by Vicki James
Our eyes drifted up and across the different photos, each one a brand-new version of the one before, but all of them featuring a mother and father’s love for their son. There was even a picture of Danny and me standing beside Tim and Amie at a summer barbeque. Tim was at the barbeque, Amie was holding a tray of food, while Danny stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my shoulders and his chin resting on one of them. I couldn’t remember who took the picture, but I remembered the day. I remembered every day this home had gifted me with because they’d been some of the happiest moments of my life.
So much happier than those made in my own home.
I loved my mum and dad, but Diane and Malcolm Piper were stricter than Tim and Amie Silver. My parents’ love was different, filled with sensible decisions, cautious advice, a lot of church, and nothing too wild. Tim and Amie weren’t like that. They’d raised Danny to be bold. To live every single moment like it was his last, and to never regret anything that made him smile… not even if it hurt along the way.
It dawned on me then why Danny and I were so different—why we looked at life from angles I couldn’t bend my neck enough to see from—and I realised, as goosebumps trailed over my skin, how much I didn’t want to end up like my own parents, safe and locked away in a house they’d never changed or drifted too far from. Existing, not living. I didn’t want the stiff, orchestrated photos of my family to be produced in a studio where we each fake smiled and tried to appear perfect without a hair out of place.
I wanted what Amie and Tim had created.
I wanted photos of smiling, laughing, crying—of bad hair blowing in the wind and squinting eyes. Of tears of fear rolling down my face while I worried about whether my son or daughter was about to break their neck, even though they were having the time of their lives. I wanted my life to be filled with real memories, not the ones I thought the world wanted me to show off.
“Are you cold?” Danny asked, squeezing our joined fingers together while his free hand roamed over my forearm. “You’ve got goosebumps.”
Looking up at him, I smiled. “Not cold. More… happy.”
“Happy?” He scowled.
“For you and these memories you have. You had the perfect childhood, Danny, and no one, not even death, can take that away from you. They were amazing people.”
Danny’s eyes searched mine. I had no idea if I’d said the right thing or not, but I could only go with what was in my heart.
Bringing his thumb up to my face, he brushed it under my eye just in time to catch a stray happy tear. “See, Daisy? This is why you had to be here with me for this. You’re the only one who can make me look at death like it isn’t dark. You’re the only one who can make me see the good when all I want to see is how much it hurts without them.”
“Danny…”
“And it’s going to hurt like hell on Saturday,” he whispered. Those strong lines in his face were tense again, even if his voice was soft.
I nodded. “Then let’s make Friday so incredible that we’ll be too exhausted on Saturday to care.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I…” didn’t know what I wanted. The only thing I did know was that I wanted to change the distorted view of him I’d created to survive. I wanted Danny from the photos back there, and I wanted the bad version to stay gone forever while I rolled around in memories of us making love on my bed, the fun we’d had in the limo, and the falling asleep together on rooftops. “This time last week, I didn’t want you or any of this. Now here I am, with my stupid heart beating like crazy, and a lightness in my chest I haven’t felt in so damn long, Danny. Tomorrow I could feel differently, and who knows what Saturday will bring. I’m only just figuring out how long a day really is and how much I can change in that day. I want to enjoy Friday before I think about Saturday. Is that okay?”
“At this point, Daisy, you could ask me for the sky, and I’d find a way to peel it away from the world in one long strip so I could roll it up and hand it over, just to see you smile.”
Then, stay, I wanted to say… but those words remained locked away inside my straining heart.
I loved him too much to cage him up now. He was a man created to live, and he belonged out there in the world, riding waves, surviving skateboard competitions, taking to the stage, and climbing any mountain he had to climb.
It wasn’t his job to stay. It was mine to figure out how to go.
Thirty-Four
Call me a glutton for my own destruction, but I let Danny stay in my bed for another night. I saw no point burning myself just a little bit. If I was about to go up in flames, it was time for me to roll around in the fire that was my love life and deal with the wounds later.
After wandering through his parents’ house, reminiscing about the times we’d spent together under that roof and sneaking first kisses in his bedroom, Danny had left a little lighter than he’d entered it. Florence had taken good care of what the Silvers had left behind while she’d been alive. Now Danny had to make the decision about what to do with the rest of it.
Once back at my place, we’d drank a bottle of wine together, talking and laughing about our youth, and then we’d made our way to my bedroom to spend the night making love—and it had been making love.
There was a tenderness to his every touch, even when he was grinding over me and slamming in hard, our breaths mingling together and our bodies creating so much heat, we were soaking wet. Danny never took his eyes from mine when he was inside me, and my name fell from his swollen lips over and over and over until we were both exhausted and sated.
If I could ever be sated when it came to him.
I’d always want more.
A new day arrived with me in his arms. After two sleepy groans of Good morning, Danny slipped inside me from behind, holding my body to his as though it was impossible to let go. He trailed kisses up and down my neck, with his teeth occasionally nipping my shoulder. Those snippets of pain made everything inside me tighten. It stung to love him, and I was becoming addicted to the bittersweet reminder.
