by Lea Coll
Mom shot me a look over Rylan’s head, and I took that as my hint to leave while she was occupied.
Once we were in my truck, Sadie said, “Listen, you don’t have to help. This could get ugly.”
My jaw tightened and my muscles tensed. “All the more reason for me to go with you. You shouldn’t be doing this alone.”
She shifted in her seat uneasily, but she was quiet for the rest of the ride. I pulled up next to Luke’s truck in the driveway where he stood, leaning against the passenger’s side door. I grabbed Sadie’s hand. “Wait here or on the porch. Don’t go inside until I talk to Luke.”
She sighed. “Yeah, okay.”
I kissed her lightly on her mouth before walking around to help her out.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” I said to Luke as I headed toward his truck, where he pushed off the door.
“Anything I need to know?” His eyes were on the porch and Sadie, who looked uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
“Just what I told you on the phone. Sadie’s moving out of her mom’s house—it could get heated.”
He shook his head and rubbed his foot in the gravel of the road. “Christ, you’re gone for this girl.”
“I am.” I kept my voice quiet so that Sadie wouldn’t overhear but firm enough, he understood me. “She’s a nice girl.”
“Has she talked to you about it yet?”
I felt good she’d confided in me this morning. Another person might not have wanted to bring it up—but she’d come clean. “Not all of it, but nothing she could say will change my mind about her as a person.”
“You’re sure about that?” Luke’s eyes rested on Sadie as if he was trying to figure out what I saw.
“Positive.” I’d never been more sure of anything.
Luke slapped his hand on my shoulder before moving up the sidewalk. “Okay, then. Let’s get her moved out of here.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” Sadie’s eyes skidded back and forth between us. She was nervous, but whether it was because Luke was here, she was worried about her mother’s reaction, or both, I wasn’t sure.
Sadie
“Any guns in the house we should know about?” Luke asked me.
I couldn’t get a read on him—whether he was pissed, or annoyed with the situation. But every muscle in my body was tight and I looked at Tanner for support.
“We’re expecting things to get heated and it’s good to know what to expect,” Tanner said, his blue eyes soft and reassuring.
That made sense, so I shook my head at Luke. “No, not that I’m aware of. She hasn’t had any guys here for a while, either.”
“Okay, you lead the way and we’ll back you up,” Tanner said, and I felt some of the tension ease. I hadn’t realized how worried I’d been about moving out—about how my mom would react, whether she’d let me go without throwing insults or my things at me until now. I was so worried I’d cave, that I’d give into whatever manipulation she tried this morning, but having Tanner here and now Luke felt good—like I could handle whatever my mom did.
“I appreciate your help.” I turned and unlocked the door. I pushed it open with my usual trepidation. A tidy house with sunlight shining through the windows and a turned-off TV was not what I expected. I was prepared for yelling, throwing things, but not for her to be the mom I’d wanted as a child. But I knew it was all a show, so I hardened my heart to any thoughts of reconnecting with her before she agreed to go to rehab.
I stepped inside to find my mom at the kitchen counter, whisking eggs. I walked to the kitchen, surprised at what I was seeing. “Mom, what are you doing?”
“I’m making breakfast, what do you think I’m doing?” Her hair was washed and brushed. She wore clean clothes in bright colors. Her eyes were clear but tired. It was a striking contrast to her normal appearance.
I stopped a few feet from her speechless—I didn’t think she’d ever cooked breakfast. Tanner and Luke stayed in the entryway. She didn’t buy groceries, cook, or clean—not since I was younger. “What brought this on?”
“A mom can’t cook for her daughter?”
“You don’t.” It rankled that she’d do this now.
“Don’t be dramatic in front of your friends. Who is this?” She came around the counter and wiped her hands on a towel.
I hadn’t expected her to interact with Luke or Tanner at all. I tensed, imagining her reaction if Luke introduced himself as the sheriff.
“Sheriff Luke Hudson, ma’am.” Luke stepped forward and shook her hand.
