out an arm to put a hand on Freddy’s shoulder. He put his other arm around Elise’s waist. He hadn’t held his two children at once since the year Annette got i
t into her head that they should send out holiday cards. Elise and Freddy had each climbed on a knee, giggling, and the photographer had snapped a candid picture while they were getting themselves properly sorted. Annette didn’t like the way she looked in the picture—apparently her hair had gone flat with all the tumult of tucking and retucking Freddy’s button-down and adjusting Elise’s bow, but David loved it. It captured the Feldmans in a rare moment of pure joy. He displayed it in his office, but for the holiday card Annette chose a more formal pose, everyone with Say Cheese smiles and ample hair volume.

  The Feldmans and Connellys were gathered in a holding pen where mountains of luggage waited to be sorted. After splitting two pies at Peace O’Pizza, they had made their way to the departure zone together even though they were scheduled to disembark at different times. The cruise was officially over.

  “Thank you so much for taking care of me last night,” Natasha said to him. She really did look better. Her eyes were bright and she had attacked the pizza with gusto.

  “Of course,” David said. “Elise was a big help too.” He nuzzled the top of his daughter’s head.

  “Sorry your birthday didn’t work out the way you wanted,” Freddy said, looking at Annette. “I feel bad we didn’t get to have our last family dinner together. I know the crew goes all out for birthdays.”

  “Trust me, I didn’t need a cake with sparklers and thirty sailors serenading me,” Annette said. “I want to thank you all for coming on this trip. I know how busy everyone is.”

  “We should be thanking you and David,” Mitch said. “We never get to be away together like this and it was wonderful.” Everyone nodded and echoed a chorus of thank-you-so-muches.

  David wondered if Mitch meant a word of it. If any of them did. He looked poignantly at his wife. Had the vacation accomplished half of what she’d hoped for? She looked exhausted, but she didn’t appear unhappy. She was doing her Annette thing: fussing about, checking to make sure her suitcases had the proper tags, distributing snacks for everyone to take with them as they went their separate ways.

  “Elise, you guys better get going,” Annette said, looking at her watch. “The first bus to the airport leaves in twenty minutes.”

  “You’re right,” Elise said. “Rachel and Darius, get your stuff together.” The kids were already far gone. With the boat docked in the States, their devices were back in action. “Put those cell phones away and help with the bags.”

  “Feel good, Grandpa,” Rachel said, standing on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. “And don’t worry about me. I realize the jail/balloon-skirt story wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but I promise I’m okay. You just take care of yourself, and when you’re better, come visit me in school.”

  “You could come visit him,” Annette said. Her suggestion came out abrasively.

  “She’s a busy girl, Annette. It’s okay. I will visit you when I’m better, sweetheart,” David said. “And you too.” He patted Darius on the head.

  “Well, he might be more motivated to come to the East Coast now,” Annette said and winked at Darius. David had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

  “I will,” Darius said and hugged both David and Annette.

  “It was really nice to be together,” Elise said. “This is definitely the most excitement I’ve had in a while.” She attempted a feeble laugh.

  Nobody really answered her. Elise’s statement hung in the air awkwardly, everyone imagining the depths of her troubles.

  “Don’t miss the bus,” David said, and he beckoned for Elise and Mitch to give him a hug. He had made clear he didn’t wish to discuss his illness and he appreciated that the children were following his wishes. They enveloped Annette, and it was their four heads bowed together for maybe the first time ever.

  The Connellys and Feldmans bid good-bye to each other, calling out a round robin of “Thanks again,” “Have a safe flight,” and “Love you” until they were out of earshot.

  “I think I’ll go settle the bill at Guest Services,” David said, turning to his son. “I know you’re off the boat in the next wave so I think we should part ways here. Natasha—let us know how you’re feeling. Freddy—what can I say? You’ve always been full of surprises.”

  “I try,” Freddy said, with a sheepish grin. “Actually, I don’t try. It just happens.”

  “We love you, Freddy,” Annette said.

  “Love you too, Mom. And Dad.”

  The three of them exchanged another round of hugs, and then brought Natasha into the fold.

  “Maybe we’ll see you soon,” Freddy added.

  “I bet we will,” David said, smiling.

  PART III

  TERRA FIRMA

  One Year Later

  THIRTY-FOUR

  We’re getting into the rental car so I gotta go. Lunch next week?? Elise texted.