After we showered together, we dressed and ate breakfast together, and then it was time for me to head to the shop for a few hours, meaning we had to go our separate ways. At the door, Danny grabbed my hand and spun me around until I was pressed up against it.
“Don’t go to work today.”
“I have to earn money.”
“No, you don’t. I’ll give you anything you need.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I scowled.
“I mean it. Tell me what you make in a day, and I’ll cover the costs. I’ll pay you to stay off work—to spend time with me.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s classed as illegal sex working.”
“I never said anything about sex.” He smirked.
“You don’t have to say it for me to know it would happen anyway.”
“Fair point.”
“Plus, Gina would kill me.”
“I’ll deal with Gina.”
“Oh, yeah? Have you got her wrapped around your finger, too, now?”
“No, but she knows how important you are to me, and I can put the blame on me instead of you taking shit from her.”
“I don’t know…”
“Please, Zee.” Danny closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. “Please. Just one day. Stay with me.”
Dropping back to my feet, I watched him struggling. He needed this, and so did I if I were being honest. Work would be there tomorrow. And the next day. The day after that, too. Danny wouldn’t.
I waited until he opened his eyes again, and I gave him a small nod. “Okay, I’ll take the day.”
Danny’s face lit up, and I was swept into a kiss that made me forget how to breathe. Breathing was overrated anyway, and his kiss kept me alive enough as it was.
We were caught up in the summer sun soon enough, driving along roads with the windows down and the wind in our hair. Music was pouring out from the radio, with Danny giving me an education on his f
avourite guitar heroes, including Dire Straits, Van Halen, Nirvana—if you can’t play that riff from Smells Like Teen Spirit then you shouldn’t be playing the fucking guitar, according to Danny—Led Zeppelin, Guns ‘N’ Roses, Deep Purple, Rush, and a whole load more. For the first time in so long, I was paying attention to the lyrics. Whatever pain I’d felt when listening to music before had drifted away because that music was what made Danny come to life whenever he talked about it.
How easy it is to forget old pain when wrapped up in new love.
I let him ramble on as he drove us around in a big loop just to spend time on the road with me before he parked up in a car park that I was very familiar with. Donning a black cap to hide his face as much as possible only made Danny look even hotter, especially with that stubble that had grown on his chin in the last twenty-four hours, turning him from clean-shaven to rough and edgy. He was a dangerous sinner in a storybook setting, dressed in black clothing against bright blue skies.
After retrieving a backpack from the boot of his car, he reached for my hand and started heading towards a coastal track we’d been on many times before. I knew where he was taking me now. He didn’t have to say a word.
Sunny Cove was a small but perfectly-formed secluded beach that sat, quietly unspoilt, on the Salcombe Estuary. It was a short walk along the pedestrian walkway from Mill Bay car park, and a walk I didn’t mind taking. We didn’t pass many people on the way, but the ones we did were either walking their dogs or paying attention to the camera in their hands, none of them giving Danny a second glance.
It didn’t take us long to arrive at the tiny beach, and Danny’s face brightened when he saw there was nobody there but us. We made our way over to the rocky section that curled in on the left side of the beach, only for Danny to start climbing. Just beyond a few meters of rocks was an even smaller beach tucked away in its own little cove.
I trailed behind him, careful not to slip on the rocks until I reached the edge and followed Danny when he jumped into the shallow waters, feet first, soaking his trainers through. We’d done this so many times before, and once in our tiny little section that wouldn’t fit more than a few people in it anyway, we’d slip off our shoes and just lay in the shade, watching the small waves in front of us.
Danny laid out a blanket he’d brought with him, and he pulled out a few bottles of beer, uncapping two before we settled into place with warm skin and bare feet. We didn’t even discuss where we were going to sit. Danny took his place at the back of the blanket and parted his legs, and I slipped in between them, pressing my back to his chest and letting him hold me.
The old, familiar routine felt as natural as it ever had done—if not more so now. The time apart hadn’t made either of us forget how we used to be when we were together, and it struck me how five years could seem so achingly long one moment, only to feel like you blinked and missed it all the very next. Had he really been gone so long?
Had it really been five years since we’d sat this way at one of our favourite spots?
“I’d forgotten how much I love it here,” he said, resting his chin on top of my head.
“Me, too,” I lied. I hadn’t forgotten a thing.
“Have you been since… you know…?”
“Not in five years.”
“I wish you hadn’t stopped living when I left. This was one of your favourite spots.”
“I carried on… it was just a different kind of living. I couldn’t come here without you. Too many memories.”
“Too many ghosts.” He sighed.
A speedboat flew across the water, bouncing off the waves it created and disappearing just as soon as it had arrived. No one could see us here unless they ventured over the rocks and took the same path we had, which few made the effort to do only to see a beach with a few square feet of sand. Something about the privacy and tranquillity of it made me realise I might not get this again for a long time.
“What’s it like?” I asked him quietly, staring out at the sea. “Being famous?”
“Being famous is hard. Being a musician is amazing.”
“You don’t like being a global sensation?”
