by Vicki James
“Flip that. I was the burden to you. I needed you to be free of the weight of me and stand on your own two feet for a while—to figure out what you wanted, not what I, Diane, Malcolm, Gina, or Jackson needed from you.” He leaned closer, his voice dropping. “But I selfishly also wish you’d have tried to reach out to me, too.”
I scowled up at him. “Reach out, how? You left.”
“One phone call, Zee. One text message. One… anything, and damn, I would have run back to you. I would have run back so fast; I’d have broken records.”
“I can’t believe you’re trying to turn this around on me.”
He shook his head and swallowed his obvious guilt. “That’s not what I’m saying. I know what I did. I hurt you, and I handled the consequences of that, but I can’t deny how much it stung when I watched Saff chasing Archer across the country to make him see how perfect they were for each other, while I couldn’t get you to answer a simple phone call.”
“You told me you couldn’t take me with you. You… you said those words. There wasn’t anything else you could have added to it. I didn’t want you to check up on me like I was some sad, pining pet you’d left behind. Do you know how stupid and silly I felt once you dumped me like that?”
“You didn’t let me finish what I had to say to you before you ran away. There was so much more. So many words I wanted to speak. So many options…”
“What could you possibly have said after telling me that Hope Cove and our relationship wasn’t enough for you?”
“I was going to ask you to give me a year. Just twelve months to find my feet. To go out there and make music, travel, see the world beyond this village and Devon.”
“And then what?”
“Then, I’d have come back for you.”
I inhaled sharply, and my chest stuttered. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I whispered.
“Daisy, I tried.”
Looking down at our thighs pressed together, a thousand thoughts and memories rushed through my mind. My parents telling me that Danny had tried to call again, a whole month after we’d finished with each other. Gina saying she’d had an email from him two weeks after he’d gone, begging for her to let him know that I was okay. Even Tim and Amie Silver, driving over to my mum and dad’s house to check on me, which I left my parent’s to deal with because looking at them would have reminded me of Danny, and I wanted to erase all those wasted days, months, and years from my mind.
I’d had nothing to say to anyone. My world had turned black with no sparks of silver anywhere to be found, and there I was, finding out that things could have been different.
We could have been together.
“I can’t believe this,” I eventually muttered, looking up at him. I blew out a breath, unable to ignore the tight knot of regret that had formed in my stomach, twisting me up. “If I’d have known…”
“I’m not saying that what I did was right in the end, but it’s what I thought was right at the time. Yeah, I went away for myself and for the music, but I also wanted to give you time to go out there and find yourself. To figure out what made you happy. I wanted to set you free, Zee.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be free of what I feel for you.”
“Then come with me now.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“Come with me…”
“Where to?”
“Every-fucking-where.”
I blinked, feeling my skin prickle with both dread and excitement. “What about all the things you just said? The need to set me free. The need for me to discover myself. The whole reason for us parting in the first place.”
His smile rose. “Have you any idea how different you are now? You’re wildfire wrapped up like a delicate daisy. You take no shit, not even from me, and you’ve grown so damn much. You have your own business. You have your own life. Maybe you’d have had that all along, no matter if I’d stuck around or not, but that’s not the point. You have it now, and I’ve got to be honest, it’s really fucking beautiful to see.”
“You can’t just want me now you think I’m fixed.”
“I never stopped wanting you. Not even for a day.”
“This is a lot to process.”
“I know.” He nodded, leaning closer. “I know, wildfire.”
I couldn’t help the grin that broke free. “Wildfire, huh?”
“Raging all the time,” he teased.
I rolled my eyes playfully. “I’ve not been angry for a few days now. I’m not as strong as you’re making out.”
“I’m going to tell you something that someone I respect told me not so long ago: giving in to what you truly want requires more strength than you realise. It’s easy to stay weak and keep everyone else happy—to worry about what every fucker out there will say—but following this…” he raised his hand to lay it on my heart, “takes a whole truckload of courage.”
I stared into green eyes I never wanted to look away from.
“So, come with me, Zee, and let’s make a life together.”
God, I wanted to. The thought of being by his side for the rest of our days filled me with so much warmth and hope, I probably could have floated through the air from it. Imagining us together, travelling the world, and me watching him play that guitar a thousand times or more made my skin prickle.
But life didn’t work that way, and I wasn’t about to regress and become the very thing he said he didn’t want me to be: a woman who rolls over at her love’s every command, following him blindly, and putting her own dreams aside.
“How is that even possible? I can’t just come with you. Not after a few days. I can’t pack up my life here and drift on down the road because you think the timing is right now, or because you think I’ve passed some test you set that I never even knew I had to take.”
“It wasn’t a test…”
“Yeah, it was, Danny,” I said quietly. “I don’t have to like it to respect it, and I do respect it. If you’d have told me that’s what you were doing, you’re right, I would have argued for you to stay. I’d have said the right thing to make you happy with no regard for myself, but it was still wrong of you to go and let me believe you didn’t care anymore.”
