Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3)

by Adelaide Forrest

  "We had a betting pool of how long you would hold out," Samara admitted, and I looked at her in shock. It hurt to know that they'd bet on something that shouldn't have happened. That it was just a foregone conclusion, because that was what my life had come to. "It isn't like that. Anyone can see that he adores you. When a man like Ryker turns his attention to you like that, there's not a woman whose willpower is strong enough to resist it. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't jump him the first night."

  I laughed, "I was a little busy plotting ways to stab him while he slept."

  Ivory giggled at my side. "I remember those days." I ignored the fact that both of them seemed content that they totally had Stockholm Syndrome, because what could I do about it? "How was it?"

  "Each time was different. The first one we were fighting, and he just shoved me up against the wall and…" I trailed off, because it felt like too much detail to say that he'd tried to shove his monster cock in me and had to move me to the bed before he could work his way in. "The second time I was asleep when he started touching me. It felt like he made love to me," I whispered.

  "I'm sure he did," Samara said. "From what Lino said, his obsession with you has gone on for a long, long time. I don't think you would hold his interest in that way if he didn't love you, Calla."

  Ryker had left Luna with her father and Scar, returning his attention to where Enzo kicked a soccer ball with Axel and laughed violently when it went soaring over his head. "Obsession isn't love."

  "Normally, I'd agree with you," Ivory said. "But these men aren't normal. They love harder than any other men I've ever known. There's a certain obsession that goes along with that inevitably.” She paused, studying me.

  Samara’s attention fixated on me too, and she squealed finally at whatever she saw on my face. “You like him!”

  “Shhh!” I hissed, looking over to where Ryker studied our interaction intently, as if he could read my expressions well enough to feel the meaning of our conversation. “I don’t want to,” I whispered when that intense blue gaze finally left me. “I shouldn’t.”

  “Should and shouldn’t don’t matter in your relationship,” Ivory said. “Does he make you happy?”

  "I don’t know,” I kicked the grass like a child as my discomfort grew. “Sometimes.”

  “And when he doesn’t? Is it because he doesn’t make you happy? Or because you’re intentionally being difficult?” Samara said with a pointed grin. She knew me too well to believe me if I tried to argue that I wasn’t difficult. "Look around you. Look at what he has to give to you and those kids. They'll never find a family who loves them more than ours and who will always be in their corner. Those men already worship them. They already see them as theirs and they protect their family above all else. He can give them a family. He can give them love. The kids see that, but he can give those things to you too."

  I didn't have to answer, not when Ryker came flying from the field and suddenly put his shoulder in my stomach to lift me off the ground. Apparently, he'd grown tired of my conversation on the sidelines, because he turned and raced for the field where the others played. "Ryker!" I screamed, smacking his ass. I winced as pain vibrated through my palm. It was seriously not okay for one man to have an ass that hard. Enzo laughed, and I glared at him while I shook my hand out. "Asshole," I muttered to him as we passed.

  His grin was full of amusement as he crossed his arms over his chest.

  "Axel!" I said with a laugh when Enzo's infectious energy made me smile. "Make Ryker put me down!" With a grin, Axel bolted over to where Ryker still held me captive over his shoulder.

  Ryker teased him, running in the opposite direction so fast I thought I would hurl up my lunch. How he could run like that with my entire weight settled over his shoulder, I'd never understand. The man wasn't human.

  He was an animal, impossibly strong as he deftly avoided Axel's grabby hands when he finally caught up to us. I screamed when Ryker suddenly flung me forward so I slid down his torso and had to cling to his neck and wrap my legs around his waist.

  "They do reach! I'll let Sadie know!" Samara yelled from the sidelines, and I flipped her off even as I howled with laughter. When Ryker finally let Axel catch us, he dropped to the ground dramatically with me underneath him, but somehow kept me from getting hurt in the impact. His weight covered mine as he shielded me from Axel, snarling at my son playfully when he tried to free me from Ryker's grasp.

