by Lea Coll
With one last kiss on Rylan’s forehead, I made my way to my kitchen, where I cleaned up and sat on the couch to watch some TV. I couldn’t concentrate on the sports highlights. The images of basketball players on the screen were no competition for the image of Sadie in my head—the way her black leotard and tights were stretched taut over her muscular legs. Her black hair was slicked back in a bun, revealing a graceful neck. When my eyes finally reached her face—the combination of her creamy white skin, black hair, and blue eyes made her gorgeous.
It was the first time since Rylan was born I’d wanted to know more about a woman—that was until she’d said her name. It was so familiar. A case came to mind I’d heard about when I first started in the police department when a witness failed to cooperate. Something about a mom’s boyfriend and the accuser being a minor. I couldn’t remember all of the details, but I remembered the strong opinions of the officers who’d been assigned to the investigation. I thought the uncooperative witness’s name was Sadie Cole, but I could have been wrong.
By the time Tuesday rolled around again, Rylan refused to wear her leotard because hip-hop dancers don’t wear leotards. I had no idea, so I relented and allowed her to wear leggings and a T-shirt.
I walked through the doors, anxious to see if Rylan would like this class and to find out more about Sadie. The waiting room was just as busy as Monday night’s ballet class, but there were a lot fewer leotards and tutus.
Rylan surveyed the room and gave me a huge smile. “No tutus, Daddy.”
“No tutus.” Most kids wore sweatpants, high-tops, and cropped shirts. Casual. Thank fuck. Sadie was right. This class would be perfect for Rylan.
“Can I get some hip-hop clothes, Daddy?”
I had no idea what hip-hop clothes looked like. “Let’s see if you like the class first.” I placed her dance bag on the first free chair and waited for her to stop bouncing around in excitement. “Do you know anyone here?”
“I don’t think so. Angelina said she’s taking hip-hop, but I don’t see her.”
“Maybe, she’s in one of the other classes.” I remembered Sadie saying this was the only one with a spot open.
“Look, Miss Sadie’s here.” Rylan pointed, and I followed her gaze to the open door of one of the dance studios where Sadie stood surveying the room. “Girls, class is starting in two minutes. Please grab your waters and come inside.” She moved to the side as the girls started filing in. “Parents, please stick around afterward. I need to talk to you about volunteering and the end of the year Christmas program.”
When Rylan moved to enter the studio, I followed, unable to take my eyes from Sadie who wore a cropped black top that fell off one shoulder revealing the strap of her hot pink sports bra, a toned stomach, a sparkling belly button ring, and baggy sweats that sadly didn’t show the toned legs I’d admired the other day. She looked even younger than the first time I’d met her.
Sadie’s eyes met mine as we neared and she smiled wider. “You came.”
My heart sped up at her words. For a second, I thought she was talking about me before she dropped down to Rylan’s level. “I’m so glad. I think you’re going to love this class.”
Something about the soft look in her eyes and the way she gently squeezed Rylan’s shoulder got to me. What would it be like for Rylan to have a real mother? One who not only got excited for a dance class, but showed up and was in tune with Rylan’s needs and feelings? Rylan had other role models—my mother, her teachers, but she’d flourish if Bree made her a priority.
Sadie’s blue eyes met mine from her position on the floor and it was like all of the air rushed out of my lungs at once.
Rylan skipped into the room without a backward glance or a goodbye. Normally, I’d call her back, but my mind was spinning with thoughts of what I should say to Sadie.
She stood next to me, the top of her head only coming to my shoulder in her high-tops as a smile slowly overtook her face and I found I couldn’t look away from her lips. “I hope she loves it.”
I wanted to find out more about her. “Are you the owner of the studio?”
The soft smile on her face she’d reserved for Rylan was gone. “No, I just teach classes in the evenings for some extra money.” Her cheeks flushed and she looked uncomfortable, but I couldn’t figure out why. Why would she be embarrassed about her job? Before I could ask any more questions, she said, “I need to get in there.” She pointed over her shoulder, where some of the girls were running around with streaming ribbons.
