by Eva Shepherd
She stood up, leaned down and kissed the speechless Nellie on her cheek. ‘I have to run now. In a few hours I’ll be on a steamship heading for America and a new life with my future husband, Charlie.’ Her voice softened every time she mentioned Charlie’s name and she continued smiling as if incapable of containing her joy.
‘Goodbye, Nellie.’
She swept out of the parlour, leaving Nellie still sitting in her armchair, staring straight ahead and wondering what Lady Cecily’s revelation would mean for her and Dominic.
Chapter Eighteen
Dominic stared down at his uneaten breakfast. He wasn’t hungry. A few short weeks ago his life was going according to plan. He knew what he wanted and how to get it. Then along came Nellie Regan. She had turned everything upside down and around and about and left him shaken up and disorientated. She had caused him to question everything: who he was, what he wanted and why he wanted it.
Now he was left reeling as if battered by a fierce emotional storm. Kissing her, holding her, caressing her lovely body had felt so right. Then she was gone.
On the night that they had kissed, she had been right to tell him to try to find Cecily. It was the right thing to do, to try to explain what had happened, to try to undo the damage they had done. But would he have done the right thing if he had known that Nellie would not be waiting for him when he returned? Dominic didn’t know. And now he never would.
After he had left Nellie in the library, he had searched Lockhart Estate for Cecily, but she had been nowhere to be found. Finally, when he had all but exhausted his search, he had gone down to the last place he would expect her to run to, the servants’ hall. There he had been told she had left, along with her footman. It had been too late to pursue her back to Hardgrave Estate and, if he was being perfectly honest, he was relieved that she had left. He could talk to her once tempers had settled. In the meantime, he could return to Nellie. After what had happened, he had so much he needed to say to her, so much he wanted to ask her.
He had gone to her room, expecting to find her waiting for him. But she wasn’t there and neither were her bags. Once again, he searched the house. Had she moved to another room? Had she decided to stay in the servants’ quarters after all? He didn’t know. Frantically he had searched the entire house and grounds, but she was nowhere to be found. It was only when he saw his coachman coming up the drive and he had questioned the tired man that he discovered her whereabouts. He was informed that the coachman had taken her to the nearby village and she was staying the night in a local inn.
Dominic had wanted to leave immediately, to follow her. He could not let her go, not like this, not ever. But he had seen the fatigue etched on the coachman’s face. It was the small hours of the morning, the man needed his rest, as did the horses.
Instead he had arranged for a horse to be made ready for him first thing in the morning. After a sleepless night he rode to the inn, only to find she had already left to take the first train to London. With only minutes to spare he had ridden to the station, but their meeting hadn’t gone as he expected. Instead of running into his arms as he had hoped, she had told him there could never be anything between them.
He had been shocked, angry, but deep down he now knew she was right. He hadn’t been thinking straight when he had kissed her. He hadn’t been thinking straight since he’d first met her. When he had seen her at the train station, all he wanted to do was hold her, to kiss her. He had not been thinking of Lady Cecily. He had not been thinking of his sisters and their chances of making good marriages. He had not been thinking of his family’s position in society. He had been thinking of nothing except his own needs, of having Nellie back in his arms. He had let his passions rule his head. But Nellie had a cooler head than him. She had been the one to act rationally.
But it had all been for nothing, anyway. After what had happened between himself and Nellie, he knew he could not marry Cecily. But before he had a chance to tell her and her father that the engagement was off, he discovered that she had run off with her footman.
He moved the uneaten breakfast around on his plate. It appeared he had never really known Cecily Hardgrave. Her reserve and coolness towards him were not due to her aristocratic bearing, nor was it because they had yet to get to know each other properly. It was because she was in love with another man. Yet she had been willing to marry him because that was what her father wanted, what society expected. In one way he and Cecily Hardgrave were alike. They had both been trying to do what was right, to do their duty by their family and conform to society’s expectations.
Before the Duke of Ashmore had told him that Cecily had gone to America with her footman, Dominic had tried to write to her, but had been unable to compose a letter to express or explain what had happened. He’d been unable to do that because he was still trying to make sense of it himself. All he could write was that he was profoundly sorry and that was true. Sorry for what she had seen, sorry that he no longer wanted to marry her, sorry for how he had treated her, sorry for the whole damn episode.
He had never sent the letter because a crestfallen Duke of Ashmore had arrived at his home. Dominic was sure that Cecily had told him everything she had seen in the library. He had been unsure how the Duke would have taken the news that the man he expected to be his future son-in-law had been caught with another woman. The Duke had suspected Nellie was Dominic’s mistress, even though it wasn’t the case. The Duke had even said he had no objection to Dominic having a mistress as long as he was discreet. But a lack of discretion was one of the many crimes Dominic had committed.
The Duke had been within his rights to call off the engagement—after all, such a marriage would be an insult to his daughter after what she had witnessed. Dominic was prepared to extend him the privilege of ending the engagement and of telling society whatever he liked about the reasons—it was no more than Dominic deserved.