His hand slipped, landing on the brick ledge with a thud. “I’ve known that since the day I left you, I promise.”
“We both made sacrifices, and from those, we both built two separate lives apart from each other.”
“We could bring them together. Make it work somehow.”
“How?”
“I don’t know, but we could try.”
“And what happens if I try? What happens if I throw everything I’ve built up away because you swept me off my feet for a few days, and then I get out there in the big bad world with you, and I hate it?”
“I don’t—”
“I can’t come with you, Danny,” I said, cutting him off before he made my mind cloudy again. “I’m not Saff.”
“I don’t want you to be her. I want you to be you, however I can have you.”
“I’d be in the way, stumbling around you and the band, not knowing where I fit in or what my purpose was other than to be your girl.”
“You’ll always be my girl.”
“Then we’ll make it work somehow. We’ll try the long-distance thing. We’ll stay in touch… see how it goes. No more big decisions that ruin shit. We can take it slowly. You’ll come back here again one day, and when you do…”
He nodded once, his sad, disappointed eyes taking me in before he looked out to the ocean. “Okay.”
“Is it?” My hand found his, and I slid it over the top, grazing his knuckles.
“No, it fucking sucks. I’ve spent five years weaning myself off you, and now I’m back to square one with only myself to blame.” He turned to look at me. “But I’d do it all again if I could. I’d fuck you on your bed with you in my lap. I’d taste you in that limo. I’d screw you on the beach, and I’d come and sleep with you if the sky was falling because
these last few days have been some of the best of my life when they should have been my worst, and every moment has been thanks to you, Zee. Every amazing day I’ve ever had is thanks to you.”
“I feel the same about you.” I smiled softly, basking in his affection.
“You really think we can make this work now?”
“I want to try.”
“Me, too.” Danny reached up to cup my cheek. “Just promise me something.”
“What?”
“When we say goodbye this time, don’t cry. I spent the last five years with that image of you running away burned onto the back of my eyelids. This time, I’d like to take your smile with me instead.”
Tears formed quickly, belonging to both sad and happy emotions. “I’ll see what I can do,” I whispered.
“Thank you.”
“Shall we stay here ‘til the sun comes up?”
With a sigh, Danny shuffled me closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, leaving us both to look out to the horizon. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
The sun did come up eventually.
Our final night together passed too quickly, and the threads of some kind of mourning began to weave themselves across my heart. Maybe it was readying itself for the breaks again. I wasn’t sure. Danny and I were swimming in unfamiliar territory, the unknown village girl in love with the famous rock star. It was the kind of love story that could thrive, but struggle to survive in the long run, and that ache settled in the pit of my stomach until we walked to the metal steps to make our way down the ladder one final time.
The orange, pink, and yellow sky around us was beautiful, lighting up the world like a stage, only Danny looked nervous about this performance. An unsure scowl creased his handsome face.
He reached for the railing, only to stop himself and turn back to me.
“I don’t think I can spend the rest of the day building up to saying goodbye to you,” he confessed. His eyes were tired, his body, too, but I had a feeling his heart was exhausted more than anything, just like mine.
“Me either.”
His head dropped, and he spun around to take my hands in his before he looked up, and I saw a sheen of moisture coating his eyes. Nothing, not one single thing on this planet, got to me more than seeing Danny showing raw emotion.
“I think I’m gonna say goodbye here,” he whispered. Bringing a hand up to my face, he ran his thumb over the apple of my cheek, his other hand squeezing my fingers tightly. “I love you, Daisy Piper.”
“I love you, too, Danny.”
“See you on the other side?”
“Definitely,” I breathed.
“No one’s ever going to love you like I do.”
With a parting kiss, Danny closed his eyes and pressed his lips to mine, making sure I felt that goodbye everywhere. When he pulled away, I didn’t open my eyes, but the silent tears fell anyway. I allowed myself to feel him leave.
“Smile for me, Zee,” he whispered. So, I did. I forced a soft smile to my lips, despite the ache in my heart.
Soon, his warmth disappeared from my mouth.
His strength disappeared from my hands.
His tenderness fell from my cheek.
His footsteps took him away from me.
When the sound of his boots hitting the metal rungs grew farther and farther away, I hitched in a breath, the emotion making it stutter in my chest before I opened my eyes to see nothing but the sunrise.
Danny had gone again, taking my heart on a tour of the world to be by his side when I couldn’t be there to kiss him.
I was alone, trying to relearn how to breathe without his air filling my lungs.
“Goodbye, superstar.”
Thirty-Nine
Exhaustion helped me sleep, though sleep couldn’t hold me captive for too long. A few hours passed before I woke on top of my duvet, still wearing the same clothes as when I’d curled on top of it. There was a heavy, yet empty feeling resting in the pit of my stomach as I showered, washed my hair, dressed, and made my way into the kitchen to collect the shop keys.