“It can be nice to see my name in a well-written piece from a critic or from music enthusiasts who think I have a talent. It’s nice to know I can go anywhere and do anything as soon as I drop my name or mention the band. There are perks, sure, but there are a lot of cons, too. Nothing stays private anymore. Everything’s under the microscope. If it weren’t for Jules, it would be even worse, but she manages to keep a lot of stuff brushed under the carpet.”
“Wild parties and stuff?”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “And stuff.”
“Dare I ask?”
“You can ask, but you should make sure you definitely want to know the answer.” He curled his arm around my waist with one hand while I heard and felt him take a drink of his beer with the other before he dropped it back into the sand.
“Women,” I breathed out, that twist of jealousy turning my stomach over.
“Sometimes.”
“Danny, you don’t have to hide them from me. I had Ben, remember?”
“Seeing you with him when I first got here…” He tensed around me. “One of the top ten worst moments of my life.”
I ran my hand over his. “Well, I’m here now.”
“You are. So, we’re going to drink these beers, swim in that sea, roll around on this blanket, and then I’m going to fuck you so slowly, it might be tomorrow before we come up for air.”
“Best Friday ever,” I whispered, my grin breaking free.
That’s exactly what we did. We drank the beers, and we swam in the sea in only our T-shirts and underwear, letting the sun dry us out when we stepped back on the sand. We talked for hours, and I asked Danny so many questions about his new life. I found out he’d been across the world and back again, and his favourite place had been Italy. He couldn’t wait to go back and spend time on holiday there without a schedule to hold him back from exploring. New York had been both mind-blowing and a let down because he’d been pushed from building to building in the back of cars with blacked-out windows, only able to look up at the skyline from the back seat while sitting next to four other guys who stank of cigarettes and alcohol.
They’d hit the number one spot in the UK only once so far, but rock music wasn’t as popular as pop and dance, and they knew the battle they were dealing with there. Rock albums became history, and according to Danny, that’s what they wanted more than a fleeting hit record.
He was closest to Archer in the band, explaining that he was a solid guy who he could go to at any time of the day and talk to about anything. They’d often stay awake until the sun came up, drinking and telling tales of life back home. Archer’s girlfriend kept him grounded, and that in turn helped Danny stay tuned in to reality. Theo was the best man to have fun with. Fletch would go along with anything and everything, always up for a laugh. And even though Halo was the loudest and most well-known out of all the band members, he was the biggest mystery.
“It’s like he’s trying to be something he’s not,” Danny said, tossing a stone into the ocean. “One minute he’s high, bouncing off the walls, and the next he’s locked away in his room with the curtains drawn, seeking some kind of solace.”
“Sounds intense.”
“He is intense, but he’s good, too. If he thinks any of us are struggling, he’s there with a beer and a shitty joke to try to put a smile on our faces.”
I listened to him speak reverently about Jules and Rhett, saying how they’d gotten close since Jules had taken over as publicist for Front Row Frogs. He spoke about the band Youth Gone Wild, too, but I was losing track of all the names and everyone who had left an impression on him. Though, the mention of Saffron being thrown around like she was part of the band did bring a weird twist of both jealousy and shame to life. She’d been a part of Danny’s journey as much as his other band mates. If she’d been able to do it, why hadn’t
I?
You can’t change the past, Daisy.
While he was lost in a story about some drummer he admired called Presley West, a tired yawn escaped me, only for Danny to catch sight of it before I managed to cover my mouth with my hand.
“Sleepy?” he asked, walking over to where I sat on the edge of the rocks.
“Little bit.”
“I suppose I have kept you up the last few nights.”
“Don’t you ever get tired?”
“I’ve learnt to live off a few hours here and there.” He held out his hand for me to take, and I did, letting him pull me to a stand until our chests were pressed up against each other’s again. “Do you want me to let you sleep? We can go and lie on the blanket over there for an hour before we head back?”
“I don’t want to spend our time sleeping, Danny.”
His lips twitched with amusement. “Then let me make it an hour to remember.”
And he did.
He laid me down on the blanket and climbed on top of me, nudging my legs apart before he pulled the blanket over us, so his arse was covered from any possible passers-by. Danny worked his magic, those expert fingers exploring and that heavenly tongue tasting before he slipped inside of me and rocked us both into the most rhythmic, sensual orgasm I’d ever had. Every time with him seemed stronger, more powerful than the last, and this was another new memory created in the midst of our old world. I devoured every second of it, not knowing when or if it would ever happen again.
Thirty-Five
I hated leaving the beach. An aching sadness washed over me in the car on the journey back home. Danny stayed pretty quiet, too, both of us sitting there with our ocean-salt skin, sand-ridden hair, and sun-kissed faces. He’d only had one beer the entire time we were there, but I’d had three, and my barriers weren’t just down anymore; they’d crumbled entirely.
The last couple of days beside him had been a dream I didn’t want to wake up from.
We went back to my place to shower and change. Danny tugged a clean black T-shirt over his head that he’d picked up from his Gran’s along the way, covering those tattoos of his that I was growing to love more than anything. Especially that daisy.