Mom’s face tightened and I knew she wanted to ask why I’d brought the sheriff into her house, but she remained silent.
“Tanner Green. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Cole.” I didn’t see anything in his eyes other than respect. It felt good that he still wanted to impress my mother as if she was someone important in my life.
She smiled as if me bringing friends into the house was an everyday occurrence. “Oh, it’s Raina—no need to be formal. Do you want breakfast?”
I shook my head. She knew I was pulling away, so she taunted me with the mother I’d longed for over the years.
“No, thanks. We’re helping Sadie move out and then we’ll be out of your hair,” Tanner said lightly.
“Oh, there’s no need to move out, is there?” Mom looked at me, her expression relaxed but her eyes hard.
She wouldn’t change unless she could kick this addiction. She would always be a cold, calculating person.
“I’m twenty-eight. It’s past time I moved out.” I braced myself. The muscles in my stomach were pulled tight, as I waited for the outburst I knew was coming.
“There’s no rush. That’s all I’m saying.” She waited for me to respond but I didn’t.
I was still reeling from her calm demeanor. She was good—much better than I’d given her credit for over the years. I wasn’t weak, but she’d played on my emotions my whole life.
“Want me to get started?” Tanner had taken stock of the situation and probably concluded she wasn’t going to cause a scene with the guys present.
“Sure. I have everything packed in garbage bags and boxes already, so you can just carry it down. My room’s the first one on the right.”
“What furniture are you taking?” Luke propped the front door open allowing the chilly fall air inside.
“The bed, dresser, and nightstand. That’s it,” I said.
Luke nodded and followed Tanner up the stairs.
“Why are you doing this?” Mom hissed as soon as the footsteps receded.
“I told you. I’m tired of picking up after you—this house, financially. I’m done. It’s time for me to focus on myself.”
“You’ve always been selfish. Ever since that incident in high school.” My face heated when Luke’s footsteps sounded, and he came into view carrying a nightstand.
“Everything okay?” Luke asked me, but all I could do was nod, my throat tight with tears. His face was filled with concern—not the pity I was expecting. He waited a beat and shot a warning glance at my mom before he walked through the open front door and out to his truck.
“This is ridiculous,” Mom sputtered.
“What, me thinking you should start paying for your mistakes—starting with this house?”
“I’ve always told you we only have each other.” Her voice was stronger when she said this—she’d repeated it so many times over the years it had became a mantra for her. Her basis for everything—staying distant from others, not seeking help, not living.
“The problem with that statement is I never had you. I was always on my own.” Saying that out loud lifted something heavy from my chest, allowing me to breathe easier, knowing I was making the right decision. I turned and headed up the steps before she could respond.
“You okay?” Tanner asked from the top of the stairs, his hands full of boxes.
“I will be as soon as we can leave.” He nodded in support before he shifted so I could move past him. I grabbed a garbage bag of clothes and fol
lowed him back down.
After a few trips, all of my clothes and books were packed in Tanner’s truck and Logan had arrived.
Nerves ran through me—I wasn’t sure what to expect from him. I hadn’t seen Logan since I worked with him and I’d screwed over Ashley. He’d never confronted me or sought me out to ask why. I assumed Ashley told him what I’d said—I’d needed the money.
“Just in time to help us with the big stuff,” Tanner said.
Logan’s eyes stopped on mine. I couldn’t read any emotion in them.
“Thanks for coming.” I should clear the air with him, apologize for screwing him and Ashley over but now wasn’t the time or the place.
“No problem,” Logan said.
I was relieved he wasn’t overtly angry or annoyed to be here.
“We’ll put the bed in your truck because Luke’s is full,” Tanner said.
The three of them headed up the stairs to get the bed and dresser. Thankfully, Mom stayed downstairs while I took one last sweep of my bathroom and the rest of the house to make sure there was nothing else I needed. I wouldn’t be back if I could help it unless my mom reached out to me.
“I wish you’d rethink this,” Mom said as I stopped into the kitchen to say goodbye.