  I chuckled into Ryker's chest, feeling my laughter bubble at how ridiculous this must have looked. But I'd never had a moment like this, a man who would act like an idiot to entertain my children. With the sound of Ines and Luna giggling off to the side, it felt like a piece of me snapped into place.

  The piece of me that knew I could have this as my life. That my kids could have this for themselves.

  I wanted that. I just didn't know how to reach out, ignore how we got here, and grab it.

  He tilted his head down to look at me, his eyes going to the smile on my face. His eyes lingered there until the smile drifted off my face. It felt too intense, that fixation on something as simple as a smile. His hand reached up, his thumb stroking over my bottom lip delicately. I was horribly aware of the eyes on us, of my children watching, but Ryker didn't seem to give a shit about the audience.

  "Smile at me again," he whispered, and I did awkwardly behind his thumb as my cheeks turned pink from the intensity of his stare. When he pulled his thumb away, he leaned forward to touch his lips to mine. It was a gentle kiss, soft and intimate as his body relaxed into mine and his hands cupped both my cheeks. My head disappeared between them, in that way that Ryker always made me feel so small. Even smaller than I actually was. I hated that something as simple as a smile from me made him so happy and his face lit up.

  How was I supposed to resist that?

  "Gross!" Axel groaned, making me giggle against Ryker's lips. That giggle only seemed to spur him on, but after a brief press of his lips on mine more firmly, he drew back to stare down at me with his forehead pressed to mine. His eyes were light, as if they glowed from within, and after staring at me for a moment he jumped off me and tackled Axel to the ground as my boy screamed playfully.

  He tugged Axel into his side, rubbing his fist on his head and messing up his hair. "You think it's gross that I like to kiss your Mom?" he asked him.

  "Yes!" Axel laughed, shoving Ryker away.

  "You better get used to it, Little Man. I'll never stop," Ryker announced, making me blush. My eyes went to Enzo, but he was busy staring at the side where Scar stared at Ryker in confusion. Something on the man's face made my heart ache, like he so desperately wanted what Ryker had.

  But there was genuine fear in his eyes, as if the thought of a man like Ryker having a family was impossible to him.

  A few days ago I would have agreed with him.

  Now?

  Now I had no clue what I thought anymore.

  “Mommy! Help me!” Axel called. I lunged up from where Ryker had left me lying on the ground. When your son called you, you helped him.

  So I struck Ryker in the side with all my weight, shoving him off balance as he released a deep chuckle and went tumbling to the side.

  It didn’t matter that it wasn’t real or that I’d never have any chance of tackling the man. Not when he pretended to struggle and let Axel and I pin him to the ground. With my legs stretched over his stomach and Axel sitting on his chest in front of me, Ryker grinned up at me.

  The grin only grew when Ines fell on top of the pile we formed.

  I let myself feel the joy that reflected in his gaze when he wrapped his arms around all of us and pulled us tight.

  Most of the time, he really did make me happy.

  When I let him.

  Thirty

  Ryker

  Even in Matteo's massive sitting room, space was limited on the occasions where we all got together. There'd been just enough room for the group of us to relax on the furniture after dinner while Ines and Axel played
with the toys the others had bought for them as gifts to welcome them to the family. Calla had mostly gone silent after our wrestling match, and I could practically see the way the gears turned in her head. I didn’t know what Ivory and Samara had said to her, but there was a noticeable shift in the way she watched me.

  There was a reason I'd decided the time had come to introduce the kids to my family, despite Calla's hesitation. I knew that the bond I shared with them was one of the best things I offered Calla. The support network we had was priceless. She'd never have to wonder what she would do if there came a day when her dad couldn't watch Ines. She'd never have to suffer through being sick and forcing a smile on her face because she had kids who needed her.

  They'd need her, but they'd have other people they could spend the day with while she rested. That was if I wasn't available because of work. If I was home, she wouldn't even need my family, because she'd have me. But there would come a day when Luna was a little older and could play with Ines. There would come a day when Axel could watch out for his sister and his cousins like the protector I knew him to be.

