by Lea Coll
I grabbed my water bottle from below the counter and took a long drink. I couldn’t think about that night. Whenever I did, something slimy slithered down my spine and I was overcome with shame—shame that I’d experienced it, and shame that I’d kept quiet. I tapped down the feelings Tanner’s badge had evoked so I could clean the waiting room and dance studio, lock up, and go home, but the pit stayed in my stomach.
As I unlocked the door to my house, I hoped my mother was passed out. I couldn’t deal with her—not when thoughts of that night were so close to the surface. I slowly opened and then quietly closed the door. When all I heard was the drone of the TV and Mom’s soft snores from the couch, I tip-toed up the stairs to my room—food forgotten. I wasn’t hungry.
I took a shower to wash off the sweat from dance class but also to cleanse my body and mind. Would I ever get to the point where the shame and guilt didn’t stick with me like a second skin? I shivered after I turned off the now-cold water and stepped out. I wrapped a threadbare towel around me, sunk to the worn bathmat, and leaned against the tub.
This was the first time I’d felt anything for a man in a long time, and he was a cop. I’d steered clear of police officers since that night—initially, at my mother’s urgings and then because of how things had turned out. Everyone turned on me.
With Tanner, I had an overwhelming need to prove I wasn’t the person everyone thought I was, or at least I wasn’t anymore. Why did I care what this particular officer thought of me? I needed to stay away from him. Being around him would only stir everything up again. Hell, it already had.
It was probably for the best, because that initial spark I’d felt from him had clearly died as soon as he’d heard my name. His demeanor changed. He became tense and edgy like he knew something—like he wanted to ask questions, and not the get-to-know-you kind. The kind that would reveal the truth about the rumors and speculation.
I was setting myself up for disappointment because a part of me was excited to work with Tanner on a volunteer project—to spend more time with him, to get to know him. It wasn’t a good idea. I knew I should tell him I didn’t need him—let him out of the obligation. He didn’t have the time and didn’t seem interested.
I pulled my phone off the counter, my finger hovering over Tanner’s name in my contacts. I could tell him I didn’t need him. That I’d filled the position. Then I would only have to see him before and after classes and I could easily avoid him.
What held me back was that the dance-a-thon and the parents’ night out were the two biggest fundraising events of the year. Kristen used to do everything at the studio on her own and I had promised to handle the volunteer stuff this year. I’d convinced her to hire me and I wanted to make myself indispensable. I could handle the events without Tanner, but it would be easier with him. Between two jobs and my mom, I couldn’t take on much else.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and lowered my head. I’d gotten a taste of freedom in law school and the promise of it was always just out of reach. I was so tired of fixing things for my mom. I wanted to walk away from this house—let the bank foreclose—but then where would she live? How would she support herself?
I knew I was enabling my mother, but how could I walk away? It had always been my mom and me. She wasn’t the best mother in the world, but she was all I had.
Tanner
On Friday night, Luke invited me to go out with the guys to the Pub. I usually didn’t go out when I had Rylan, but Bree hasn’t been holding up her side of the custody agreement and my parents offered to take Rylan for the night. It wouldn’t hurt to find out more about Sadie.
There were only two options in Chestertown to hang out—the Pub and Annie’s Wine Bar. Tonight, most of Luke’s friends were here—Jack, Logan, and Sawyer, Luke’s younger brother.
“How’s Rylan?” Luke asked.
“She’s good.” For now. I took a long pull of my beer. “She’s with my parents.”
“You’re lucky to have them,” Luke said.
“I am.” Thankfully, when I moved out of Bree’s apartment, my parents made the decision to move here to be closer to Rylan and me. Rylan went to aftercare on the days I worked late but when I needed to work nights or weekends, my parents were there.
“Rylan’s taking dance classes at Vibe Dance Studio. Kristen Cook owns it. Is she Ashley’s sister?” I directed my question at Logan because he was engaged to Ashley.
