Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3)

by Adelaide Forrest

  He’d chosen to dance with the devil and somehow thought he could do that without it putting his wife and kids in danger. His willingness to put them in danger was unforgivable, because he hadn’t been capable of keeping them safe from men like me.

  “I thought I was paranoid,” she whispered, and my heart pounded in my chest. Even though I’d known it, the admission that she’d felt me all those years felt like the perfect affirmation of everything that pulsed between us. She’d felt me, and she’d told nobody about it.

  Because she knew that I wouldn’t hurt her.

  On some level, she knew that the man who watched her only wanted to love her.

  "Did you kill him?" she whispered, refusing to meet my eyes as she asked the question.

  "No," I said firmly. "He was shot when he was going to tell one of Matteo’s dealers not to be so fucking dumb and do a deal out in the open. The dealer saw his badge and panicked.” I let her absorb the information of just how dirty her husband had been as a cop. She had to have processed the fact that he worked for the Bellandis, but I watched the gears turn as everything she thought she knew about her marriage vanished. “I would never have caused you pain like that. I think I've made it obvious that I wouldn't have needed to kill him to take you away if I wanted," I said, and she nodded in response. It soothed something inside me that even when she’d had her world turned on its head, she still knew that I wouldn’t lie to her.

  Her instincts were to trust me, even if she should have run as far as she could. I’d drag her back kicking and screaming if I had to, though. “Why? I don't understand.” Her voice was so melancholy I wanted to hold her and comfort her, but I also knew she needed a sliver of space while she tried to process what she’d learned.

  I gave her the only answer I could. The simple truth at its core. "You're my Sunshine," I said, perching on the edge of the desk in front of her. It made her seem even smaller somehow, like I loomed over her. I couldn’t deny that something about it appealed to me. I wanted to surround her and overwhelm her until she didn’t know where I ended and she began.

  She knew there would be no getting away from me, not with the way the house was guarded and secured with a gate and a ten-foot fence. She stood no chance of climbing that alone, let alone with Axel and Ines in tow. But I'd stalked her. I’d made her question her own sanity and feel like there was something wrong with her. When all along it had just been me following her. Lurking in the shadows and watching.

  Where she might have wanted to fight, she also knew there was nothing she could do to fight me.

  Her life was mine now.

  I saw the moment she realized all the things I knew, her favorite foods, the kids’ favorite things. The fact that I knew just how to touch her to make her come apart.

  Because I’d watched her do it to herself.

  "I let you inside me," she whispered, her voice breaking into a quiet sob. She couldn't yell. She couldn't scream at me.

  She couldn't wake Ines up.

  "You did. We were always inevitable, Tesoro. I understand this must seem overwhelming to you right now, but eventually you'll understand," I said, and my voice hardened. As much as I understood it, there was a pit of anger that raged when I thought about her not wanting me. That she wasn’t comforted by my presence and didn’t understand that I’d done what I had to do to have her in the only capacity I could.

  She didn’t understand that I loved her, and I couldn’t say those words. Not so soon, because it would only drive her further away.

  "I will never understand this," she growled at me. "This is-this is sick, Ryker. You're sick." She tossed the photos onto the desk next to me. Standing from the chair, she made her way out of the office. When she walked out, I didn't stop her. I merely followed behind her like I had for years, lurking and studying her every move.

  It wasn’t until she went for the bathroom that I spoke. “Calla?” I called, and she froze mid-step with a flinch. She didn’t look back at me as she hummed a response.

  “Hmmm?”

  “I’ll break down the door. We will sleep together from now on. Understood?”

  She whimpered, and her feet didn’t move in either direction. Like she couldn’t quite understand what she should do or where she should go.

  Eventually she’d realize that the only place for her was in my arms, right where she belonged.

  “Come to bed, Tesoro,” I whispered, but she still didn’t move.