Rylan stood off to the side and watched without joining in.
Sadie closed the door to the dance studio, and I stood at the small window with the other parents wanting to see if Rylan would engage with Sadie and the other students. Instead, my focus was drawn to Sadie, who was animated, sweet, and engaging. The girls stared at her with awe when she’d act out a dance or sing along to the music. She was silly and fun. She had been more reserved in the ballet class.
I forced myself to shift my attention back to Rylan, who participated in the dances, her face focused, in a way some of the other girls weren’t.
After I was satisfied that Rylan was fine, I sat to scroll through my phone. I wondered if I could find out more information about Sadie from Luke. He was the current sheriff and had grown up here. Surely, he’d remember the sexual assault case and if she was part of it.
When the door opened and excited girls streamed out, I waited patiently for Rylan, but when minutes passed and neither she nor Sadie appeared, I worried I’d missed something important and moved to stand in the open doorway to the studio. Sadie was going over dance moves with Rylan. Sadie’s cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright, and when she lifted her arms over her head, her crop-top drifted up, revealing the bottom of her sports bra, outlining the swell of her breasts. If her shirt drifted higher, would I see her nipples poke through her bra? I swallowed hard, and Sadie dropped her arms, coming to a stop in front of Rylan, and that’s when her eyes shot to mine.
“I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Rylan. I hope you come back next week.”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” Then she skipped over to me, her smile bright. “Did you watch, Daddy?”
I sighed, the tension leaving my body.
“Daddy, did you see me?” Rylan tugged on my fingers because I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Sadie’s smile. She usually directed her smiles at the kids but when she directed it at me, she was even more beautiful.
I tore my eyes from Sadie. I shouldn’t be noticing how revealing her outfit was or how beautiful she was when she smiled. “Yes, you were awesome.”
My response must have satisfied Rylan because she ran to the waiting room.
“Thanks again for suggesting the class.”
Sadie’s eyes sparkled with excitement, her cheeks were flushed from dancing, and she had a huge smile on her face. “I thought she’d like it.”
Sadie was so happy teaching these kids—I could feel the positive energy bouncing from her to me. I stepped out of the studio into the waiting room before I could say something monumentally stupid like go out with me when I knew next to nothing about this woman. What I did know sent all of my instincts into high alert.
Bree would tell me I was acting paranoid because I was a police officer, but I didn’t think so. She’d probably say it in the same exasperated tone she used when I confronted her about mixing Xanax with alcohol. I shook my head to clear her voice. What Bree thought didn’t matter anymore.
Rylan was talking to another little girl when Sadie stopped next to me. I cleared my throat, trying to focus on something intelligent to say. “Do we need special clothes or shoes?”
“Workout clothes and gym shoes are all you need. No tutus.” Sadie glanced around the room, probably taking in the chaos of the children getting ready for the next class.
I would have found it overwhelming if it wasn’t for Sadie. I wanted to linger and find out why her mood changed when I asked if she was the owner. “That’s good. Is Kris
ten the owner?”
Sadie glanced uneasily at me, and then at the people exiting the studio. “Yes, Kristen Cook.”
“Is she related to Ashley Cook?” I’d only hung out with Luke’s tight-knit group of friends a few times and I knew I’d never seen Sadie with them. I would have remembered her.
She hesitated as if unsure whether she should answer. “Yes, Ashley’s her older sister.”
Something flashed over Sadie’s face and it was like she shut down—she’d stopped smiling, her shoulders rounded, and her eyes went flat. It was such a contrast to how she’d looked when class ended. Was she hiding something? Did she have a falling out with Ashley?
Sadie flashed a small smile at Rylan. “I’m glad you enjoyed the class. I’ll see you next week.” She turned, effectively dismissing us. I had no reason to follow her and ask more questions, especially not in front of Rylan, but I wanted to. The thought that I’d said something to make her uncomfortable bothered me.