“Yeah, her younger sister. The old dance studio closed, and Kristen didn’t have money to take it over. She got her business degree, rented a different space, and opened her own business. She seems to be doing pretty good.”
“Definitely doing good. That place is packed with dancers,” I said.
“I know. We keep telling her that, but she’s scared to expand. She’s worried she’ll overextend herself,” Logan said.
“Understandable,” I said, gripping my beer bottle and trying to think of a way to mention Sadie.
“Is Kristen teaching Rylan’s class?” Logan asked.
“She’s not. The instructor’s name is Sadie Cole?” I phrased it as a question and my gaze hovered over Logan and Luke watching for any kind of a reaction.
Luke shot a look at Logan. “That girl’s no good. I still can’t believe Kristen hired her.”
From the look they exchanged, Logan and Luke knew something about Sadie that I didn’t, and Luke’s statement was harsh. As sheriff, he was normally more measured in his responses. “Why do you say that?”
“She did some fucked up shit when she worked with Ashley. She sabotaged files and messed with Ashley’s trial calendar. Ashley almost got fired over it.” Luke tilted his head at Logan.
I was still confused. “When did she work with Ashley?”
“The three of us, Ashley, Sadie and me, worked together at Gunner, Thompson and Anderson. Sadie’s an attorney,” Logan said.
“Why is an attorney teaching dance to kids at night?”
“That’s what I want to know. Care to enlighten us?” Luke looked pointedly at Logan.
From the look Luke was giving Logan, whatever happened centered around Logan—or was it, Ashley, his fiancée? Sadie had reacted when I’d mentioned Kristen’s sister Ashley at the studio.
Logan sighed. “It’s not my story to tell and honestly, I don’t even know all of the details. Ashley told me there’s more but she’s not talking.”
I leaned my elbows onto the thick wood table marked with nicks and signs of wear. When you’re the transplant in a small town, you always feel like you’re two steps behind. Everyone already knows the story and you’re playing catch-up. “If this woman is teaching my daughter and you think there’s an issue, I need to know.”
Logan seemed to consider it for a second before he spoke. “We were competing for the same promotion when weird stuff started happening—files disappeared, work wasn’t done, a trial wasn’t placed on Ashley’s calendar—she was almost fired for it. It seemed like someone was sabotaging us. At first, I thought it was a secretary but then we realized Sadie was the only one not affected. Eventually, Sadie admitted she’d messed with the files to ensure our work wasn’t done and we’d look bad. She was desperate for the promotion.”
I disliked cheaters and dishonesty, but what Logan said was hard to reconcile with how Sadie was with the kids. “She admitted to it?”
Logan leaned closer to me. “She did. Ashley forgave her and wants everyone to give her a break. Sadie almost got Ashley fired, so she must have told her something to make her forgive her so easily. I just don’t know what.”
“She’s manipulative. She always has been.” Luke tilted his beer bottle to the side and examined how much liquid was left before he downed the rest of it.
I’d only just met her, but I hadn’t gotten any indication Sadie was manipulative. My impression was that she was genuine and real, and as an officer, my instincts were usually right. I’d misjudged Bree when we found out she was pregnant. I thought she’d be a good mother, but she
wasn’t. Of course, we’d only been in a casual relationship and the fact I’d let her talk me out of a condom showed I wasn’t paying enough attention.
Logan continued without acknowledging Luke’s statement. “We never figured out who failed to put the motions hearing on Ashley’s calendar. Everyone assumed it was Sadie and she was fired, so end of story, but Sadie only admitted to sabotaging files. She was adamant she had nothing do with the missed hearing.”
“I have to admit—none of this makes sense with what I’ve seen. But I’ve only been around her twice. Should I be worried?” The problem was that Rylan was happy in the hip-hop class and there wasn’t another class to transfer her to.
“You’ve got good instincts. What’s your gut telling you?” Luke’s eyes assessed me.
He looked relaxed and casual, but I knew him—his muscles were tense as he waited for my answer.