“There’s nothing to think about. I should have done this a long time ago. In fact, I never should have come back.”
I waited for the guys to maneuver the mattress down the stairs and out the door before I softened my tone. “If you go to rehab, I’ll help you find a place. But you have to be serious. No more manipulation, no more games, no taking credit cards out in my name, no more stealing from me. Do you understand me?”
She watched me, her mouth hanging slightly open like she’d never really seen me before. “If that’s how you want it to be.”
“It’s not how I want this to be.” I could feel Tanner’s eyes on me assessing the situation anytime he was in the room. “I wanted a real mother, but I didn’t get that.”
“You’re ungrateful after everything I’ve done for you.” Her face screwed up in disgust.
I crossed my arms across my chest and huffed. “What did you do for me?”
“I kept food in the house and a roof over your head.”
“Barely. As soon as I was old enough, I got a job to buy groceries and learned how to cook.” I shook my head as the guys made the last trip out the door with the dresser. “I’m done. I’m done with this conversation. I’m done with you. If you want to go to rehab, call me, otherwise, I don’t want to hear from you.”
I turned and walked outside. The guys were securing the dresser to Logan’s truck with rope. I waited until they were done and all three turned to me. “Thanks for helping. I wouldn’t have been able to get the furniture without you.”
“No problem. You need anything else. You let me know,” Luke said.
I’d expected he’d be angry and annoyed to be here this morning. That he’d done it only as a favor to Tanner, but his words said otherwise. “Thank you.”
We watched Luke and Logan leave, and then Tanner pulled me into his body and kissed my forehead. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Yes.” I needed to be as far away from this house as I could get. Tanner helped me into the truck and waited until he’d backed out of the driveway before asking, “Are you okay?”
“Yes, it was weird. She’d cleaned, she was cooking. That’s not normal. The things she was saying were normal, but not the rest of it. Normally, the house is a sty—blinds drawn all day, open liquor bottles on the floor, old food caked on plates, the fridge empty. She hasn’t cooked since I was little.”
“She was making a bid for you to stay. Classic addict. They reel you in when you pull away. But you held your ground.” He patted my leg. “I’m proud of you.”
I leaned my head back on the seat and shut my eyes. It was the second time he’d said he was proud of me. It felt good. I should have heard those words from Mom but that never happened. And maybe long ago, my grandparents used to say it, but I could barely remember them.
I opened my eyes. “Thank you, Tanner. I feel like I’m saying that a lot lately, but no one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”
“No one’s helped you move.”
I shook my head. “No. I went to college on my own, I bought what I needed, I got loans to pay for school.”
He looked over at me, admiration for me shone in his eyes. “You’re amazing—and that doesn’t lessen because friends help you out once in a while. Remember that.”
“I’ll try. It’s weird accepting help.” But really nice. I didn’t have to buy any furniture unless I wanted a couch or TV in my new place. For the first time, excitement tickled my belly that I was free of my mother. It felt like the beginning of something huge.
I watched Tanner drive, the sharp edge of his jaw, his large tan hands gripping the wheel, the outline of his biceps under his long-sleeve shirt, and his strong thighs stretching the limits of his jeans. How was this man mine? I didn’t know why he’d chosen me, but I’d hold onto him for as long as I could.
Tanner
I hadn’t expected Sadie’s house to be clean and her mother showered and making breakfast. She wore clean clothes but the lines on her face, the pink tint of her cheeks, and the uncontrollable tremor in her hands were sure signs of an addict.
Her actions were a clear bid to get Sadie to stay. I was so proud of Sadie for staying strong. The interaction could have been a lot worse. Luke’s presence probably prevented things from escalating. I didn’t think that would be the last we’d hear from her mother. Addicts had a hard time letting go of the person who provided them with money. Sadie’s need to care for her mother and her guilt for walking away wouldn’t dissipate overnight.