  Absolutely, Lynn responded. Maybe at the farmers’ market. Have fun!

  Elise clutched the phone in her hand and smiled. She looked at Mitch, who was still totally absorbed in his iPad. On the screen was the latest issue of The Elephant and Mitch had spent the whole flight rereading articles and making notes in a leather-bound notebook, a gift from Rachel and Darius for Father’s Day. He looked up at her and said, “You look happy.”

  “I am,” she responded. “I really like Lynn. We’re going to have lunch next week when I’m back. And then we’re going to try hot yoga together. Natasha said it’s life changing and she really missed doing it last year.”

  The Wellspring Treatment Center, in-patient program, had been a godsend to Elise for many reasons. She’d resisted full-time care for weeks after returning from the cruise, insisting that thrice-weekly therapy (in person, although she still held Dr. Margaret in high regard) would be sufficient. But by mid-September, it became obvious she needed more intensive management. Having her secret out had perversely made her more cavalier about her habits, and she would brazenly leave bags around the house and announce with almost no compunction when she was off to the mall. She falsely assumed that having the sympathy of her family meant they would cut her some slack. By October, Mitch had sat her down after dinner with the Wellspring brochure.

  “Your mother found the place,” he said, offering no explanation as to when they’d been in contact. Elise wasn’t mad. Actually, she was touched. She got a fuzzy feeling thinking about Mitch and Annette exchanging emails. Two people connected strictly because of her. Doing something for her. She had been caregiving for so long, managing everyone else’s lives as the family’s personal secretary, that to have other people tending to her well-being was more gratifying than she’d have imagined. It was just one of the many ways the dynamics of the Feldman family were shifting, not that Elise saw it coming at the time.

  David was gone.

  Four months after the cruise, his health took a turn for the worse. The nasty weather in the Northeast combined with his ravaged immune system led to a brutal case of pneumonia. He was hospitalized for nearly a month, but his body wouldn’t respond to any of the medications. Surrounded by Annette, Elise, and Freddy, David Feldman passed at two in the morning. He was made to feel as little pain as possible, though he was lucid until the bitter end. Everyone had a chance to say good-bye; though, as Elise suspected with all final partings, there was an ocean left unsaid.

  Her father’s funeral and the week of shiva were Elise’s first time away from Wellspring. She, Freddy, Annette, and the children sat hunched on backless stools in a circle in the Feldman living room, receiving condolences from neighbors and chanting prayers with the rabbi, their tight ring forming a scaffolding. After the seventh day of mourning and the customary walk around the block to signify the end of shiva, Elise went directly back to Wellspring. She wanted to stick around to help her mother, but Annette insisted. “You have a family to take care of,” she said. “A mother must always be strong and healthy.”

  The
treatment center was in Palo Alto and Rachel came to visit most weekends. Elise ended up spending twelve weeks there. The work to repair her mind and soul was harder than she expected and her counselor, a kind young woman named Dania who had successfully battled anorexia, warned her that the addiction would always be a part of her. There wasn’t a cure. There was just better. The best part about her time in treatment was the friends she made, most of all Lynn, who was ten years younger than Elise and a recent divorcée with no children. She was the kind of person who if Elise had met her before Wellspring, she would have dismissed as someone with whom she had nothing in common. But it turned out emptiness was a theme that could be shared, and it was a more meaningful entry point for a friendship than hailing from the same demographic. Fortunately Lynn lived not far from Elise, and since they were supposed to stay away from stores as much as possible, it was nice to have someone to go out with to eat lunch and try new activities that didn’t involve consumerism. Hence the hot yoga, and the cooking class, and the long hikes they took together in Alpine Canyon.

  “Can you navigate?” Mitch asked. He had a terrible sense of direction and guiding him through lefts and rights and roundabout exits was another one of Elise’s never-ending jobs. Not that she would complain about it. After many marital counseling sessions, she and Mitch were well on the way toward repairing the damage to their relationship caused by her secrets. Genuine trust between them felt within grasp.

  “Sure. Let me just put Freddy’s address into Waze.” Elise tooled around on her phone. “It says it’s an eighteen-minute drive. It’s so gorgeous here. We should have visited him ages ago. Rachel had the right idea.”

  She looked out the window over the aspen trees to the mountaintops, which were still snowcapped even though it was August.