“I almost forgot.” Sadie raised her fingers to her mouth and whistled to get everyone’s attention as they were packing up. “I’m sorry, I meant to make an announcement before everyone left. I’ll email those who are already gone, but if you could stay for a minute, I can talk about the volunteer sign-ups.”
The waiting room was primarily mothers and their daughters. Volunteer sign-ups?
“Please fill out the sign-up sheet before you go. Kristen’s vision for Vibe is to feel like a community where everyone comes together.” She pointed at a clipboard on the counter. “Everyone is required to volunteer either here in the studio, during rehearsals and recital, or at one of the fundraising events. Remember, the fundraisers were started as a way to cover the cost of recitals, including the costumes, venue, and stage decorations. If you have older children, this will fulfill the school’s volunteer requirement.”
One of the other moms had a question but I tuned it out. Bree had never mentioned mandatory volunteering. How the hell was I going to get out of this? I didn’t have time for one more thing in my life as a single parent and there was no way Bree could be depended on to do it.
“Take a look at the sheet and fill it out. Great class, everyone. Have a good weekend,” Sadie said.
“Miss Sadie, Miss Sadie!” Rylan called out, pulling her hand from my grasp, and running over to her as she talked to another parent at the counter.
“Yes?”
I rushed to catch up with her. “Rylan, never interrupt someone when they’re talking. Say ‘excuse me.’”
Rylan huffed. “Fine. Excuse me, Miss Sadie.” Then she smiled at her, and it was one she’d used on me to get one more cookie, one more story at bedtime, and it worked. I glanced at Sadie’s face to see how Rylan’s charm affected her.
Sadie’s face softened. “Yes?”
“Do you think you could give me that music to take home and practice?” Rylan’s fingers twisted in front of her.
“I have a playlist on Spotify. Does your daddy have Spotify?” Sadie crouched, so she was on Rylan’s level and both of them looked up at me.
Fuck. They both had the same pleading look. What was the question? “Um, Spotify? Yeah, I have that.” Why were these interactions between Sadie and Rylan getting to me? Why did I care if Sadie was sweet and engaging with my daughter? But I knew the answer—I compared every woman I met to Bree. When Rylan asked Bree for something, she’d acted like Rylan was an annoyance.
“Great.” Sadie stood, pulling her phone from a spot underneath the counter. “I’ll send you the link. Do you want me to email or text it?” Sadie stared at me with her brow raised.
“Text. Definitely text.” I wanted her phone number, and this was the perfect way to get it without asking. I didn’t want to think too much about why I wanted it.
“I have your number in your paperwork, but it’s best that I send it right away. I don’t want to forget.”
“Yeah, Daddy. Can you give it to her now?” Rylan asked, bouncing from one foot to the other as more families exited the waiting room to the parking lot.
“Yeah, sure.” I pulled my phone out of the pocket on the inside of my jacket.
“You’re a cop?”
“Yes.” Her voice shook on the word cop—prickling my scalp.
Her wide eyes were on my mid-section. My jacket had shifted, revealing the badge clipped to my belt. I carried it even out of uniform since we lived in a small town—if Rylan wasn’t with me, I’d respond to accidents or crimes when I was nearby.
She shook her head slightly and held her hand out for my phone. “Sorry. I didn’t realize.”
I studied her carefully as she tapped on the screen and handed it back to me. She turned her attention to her phone and mine buzzed in my hand. I didn’t bother to look down.
“There.” Her smile was strained. “That’s my hip-hop playlist for beginners.” She ruffled Rylan’s hair. “Have a good week. See you on Tuesday.”
“Thank you, Miss Sadie.” Rylan’s face was full of adoration.
“Yes, thank you.” I knew my voice sounded a little stiff. Sadie was winning over my daughter and I didn’t know her that well. Her reaction to my job had all of my instincts on high alert. Usually, I got that reaction from people who didn’t want to attract an officer’s attention.
Her attention on the computer, Sadie said, “Don’t forget to fill out the volunteer sign-up sheet unless you think Rylan’s mother will want to.”