  Something in me tightened as I stripped down to my boxer briefs and stepped up behind her. The skin of her bare arms and legs felt too cold when I put one of my arms behind her knees and scooped her into my arms. She trembled against me, but ultimately let me settle her in the bed and wrap myself around her.

  “You can’t do this,” she whispered finally, flinching when I slid my hand inside her shirt to rest against the smooth skin of her stomach. “You can’t keep us here. Please, just let us go,” she whimpered.

  I held her tight, never letting her doubt the fact that I meant every word. “I will never let you go, Tesoro. It’s time you accept that.” Her body shook as she broke down into sobs, but her hands clung to my forearms where they wrapped around her torso. Clinging to me through her panic, her body gave me everything her heart wasn’t ready for.

  “Go to sleep, Sunshine,” I murmured against her temple. One day at a time was all I could ask of her. We’d have good days and bad days as she came to terms with our relationship.

  Hopefully, with everything out in the open we could move forward.

  Twenty-Eight

  Calla

  I opened my eyes slowly, rolling to my side to face Ryker in the groggy, faint memory of sleep. It wasn’t uncommon for me to reach out for him in the night, and I’d vaguely remember it the next morning and hate myself for it.

  That I couldn’t seem to resist the pull of him when my brain wasn’t engaged, and that my body gravitated toward him naturally, when it should run in the other direction.

  My arm smacked against the cool sheets, no sign of Ryker’s overwhelming warmth. No light came in through the curtains or gave any sign that it might be morning. A glance at the alarm clock on Ryker’s nightstand confirmed it was only three in the morning, and his absence suddenly felt more insidious.

  Like the reason for it would slither up behind me like a venomous snake and bite me on the ass. Tugging the covers back, I crept out of bed and into the hallway. The kids slept soundly in their rooms, and the office and gym were suspiciously empty.

  When I snuck a peek over the edge of the loft, the sight of Dante sitting on the couch and fiddling on his phone was all that greeted me.

  It wasn’t until I was halfway down the stairs that I realized I only wore my chemise, but nothing stopped me. Dante sat up straighter when he saw me come through the baby gate.

  “I think you should cover up, Calla,” he said instantly with a swallow, but I trudged forward and ignored the warning.

  “Where’s Ryker?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around my chest to fight back the cold.

  Dante sighed as he stood, grabbing a blanket from under the cushions and wrapping it around my shoulders while taking great care not to touch me. “Work. Something came up, and he had to go. He didn’t tell you?” he asked.

  I shook my head with a sad smile. There was only one reason a man might sneak out in the middle of the night without a word.

  Another woman.

  I shrugged off the blanket. “He doesn’t tell me much. Not really,” I said, trying not to take my pain out on Dante. He really was just doing as his boss told him, and I couldn’t blame him for my problems with my captor. “Goodnight, Dante.”

  “I’m sure it just slipped his mind, Calla. He isn’t used to having to consider other people when he leaves,” he said to reassure me.

  “I would think leaving me sleeping alone in a bed would be a pretty obvious reminder,” I whispered, making my way back up the stairs. After checking on the kids one last time to reassure myself that t
hey were still there, I went to our bedroom and grabbed my phone off the nightstand.

  I considered not calling, wondering if he’d say anything about it in the morning or just try to pretend he hadn’t left me in the middle of the night. I would never sleep, never get past the anxious, uncertain frenzy of energy that whipped through me like a storm waiting to explode. With that, I dialed the number he’d programmed into my phone, realizing it was the first time I’d ever used it.

  I lived with him. Shared his bed.

  And I’d never spoken to him on the phone or even texted him.

  He answered after a couple rings, his voice ringing in my ears. “Sunshine? What’s wrong?”

  “You weren’t in bed,” I answered with a tremble to my lips. There was a muffled grunt in the background, and Matteo’s familiar voice barked out an order to be quiet. I swallowed, but the lack of sounds in the background did nothing to calm the panic in me. Were they quieting a woman? A man they intended to kill? “Where are you?”