  Finding familial love inside the Bellandi estate had seemed like an impossibility just two years prior, but now the house burst with it. I wanted that for my woman and my kids.

  I wanted them to have everything my birth family had deprived me of. A safe space to learn and grow, a place where they would know no fear.

  When Yavin strolled in after dinner, the light atmosphere in the room dimmed. Yavin and Lino hadn't returned to what their relationship had been like before Samara married Lino, but they got along fine for business sake. There wasn't even any animosity between them, so much as neither was willing to be the person who stepped over the threshold to bridge that gap. I knew it drove Samara batty, especially when she rolled her eyes as Yavin walked in. He'd been invited earlier, just the same as the rest of us, but he only came when he knew we would get down to business. Like he was outside of our family, even when he had always been part of it.

  I suspected it was hard for him, being the only one of us who wasn't Italian. The women weren't, but he was the only male in the inner circle who didn't have the Old World blood ties that the previous generations of Bellandis valued so highly. It didn't matter in the slightest to Matteo, who had opened the ranks of initiates looking to join people of all races and ethnicities.

  He saw greater value in a man's character than his lineage, and given my history, that was something I admired.

  Blood meant nothing.

  Yavin glanced around the room, taking in the distinct lack of space for him to sit. I knew from the tension in his eyes it was one more nail in the coffin of his mind that he didn't belong. I scooped Calla off the seat next to me, depositing her into my lap. She squirmed for a moment, but I quickly realized it wasn't because she wanted to get off me.

  She was just trying to get comfortable. I didn't imagine I made a very good cushion.

  Yavin smiled at me cautiously, moving into the room and kissing Samara on the cheek. He greeted the others before he took the seat next to us. "I'm Calla," my woman said politely, stretching out a hand to greet the newcomer.

  "I figured," Yavin chuckled, shaking her hand. I knew it seemed odd to him, as I couldn't remember the last time I'd shaken a woman's hand in this house. Calla hadn't quite realized that being with me meant she was family, that the Bellandis had already adopted her as one of their own.

  Matteo stood suddenly, kissing Luna on her head before he dropped his Little Moon in her mother's lap and strode for the office. Yavin followed, then the others. "I gotta go talk business, Sunshine," I whispered in Calla's ear. I plopped her back onto the couch as I stood, and she pouted up at me at the disturbance.

  "I was comfortable," she protested, and I grinned at her. I only had to wait a moment before she realized she’d pouted that I'd taken her off my lap, instead of the other way around. I kissed that pouty mouth firmly and then turned to stride toward Matteo's office.

  We had important business to discuss, even if I hated leaving her.

  But Calla was safer than she could ever be anywhere else. The security at the estate rivaled the White House, and I trusted her sanity with the women who would explain how beautiful our life together would be once she moved past the way it had started.

  I only became more and more confident that we had the kind of love that Matteo had with Ivory. That Lino had with Samara. That Scar could have if he pulled his head out of his ass about a certain raven-haired woman.

  Real love that lasted the test of time.

  I took a seat at the edge of the room. As much as I enjoyed being in Matteo's inner circle, as much as I saw it for the honor it was, I didn't have much to contribute to the coming conversation. My expertise would come later.

  When there was someone to kill or someone to find.

  "Murphy hasn't reached out to give me any sign that he won't operate within Bellandi territory," Matteo said, shaking his head with a sigh. Murphy was an idiot for thinking he stood a chance of going up against Matteo and coming out alive on the other side. While his marriage to Aoife would secure his place as the heir to the Irish syndicate's resources, he had yet to marry her. Liam knew he'd made a mistake promising his only daughter to that piece of trash, and he would do everything he could to separate from him over the coming years.

  He was just intelligent enough to do it without war, but he wouldn't stand by Murphy's side if he started a war with Matteo over a trafficking operation. Not when O'Connell banned the same within his own forces too.