But instead of reprimanding Dominic for his lack of discretion, he had come to apologise. The Duke had told him, with great shame, that Cecily had run off with her footman and no one knew where she had gone. She had left a note to say she loved the man, wanted to marry him and begged her father not to try to find her.
The Duke was deeply embarrassed by his daughter’s behaviour and kept apologising. Dominic had assured him, repeatedly, that there was nothing to be sorry for. Throughout their conversation Dominic had been forced to keep his face serious and suppress the smile that was threatening to reveal the happiness he was feeling. He was so pleased for Cecily. She had not been hurt by his behaviour. If anything, it had freed her. It might not make sense for the daughter of a duke to marry a footman, but who was Dominic to judge anyone? Particularly when Cecily had proven she had the courage to do what she wanted, rather than what society demanded. Once he would have scorned such behaviour, but now it brought him immense pleasure and he quietly wished Cecily every happiness with her footman. The pursuit of happiness—that was something else he would have scorned just a few months ago.
But even if he admired Cecily, it did not mean it was an example that he could follow. Unlike Cecily he had other people to consider. When he’d chased Nellie to the train station he had been prepared to throw in everything for her, his position, his sisters’ futures, everything. It was only her good sense that had stopped him from making a rash, regrettable mistake.
Unlike Cecily he had three sisters who needed to make good marriages. He could not subject them, or their children, to the scorn of being an outsider, someone who was looked down on because of their lowly position in society. He could not let history repeat itself by marrying someone from Nellie’s world.
His mother had caused a scandal when she had married an ex-stable boy. For that action she’d been ostracised from society, and so had her children. How much more damage would be caused if he married a former servant, someone in trade? His sisters’ chances of making good marriages would go from slim to non-existent.
That only left Dominic with one choice. He had to put all thoughts of Nellie Regan out of his mind. He had to still the tempest of thoughts that were storming around inside his head, had to banish memories of her eyes, her lips and her luscious body.
He pushed away his untouched breakfast, picked up the silver coffee pot and poured himself a cup. But driving out thoughts of Nellie Regan wasn’t going to happen if he kept replaying over and over again what it was like to take her in his arms, to kiss and caress her. Only action would still his thoughts and allow him to be free of this self-inflicted torment. He had to fill up his days with activity so he had no time to think. No time to do what he was doing right now, staring down at the thick black liquid in his coffee cup, while he ruminated on what might have been.
The door flew open and Amanda rushed into the breakfast room. She served herself from the silver terrines lined up on the sideboard, the spoons clinking loudly against the serving dishes as she filled up her plate. Smiling, she sat down opposite and began eating a hearty breakfast. ‘Good morning, Dominic,’ she trilled. ‘Isn’t it a beautiful day?’
He looked up at the floor-to-ceiling windows and out to the gardens and parklands of Lockhart Estate. The sun was indeed shining brightly in a clear blue sky. He hadn’t noticed until now.
He forced himself to smile at his sister. ‘And what do you have planned for today, Amanda?’
Her smile grew brighter. She shuffled around in her seat as if unable to contain her excitement. ‘Thomas... Lord Westcliffe is going to come by today and he’s going to want to speak to you.’
Dominic raised his eyebrows. ‘He is?’
‘Oh, Dominic,’ she cried out in joy. ‘He wants to court me. I know it’s very sudden and we’ve only just met, but he’s so wonderful. He’s funny, witty, clever, he’s just lovely. And he’s so handsome.’
Dominic’s forced smile became genuine. ‘And he’s the son of a duke.’
Amanda flicked her napkin in his direction before placing it back on her lap. ‘Oh, who cares about that. I’d want to be with him no matter who his family was.’ She bit the edge of her lip. ‘I think I’m falling in love with him. Can you fall in love with someone when you’ve only just met them?’
Dominic didn’t know the answer to that question, but he kept on smiling. ‘That’s wonderful news. Of course I would be more than happy to meet with him.’
Amanda smiled at him across the table. ‘It also means you don’t have to worry about us any more. If I do marry him, all your problems are solved as well, aren’t they?’
Dominic raised his eyebrows once again in question.
‘Well, if I marry Thomas...’ She smiled and closed her eyes briefly. ‘If I marry Lord Westcliffe, the family will be connected to an old, aristocratic family. I’ll be able to arrange for my sisters to be presented at court. And you’ll be free to marry whomever you want.’
Dominic knew his sister was trying to be kind, but things were never as simple as that. ‘A marriage to Lord Westcliffe will certainly be excellent for your sisters and the family. It is a very favourable arrangement and I am pleased for you, Amanda.’
Amanda put down her knife and fork and glared at him. ‘Dominic, if I marry Lord Westcliffe, it will be because I love him, for no other reason. I’d do it whether he was the son of a duke or a dockworker. All I’m saying is that as he is the son of a duke it makes things easier for you, because you alone in this family care about such things and I know you feel you won’t have done your duty until you’ve married us all off to aristocrats.’
‘That’s not true. I...’
Amanda picked up her napkin and waved it at him, as if shooing away his words. ‘It is true and we’re not like you, Dominic. My sisters and I have always wanted to marry for love, not social position, just like Mother and Father did.’
