by Eva Shepherd
The fact that he wanted to marry her swept away those objections. He could hardly be accused of taking advantage of her now. Not when he wanted to marry her. Contentment washed through him. Amanda was right—once you followed your heart everything became much more simple, everything started to make sense.
He looked out of the train window and watched as the view turned from green rolling countryside to small villages. The train would soon be entering the edges of London, taking him closer and closer to Nellie.
He smiled to himself. He would soon be marrying Nellie Regan, a former lady’s maid who was now in trade. Who would have ever thought his life would change this much in such a short time? Who would believe that he could change so quickly from being completely opposed to people who let their hearts rule their heads to someone who was more than happy to do exactly that? But it was true. He was now being driven by his passions and throwing all caution to the wind, and all because of Nellie Regan.
He looked back at the empty compartment, pleased that no one could see him smiling to himself like a demented fool. He picked up the folded newspaper he had planned to read on the train, then put it back down again and looked out of the window.
But then, why should he be so surprised at the change that had come over him? Nellie Regan was more than capable of changing anything, including him. How could he have ever resisted her charms? Not when she was simply that, irresistible. He didn’t have a chance. From the moment he had seen her standing in the kitchen at Hardgrave Estate he had been smitten. And every time he had seen her from that moment onwards, he had become more entranced until he could no longer think straight. But now he was thinking straight. Now he knew what he wanted. He wanted Nellie Regan to be his wife.
* * *
Arriving at the station, he hailed a hansom cab to take him to Nellie’s hairdressing parlour. Impatience got the better of him. He tapped his cane on the roof and urged the driver to make all haste. Now that he had made up his mind, he could hardly contain himself, he wanted to propose immediately.
He had never noticed before just how congested the London traffic was as the cab jostled between omnibuses, trams, carriages and carts. It was as if this infernal traffic was trying to deliberately thwart him from reaching his goal. But now that his mind was made up nothing, not even the London traffic, could stop him. Despite his irritation he was still smiling. He patted his top pocket, which contained a beautiful diamond and ruby ring. It had belonged to his mother and was so appropriate. His mother was a woman who had given up everything for the man she loved. And now Dominic was doing the same, giving up everything for Nellie Regan.
Finally, after a seemingly interminable amount of time, the cab pulled up outside Nellie’s business premises. He paused outside the door to try to get that foolish grin off his face. And he was a fool, a fool for Nellie Regan, a fool for love. But that didn’t mean he wanted to look like an idiot, not when he was about to do something so serious. He took a few deep breaths and tried to compose his face.
The door opened and the jingling bell announced his arrival. She was standing alone in the empty shop, her account ledgers open in front of her. He had timed his appearance perfectly. It was past closing time. There would be no distraction from clients or staff. He had her to himself and that was what he wanted, to have her to himself, for the rest of his life.
She looked up. ‘I’m sorry, we’re close—’ She stopped mid-sentence. Her cheeks exploded into a blushing red, her eyes narrowed, her expression wary.
‘Nellie,’ he whispered.
She coughed lightly. ‘Mr Lockhart, this is unexpected.’ That had to be the understatement of the century. Her face looked completely surprised, but she was about to receive an even bigger surprise when she heard why he was here, standing in her shop.
‘I was just about to lock up for the day.’ She picked up a large key and clutched it as if her life depended on it.
‘I need to talk to you, Nellie.’ As eager as he was to say what he had come to say, he wanted to do this properly. He wanted his proposal to be something she would never forget and would one day tell their children and grandchildren about.
‘All right, but I just need to lock up first.’ With shaking hands, she tried to lock the door. He took the key from her. Their skin touched and Dominic had to fight himself to not just pull her towards him and kiss her there and then. But he could not do that. He had to do this right. He turned the key in the lock with a satisfying thunk. They were completely alone. They would not be disturbed. He now had time to propose to her in an unhurried manner.
She took the key from him and turned it over and over in her hand.
He smiled in reassurance. ‘I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Lady Cecily and I are no longer engaged. In fact, she’s run off to America with her footman, the man she plans to marry.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, I’m sorry about that, Mr Lockhart. You must be very disappointed and your sisters must be upset that their futures have been affected.’
Dominic almost laughed. That no longer mattered. That was no longer important. ‘Disappointed? No, of course I’m not disappointed. You know what this means now, Nellie, don’t you?’
She shook her head, her expression still wary.
‘It means I can marry you.’ It was not how he had intended to propose, but in his excitement the words seem to tumble out before he could stop them.
Her hands shot to her mouth in a failed attempt to stop a gasp escaping and the key she had been clasping so tightly clattered to the floor. Her startled look of surprise made him smile even more. He took a step towards her. Now was the time to take her in his arms, to kiss her. Their first kiss as an engaged couple.
‘You can what?’ Her lovely voice was uncharacteristically high.
‘I can marry you, Nellie.’ He placed his hands on her arms, desperate to hold her close, to seal their engagement with a kiss. ‘I know it wasn’t what I wanted a few weeks ago, but everything has changed since I met you. You’ve changed me. A few weeks ago, I would have laughed at the idea of me marrying an ex-lady’s maid, a woman now in trade, but that is exactly what I want now.’ He laughed lightly, his heart so full of joy. ‘Lady Cecily isn’t the only one who can ignore what society expects.’