  “Working,” Ryker said firmly. “You don’t want the details, Tesoro.”

  “That’s a convenient cover,” I hissed.

  The bastard chuckled. “While it is adorable that you’re jealous, I promise you I’m working. I can make him squeal, if that would reassure you. At any rate, if I wanted to get my rocks off, I wouldn’t do it with my boss.”

  “Don’t,” I snapped. “This all could have been avoided if you’d just told me you were leaving. I woke up, and you were gone. I worried.”

  “I didn’t think you’d care, Sunshine,” he murmured. The reminder of the revelation of the night before was like a shot of adrenaline to my heart.

  He’d stalked me.

  “I shouldn’t,” I whispered back. Even still that he would just slip out in the middle of the night felt wrong. It made me feel like less, nothing but a convenience. Even if that was what I was to Ryker, he took great efforts to make it so I never felt that way.

  As much as I hated the stalking and the betrayal of my trust that it represented, I couldn’t deny that it contributed to making me feel like I was the center of someone’s universe.

  I’d never understand what it must have been like to want someone so desperately that blurring the lines of right and wrong seemed acceptable.

  Though, admittedly, those lines didn’t seem to exist for my serial killing stalker.

  “You shouldn’t, but you do. More than you’ve even realized yet. I’ll be home as soon as I can, Sunshine. Go back to sleep.” Ryker hung up abruptly, not giving me a chance to respond to his last revelation.

  ✽✽✽

  It had been longer than I could remember since I'd been on a date.

  So long it was depressing to think about, and having to put on makeup reminded me of just how long it had been since I'd bothered with anything of the sort. The champagne dress that clung to me felt like a shock, and I couldn't believe how well it fit.

  I hadn't worn it since before Axel was born, but I supposed I did enough yoga to maintain the same figure. I hated the way the thin straps on my shoulders left my arms exposed. In the delicacy of the dress they seemed just a little too muscular. Too toned.

  I preferred my tank tops and yoga pants where they looked right at home.

  I slipped on my jacket, feeling grateful for the coverage it offered, even if I knew I wouldn't be able to have it at the restaurant.

  I could hear my father and Ryker chatting downstairs, so with one last glance in the mirror I left the bedroom. As I made my way down the stairs, Ryker's eyes came to me even as he continued talking to my father quietly. There was warmth in his eyes and a mild amount of surprise lingered there. I knew he couldn't see much, that the only part of me he could see was my face and the black jacket draped over my shoulders.

  When I rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs, Ryker's eyes trailed up my bare legs where my black pumps showcased every muscle in my calves. I missed the way my body had been softer, more feminine, before I'd started teaching yoga and taken the dive into being more fit to do it for hours every day. The change felt striking, but there was no mistaking the fact that Ryker didn't mind it. He looked at me like he'd desire my body no matter how it looked, and even though I knew that had to be a fallacy, it was an appealing one.

  "You look beautiful," he whispered, stepping forward to touch his lips to mine gently since my father watched on.

  "Calla Lily," my father murmured as emotion made his voice crack. "You look so much like your mother." My heart stuttered in my chest, because I knew that she would have been just a year older than I was when she died.

  It was a sobering thought. A woman under thirty here one moment and then gone the next. Life was too short to spend it living someone else's life.

  Like I did every day I spent with Ryker.

  But given everything I'd learned, the reality that he'd been stalking us for years, it made it impossible to think of finding a way out of this. How could you make someone understand his obsession wasn't healthy, and that he would be better off finding someone who he could have an actual relationship with?

  "Dad," I whispered, reaching around his waist to tug him into a hug.

  "You two have fun. I've got the kiddos covered. We're going to order some Chinese food and play board games until bedtime."

  "Okay," I whispered, moving to each of my kids and giving them hugs and kisses goodbye.

  "Princess, Mommy," Ines said with glee, running her fingers all over the satin fabric of my dress.

