Aspirations of a Lady's Maid

by Eva Shepherd

  That was a life Nellie could have had if she had accepted Dominic’s proposal. It was a life she didn’t want. She would be miserable doing nothing but ordering her servants around, changing from her morning gown to her tea gown, then dressing for dinner, every day, day after day. She’d go mad making idle chit-chat with other idle ladies. She loved the life she had made for herself. Loved being independent, loved being busy. Unfortunately, she also loved Dominic Lockhart.

  Dominic had said he wanted to marry her. He had also made it clear how much he would be sacrificing for her when they married. Instead of marrying someone who would elevate him up the social ladder, like Lady Cecily, she would be dragging him down. He said he didn’t care, but how long would that last? How long before he looked at her and all he saw was the sacrifice he had made in marrying her. How long before he resented her? That was not a risk Nellie was prepared to take. Nor did she want to marry someone who thought she was beneath him, just because she hadn’t been born into money. Nellie was beneath no one. She wasn’t beneath all these wealthy, idle women and she was not beneath Mr Dominic Lockhart.

  She picked up her cucumber sandwich, determined to enjoy this afternoon tea and not think about Dominic or anyone else who considered themselves better than her. Then she put the sandwich back on her plate. She just wasn’t hungry. Instead she took another sip of her tea and smiled at the Duchess. The Duchess was one person who had never treated Nellie as if she was inferior, despite the vast gulf between their positions in society.

  ‘So, how is the latest play going?’ Nellie asked, determined to make polite conversation, despite that annoying pain gripping her heart. A pain that would not go away no matter how hard she tried to ignore it. ‘I hear you got rave reviews, once again.’

  ‘Mmm, yes, it’s going very well. But I don’t want to talk about that now. I want to know what’s wrong with you, Nellie.’

  ‘Me? Nothing. I’m fine. I’m always fine.’ To prove the point Nellie sent the Duchess her sunniest smile. ‘The business is going well. Very well. I’m busy every day. Booked solid most days.’ Instead of the reassured nod she expected back, the Duchess rose her eyebrows and looked sideways at Nellie.

  ‘When I entered your parlour this afternoon you looked completely miserable and that’s not like you. I had a quick word with Matilda and she said it was man troubles. That’s why I whisked you away here. So, are you going to tell me what the problem is, or do I have to grill Matilda some more?’

  ‘I’m going to have to have a word with that Matilda about her tendency to gossip.’

  ‘No, you’re not. You’re going to have to talk to me. So, what is this man trouble?’

  Nellie looked across the white-linen tablecloth at the Duchess. She had that defiant look on her face Nellie had seen so many times when they were growing up. She was not going to let this drop until she knew every detail. The Duchess already knew about her first encounter with Dominic at Hardgrave Estate. She had helped engineer her escape, so Nellie filled her in on everything that had happened since, taking in the brawl at The Hanged Man, the assault in the streets, him recovering in her rooms, that fateful kiss, Lady Cecily running off with her footman, through to the proposal. Unlike every other time Nellie had recounted the tale of her encounter with Dominic Lockhart, this time she did not edit it to avoid any of the embarrassing parts. She just told it as it had happened. She even told the Duchess just how intimate that kiss really had been.

  The Duchess laughed through the early stages of the story, when Nellie was playing games with Dominic. But then her face grew serious when he was beaten and recovering in her rooms. And once she got to the part where Nellie had kissed Dominic in the library and had been caught in an extremely compromising position by Lady Cecily, her brow furrowed and she nibbled on her bottom lip in concentration. But her smile returned when she told her about Lady Cecily crediting Nellie with the decision to run off to America with her footman, even though Nellie had no recollection of advising that and suspected it had all been Lady Cecily’s idea.

  When she got to the part where Dominic proposed, the Duchess beamed with happiness, then her smile suddenly died. She furrowed her brow and looked sideways at Nellie, as if trying to work her out. ‘But that’s good, isn’t it? The man you’ve so obviously fallen in love with wants to marry you. So why do you look so miserable?’

  ‘I said no.’

  The Duchess’s cup clattered back into its saucer and she stared at Nellie as if she had just sprouted wings. ‘You did what?’

  Nellie shrugged. ‘I turned him down.’ She looked at her cup, picked it up, then put it back in the saucer. ‘It wasn’t right. I’m not right for him. He’s not right for me.’

  Arabella folded her hands in front of her on the table and leaned forward. ‘Look at me, Nellie.’

  Nellie raised her eyes and sighed. The Duchess just didn’t understand. She was a lovely woman, but she would never know what it was like to be Nellie, to have had to struggle for everything she had achieved, then for some man—well, Dominic Lockhart—to throw that all in her face and assume that all she’d ever really wanted was for some man—well, Dominic Lockhart—to take her away from the life she’d created for herself. A life she loved and was very proud of.

  ‘And why did you say no, Nellie?’ She waited for Nellie’s answer. None came.

  ‘Is it because he’s rich? Is that why you said no?’

  ‘No, it certainly is not,’ Nellie shot back.

  Arabella sent her a knowing look. ‘That’s it, isn’t it? Oh, Nellie, you’re such a snob.’