She was still shaking her head and he could see her doubts. She still needed reassurance that he meant every word he was saying.
He dropped her arms. Now was not the time for kisses. She needed an explanation. ‘I know I said it was important for my sisters to make good marriages and ideally for the two younger ones to be presented at court when they came of age, but that is all taken care of. Lord Westcliffe is courting Amanda. He’s the son of a duke. They’re so in love I’m sure it will soon result in marriage and, when they do, she will be the daughter-in-law of a duke. Eventually she’ll be a duchess. My family will have reached the pinnacle of society, and my sisters will indeed be presented at court. So that leaves me free to marry you. So, will you marry me, Nellie?’
She continued to stare at him with that delightfully dumbfounded expression on her face. For once, it was Nellie who was taken aback by his surprising actions, not the other way around. But he knew he was doing this all wrong. He had rehearsed what he wanted to say when he was on the train, but in his haste it had all come out wrong. He should have made a formal proposal of marriage, not just blurted it out in such a haphazard way.
It was time to make things right. He dropped to one knee in the middle of the shop and took her hand in his.
‘Nellie Regan, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’ He looked up at her and smiled. ‘I promise I will do everything in my power to make you happy. I will give you everything you could ever desire. I’ll endow you with all my worldly possessions. Nellie, will you marry me?’
She continued to stare down at him, still with that delightfully shocked expression. She blinked a couple of times and drew in a
deep breath. Dominic also drew in a deep breath and held it as he waited for her reply.
‘No, Dominic, I will not marry you.’
He must have heard wrong. Either that or she had misinterpreted what he had said.
‘Nellie, I’m offering you marriage. I’m offering to take you away from all this.’ He released her hand and waved his arm around her small shop, to encompass her living quarters and the entire neighbourhood. He took hold of her hand again and looked up at her, beseeching her to understand. ‘You’ll live a life of luxury on your estate in Kent and in your town house in London.’
Her expression did not change, but she pulled her hand out of his clasp.
‘You’ll be able to have your own lady’s maid if you want and never have to work again.’ He was desperate to make her understand. ‘I want to marry you, Nellie, and I’m prepared to ignore whatever society says, because for the first time in my life I want to follow my heart, not my head.’
He continued to smile up at her, but his smile was starting to fray at the edges.
‘Dominic, please get up off the floor and leave. I’ve given you my answer. I don’t want to marry you.’
‘Nellie... I...’ She was no longer looking at him, but staring straight ahead. He rose slowly from the floor.
He had heard correctly. She really had said she didn’t want to marry him. That was a possibility he had never considered. He had been so certain of himself, so certain of her, and certain that this was the right thing for them both.
He had imagined her crying with joy when he proposed, of falling into his arms, of kissing him with abandoned passion. He had also hoped she would invite him upstairs and they could continue what they had started at Lockhart Estate. He had hoped they would seal their engagement by consummating it in her bed. He had never expected this. Rejection.
Slowly he rose from the floor. She remained staring off into the distance, her jaw clenched tightly, her face resolute.
She reached down and picked up the abandoned key and handed it to him, never once meeting his eye. ‘Please let yourself out.’
He looked down at the key, as if unsure what it was that she was giving him. He looked back at her. There must be something he could say to convince her to accept his proposal, to make her change her answer. But his mind was blank. All he could think was that she had refused his proposal of marriage. He had offered her everything and she had said no.
‘But, Nellie, I...’
‘Please, Dominic. Leave.’
She turned her back on him, returned to the counter and stared down at the accounts’ ledger.
It seemed there was nothing more for him to say. He turned the key in the lock and left the shop. Without knowing where he was going, he walked off down the street and out of her life.
Chapter Twenty
Dominic hardly registered the journey home. He must have hailed a hansom cab at some point because he was sure he hadn’t walked all the way to the station. And he must have taken the return train journey back to his estate. Then he must have summoned another cab from the station, otherwise he wouldn’t be standing at the bottom of the steps, staring up at his house as if unsure what it was and how he had got there.
She had said no. She had said she would not marry him. He had never considered the possibility that she would turn him down. He loved her. He had assumed she loved him. He had been prepared to sacrifice any possible advancement in society by marrying a former servant, something that once would have been so unlikely it would have been ludicrous. But the ex-lady’s maid didn’t want him. Unbelievable.
Had he misjudged her feelings for him? Had he seen what he wanted to see? Had he been so sure that she loved him because he loved her? She had given him every indication that her feelings for him were as strong as his for her. From the moment they had first met there had been something intangible between them, as if they were made for each other. Hadn’t there? Every moment he had spent in her company had reinforced that belief. He might not have admitted it to himself at first, but from the moment he saw her he had wanted her and he was sure she shared those feelings. Could he really have been so wrong?
When they parted at the train station, she had said she did not want to see him again, but he had assumed that was because she saw no future in their relationship. But he had offered her a future. He had offered her everything, but it wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want him. Didn’t want to be his wife.