I’d hoped she hadn’t noticed I didn’t fill out the form. “We’re not together and she’s not—” Reliable? Could I say that? Not in front of Rylan, I couldn’t. “Bree’s only been to one class. I’d better do it.”
Sadie looked at me with understanding as if she knew what I hadn’t said. Bree wasn’t reliable. Maybe she had a similar experience with a loved one, and if so, I wanted to know who.
I reluctantly picked up the sign-up sheet. I guessed there was no way I was getting out of it. I quickly scanned through the list: cleaning and maintaining the studio, rehearsals and recital, and the fundraising options—parents’ night out, dance-a-thon, and a mommy-and-me spa day.
The last one worried me. What if Bree wasn’t able to come? I could have my mother fill in, but Rylan would notice if she was the only one without her mother in attendance.
“Is there anything left? There’s usually a mad rush to get all of the ‘easy’ jobs,” Sadie said from behind the counter, then moved to look over my shoulder, her hair brushing my arm.
I tried to concentrate on the sheet in front of me and not the smell of her shampoo, which was fruity—maybe strawberries. I didn’t know what Sadie meant by ‘easy’ because none of these options appealed to me. There was no way I was helping out with mommy-and-me spa day. Thankfully, that one was full. I kept scanning down the list. “The only thing left is the parents’ night out and the dance-a-thon.”
I looked up from the sheet to find Sadie smiling. “No one wants to help with those because they’re the most labor-intensive.”
“My schedule can be sporadic. I’m supposed to work day shifts but sometimes I work late if I’m on a call or I need to follow a witness to the hospital to interview them.”
She raised her brow. “Kristen is adamant about parents volunteering if you want to take classes. Like I said to everyone earlier, she wants it to feel like a community where everyone helps out.”
I hadn’t seen Rylan hit the link on Spotify but she was dancing around the empty waiting room while a hip-hop song played at full volume. I didn’t have a choice. Not if I wanted Rylan to be happy. I signed my name next to one and then I hesitated. The idea that I could use this opportunity to get to know Sadie better, prompted me to sign up for the second before handing the clipboard back to Sadie before I could change my mind.
Her brow furrowed. “Oh, you only had to sign up for one.”
I shrugged. “That’s okay. You said it was labor-intensive, so I’m sure you could use the help.”
She smiled and held the clipboard tight to her ches
t. “I do need all the help I can get.”
It made me think of her nipples pressed against the clipboard—wishing it were my chest instead.
I cleared my throat. “But I’d be of better use—cleaning and maintaining the studio.”
“That’s filled. You’ll work with me. If you think that’ll be a problem, let me know.” Her smirk was gone. Her lips were drawn in a straight line.
“It won’t be a problem.”
She nodded but didn’t glance my way. “I’ll text you the information.”
I didn’t want to add one more thing to my schedule, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get to know Sadie better. I told myself it was to make sure she was good enough to be around my daughter but I knew it was more than that. I was attracted to her and I hadn’t been tempted to be with anyone since Bree.
Sadie
I kept my eyes trained on my computer until the door closed behind Tanner and Rylan. Then I watched him help Rylan into his black truck. Closing Rylan’s door, he looked through the tinted floor-to-ceiling windows. I kept my eyes steady, knowing he couldn’t see me. But his eyes caused a full-body shiver anyway. It’s like he knew I was watching him.
When he pulled away from the curb, I let out the breath I’d been holding. The room had cleared out, but the chairs were askew and toys and books from the bins were everywhere. I didn’t make a move to fix anything. I gripped the countertop taking in one deep breath after another, trying to calm my racing heart. My mother’s words echoed in my head: you can’t trust anyone, especially not a fucking cop. If you talk to them, they’ll take you from me and I’m all you have.
Because of those words, I’d swallowed down the truth of that night and refused to talk to anyone—not the officers, not the social workers, not my so-called friends. I didn’t talk, but Annabelle did. She’d faced skepticism and not long after, she’d died—presumably from an overdose of prescription medications. Talking hadn’t worked out for her and it wouldn’t work out for me.