  "You're the only Princess here, baby girl," I whispered, lingering with my lips on her head. Axel gave me a knowing look, hugging Ryker goodbye and looking positively gleeful that the man was pushing me out of my comfort zone. I didn't leave the kids for anything other than work. I never wanted to be away from them, especially not after Chad's death. So choosing to leave them voluntarily felt like a horrific step in a direction I wasn't ready for, but it wasn't like Ryker had given me much choice.

  Not with his gruff command that we were going out before he told me my father was coming to babysit.

  "See you in the morning, Little Man," Ryker said, stepping toward the front door and pulling it open after he squeezed Ines in for a tight hug.

  I wouldn't be home to tuck my kids into bed for the first time. Even with Ryker's help, I always kissed them goodnight, and the realization made my feet stick in the kitchen. "Come on, Sunshine," Ryker said, and there was a gentle command in his voice that I couldn't argue with. I knew I'd be getting in the car even if he had to carry me there.

  With a deep breath, I forced my legs to move. To carry me into the entryway so that Ryker could place his hand on the small of my back and guide me out the door. When he closed the door behind us in silence, the lock clicked closed as my father activated it behind us. It was unnecessary with all the security on the property, but I appreciated the touch.

  "They'll be fine," Ryker assured me as he guided me to the car. There was patience in his steps as he went slowly for my benefit and let me take each step reluctantly.

  "What if Ines needs me?" I asked him, pausing as he stopped to open the passenger door of the Maserati for me. He tucked my hair behind my ear, studying the motion intently before his bright eyes met my dark ones.

  "You're her mother, Sunshine. She'll always need you, but she'll be okay with her grandpa tucking her in for one night." He kissed my forehead and gestured me into the car. With one last wistful look to the house, I nodded and climbed in. The leather immediately cushioned me, feeling somehow comforting despite the coolness of it. It was early June, and the nights still got chilly quickly. With the sun setting in the sky after a fairly overcast day, the temperature had dropped quickly.

  “I hate missing bedtime,” I whispered, wincing when Ryker gave me a knowing look. “If I could have had one thing with my mom, it would be for her to tuck me in at night. What if they feel like that?”

  Ryker reached down to touch my cheek, brushing back the single tear that gathered. “You f
eel that way because you never had your mother there to tuck you in, Tesoro. Those kids know without a doubt that they’ll have you back tomorrow night.”

  “Unless they don’t,” I said, turning my head back, so I severed our connection. “You never know what will happen.”

  Ryker closed the door, going around to his side to climb in and start up the car. I hated to admit that the sound of the Maserati engine felt like it vibrated through me, to the part of me that would always be my father's daughter who could appreciate the sound of a fantastic engine. Even if I was terrified of the driver. “You will not live your life afraid to go to dinner, Calla. I won’t let you.”

  When Ryker turned around in the driveway, he went slow. The dirt road wouldn't be kind to the car if he went too fast, and the beauty of that car shouldn't have been wasted on a dirt road at all. It belonged in a pristine garage in the city or at the Bellandi estate.

  But Ryker seemed to have a passion for an eclectic mix of old and new.

  He drove through the gate, and I watched in the side mirror as the gates closed behind us. It appeased me to know that if my kids should ever be without me, they were at least as safe as possible, tucked inside the property and guarded by professionals and my father. Dante waved from outside the fence, patrolling the property as I sometimes saw the guards do.

  Whoever Ryker and the Bellandi family had pissed off to warrant such security, they must have been a big fish for all the fuss.

  I didn't speak to him as he drove, trying to calm my frayed nerves about being alone with him.

  I was going on a date with my stalker who liked to kill people in his free time.

  It sounded absurd, even in my head. I had no idea what I was to him, what the obsession meant inside that twisted head of his. For all the talking Ryker did, he said very little. From what I'd seen of him with other people, he wasn't always as talkative as he was with me and the kids, but that didn't mean that he gave me any more details about his life than he gave to absolute strangers.