This autopilot setting that I had defaulted to felt familiar, reminding me of the first time he exited my life stage left. It was easy to slip into the mindset of being broken-hearted, and I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t the same now.
Things were on my terms. Weren’t they?
Then how come your terms feel just as shit as his did?
That was one question I couldn’t dwell on for too long.
Midday had already arrived too soon, meaning I’d missed the morning trade, but it was better late than never for me to make my way to work. I had to keep myself occupied while there was a chance that he was still close by. If I didn’t, I’d end up running to him and pledging promises I didn’t know I could keep.
I scraped my hair up into a wet bun as I made my way to the front door, wearing blue jeans and a tight, white T-shirt, despite the summer heat. My blood was cold now, a permanent chill rolling over me as the realisation settled in that Danny Silver never could and never would stay.
But you could go.
Shaking that irritating inner voice away, I sucked in a deep breath and opened the door to a new day and life… only to come face to face with Gina.
Her arms were folded over her chest, her head tilted to one side, and her eyes were full of sympathy when she offered me a sad smile.
“If you’re thinking about going to work, Daisy, you can think again. Shop stays closed.”
“Worst business partner ever.”
“Sometimes a break is worth more than the hustle.”
I opened my mouth to speak, and she raised a finger in warning.
Blowing all the air out of my inflated cheeks, I let my shoulders sag, and I offered her a pout.
Gina held her arms out, and I stepped out of the house and into them, my chin resting weakly on her shoulder, while she ran her hands up and down my back. We stood there like that for a few minutes, her, pouring good energy into me and taking on my bad.
“How bad is this case of the sads?” she eventually asked.
“It’s pretty sucky.”
“I thought as much.”
More silence lingered, until I couldn’t keep that burning question in any longer. “Do you think he’s left yet?”
“I saw him leave half an hour ago.”
“So, he’s really gone…”
“Yeah,” she sighed.
I didn’t even have the energy to ask her about it, and I definitely didn’t need to know why he’d gone sooner rather than later. Hanging around would have done him no good, and a part of me was glad he’d driven away before I’d grown tired, weak, and decided to run to Florence’s home.
“He asked me to go with him,” I admitted, waiting for her to tense around me.
Instead, she continued to soothe my back before she whispered, “I know.” With a scowl, I pulled back and looked at her, my eyes asking the question my mouth couldn’t. “He came by earlier this morning… to my place.”
“To say what?”
“Actually…” Gina reached around into her back pocket, and she pulled out a white envelope that had been folded in two. “He wanted to talk to me about this. Come on,” she said, jerking her head in the direction of the road. “Let’s go to our favourite spot, and I’ll let you read it.”
“Gina, you’re scaring me.”
She took my hand in hers and swung it between us, a soft smile playing on her lips. “There’s nothing to be scared of. Lock up your house, and let’s go.”
I reluctantly did as she asked, even though I didn’t like it. The two of us walked through Hope Cove in silence, making our way up the hill and along the walkway that led to the bench on the hilltop that overlooked the beach and ocean.
We came here a lot when Gina’s parents had died. Some days, we’d talk the hours away, while watching the boats whizz by, the people paddle on their paddleboards, and the birds circle above us. Other times, we’d come h
ere and sit in silence, needing nothing but each other’s company and the views to get us through our muddled emotions.
Gina asked me to be here a lot with her when she first realised that she’d have to raise Jackson alone. The two of us had shared a lot of secrets and fears in this space, and we’d forged a bond strong enough to withstand anything as we discussed our hopes and dreams for a brighter future.
I took my place, and so did she. Gina’s fingers worried the envelope in her hands before she looked up into my eyes.
“Danny said that if he’d have offered you this, you’d have told him where to go,” she began, “and he really wants you to consider what’s inside. He wants you to know that he’s not trying to own you or control you in any way, but that this was his plan all along… even before you, well, you know…”
I blinked at her, confused. “I don’t understand.”
“You will.” Gina handed me the letter, and I kept my focus on her as I peeled it open and pulled the folded piece of paper out that had Danny’s scruffy handwriting scrawled all over it.
I’d always given him grief for the quick, careless way in which he wrote, while I loved nothing more than to shape my vowels with perfect curves and elongate my consonants to make them look pretty.
“Don’t let your pride get in the way here, Dais,” Gina said quietly before she sat back on the bench and looked out across the ocean. “Pride wastes precious years.”
I dropped my attention to Danny’s letter.
Zee,
I’m writing this with Gina glaring at me, so forgive me for my scruffy penmanship. I know it gets on your nerves. Some things need to be written, though. They’re more personal, and Gran always said that it was important to sprinkle business with a little personal touch where possible.
I guess this falls under business rather than pleasure… although if you take what I have to offer without putting up a fight, it will definitely bring me a lot of pleasure to my life.
Here’s the deal.
Your rented house isn’t available for you to rent anymore.
It has a new buyer, and that buyer is you.