  Nellie felt her eyes grow wide in disbelief at what she had just heard. ‘Me? A snob? How can I be a snob? How can someone from my background, with my position in society, ever be called a snob?’ She laughed to emphasise just how ridiculous that suggestion was.

  ‘You are. You always look down your nose at people who were born wealthy.’

  ‘I do not,’ Nellie gasped out, barely able to contain her outrage.

  Arabella tapped her lip with her forefinger. ‘Well, let’s see. When you first saw Dominic, you made fun of him because he was awkward with his fiancée. Is that right?’

  ‘Well, yes, but...’

  ‘If you’d seen one of the local lads and his fiancée dancing awkwardly down at The Hanged Man, would you have made fun of them for sport?’

  ‘No, but that’s different.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Well...well...’

  ‘Because Dominic Lockhart and Lady Cecily are rich and the local lad isn’t.’

  Nellie crossed her arms, refusing to accept that was true.

  ‘And if you had offended one of the local tradesmen by doing a rude impersonation of him in front of his employees and he wanted to reprimand you for it, would you make him do it in a place where he felt uncomfortable and out of place, liked The Hanged Man?’

  ‘No, I suppose not,’ she mumbled.

  ‘But you did that to Dominic Lockhart. Why?’ The Duchess held up her hand before Nellie could explain. ‘Let me answer that for you. Because he’s rich and you wanted to put him in his place.’ The Duchess picked up a scone and, smiling smugly, smothered it in jam and cream. ‘See, Nellie, you’re a complete snob.’

  ‘Oh, all right, perhaps I was a bit hard on him because I saw him as someone from a privileged background. But that’s not why I don’t want to marry him.’

  ‘So, what else do you object to about Dominic Lockhart apart from his excessive amount of money?’

  Nellie shrugged. ‘There are lots of other reasons.’

  ‘Are you not attracted to him? Well, we know that you are. You’re so hopelessly attracted to him that you kissed him and came very close to making love to him when you probably shouldn’t have. So, is he not clever enough for you?’

  Nellie gritted her teeth together, reluctant to answer, but the Duchess continued to stare at
her, her eyebrows raised as she waited for an answer.

  ‘It’s not that. Yes, he’s definitely clever enough.’

  ‘Oh, so is he not the one person whose company you prefer to all others? Is he not the man you constantly think about, dream about?’

  Nellie shrugged again. ‘Well, yes, he’s attractive and I do enjoy his company.’ Despite herself Nellie smiled at just how much she did enjoy his company. ‘And, yes, I suppose I do think about him all the time and wish I could be with him.’ With each word she heard her voice grow softer.

  She looked up at the Duchess and forced that soppy smile off her face. ‘But that’s not why I can’t marry him,’ she said, her voice once again becoming firm.

  The Duchess turned her palms upwards and shook her head as if waiting for Nellie to explain why she wouldn’t marry a man who she was so obviously in love with.

  ‘I can’t marry him, Arabella. I just can’t.’ She looked around the room, then leaned forward to talk quietly. ‘I can’t be like these women. I don’t want to have servants and be an idle display case for my husband’s wealth, dripping with jewels and filling my days with pointless activities to stave off the boredom, while downstairs battalions of servants slave away from morning to night.’

  ‘Then don’t be.’ The Duchess shrugged as if it was all so simple. ‘I married a duke, but I don’t live like an idle duchess. I have my career. I still have the life I love along with the man I love. Did you tell Dominic that you wanted to keep your business, that you didn’t want to change your life?’

  ‘No, but he said he wanted to take me away from my life and give me a life of luxury. He told me I’d never have to work again, as if working is such a shameful thing that no one would want to do it.’

  ‘But did you tell him you didn’t want that sort of life?’

  Nellie shook her head defiantly, causing the Duchess to sigh with exasperation.

  ‘Nellie, he fell in love with a strong, independent woman.’ She leant forward. ‘He didn’t fall in love with a woman who wanted to be waited on day and night and lead a life of idleness.’

  ‘Well, that’s not what he said. He reminded me of our class differences, as if he was doing me a big favour by dragging me out of the gutter. He was talking as if my business and my little home were something to scorn.’

  ‘Oh, so he’s a snob as well, then.’ Arabella laughed. ‘It looks like you’re well matched.’ Her face became more serious. ‘Did you tell him any of this?’

  ‘No, but he should have known.’

  Once again, the Duchess crossed her arms in front of her, as if about to deliver a stern lecture. ‘And if you’d been in love with a local lad, would you have said a flat out no, or would you have explained yourself? Would you have told him that you wanted to keep your business, you wanted to carry on working after you married? Or is it only rich men who are supposed to know exactly what you want and what you are thinking without being told? And is it only rich men who are never allowed to make mistakes?’

  ‘Hmm,’ was all Nellie could answer. Perhaps she had been consistently rude to Dominic and it had continued right up until he had proposed to her. Why on earth he wanted to marry her after the way she’d treated him she could hardly understand. ‘Well, it doesn’t matter now, anyway. He proposed, I turned him down, it’s all over.’