We picked up Rylan on the way back to Sadie’s new apartment along with a container of cookies they’d baked. “Do you need help decorating, Miss Sadie?” Rylan asked from the back seat.
Her tone was serious. I couldn’t stop my smile as I turned to see Sadie’s reaction.
Sadie exchanged an amused glance with me before turning to address Rylan. “I could use some help. Would you be willing to pick things out with me?”
“I’d love to. I’m really good at decorating.” Rylan nodded seriously.
“I hope you love sparkles and glitter,” I said to Sadie. She had no idea what she’d opened herself up to.
“Who doesn’t, right, Rylan?” Sadie faced the back seat, her response eliciting a huge smile from Rylan.
I sighed. I couldn’t remember the last time Rylan was this happy. Bree’s indifference seemed to be weighing on Rylan and it made me think I needed to do something. I made a mental note to schedule an appointment with my attorney, Steve, to revisit the idea of filing for custody. I’d been able to document numerous incidents when she’d forgotten about visitation, so maybe it would finally be enough to file for a modification of custody.
“Everyone loves sparkles and glitter. Even Daddy likes when I paint his toenails with pink glitter polish,” Rylan said as I pulled up behind Logan and Luke’s trucks already parked in front of the dance studio and Sadie’s new home.
Sadie’s hand flew to her mouth to cover her grin as I carefully maneuvered the truck closer to the curb. “You let Rylan paint your toenails pink.”
“Just my toenails. I draw the line at fingernails.”
“Of course,” Sadie said, biting her lip to stop the smile that twitched at the corners of her mouth.
I should be embarrassed that Sadie knew this secret about me, but instead I wanted to pull her lip out from under her teeth and lick the spot with my tongue. I wanted to lift her over the console into my lap, but Rylan was here.
Rylan’s eyes widened as she looked out the window at the dance studio. “You’re moving into the dance studio?”
“Above the studio, actually,” Sadie said as I stepped out of the truck and helped Rylan out of her seat.
“Still, you can dance whenever you want,”
Rylan chattered as I placed her on the sidewalk. She held her hand out to Sadie. My heart stuttered when Sadie took Rylan’s small hand in hers and smiled down at her.
“You can listen to music and dance wherever you are, that’s the beauty of music. You don’t need a studio.”
“But Miss Sadie, the studio makes it extra fancy.”
I smiled at their cute exchange. “Yeah, Miss Sadie.” I leaned down and whispered in her ear, “It makes it extra fancy.”
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Sadie looked up at me, her eyes twinkled in amusement, and Rylan’s hand was held fast in her hers.
“I am enjoying Rylan and you together.” It was like the pieces of my heart that had scattered when I moved out of Bree’s house were coming back together, and it was all because of this woman. I pushed back any lingering worry in the back of my mind. Sadie couldn’t walk away from me any more than I could walk away from her.
Sadie stepped ahead of me to unlock the apartment door to the left of the studio’s entrance. She propped it open.
“Furniture or small stuff first?” Luke pulled the tailgate to his truck down.
“Let’s get the big stuff out of the way first,” I told Luke and then to Sadie, “Can you take Rylan to the studio and keep her occupied while we carry stuff up?”
“Of course.” Sadie led Rylan over to the studio doors and unlocked them. “Ready to have a whole dance studio to yourself?”
“Oh yes, Miss Sadie. This is going to be so amazing.” Rylan vibrated with excitement as she clapped her hands. Sadie smiled over her head at me before ushering her inside.
I stood there watching them through the floor-to-ceiling windows as Sadie smoothed Rylan’s hair into a ponytail. The feeling of rightness wound its way around my heart and unfurled through my body. This woman was it for me. I only had to convince her.
“Hey, we could use your hand with this mattress,” Logan said.
“Sorry.” I turned my attention to Logan, who stood on the ground with his hands on the mattress and Luke on the bed of the truck pushing it toward him. We hauled the furniture and the bags and boxes up one flight of steps to her apartment. When everything was inside, I pulled open the doors to the studio to get my girls.