“She’s a great teacher. She’s amazing with the kids.” I didn’t know anything about her other than the dance studio. I didn’t know what her home life was like, where she lived, who she lived with. She was a puzzle I wanted to solve, partly for my peace of mind and because a small part of me was attracted to her.
“Go with your instinct then. Ashley insists Sadie’s misunderstood,” Logan said.
I glanced over at Luke, who shifted in his seat. Luke clearly disagreed with Logan’s assessment. Why did Luke have such a strong negative impression of Sadie? She’d potentially screwed over Logan and Ashley—not him. Had they dated? Had she screwed him over and he’d never gotten over it? Or did it have something to do with that sexual assault? I wanted to ask more questions but not in front of everyone at a bar. I’d ask when I got him alone.
“I’m getting another beer. Anyone want one?” Luke asked.
“I need one too. I’ll go up with you.” Jack rose from his chair and followed Luke to the crowded bar.
I let the topic of Sadie go. Was I comfortable with her teaching my daughter dance? I was there so it wasn’t like she was alone with Rylan. I’d keep a close eye on the situation. As far as my initial attraction to her, I’d been burned in the past with Bree and I didn’t want to jump into something when there was a clear red flag to back off. Heck, Sadie didn’t seem all that interested in me anyway, especially when she saw my badge.
Jack and Luke returned to the table with beers in their hands and conversation turned to engagements and weddings. I had nothing to add. Every single one of these guys was engaged. Here I was, twenty-eight and raising a child on my own. It wasn’t how I’d seen my future when I graduated from college, but I wouldn’t change Rylan for the world. I did wish I was raising her with someone responsible, someone I loved. My parents were celebrating their thirtieth anniversary this year and I wanted the possibility of a future like that.
A short time later, I excused myself so my mom wouldn’t be going home too late. As I drove to my house in one of the newer developments just outside of town, I thought about Sadie’s smile, her enthusiasm for dance, the happiness of the girls she taught.
Why would she sabotage files at work to get a promotion? She didn’t seem calculating or manipulative, but maybe she was the best kind of manipulator there was. You didn’t realize you were being fucked over until it was too late. And maybe that started when she was younger, when she covered up whatever happened with her mom’s boyfriend. Maybe her mom was a manipulator, too, and Sadie came by it honestly. Not that it made it better. Normally, I trusted Luke’s take on things—he was my boss and he was good at his job. But I hated unresolved cases and this thing with Sadie felt incomplete.
I pulled into the garage, shut off the car, and closed the garage door. I was proud of the house I’d bought for Rylan. It was small, but I kept everything in good shape and in its place. I wanted stability for Rylan. So much of her life was out of my control when she was with Bree.
I opened the door taking off my shoes and jacket in the mudroom and slowly made my way through the darkened kitchen to the family room where my mom sat watching TV.
“Oh, you’re home.” Mom’s hand hovered over her chest. “I didn’t even hear the garage door.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“How was your night?” She lowered the volume on the TV.
I sat heavily in the recliner. “It was good to get out.”
“You should do it more often. You work too hard and you’re still young.” When she was quiet for a few seconds, I knew what she’d say next. “And you need to meet someone.”
At her raised brow, I laughed. “I didn’t meet anyone. Sorry to disappoint you. It was a guys’ night out and all the guys are engaged.”
“It’s just a matter of time. You’re young and attractive.” She slowly stood and made her way to the counter where her purse rested.
I had met someone, but she wasn’t what I’d expected. Or at least it didn’t sound like she was. I probably needed to reserve judgment until I had the full story, but I knew I couldn’t be with someone who was a liar or a manipulator.
Mom gestured to the fridge. “I made lasagna.”
“Thanks, but you didn’t need to make dinner. I left money for pizza.” Glancing at the counter, I noticed the bills still there.
She waved her hand before putting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “You don’t get enough home-cooked meals. I don’t mind.”