  "So what's the first step?" Yavin asked, crossing his arms over his chest and considering. He was a businessman at heart, with a head for numbers and marketing. He lacked the ruthlessness that even Lino had when pressed, because he'd never had to suffer. He hadn't had a tough childhood that made him turn his back on emotion. He was too hot headed when he needed to be cold. I had a feeling he'd learn.

  None of us in this life escaped unscathed.

  Not even our women.

  "I need information. I won't strike first, not without confirmation that he's breaking my rules," Matteo growled and his eyes came to me. "I know the timing is shit for you. You have Calla and the kids at home. I'm not saying I need you on him 24/7, but I need you on him a couple days a week. I'll put some of my more discreet guys on him when you can't be there, but we both know you'll see things they don't."

  I twisted my lips up. There'd been a day when I would have lived for this shit, but now it was just a job. "I'll start Monday. Tomorrow I need to have a conversation with my kids."

  "Monday is fine," he brushed it off like I'd known he would. The information we needed would be there a day later. "Everything good?"

  "Just need to talk to them before I can take things with Calla to the next level."

  "Are we having another wedding here?" Lino asked with a laugh.

  “Another fucking wedding,” Matteo grumbled.

  "That's up to her, but probably. I can't imagine she'll want another big wedding. She about died when I told her to put on a dress to go to Angel's the other night."

  "Why didn't you ask her at Angel's? That's like one of the hottest proposal spots in the city," Enzo said in amusement. He raised a brow at me, and I wanted to smack the man. He knew damn well why I couldn't ask Calla to marry me in public.

  "So she could throw wine in my face? No thanks," I grunted. "Can we get back to business?" I asked, giving each of them a pointed look. "You lot are worse than teenage girls. I swear. Gossiping brats."

  “How did Calla like Celio and Marco?” Enzo asked.

  “Oh, she loved them. She was totally thrilled about the fact that she’s got more strange men watching her kids. Thanks for asking.”

  Matteo roared out a laugh, smacking his hand on the table, but he turned the conversation back to Murphy. Instructing Enzo through the dossier he'd gathered, on Murphy's men and who to keep an eye out for at the club, he waited until Enzo handed the packet off to Yavin.

 
With my part in the meeting accomplished, I sat back and enjoyed listening to the sound of the others methodically plotting a systematic dismantling of Tiernan Murphy and his buddies.

  He'd disappear before he knew what hit him if Matteo had his way.

  ✽✽✽

  I took the kids outside while Calla took a shower the next morning, antsy to have our conversation over with in case I didn't find another chance where she wasn't within hearing range. Axel looked too serious when we stepped into the field, far enough away that I knew Calla wouldn't be able to hear us even if she tried to eavesdrop. Even Ines sat quietly once I plopped them both into the center of the field and turned my back to the house.

  "Let me know if your mother's coming," I told Axel. He looked over my shoulder, and then his eyes came back to me as he nodded. Those deep blue eyes were intent on mine when I pulled the ring box from the pocket of my jeans and opened it up.

  "Pretty!" Ines shrieked, reaching for the ring.

  I tugged it back, holding up a finger to let her down gently. "This one is for your Mommy, but if she says yes, then we'll get you one too." It just wouldn't be genuine diamonds, because as much as I wanted to spoil my Princess, that would have been overkill even for me.

  "Okay," she pouted, reaching her hand down to fiddle with the grass underneath her legs.

  "I'm going to ask your Mommy to marry me," I told her. She lifted her head, studying me.

  "Happy after?" she asked, and I shook my head at the thought that Calla had somehow kept her so protected from all the grief of the last year that Ines still lived with her head in a fairytale. I knew she was young, but it seemed like I'd already been cynical even at two.

  It was just a testament to how wonderful a mother Calla was.

  "Yeah, Princess. Happily ever after. The four of us," I said, touching her head as my eyes went to Axel. "And maybe one more if I can convince your mother. Would you like that? Another sibling to help me look after?" I asked Axel.