Dominic could hardly believe what he was hearing. How could she say she did not care that the family had become pariahs, that their mother had lost all contact with her family and friends, that everyone looked down on them? ‘Amanda, that’s a foolish, sentimental...’
She waved her napkin again. ‘Mother and Father were in love, they were happy. Mother never really cared that her family had turned their backs on her. It was a sacrifice she was prepared to make in exchange for love. And she could see what sort of marriages her sisters had made and was pleased she had escaped their fates. Her sisters might have maintained their position in society by making supposedly good marriages, but they were miserable. Mother didn’t feel sad that they wanted nothing to do with her, she felt sorry for them. And she never wanted that for us. She always told me that I should follow my heart and marry for love, nothing else.’
Dominic stared at his sister as he tried to formulate an argument to prove to her just how absurd she was being.
‘And that’s what she would have wanted for you as well, Dominic.’ She replaced her threatening napkin and reached her hand over the table towards him. ‘I think she always assumed that as a man you would have choices and would choose to marry someone you loved, so perhaps that’s why she never spoke to you about it. She would never have wanted you to sacrifice yourself to advance the family’s social status. She would have wanted you to be happy, wouldn’t she?’
‘Well, yes, but...’ It seemed Nellie Regan wasn’t the only one who was making Dominic question everything—his sister was starting to do the same.
‘You’ve been moping around for the last week and I know it’s got nothing to do with Lady Cecily breaking off the engagement.’
Dominic was not going to discuss such things with his sister, so he gave a hmmph in reply and took a sip of his coffee.
‘You’re miserable because of Nellie Regan.’
Dominic spluttered on his drink and stared at his sister, too shocked to speak.
‘Don’t look so surprised,’ Amanda said as Dominic tried to compose himself. ‘I’m not entirely blind as to what’s been going on in this house. I saw the way you looked at her when she was here for the ball and it started to make sense. You’d changed since you came back from your time in London and I don’t just mean because of your injuries. So, I asked my lady’s maid for the gossip from below stairs. You know how the servants know everything. Well, she told me that there was indeed something between the two of you, that you’d actually rushed after her in the early hours of the morning when she left for London.’ Amanda smiled, her eyebrows raised, her eyes shining. ‘You rushed after Nellie Regan, not Cecily Hardgrave. That sounds like there’s definitely something between you and Nellie.’
Dominic released his held breath. Thank goodness his innocent sister hadn’t been told about the intimacy that had taken place in the library and hopefully that was also something that had escaped the notice of the ever-observant servants.
‘All right, now you know I acted like a fool. But fortunately, Miss Regan was more sensible and she rebuffed me. Now, let’s say no more on the matter. What time will Lord Westcliffe be joining us?’
‘Don’t change the subject, Dominic. Nellie rebuffed you because she thought you were still engaged to Cecily. The ending of your engagement changes everything. You’re now free to do what makes you happy, not what you think you’re supposed to do, but what you want to do.’
‘It’s not as simple as that.’ He took a sip of his coffee to underline that the conversation was over.
‘Yes, it is. It’s very simple. You’re sacrificing your happiness because you want to elevate our position in society. You think it will make me and my sisters happy, but it’s not what any of us want. We don’t care about society. We don’t care about making so-called good marriages. We want to marry for love, just like our mother, and be happy. We want that for you as well, Dominic. And you should want it for yourself.’
She smiled at him. ‘Follow your heart, Dominic, do what makes you happy, not what you think society expects you to do.’
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He stared at his sister as she continued to smile at him.
Was it really that simple? Could there really be a simple answer to such a complex problem? Follow your heart. It seemed far too easy.
Dominic looked down at his coffee. Had he been making things more complicated than they needed to be? Was his sister right?
He raised his head and nodded. ‘All right, Amanda. I will.’ With those few words it was as if an enormous weight had been lifted off Dominic’s shoulders. He would do something completely outrageous—he would follow his heart back to Nellie Regan.
Once he had spoken to Lord Westcliffe and given his blessing to his courtship of Amanda, he would take the next train up to London.
Chapter Nineteen
Throughout the train journey Dominic rehearsed what he was going to say to convince Nellie that marriage to him would be perfect. She had sounded so resolute at the train station when she had told him there could never be anything between them, but that was when she thought they could never be man and wife. Without that, she had quite rightly said she wanted nothing to do with him. But that was no longer the case. Now they had a future together.
And her actions when he had kissed her in the library had shown him that, despite her words, there was something between them. There was passion, there was fire, there was intense desire that had brushed aside all reason and had consumed them both.
She had also accused him of behaving like so many men of his class before him, of taking advantage of a woman from the servant class, but he knew that, too, wasn’t true. He was certain that Nellie also knew it wasn’t true. He was not the type of man who would do something so despicable. And even if he was, no one would ever take advantage of that lovely little minx. Any man who tried would be taking a mighty risk. He smiled to himself as he remembered her confronting him the first time they had met, with her eyes flashing, her hands defiantly on her hips. That was not a young woman who anyone would be able to take advantage of and he pitied the poor fool who tried.