The fact that my parents moved here when I broke up with Bree made me love them more. I cooked, but only basic things. Rylan didn’t mind. She liked the basics—pizza, chicken nuggets, and mac and cheese. Throw in some fruit and carrots and that was good enough for her.
Mom made her way to the front door, so I stood, following her out. “You do so much for us. You and Dad should be traveling in your retirement.”
She stopped by the front door. “I love that little girl and I love you. It’s no trouble.”
I held the door for her as she shuffled by.
“I worry about you. I don’t want you to be alone and Rylan could use a mother.”
“She has a mother.” My voice was strained. This was an argument we had weekly.
“Not the one she deserves.”
I couldn’t argue with that. I’d do anything to give her a stable home where she was loved—where she was the priority.
“You’re a good father.” Mom patted my arm before she stepped off the porch to get into her car.
Pride filled my chest at her words because I constantly wondered if I was doing the right thing with Rylan. At the times when Bree didn’t show up for her scheduled visitation, or the times when she would leave without a word, dropping Rylan off like one more thing to be free of it was hard to relax. To think that anything I was doing was right. That I wasn’t screwing up my kid. I wondered if I should go to court and try for sole custody, but I didn’t want to exclude Bree from Rylan’s life entirely. It was important for Rylan to have a mother.
I closed the door when Mom backed out of my driveway and headed up to get ready for bed. Mom had been pressuring me lately to find someone. It bothered her that I was alone, but I hadn’t been looking for a girlfriend.
I lay in bed scrolling through my phone when a text popped up from Sadie and I couldn’t control the zing of excitement that shot through me.
Sadie: We need to get together to go over the fundraisers. Can we set up a time to talk by phone? I teach Mondays from 7 until 8. Maybe before or after class?
If I really was worried about what kind of person she was, I figured it would be easier to observe her in person. She could come over after Rylan was asleep … but that was too intimate. Maybe I should offer to meet her out for dinner. On Mondays, Rylan took a music class as part of the after school program, so I didn’t need to pick her up until six but I could have Mom pick her up. She wouldn’t mind if she knew I was meeting a woman for dinner.
Me: We could go to dinner before your class.
I waited for her response but it took a few minutes—the bubbles indicating she was typing wou
ld appear and then disappear. Would she argue with me? Would she insist on keeping it to an impersonal phone call?
Sadie: Okay. The diner on 5 on Monday?
Monday would be firmly in the casual dinner-with-friends category or in our case—a work dinner. It wasn’t a date. It was a get-to-know-you dinner, or at least it was for me.
Tanner: Great. See you then.
Sadie was like a Rubik’s cube—if I solved one side, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to line up the other sides.
Tanner
Sadie said she’d meet me at the diner as soon as she was done with court. That answered my question about whether she still worked as an attorney. I arrived first and leaned against the side of the diner’s building. I scanned the area before checking my phone for messages. When I heard the click of heels on the sidewalk, I looked up to find Sadie walking toward me in a dark suit and a midnight-blue silk button-down shirt, which brought out the blue of her eyes. Half of her hair was secured in a bun, and the rest of it hung down her back in waves. Her hair looked softer than how she wore it in dance classes, but the rest of her outfit screamed professional.
I was so thrown off by her change in appearance, I didn’t take my eyes from hers until she stood in front of me. I pushed off the wall.
“What’s wrong? You look confused.”
No way I could tell her I was surprised to see her in a suit after her dance outfits. Going from the chunky high-tops she wore in hip-hop class to those heels that showcased her toned legs was a striking contrast. It was sexy as hell.
“Thanks for meeting with me.” She tilted her head, exposing her neck. I wanted to lean in, kiss her soft skin, and breathe in her scent.
I cleared my throat. “It was my idea, remember?”
“It was.” She raised her brow in silent question, but I didn’t tell her I wanted to see her in person.
Instead, I opened the door to the diner and gestured for her to enter ahead of me.
“Thank you,” she murmured as she brushed past me.