He shook his head and began walking up the stairs. How could he have got it all so wrong? But it seemed he could. He had based so much on one kiss. Too much. He had been prepared to change his life because of one kiss. There was no doubting it was a passionate kiss. Nor could he deny he wanted so much more, but that’s all it was, just a kiss.
He halted halfway up the stairs. Was Nellie Regan right when she said it was just a fumble between a wealthy man and an ex-servant? That it meant nothing? It hadn’t been how he had felt at the time and it wasn’t how he felt now. It had meant something to him, a lot, but perhaps he was wrong about what it meant to her. To her was it just a fumble? Had he foolishly thought it meant so much more? Perhaps he should be grateful to Nellie for setting him straight. She was more sensible than him, she could see that kiss for what it really was.
He dragged his feet up the last few steps to the house. It seemed he was going to have to face facts. He would not be marrying Lady Cecily and he would not be marrying Nellie Regan, two women at opposite ends of the social strata. He had wanted to marry one to advance his family’s position in society and was willing to throw away any chance of advancement to marry the second, but he would be marrying neither. It was almost laughable, but the last thing Dominic felt like doing was laughing.
He walked into the house and handed his hat and gloves to the footman. But one good thing had happened this day and he was determined to focus on that, Amanda’s happiness. If he thought about that, and that alone, he would forget his own problems.
After he had told Lord Westcliffe that he had no objections to him courting his sister, Amanda had burst into the drawing room, having been listening at the door. The love that had sparked between the two of them was a delight to see and their courtship would hopefully be a straightforward one that would end in marriage. Unlike himself, Amanda hadn’t fallen for the wrong person. She hadn’t fallen for someone who came with a raft of complications. Dominic should be amused by the irony of the situation. He had always prided himself on being the serious one in the family, the one who was never driven by passion, but always made sensible, rational decisions. Instead he had allowed his passions to drive his behaviour and fall for the wrong woman, while his sister had made a sensible choice. What a joke that was. What a joke he was.
Once he had given his blessing, the happy couple had rushed off to talk to his parents. They would be staying at the Westcliffe family estate for the rest of the week and thank goodness for that. He did not want to endure questions from his excitable sister. Nor did he want his own gloom to put a damper on her happiness.
He paused in the hallway, pulled back his shoulders and lifted his head high. He would not be the cause of anyone’s misery. He would not ruin his sister’s or anyone else’s happiness. It was time to put this entire episode behind him. Nellie had given her answer. There was nothing more to be done or said on the matter. He resumed walking, increasing his pace as he headed straight to his study. The time for all this self-pity was over. He would throw himself into his work. Running the estate required his full attention and that’s what he would do. He would not be sidetracked by any of this foolishness. After all, hadn’t he disapproved of his parents because they had let their passions rule their heads? Now, for one foolish weak moment, he had done the same. Well, he wouldn’t be making that mistake again. He did indeed have a lot to thank Nellie Regan for. She had mocked the upper classes for their lack of passion and he had been equally critical of her frien
ds at The Hanged Man for putting too much emphasis on immediate pleasure and letting their passions dictate their behaviour.
But it seemed Nellie Regan was the one who was ruled by her head and he was the one who had let passion get in the way of making a sensible decision. That was not a mistake he would be making ever again.
He summoned his land steward so they could discuss the improvements Dominic wanted to make to the estate’s farmlands. Nellie had taught him a valuable lesson, one he thought his parents had taught him, but he had so easily forgotten. His mother had let her heart rule her head and thrown everything away for love and he had almost done the same. Thank goodness for Nellie Regan and her sense and dispassion.
The land steward arrived and Dominic got down to business. It was time to put all thoughts of love aside and to concentrate on more important matters.
* * *
Taking afternoon tea with Arabella Huntsbury, the Duchess of Somerfeld, at London’s swanky Claridge’s hotel should have been fun. Nellie knew she should be enjoying herself. But it was hard to pretend you were full of the joys of spring when your heart thought it was deepest, darkest winter.
The Duchess had booked an appointment with Nellie, but instead of having her hair styled she had insisted on taking Nellie out for tea. It was a rare treat to be away from the parlour in the middle of the day and to be taking tea in such beautiful surroundings should be a joy. Nellie admonished herself to cheer up and looked around the room, determined to be impressed. She admired the ornate twinkling chandeliers, the exquisite arched windows and the enormous bouquets of out-of-season spring flowers.
She removed a delicate cucumber sandwich from the three-tiered stand and placed it on her bone-china plate, although the last thing she felt like doing was eating. Instead she took a sip of her tea, forced herself to smile pleasantly, and looked at her fellow guests. The elegant ladies were adorned as beautifully as the room, wearing stylish gowns, and large fashionable hats, bedecked with feathers, flowers and ribbons. They were all enjoying a leisurely afternoon tea. Presumably they had just finished a busy day’s shopping and needed to recuperate. Perhaps after tea they would return to their country estates, or maybe they were staying at their London town houses and tonight they would take in the opera or a play.