  Arabella rolled her eyes and laughed, as if Nellie had said something outlandishly funny. ‘It’s not a business negotiation, Nellie. It was a proposal of marriage. He’s hardly likely to have taken the offer off the table because you said no. Perhaps you need to swallow your enormous pride before it chokes you, stop judging him so harshly just because he has the misfortune of being fabulously wealthy and go and tell him how you feel and what you want.’

  Nellie looked across the table at her friend and now adviser.

  ‘Well?’ the Duchess asked.

  Nellie nodded and smiled, then picked up her cucumber sandwich and started eating, suddenly feeling very hungry.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Dominic stood on the steps of his house and watched the carriage as it travelled up the long tree-lined drive. It pulled up in front of him. The door flew open. Amanda all but jumped out and embraced him in a joyous hug. She had been excited when she had left for her visit to Lord Westcliffe’s family, and was even more excited now, if that was at all possible.

  ‘I take it the visit went well?’ he asked, her beaming smile telling him the answer.

  ‘Oh, it was perfect. His parents are wonderful. And they are so happy for us.’ She all but danced up the steps beside him as they entered the house.

  She shrugged off her coat and handed it to the footman. ‘Thomas’s parents gave us their blessing straight away. They didn’t even ask about my family or my background. All they care about is that Thomas is happy with his choice of bride.’ She gave him what could only be described as a pointed look. ‘And they don’t care about social advancement.’

  Dominic chose to say nothing to dampen his sister’s excitement. The Duke of Castlemere was at the pinnacle of society. Of course he had no need to care about social advancement. Unless his son married into royalty there was nowhere for them to advance to.

  ‘But what about you, Dominic?’ Amanda clasped his arm. ‘Do you have some happy news to tell me?’

  He forced himself to smile. ‘You know I’m very happy for you, Amanda.’

  Her smile faded and Dominic inwardly groaned. He had done what he told himself he would not do. He had ruined her happiness.

  His forced smile started to become painful as she stared up at him, her brow furrowed. ‘And I want to hear all about your time with the Westcliffe family,’ he asked with false joviality. ‘Have you already started to make wedding plans or is it too early yet?’

  She raised her eyebrows and gave him a disbelieving look. He had tried too hard. When had he ever been interested in anyone’s wedding plans?

  ‘What happened when you went to London?’ Amanda placed her hand gently on his arm. ‘What went wrong? I want you to tell me everything.’

  ‘There’s nothing to tell. Now, you must be very tired after your journey. I’ll leave you to your rest.’ He turned to leave and she grabbed his arm, halting his progress.

  ‘Nonsense. I’m not the slightest bit tired.’ She signalled to the butler and asked for tea to be served in the drawing room. ‘And I’m not going to rest until you tell me what happened in London.’

  Dominic was about to inform her he had no interest in taking tea, but he saw the defiant look on her face as she continued to grip his arm and changed his mind. It was plain to see that he was not going to escape, so he might as well get it over and done with. The sooner he told her what had happened between him and Nellie the sooner they could put it all behind them. He escorted her through to the drawing room and waited until she had seated herself. Then he took a seat and wondered where he was supposed to begin.

  She looked over at him, her face a mixture of concern and curiosity. ‘Well, what happened?’

  He stifled a sigh. ‘I went up to London to propose to Nellie Regan and she said no.’ Now that she knew what had happened, he hoped Amanda would leave it alone, although, knowing his sister as he did, he doubted that would be the case.

  She chewed on her top lip and drew her eyebrows together. ‘Oh, Dominic. I’m so sorry. Why did she say no? From what my lady’s maid said, the servants were convinced she was completely enamoured with you. So, what did you say to her? What did she say to you? What happened?’

  The door opened and the footman entered, bearing a tray containing a teapot, milk jug and two cups and saucers. He placed the tray on the table, placed a silver strainer on one cup and began pouring.

  ‘Leave it, please, James,’ Dominic said. He did not want his sister asking him questions in front of one of the servants and he most certainly did not want to become an even greate
r topic of gossip below stairs than he already was.

  James bowed and departed, shutting the door quietly behind him.

  ‘Well?’ Amanda asked as she poured both teas and added a splash of milk to her own.

  Dominic took the cup from his sister and placed it on the side table. ‘It seems your lady’s maid was wrong. Miss Regan was not enamoured with me. I asked her to marry me and she said no. Even after I offered her everything—a new life, one where she would never have to work again, where she could live in luxury rather than those tiny two rooms above her shop—she still said no and all but threw my proposal of marriage in my face.’

  Amanda’s eyebrows knitted tighter together and she frowned at Dominic. ‘So, what exactly did you say to her?’

  ‘I’ve just told you. I asked her to marry me.’

  ‘And?’

  He shook his head. What more did she need to know?

  ‘What else did you say?’

  ‘I don’t remember the exact words, but I promised her everything, offered her everything, but she said no.’

  ‘Did you tell her you loved her?’

  ‘What?’ He nodded, then shook his head. ‘Yes...no. I don’t remember, but surely that was implied anyway. After all, I was offering to marry her.’

  Amanda picked up her cup, took a sip and looked at him over the rim. ‘If what you’ve told me is correct, it sounds to me more like you were offering her your homes and your money, not your love.’